starcco

I hadn't drank since Labor Day. It was a five day binge, and the following week was the worst week of my life. Since then I have been feeling really good, getting good sleep, no anxiety. Tons of energy, and happiness.

Then, this Sunday and yesterday I drank. Not hung over, but mostly disappointed in myself, and the two days of drinking has me depressed. Why when everything was going so well? It was weird because I hadn't really had cravings until Sunday. I suddenly had a huge craving so I bought a small bottle of booze thinking it would satisfy me. Then I bought one more. Then, I went back for another, and they ran out of those small bottles, so I got the normal 750 ml. I didn't finish it, only about a quarter of it. But still, I am back where I started, but hopefully it ends today yet again.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back starcco, sorry to hear that you drank - but glad you came here to talk it through.

My personal experience was that we don't just "suddenly" drink. Usually there's a long series of events leading up to it - but we just don't notice. For example you said you bought a small bottle of booze because you "thought it would satisfy" you. We all know that there's no amount of alchohol that could ever satisfy our addiction.

Were you following any kind of plan or program to maintain your sobriety? I found that I needed to do so myself. I used the SR community as my main source - and came here daily to always remember why I can never have "just a few".

starcco

Thanks Scott. No, I am not on a particular plan, other than not to drink.

But you're right, no amount of alcohol seems to satisfy me. So that I learned once again.

ScottFromWI

Perhaps you might want to explore a better plan? That is if the one you are currently using is not working?

NYCDoglvr

The top two psychological elements in addiction are denial and rationalization, which remain after we haven't had a drink for a long time. It's why people pick up a drink when they don't feel like drinking, why we continue to destroy ourselves even when we know better.

Dee74

Hi starcco
yeah, simply trying not to drink didn't really work for me.

There's any number of threads sealing with cravings and recovery plans here - it's worth your while to take some time and read them

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-cravings.html (CarolD's tips for cravings)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

Guener

I could always come up with a reason to drink, even when I knew that I had a serious problem. The aim might have been to feel better, or not feel worse, but in the end it was always to not feel worse but ended up way down from there. If you cannot stop, you almost certainly need to STOP. I couldn't do it successfully at once, either, but it got easier the more serious my plan became and the more active I was every day in seeking recovery from my behaviors. My mind still takes me to places that would suggest to me in the past that I needed a drink, but I have way more support and knowledge and incentive than I used to when I started. I haven't had a drink today, and I'm happy about that, and that's what has to be enough for me now.

Fronting

I don't think you are at square one again. It is true alcohol saturates all of your cells in your body and you can definitely feel that. But it was just a little binge. In a couple of weeks your guts will repair themselves and you will feel okay again. Pick yourself up and dust off the pants and move on.

I know what you mean too. I could go all week fine and then all of the sudden something calls me to pound beer. I'm doing better now but I did drink twice in the past month but I keep trying.

August252015

Concur with Scott and Dee like I often do- a plan of (pro)action and a complete life overhaul was what I have had to do to get sober and live in recovery. It is more than worth it.

Glad you are here.

b0glerd69

I find that alcohol also 'sneaks up' on me, or certainly used to before I quit.

When I drank it was a slow progression to more and more and more until I got to the stage that I bought extra so we never ran out.. this is the logical conclusion for me if I let alcohol into my life.

I have been sober for 12 months and looking back I can see how insidious it is, how it sneaks into your life taking more and more of your life and buckling and damaging it.

I'm glad to see that you see this, too. Good luck in your recovery.