Worried I'll drink soon..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 3
Worried I'll drink soon..
Hi. Ive been a member here for years. But I couldn't get back into my old account & changed devices, etc. So I had to make a new account, here. I've been sober 24 months in Nov., now. So, my dog is dying from a tumor on his head. He started having seizures & became incontinent, lately. I just grabbed info. for Vet. There's one open on Sunday. This has to be taken care of, asap now. He is deteriorating fast, today. So, aside from that, I've already been craving alcohol for months before my dog got sick. I'm afraid this will cause me to drink, again. Please tell me something good, all u wonderful people, here! Tell me that alcohol is always a bad idea, etc. I was a late-stage alcoholic, so I've been thru the worst problems, for many years. I am not young, either. Alcohol has been calling to me for a while, tho. I'm afraid I might crack from this death about to freaking happen tomorrow. I'm sort of scared what could happen. Please give me some good ideas! Thank u all in advance for your support, here! Much appreciated, as usual.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Don't let drinking rob you of your right to grieve your beloved pet. We are meant to grieve when we lose a loved one, it's part of the gift of getting to love them so much.
Your addiction is using this as an opportunity to exploit your grief to get you to drink. Don't fall for it. It's a lie and you know it.
Stand true. 2 years is a serious accomplishment and one drink will be all it takes to ruin it all.
I'm really sorry about your pet. My dog is aging as well and it's going to break my heart when I lose her. I could cry just thinking about it.
It's ok to grieve.
It's NOT ok to drink.
Your addiction is using this as an opportunity to exploit your grief to get you to drink. Don't fall for it. It's a lie and you know it.
Stand true. 2 years is a serious accomplishment and one drink will be all it takes to ruin it all.
I'm really sorry about your pet. My dog is aging as well and it's going to break my heart when I lose her. I could cry just thinking about it.
It's ok to grieve.
It's NOT ok to drink.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
I think BillieJean sums it up very well by saying it is a necessary thing to grieve but a tragedy to drink over how you are feeling.
Since you have been craving alcohol for some time again now, you need some more support to help you through the additional feelings you will be facing. Actually, you needed it already, but it's not too late to take some action. Ask somebody to be present with you for the passing of your dog and for some time afterward. Focus on what you will do for the actual grieving of your companion in a sober way, such as by writing a letter of good-bye to begin expressing your sorrow in a healthy way. Have some healthy food and drink on hand to allow you to attend to your needs readily. Ask for those you know to call you regularly for a few days to see how you are doing. If there is a meeting to go to, ask somebody to take you there and back home.
I have been a late stage alcoholic, too, and we both know how much more sorrow will come into your life if you pick up.
Since you have been craving alcohol for some time again now, you need some more support to help you through the additional feelings you will be facing. Actually, you needed it already, but it's not too late to take some action. Ask somebody to be present with you for the passing of your dog and for some time afterward. Focus on what you will do for the actual grieving of your companion in a sober way, such as by writing a letter of good-bye to begin expressing your sorrow in a healthy way. Have some healthy food and drink on hand to allow you to attend to your needs readily. Ask for those you know to call you regularly for a few days to see how you are doing. If there is a meeting to go to, ask somebody to take you there and back home.
I have been a late stage alcoholic, too, and we both know how much more sorrow will come into your life if you pick up.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,663
120- you know all the correct responses to this. Think of it this way- would booze help your beloved dog? No. It also will not help you- fear is ok as a reminder- so long as we do not obsess or use it as a self fulfilling prophecy.
Support to you.
Support to you.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,384
I'm sorry to hear about your dog. It's tough to take when they die, just brutal. But all drinking would do now is make your life even worse. You need a clear head and all your energy to get thru this tough time and on to brighter days ahead, and you know by now that sober is the only way to go. All the best to you, 120degrees.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Just thinking of you and your pup, unfortunately none of us get out of this alive.
I recently lost a pet I'd had for 15 years and I think the lead-up to it was the worst part - what to do and when - but I was at peace when it was over, and he was no longer suffering. I thought about drinking, but quickly dismissed it as the horrible idea that it was.
Hug.
I recently lost a pet I'd had for 15 years and I think the lead-up to it was the worst part - what to do and when - but I was at peace when it was over, and he was no longer suffering. I thought about drinking, but quickly dismissed it as the horrible idea that it was.
Hug.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,913
Well maybe it will help. Think of all those times it improved your life before.
Of course I am kidding but In all seriousness it does seem like as Gunner hit on something important in that you may need some additional support. And from what I am reading in your post—not just immediate support to get through this tragic event but a system that will help you harness the feelings of why you quit in the first place or the wonder of your life post-booze for when the next difficult event comes along.
It is a testament to the strength of your sobriety that you came here and posted. What a wise step. Hope this can be a jumping off point to keep building on what you started 24 months ago.
I am also sorry for all you are going through with your dog. Sounds just awful. Hugs to you and your pup.
Of course I am kidding but In all seriousness it does seem like as Gunner hit on something important in that you may need some additional support. And from what I am reading in your post—not just immediate support to get through this tragic event but a system that will help you harness the feelings of why you quit in the first place or the wonder of your life post-booze for when the next difficult event comes along.
It is a testament to the strength of your sobriety that you came here and posted. What a wise step. Hope this can be a jumping off point to keep building on what you started 24 months ago.
I am also sorry for all you are going through with your dog. Sounds just awful. Hugs to you and your pup.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 122
Hi 120,
I can imagine a little bit about how you feel. One of my closest friends died in May (on my birthday, actually), a couple of months before I relapsed after a year sober.
I think recognizing that this is a potential trigger is really important.
I didn't drink immediately after she passed away, but months later, at a wedding. She was my bridesmaid, and died at age 30, before ever even having a steady relationship (and no wedding). The wedding was supposed to be fun, but the mix of everything sort of set me off. I thought "it's been a year, I've been fine, I even went though the death without drinking to cope so many everything is fine".
I think something you could do now is plan for the worst, and then identify ALL situations that may trigger / where you may feel vulnerable, and ADD THEM to your list of current triggers. Looking back, I think my biggest mistake was not to shift my awareness/plan to allow for this new event in my life. I think if I was more prepared for the wedding, I wouldn't have let AV convince me that drinking was a good idea.
Ps: how's he doing?
I can imagine a little bit about how you feel. One of my closest friends died in May (on my birthday, actually), a couple of months before I relapsed after a year sober.
I think recognizing that this is a potential trigger is really important.
I didn't drink immediately after she passed away, but months later, at a wedding. She was my bridesmaid, and died at age 30, before ever even having a steady relationship (and no wedding). The wedding was supposed to be fun, but the mix of everything sort of set me off. I thought "it's been a year, I've been fine, I even went though the death without drinking to cope so many everything is fine".
I think something you could do now is plan for the worst, and then identify ALL situations that may trigger / where you may feel vulnerable, and ADD THEM to your list of current triggers. Looking back, I think my biggest mistake was not to shift my awareness/plan to allow for this new event in my life. I think if I was more prepared for the wedding, I wouldn't have let AV convince me that drinking was a good idea.
Ps: how's he doing?
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Whenever we chose to drink over a tragedy of what ever that event may be, we invariably turn the tables and make it not about our grief but about our illness.
It becomes a matter of drinking out of survival if you were late stage like me.
It becomes a matter of telling the right lies not to be found out.
It becomes feeding that sickness until it consumes you.
It becomes getting so sick, you start going into blackouts and organ failure.
It becomes hurting anyone who has ever loved you because now you're dead.
So...that's the tape played through. Or mine...maybe both of ours.
I don't think you're necessarily craving alcohol as you are feeling like you need something to change the way you feel right now. The physicality of the cravings usually are from the body and brain detoxing from booze and you've already done that.
So do something else. Go adopt another dog, or start the process. Get back to living. If your dog could talk to you, you know that all they do is love you unconditionally and because of that all he wants you to do is to be happy. So honor that.
Don't make it about you or an excuse to drink. I used to think that going on a bender was a way to honor their memory. It's not...It's actually the opposite. Anyone or anything that loves you only wants you to be happy. So...drinking yourself to death becomes the ultimate slap in the face to their memory, if you want the truth.
Love him until he's gone and move on. That's what he would want.
Come here and post about it. Cry, scream, be angry. Just don't drink. To drink for a late stage chronic alcoholic is suicide and I don't think you want that.
It becomes a matter of drinking out of survival if you were late stage like me.
It becomes a matter of telling the right lies not to be found out.
It becomes feeding that sickness until it consumes you.
It becomes getting so sick, you start going into blackouts and organ failure.
It becomes hurting anyone who has ever loved you because now you're dead.
So...that's the tape played through. Or mine...maybe both of ours.
I don't think you're necessarily craving alcohol as you are feeling like you need something to change the way you feel right now. The physicality of the cravings usually are from the body and brain detoxing from booze and you've already done that.
So do something else. Go adopt another dog, or start the process. Get back to living. If your dog could talk to you, you know that all they do is love you unconditionally and because of that all he wants you to do is to be happy. So honor that.
Don't make it about you or an excuse to drink. I used to think that going on a bender was a way to honor their memory. It's not...It's actually the opposite. Anyone or anything that loves you only wants you to be happy. So...drinking yourself to death becomes the ultimate slap in the face to their memory, if you want the truth.
Love him until he's gone and move on. That's what he would want.
Come here and post about it. Cry, scream, be angry. Just don't drink. To drink for a late stage chronic alcoholic is suicide and I don't think you want that.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
I'm so sorry to hear about your dog. 
Drinking won't fix anything but will only make things worse. I recently lost my sweet old man but I knew that drinking wouldn't help anything.
I hope you don't drink.
Drinking won't fix anything but will only make things worse. I recently lost my sweet old man but I knew that drinking wouldn't help anything.I hope you don't drink.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I recently acquired a dog from a patient that passed away. I became close to the dog during her care and promised to take her.
I think the dog was grieving in her second week here. Just acting off, and more needy than usual, and whining. It passed after a few days.
The dog, unlike humans, simply grieves. She has no other option available to numb, to escape, to get away. The dog just grieves. And seeks support from those around her, and feels her pain, and abandonment, and confusion. Until she doesnt, any more.
In sobriety our lives simplify like this. I have to go to a party at my in laws who I am extremely uncomfortable with (they are politically and ethically different than me) but I am going. Will I escape with wine? No. Will I bring a stash of chocolate to binge on? No. I'll feel uncomfortable. Then it will pass.
That is our new and courageous reality as sober addicts. Yet, it's as simple as it is for those who have no options for escape. They simply feel, then wait for it to pass.
Pet death can be harder than human death for many reasons. It is not validated culturally in the same way. But in todays society when we do not have the people we need, for whatever reason...maybe we screwed up or we couldn't have kids or we are estranged from friends or parents...those animals take that place, and it's an important place for that animal to be. when they leave; yes, it's brutal.
I'm sorry.
don't drink.
I think the dog was grieving in her second week here. Just acting off, and more needy than usual, and whining. It passed after a few days.
The dog, unlike humans, simply grieves. She has no other option available to numb, to escape, to get away. The dog just grieves. And seeks support from those around her, and feels her pain, and abandonment, and confusion. Until she doesnt, any more.
In sobriety our lives simplify like this. I have to go to a party at my in laws who I am extremely uncomfortable with (they are politically and ethically different than me) but I am going. Will I escape with wine? No. Will I bring a stash of chocolate to binge on? No. I'll feel uncomfortable. Then it will pass.
That is our new and courageous reality as sober addicts. Yet, it's as simple as it is for those who have no options for escape. They simply feel, then wait for it to pass.
Pet death can be harder than human death for many reasons. It is not validated culturally in the same way. But in todays society when we do not have the people we need, for whatever reason...maybe we screwed up or we couldn't have kids or we are estranged from friends or parents...those animals take that place, and it's an important place for that animal to be. when they leave; yes, it's brutal.
I'm sorry.
don't drink.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Sorry to hear about your dog 120degreesOut. I lost my best 4 legged friend 2 months into my sobriety and I really had to double down on my recovery plan to get through those difficult times. The fact that you have been obsessing about alcohol for months tells me that it's not all about losing your dog, but that could be the excuse you use to pick up a drink.
BullDog brings up an important point about cravings being a physical manifestation, and that is why I used the word obsessing. As someone who has relapsed twice after long-term sobriety it was the mental obsession that led to me picking up a drink again, and it usually started months before the actual relapse occurred. Both times I was not actively doing anything for my recovery. So the question is, what are you actively doing for your recovery?
BullDog brings up an important point about cravings being a physical manifestation, and that is why I used the word obsessing. As someone who has relapsed twice after long-term sobriety it was the mental obsession that led to me picking up a drink again, and it usually started months before the actual relapse occurred. Both times I was not actively doing anything for my recovery. So the question is, what are you actively doing for your recovery?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I've gone on benders when loved pets die - it's not the right thing to do.
Its selfish self serving and does nothing for the pain - honestly.
Loss is painful - fear of pain is palpable - but we do get through it.
Tons of support here.
Be the person your dog sees you as
D
Its selfish self serving and does nothing for the pain - honestly.
Loss is painful - fear of pain is palpable - but we do get through it.
Tons of support here.
Be the person your dog sees you as
D
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