Ex just left for rehab, left a complete mess.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
Ex just left for rehab, left a complete mess.
Hello all! I have been active around here for years and I hope everyone is well.
I am concerned. My last post on here was about entering rehab in July. Well, my ex decided to use our child against me and let me know that he would be taking full custody of her if I went. Permanently. He and I separated due to his heavy drinking, so this was unsettling.
He scared me to the point that I backed out (I had a van waiting for me and never showed). I went to a 3 day detox instead. I attended 30 meetings in 30 days and have been sober for 5 months. I am VERY active in AA, the community, and church.
However, my ex has continued to drink. His new wife left him and our child has witnessed horrible drunken rages where he breaks things and screams. He always bought her expensive items to cover for the outbursts and anger. I only found this out last night when he and his (separated) wife came over to talk to me.
They were both crying on my porch and said he is going straight to rehab. Our daughter is 13 and I was told she is now in my custody full-time. My ex had broken every dish in the house trying to load the dishwasher recently and threatened her by telling her "don't call mom she will take you away from me forever". My daughter was smart and reached out to step-mom.
His wife demands he check in. He went in last night. No contact.
He and wife both have made it clear they do not want contact through text (lawyers?) and are making me out to be an idiot. I was threatened as a "drunk" and "unfit mom" a few months ago, and now I am to take our child and turn a blind eye (there may be drug use also).
I am also fearful the wife is only doing this as an ultimatum. She has no concern for our child or else she would be here helping while he is in rehab and would have contacted me about the abuse. She does not drink and if he goes just for her, he will drink if she leaves again.
I also work a graveyard shift on the days he has our child and will probably lose my job. I can't leave our teen home alone all night long (rebellious phase). Both of my parents are alcoholics and can not be trusted with her.
The last concern I have is for our child. Having a grown parent tell you to lie to another while being abused must be terrifying. I spoke with her about alcoholism for 3 hours last night and she still was getting scared that I would "take her away" from dad. She has been in therapy for 4 years and never brought any of this up because her father threatened her to "never tell".
If he leaves early, I am considering full custody.
Thanks for listening and if anyone else has been in this situation I would appreciate some input.
-BBE
I am concerned. My last post on here was about entering rehab in July. Well, my ex decided to use our child against me and let me know that he would be taking full custody of her if I went. Permanently. He and I separated due to his heavy drinking, so this was unsettling.
He scared me to the point that I backed out (I had a van waiting for me and never showed). I went to a 3 day detox instead. I attended 30 meetings in 30 days and have been sober for 5 months. I am VERY active in AA, the community, and church.
However, my ex has continued to drink. His new wife left him and our child has witnessed horrible drunken rages where he breaks things and screams. He always bought her expensive items to cover for the outbursts and anger. I only found this out last night when he and his (separated) wife came over to talk to me.
They were both crying on my porch and said he is going straight to rehab. Our daughter is 13 and I was told she is now in my custody full-time. My ex had broken every dish in the house trying to load the dishwasher recently and threatened her by telling her "don't call mom she will take you away from me forever". My daughter was smart and reached out to step-mom.
His wife demands he check in. He went in last night. No contact.
He and wife both have made it clear they do not want contact through text (lawyers?) and are making me out to be an idiot. I was threatened as a "drunk" and "unfit mom" a few months ago, and now I am to take our child and turn a blind eye (there may be drug use also).
I am also fearful the wife is only doing this as an ultimatum. She has no concern for our child or else she would be here helping while he is in rehab and would have contacted me about the abuse. She does not drink and if he goes just for her, he will drink if she leaves again.
I also work a graveyard shift on the days he has our child and will probably lose my job. I can't leave our teen home alone all night long (rebellious phase). Both of my parents are alcoholics and can not be trusted with her.
The last concern I have is for our child. Having a grown parent tell you to lie to another while being abused must be terrifying. I spoke with her about alcoholism for 3 hours last night and she still was getting scared that I would "take her away" from dad. She has been in therapy for 4 years and never brought any of this up because her father threatened her to "never tell".
If he leaves early, I am considering full custody.
Thanks for listening and if anyone else has been in this situation I would appreciate some input.
-BBE
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Thanks for checking in BBE and I would also congratulate you on your 5 months sober, sounds like you are doing everything right. I'd definitely agree with fricka - seek legal counsel if you can and talk to social services to see what resources might be available. You are already doing everything you should be to show your daughter what the right thing to do is. One thing to possibly consider for her if she's interested might be Ala-teen if you are involved with AA. And following up with counseling, maybe even a joint session, would be good too.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
Thanks for checking in BBE and I would also congratulate you on your 5 months sober, sounds like you are doing everything right. I'd definitely agree with fricka - seek legal counsel if you can and talk to social services to see what resources might be available. You are already doing everything you should be to show your daughter what the right thing to do is. One thing to possibly consider for her if she's interested might be Ala-teen if you are involved with AA. And following up with counseling, maybe even a joint session, would be good too.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 565
Originally Posted by behindblueyes
Is alateen for teens in recovery? I found a meeting, but my sponsor told me it is only for teens with addiction problems.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
Document or journal everything that happens every day. Date and sign each entry, it will help you later on. Breathe, your higher power will give you strength to get through this with a sober mind.
I wish you peace
I wish you peace
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
All of the above.
About your job, take a step back and let your higher power help you thinkout of the box.
Maybe a college student looking for a free place to stay?? Grandma bored out of her mind?? Your parents arent really that bad??
About your job, take a step back and let your higher power help you thinkout of the box.
Maybe a college student looking for a free place to stay?? Grandma bored out of her mind?? Your parents arent really that bad??
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