Just checkin in.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by BullDog777 
Some days I just have to laugh at myself.
Wow...
Christmas went off well for the girls but not me. I didn't have fun being at my cousin's house.
I had a bunch of anxiety today that I couldn't shake so I just put on a big smile and screamed inside my head the whole time. haha
progress......at least nobody knew but me.
I told my wife when we got home and she was kinda surprised.
I think there's still a lot of unresolved stuff with my family and I don't know when I'll finally put that to bed enough for me not to get an anxiety attack every once in awhile.
The only thing that seems to help is distance.
Oh well. Like it was so aptly put to me...sobriety doesn't always have to be graceful or neat, it just has to be done.
Wow...
Christmas went off well for the girls but not me. I didn't have fun being at my cousin's house.
I had a bunch of anxiety today that I couldn't shake so I just put on a big smile and screamed inside my head the whole time. haha
progress......at least nobody knew but me.
I told my wife when we got home and she was kinda surprised.
I think there's still a lot of unresolved stuff with my family and I don't know when I'll finally put that to bed enough for me not to get an anxiety attack every once in awhile.
The only thing that seems to help is distance.
Oh well. Like it was so aptly put to me...sobriety doesn't always have to be graceful or neat, it just has to be done.
It started to lift yesterday as the day wore on and I think it was just knowing we would all be back to regular routine days, soon.
I’m down if you or anyone wants to come into your thread to try to work through what these feelings might mean for us as they come up.
Because I have no problem saying to myself that sobriety can be challenging when life amps up thand intensity, and it isn’t a desire to return to drinking, its a longing to shut it all out.
I do disappear to my room or the bathtub to be alone but alcohol and drugs have a way of allowing us to disappear at all times, which is honestly probably what we are used to.
Many blessings for all of us for the return of normal days! Thank goodness.
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
Because I have no problem saying to myself that sobriety can be challenging when life amps up thand intensity, and it isn’t a desire to return to drinking, its a longing to shut it all out.
YES! Exactly.
I think for me, there's so much that I'm just "done" reliving. An that seems to be what I do every time I see family.
For me life has to be about moving forward now. I've accepted the fact that my family will only ever see me one way. That's fine, I don't have to be around them much. Another reason my brother left 30 years ago and only came home 3 times...ever.
Now that I'm finished with the obligatory festivities, I can get back to my life.
I'm kinda in a rough patch right now.
I've got my blood tests next week......If it was between that and a fight with Mike Tyson, I'd rather see if I could kick Mike Tyson's a$$ to be honest.
I'm also feeling old and slow right now. I'm putting out more work than I ever have, but I'm still nowhere near the pace I wanna be. I feel really behind being out of my profession for so long.
I say I retired young, but I know that's bulls#it....I got lucky and lived for as long as i could on what I did in my 20's. I need to go back and finish what I started not to feel like a failure and that's weighing on me.
I dunno...I'm not sure how much all of this ties into my sobriety except that when we finally do return to the land of the living, often times, or maybe it's just me, i find myself feeling a bit like Rip Van Winkle from time to time.
......that's still a bit unsettling.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
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Hm.. yes.
My father is sick (recovering now, albeit to a lower baseline) and my parents are marching to the same tired tune of relying on my emotional support, but then discarding, dismissing, or shrugging off everything I say in order to listen to my older brother. My brother called during my mother’s initial phone call this month, and mid-anecdote, without even finishing her explanation of the situation, she dropped my call, “I have to go because your brother is on the line,” and HUNG UP. He was “in the mountains,” so she had to talk to him immediately. My brother lives in the mountains.
So I messaged her and told her that I felt that was disrectpectful to me, and she needs to think about how she treats me. She flew off the handle. So then I had to calm her down and tell her I said what I needed to say to her, and there is no need to escalate. That ended that one.....but there were many more like it. So that is my Xmas in a nutshell, add to that loads of drinking imagery, way too much consumerism for my taste, hating to spend money, not being very good at decorating or purchasing because it’s not my forte, and it was a month full of Suck, in which I put a smile on my face for my sweet kids, who are innocent bystanders in my suck, and who deserve nice holidays.
I wanted something, anything, to get me through. My diet went to hell, so of course now I am exhausted, half sick, needing to sleep more than usual, and still....trying to smile for my kids. Fortunately, if I just love on them even if I am worn out, they are content.
But now it’s over. Because nye has never really registered as a holiday in our home!
Why is the bloodwork concerning you so? Not only have you stopped drinking, you lost weight, which generally improves your markers. Wishing you some peace now....
My father is sick (recovering now, albeit to a lower baseline) and my parents are marching to the same tired tune of relying on my emotional support, but then discarding, dismissing, or shrugging off everything I say in order to listen to my older brother. My brother called during my mother’s initial phone call this month, and mid-anecdote, without even finishing her explanation of the situation, she dropped my call, “I have to go because your brother is on the line,” and HUNG UP. He was “in the mountains,” so she had to talk to him immediately. My brother lives in the mountains.
So I messaged her and told her that I felt that was disrectpectful to me, and she needs to think about how she treats me. She flew off the handle. So then I had to calm her down and tell her I said what I needed to say to her, and there is no need to escalate. That ended that one.....but there were many more like it. So that is my Xmas in a nutshell, add to that loads of drinking imagery, way too much consumerism for my taste, hating to spend money, not being very good at decorating or purchasing because it’s not my forte, and it was a month full of Suck, in which I put a smile on my face for my sweet kids, who are innocent bystanders in my suck, and who deserve nice holidays.
I wanted something, anything, to get me through. My diet went to hell, so of course now I am exhausted, half sick, needing to sleep more than usual, and still....trying to smile for my kids. Fortunately, if I just love on them even if I am worn out, they are content.
But now it’s over. Because nye has never really registered as a holiday in our home!
Why is the bloodwork concerning you so? Not only have you stopped drinking, you lost weight, which generally improves your markers. Wishing you some peace now....
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Guys, I hope you don’t mind me chiming in here: I’m also looking forward to the end of the holidays, so I can get back to my ‘normal’ life. No challenges regarding alcohol, but same as Sassy my diet is shot to hell. I did great until a week after Halloween, then I got buried by the great Xmas cookie avalanche of 2018. And of course there are still leftovers from our Xmas cake, which smile at me every time I enter the kitchen.
I guess we’re all still in early sobriety and have to learn how to properly navigate the ups and downs of life. My main go to thing these days has been ‘action’: whenever I catch myself in a negative mood, I force myself to do something, whatever it may be: cleaning up, going to the gym, getting something done for work.
Somebody on another thread wrote something about needing to ‘be in the flow’, which makes sense to me. Rather than regretting our past or being anxious about the future, it’s better to focus instead on the task at hand and make progress that way.
Now if only the cake in the kitchen would stop calling my name!
I guess we’re all still in early sobriety and have to learn how to properly navigate the ups and downs of life. My main go to thing these days has been ‘action’: whenever I catch myself in a negative mood, I force myself to do something, whatever it may be: cleaning up, going to the gym, getting something done for work.
Somebody on another thread wrote something about needing to ‘be in the flow’, which makes sense to me. Rather than regretting our past or being anxious about the future, it’s better to focus instead on the task at hand and make progress that way.
Now if only the cake in the kitchen would stop calling my name!
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by Mac4711
Guys, I hope you don’t mind me chiming in here: I’m also looking forward to the end of the holidays, so I can get back to my ‘normal’ life. No challenges regarding alcohol, but same as Sassy my diet is shot to hell. I did great until a week after Halloween, then I got buried by the great Xmas cookie avalanche of 2018. And of course there are still leftovers from our Xmas cake, which smile at me every time I enter the kitchen.
I guess we’re all still in early sobriety and have to learn how to properly navigate the ups and downs of life. My main go to thing these days has been ‘action’: whenever I catch myself in a negative mood, I force myself to do something, whatever it may be: cleaning up, going to the gym, getting something done for work.
Somebody on another thread wrote something about needing to ‘be in the flow’, which makes sense to me. Rather than regretting our past or being anxious about the future, it’s better to focus instead on the task at hand and make progress that way.
Now if only the cake in the kitchen would stop calling my name!
I guess we’re all still in early sobriety and have to learn how to properly navigate the ups and downs of life. My main go to thing these days has been ‘action’: whenever I catch myself in a negative mood, I force myself to do something, whatever it may be: cleaning up, going to the gym, getting something done for work.
Somebody on another thread wrote something about needing to ‘be in the flow’, which makes sense to me. Rather than regretting our past or being anxious about the future, it’s better to focus instead on the task at hand and make progress that way.
Now if only the cake in the kitchen would stop calling my name!
Just embrace it until you’re done. It is what it is.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
I’ve given myself one more day. These “food benders” (new term! My how fitting that term is) that I go on have a pattern: I feel fine for a few days, then the rapid weight gain, depression, exhaustion, full body aches, headaches and lethargy set in around day 4-5. I’m on day five ish, maybe six. I can’t go to the mountains because of the food sickness, and I’m tired of recovering from it so this is my final day. Tomorrow I will wake up to measuring food, keeping carbs under 60, light exercise and it will feel like a nice refreshing change.
Just embrace it until you’re done. It is what it is.
Just embrace it until you’re done. It is what it is.
But it's all gone now.
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Join Date: May 2010
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
Hm.. yes.
My father is sick (recovering now, albeit to a lower baseline) and my parents are marching to the same tired tune of relying on my emotional support, but then discarding, dismissing, or shrugging off everything I say in order to listen to my older brother. My brother called during my mother’s initial phone call this month, and mid-anecdote, without even finishing her explanation of the situation, she dropped my call, “I have to go because your brother is on the line,” and HUNG UP. He was “in the mountains,” so she had to talk to him immediately. My brother lives in the mountains.
So I messaged her and told her that I felt that was disrectpectful to me, and she needs to think about how she treats me. She flew off the handle. So then I had to calm her down and tell her I said what I needed to say to her, and there is no need to escalate. That ended that one.....but there were many more like it. So that is my Xmas in a nutshell, add to that loads of drinking imagery, way too much consumerism for my taste, hating to spend money, not being very good at decorating or purchasing because it’s not my forte, and it was a month full of Suck, in which I put a smile on my face for my sweet kids, who are innocent bystanders in my suck, and who deserve nice holidays.
I wanted something, anything, to get me through. My diet went to hell, so of course now I am exhausted, half sick, needing to sleep more than usual, and still....trying to smile for my kids. Fortunately, if I just love on them even if I am worn out, they are content.
But now it’s over. Because nye has never really registered as a holiday in our home!
Why is the bloodwork concerning you so? Not only have you stopped drinking, you lost weight, which generally improves your markers. Wishing you some peace now....
My father is sick (recovering now, albeit to a lower baseline) and my parents are marching to the same tired tune of relying on my emotional support, but then discarding, dismissing, or shrugging off everything I say in order to listen to my older brother. My brother called during my mother’s initial phone call this month, and mid-anecdote, without even finishing her explanation of the situation, she dropped my call, “I have to go because your brother is on the line,” and HUNG UP. He was “in the mountains,” so she had to talk to him immediately. My brother lives in the mountains.
So I messaged her and told her that I felt that was disrectpectful to me, and she needs to think about how she treats me. She flew off the handle. So then I had to calm her down and tell her I said what I needed to say to her, and there is no need to escalate. That ended that one.....but there were many more like it. So that is my Xmas in a nutshell, add to that loads of drinking imagery, way too much consumerism for my taste, hating to spend money, not being very good at decorating or purchasing because it’s not my forte, and it was a month full of Suck, in which I put a smile on my face for my sweet kids, who are innocent bystanders in my suck, and who deserve nice holidays.
I wanted something, anything, to get me through. My diet went to hell, so of course now I am exhausted, half sick, needing to sleep more than usual, and still....trying to smile for my kids. Fortunately, if I just love on them even if I am worn out, they are content.
But now it’s over. Because nye has never really registered as a holiday in our home!
Why is the bloodwork concerning you so? Not only have you stopped drinking, you lost weight, which generally improves your markers. Wishing you some peace now....
I don't understand how they could still put him on such a pedestal when he hasn't done ANYTHING for them since the day he left back in 1995....So it's been 25 years, actually. It's unreal to me.
Another big reason to stay away.
As far as the blood tests, I know logically, none of my fear makes any sense. It doesn't to me either.
I just know I feel it. It hasn't consumed me like it used to, but I think I was already a bit spent over Christmas, and all that BS kinda tapped me out of my reserve logic. haha
I'm going to try to recenter myself this weekend. I'm still pushing through, albeit a bit frustrated at the past few days.
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I think it’s just taking for granted the kids they know they can count on, and grasping at crumbs from the ones they can’t.
It sucks and I’ve drank at it many, many, many times, so now that I am sober, I will set my own clear, calm and reasonable boundaries, state them clearly, then drop it. It makes me feel better afterward, because things can’t be like they always were, I don’t have a way to shove it all down any more.
It sucks and I’ve drank at it many, many, many times, so now that I am sober, I will set my own clear, calm and reasonable boundaries, state them clearly, then drop it. It makes me feel better afterward, because things can’t be like they always were, I don’t have a way to shove it all down any more.
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I went to the dr today for my 3 month checkup. They took one look at my A1C and my weight and said "no labs today" We'll see you in 6 months.
Not even pre-diabetic anymore.
I'm so fu#$ing happy right now!!!
Screw the diet for a couple of days. My a$$ is going to Popeyes and then I'm gonna eat a s#it load of Reeses' ice cream.
Yesterday was 34 months. I can't believe it. I never thought I'd ever get here.
Not even pre-diabetic anymore.
I'm so fu#$ing happy right now!!!
Screw the diet for a couple of days. My a$$ is going to Popeyes and then I'm gonna eat a s#it load of Reeses' ice cream.
Yesterday was 34 months. I can't believe it. I never thought I'd ever get here.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Originally Posted by BullDog777
I went to the dr today for my 3 month checkup. They took one look at my A1C and my weight and said "no labs today" We'll see you in 6 months.
Not even pre-diabetic anymore.
Not even pre-diabetic anymore.
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Just checking in... I got in a pretty good workout today and it felt GOOD....I'm betting I'm gonna be sore as hell tomorrow. I think I WAYYYYY over did it.
I'm back to working again so that feels pretty good.
This week, I also got another project car I'm working on.
I took the kids to the dentist and it looks like everyone needs braces. Yay.
A lot of the anxiety I was dealing with and the dreams I was having seem to be gone for now too. Exercise helps a lot, and now that my stones seem to be gone or not actively moving anymore or for the moment, I'm full steam ahead back to the grind. I think the anxiety was from lack of activity. I NEED to be busy all the time.
things are good. busy...i like that.
I'm back to working again so that feels pretty good.
This week, I also got another project car I'm working on.
I took the kids to the dentist and it looks like everyone needs braces. Yay.
A lot of the anxiety I was dealing with and the dreams I was having seem to be gone for now too. Exercise helps a lot, and now that my stones seem to be gone or not actively moving anymore or for the moment, I'm full steam ahead back to the grind. I think the anxiety was from lack of activity. I NEED to be busy all the time.
things are good. busy...i like that.
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Great to hear, friend.
Oh man, do I hear you on the exercise. It hits that “I’m miserable and I don’t know what to do for myself” button right. Smack. On the nose.
Thank heaven for that. We deserve that key to relief, at this point in our lives.
Keep us updated on your exercise adventures! I’ve scaled mine back: I find I can get the same relaxed feeling from less, if I do the right things for me. Yoga not so much, but some cardio and body weight is good.
Blessings!
Oh man, do I hear you on the exercise. It hits that “I’m miserable and I don’t know what to do for myself” button right. Smack. On the nose.
Thank heaven for that. We deserve that key to relief, at this point in our lives.
Keep us updated on your exercise adventures! I’ve scaled mine back: I find I can get the same relaxed feeling from less, if I do the right things for me. Yoga not so much, but some cardio and body weight is good.
Blessings!
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Working out-I'm always hurt it seems like. Or sore or there's always something.
I'm getting older...i've destroyed my joints and I've got arthritis but...
I just won't let that decide my routine anymore.
I'm going to hurt anyway.
Almost 60 pounds down. I've got 50 more to go. I want to get there by June.
No time like the present. LOL
I've become very cynical with this. If I don't, and I start getting caught up in my age, I get depressed. So I refuse to think about it like I probably should.
I try to put myself in the same frame of mind I used to when I was wrestling or playing ball or fighting. When I drop the other 50, after all of this is over....I'm gonna take a few months off and just sleep and recoup.
I run- I shouldn't.
I lift-I shouldn't
I still wrestle at the gym.- I REALLY shouldn't.
When am I ever going to be able to do this again? I'm not getting younger. Time's a wastin.
this is my one last big THING I want to do with my body.
I owe this to myself. So like it or not....pain or not--it's happening.
I'm getting older...i've destroyed my joints and I've got arthritis but...
I just won't let that decide my routine anymore.
I'm going to hurt anyway.
Almost 60 pounds down. I've got 50 more to go. I want to get there by June.
No time like the present. LOL
I've become very cynical with this. If I don't, and I start getting caught up in my age, I get depressed. So I refuse to think about it like I probably should.
I try to put myself in the same frame of mind I used to when I was wrestling or playing ball or fighting. When I drop the other 50, after all of this is over....I'm gonna take a few months off and just sleep and recoup.
I run- I shouldn't.
I lift-I shouldn't
I still wrestle at the gym.- I REALLY shouldn't.
When am I ever going to be able to do this again? I'm not getting younger. Time's a wastin.
this is my one last big THING I want to do with my body.
I owe this to myself. So like it or not....pain or not--it's happening.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by BullDog777
Working out-I'm always hurt it seems like. Or sore or there's always something.
I'm getting older...i've destroyed my joints and I've got arthritis but...
I just won't let that decide my routine anymore.
I'm going to hurt anyway.
Almost 60 pounds down. I've got 50 more to go. I want to get there by June.
No time like the present. LOL
I've become very cynical with this. If I don't, and I start getting caught up in my age, I get depressed. So I refuse to think about it like I probably should.
I try to put myself in the same frame of mind I used to when I was wrestling or playing ball or fighting. When I drop the other 50, after all of this is over....I'm gonna take a few months off and just sleep and recoup.
I run- I shouldn't.
I lift-I shouldn't
I still wrestle at the gym.- I REALLY shouldn't.
When am I ever going to be able to do this again? I'm not getting younger. Time's a wastin.
this is my one last big THING I want to do with my body.
I owe this to myself. So like it or not....pain or not--it's happening.
I'm getting older...i've destroyed my joints and I've got arthritis but...
I just won't let that decide my routine anymore.
I'm going to hurt anyway.
Almost 60 pounds down. I've got 50 more to go. I want to get there by June.
No time like the present. LOL
I've become very cynical with this. If I don't, and I start getting caught up in my age, I get depressed. So I refuse to think about it like I probably should.
I try to put myself in the same frame of mind I used to when I was wrestling or playing ball or fighting. When I drop the other 50, after all of this is over....I'm gonna take a few months off and just sleep and recoup.
I run- I shouldn't.
I lift-I shouldn't
I still wrestle at the gym.- I REALLY shouldn't.
When am I ever going to be able to do this again? I'm not getting younger. Time's a wastin.
this is my one last big THING I want to do with my body.
I owe this to myself. So like it or not....pain or not--it's happening.
But just a walk in nature can revitalize, instead of draining, the body and mind. Walking is so low impact you can do way more of it than other things, which means more fat burned.
I’m preaching to myself!
. Proud of you for getting that weight off. That was a hurdle for you....it’s one for me as well. I too have found that fasting is the only way. it’s like a “food quit.” I do longer ones than you, but all fasts work to an extent if you just keep doing it.
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