froscow

good news: officially 8 months dry as of today

bad news: i'm still highly neurotic and obsessive..especially about things that i've screwed up in the past due to my addiction (relationships i've ruined, the times i went driving..omg..what if i hit someone?). it reminds me of the vicious cycle i've been in for years. i start obsessing and worrying about the past and then i go back to my old behavior to quell it... but that's not gonna happen this time. i'm taking life as it comes at me sober, however good or bad it gets. it would be nice if my brain wasn't so haywire all the time though..

i'm kind of rambling here. i repress a lot of things, so typing this out just makes me feel lighter ( and a bit more sane, lol)

ScottFromWI

Congrats on 8 months froscow! Glad to hear you are taking things in stride.

Regarding the obsessions...have you ever considered seeing a counselor or therapist to see if you might have some anxiety or OCD issues to deal with? I definitely did - and it took me a long time after I quit to finally get some help for it. Either way, might not be a bad idea just to look into, our mental health is just as ( or more !) important than our physical health.

I've used meditation/mindfulness, exercise, reading, managing my diet, trying to get enough sleep, and occasional counseling and it really, really helped a lot.

froscow

thanks scott.

i have tried mindfulness meditation (breathing in/out..letting your mind wander) occasionally and light exercise. my diet has been the biggest change though...i'm eating far healthier than i ever have in my life. my obsessiveness and ocd doesn't consume every waking second of my life..it comes in waves. i'll have periods of relief..but then one thought gets into my head about something and it just branches out from there into endless "what ifs?" i really should see a councellor though. i've been procastinating it and using my work schedule as an excuse to not going.

aasharon90

There have been a many of what if's in my
life and when they become overwhelming,
I step back, breath, relax and think a little
further reminding myself that …..they didn't
happen. Thank God..!!!!

We can't go back and rewrite the past
because they are gone forever. What
happened in the past stays there BUT....
We can refer back to them to learn from
them.

We learn from our mistakes so that we
dont repeat them in the future.

Recovery is a learning process one day
and one step at a time. Remain openminded,
willingness and honest with yourself as
you begin building a strong solid foundation
with healthier tools to achieve many of lifes
amazing gifts.

Continue to grow and learn as you
move forward receiving all the help
available to you, we, us.

Stayingsassy

Welcome to my life.

I'm doing the same, but mostly in a "look at all this nonsense I covered up with alcohol" sort of way.

keep posting. I find that it helps, too.

ScottFromWI

Coming from someone who procrastinated about it for years....literally - don't do what I did. Oh..and they will work around your work schedule too ;-)

apollo986

Congrats on 8 month of sobriety froscow! You're not alone...I'm a bit behind you at just over 6 months. Letting go of the past and insomnia are presently my biggest challenges.

Diet, exercise, reading and meditation do seem to help. Time does heal and I do
feel so much better today than I did 2 months ago.

Stay the course!

Dee74

Hi Froscow

I worked hard to make my life a kind of living amends for my past transgressions, trying to live right and do good everyday.

It took a little while but I started to focus on today rather than the past.

I hope you can find a way to move on. The past is done - we can' change a second of it - it would be really sad if you missed living your life now because you were focused on the past, yeah?

froscow

thanks for the advice everyone!
and congrats on 6 months apollo!


that's a really good way of putting it Dee. it's so true..it's just that i've buried a lot of things away instead of facing them after 6 or so years of my addiction causing hell for me and others..and i feel like i should face them. i know i should be living in the moment, but i can't help but think that my past is going to catch up to haunt me at some point. but you're right. it's done! focusing on it constantly is only going to waste the present moment

nez

Recovery is like driving a car. Take occasionally glimpses in the rear view mirror for knowledge to help you make decisions before taking action, but spend most of your time looking through the windshield at what is in front of you.

PhoenixJ

Prayers and support to you

NYCDoglvr

Obsessing about the past is a way of avoiding the present and fears we have about today. Eight months is terrific but a program of some sort or therapy would help a great deal.

fini

froscow,
to me, it is totally appropriate that you consider the harm you have done to others. it is a good sign of a functioning conscience, of a responsible human.
obsessing about it is something else, of curse, but...well, obsessing seems part of the deal for so many of us.
i obsessed about avoiding dealing with the harms.
later, i understood i needed to take care of the damage i had caused, and i saw that the AA steps would be the way forward for me; made for people like me by people like me, so to speak.
after going through that process, i knew i had cleaned up what i could.
no more obsessing about the past after that.
"we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it", from the step nine promises in AA big book, is totally true for me.