Ken33xx

I said I'm going to pass. People who knew me when I was drinking have never asked why.... the answer is obvious.

These days at work functions nobody cares that I drink toxic water or coke.

When I was drinking and someone said no alright by me. As long as they didn't get on my case about my drinking fine.

Twice I had a bit of an issue: My sister when drinking sometimes gets belligerent and makes cutting remakes which her kids picked up on. I told my mother I wouldn't be playing cards at the holiday gathers unless my sister cut back on the booze. My sister did.

Similar situation with co-workers. One fellow would drink too much and become belligerent. In fact he would show up at dinner already drunk

Of course I have been guilty of the above myself back in the day. So, while I don't pass judgment on those who drink but I don't need to subject myself to petty insults either.

The holiday season is rapidly approaching and I very much enjoy this time of year. (Christmas, New Year and my birthday wrapped up in just over a week. You can imagine how much partying I did during that stretch.)

If one is newly sober but known as a drinker you can expect people to ask why you are having a soft drink and not a cocktail.

My advise when asked is to say "I'll pass" or "Not tonight" and let the evening move on.

I never bring up AA. I'm at the gathering a good time and not interested in discussing the pros/cons of 12 step programs. I won't deny I am in AA but I am not going to talk about it especially in a festive gathering. People who knew me as a drinker can see the difference. If they are serious and want to know how I stopped we can talk it other time.

But most don't want to stop and that's fine. They are still my friends although we rarely go out anymore. Without the booze I realized we really don`t have much in common.

dpac414

Arpeggioh

LOL! Sorry, maybe not so funny for you personally, but

Years ago, I was the only sober person at a gathering of new friends. The hostess obviously felt threatened, and said, dripping sarcasm, "I have some Canada Dry Cranberry Ginger Ale; are you allowed to have that?"

Bitch.

Stayingsassy

Oh man, it's like a really loud whining fly in your ear, and makes you ask yourself questions like "is it really so bad to punch a 74 year old lady in the face? What if she's terribly annoying?"

Worse, after particularly bad verbal assault of pity at my parents, she sent me "the recovering" in the mail without asking if I wanted it (I already had a copy). She told me I was an "angry dry drunk" which is f**king true but I'm not hearing that from anyone like her, who has had more than two drinks at one time less than a handful of times in her life.

I was depressed today and purging my under the stairs storage. I found that book in there still in Amazon gift wrap. Made me angry all over again.

the upshot is, organizing an area of your home is weirdly emotionally cathartic and I feel a bit better.

NYCDoglvr

You owe no one an explanation for why you stopped drinking. "No" is a complete sentence if someone asks if you want a drink. Keep it simple.

SoberCAH

There is a lot of wisdom in the responses to the OP, but I most agree with Anna's assessment.

A gathering where people are challenging my decision to not drink, especially when I am in early sobriety, may not be the type of function I need to attend.

My mother was an unrepentant nightly black-out alcoholic and my father was a heavy nightly drinker.

I didn't need their approval.

They didn't know anything about not drinking, so who cared what they thought.

They kept right on getting drunk in front of me when I would return to their city to visit.

I would eventually tell them I needed to attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and that I would be back.

It had the effect of spitting in their drinks, even though that was not my intention.

Satisfying these people is not remotely as important as preserving your sobriety.

My family (at least my parents) are not people I chose and they are not the type of people with whom I liked to spend time.

We were simply thrust upon each other.

They cared a lot more about their drinking than my recovery.

So I minimized my contact with them.

Ken33xx

And that is usually the end of it. It's a social gathering. If a person for whatever reason is going to be make a rude comment than forget it. They can talk with someone else.

No different than if someone wants to comment on the fact I've put on a pound or two (well maybe three...) since the last time we met.

I'm at the gathering to have a good time. Not push back or get into an argument.