Queensass08

I was doing good for awhile until I wasn’t and drank for 3 days. Now I’m so scared I won’t stop. I don’t know what to do. I’m realizing for me it’s out of habit. I’m trying to change up my routine. But I’m so anxious and scared I’m shaking. Which I know is a symptom too.

matrac

You already know the first few days without are the hardest. Take good care of yourself during this time and keep yourself distracted, Make a plan for sobriety. You can do it, you have before!

Queensass08

Thanks for the reply!! I really just want to get through today and time is passing very slowly for me today.

Ghostlight1

I remember being afraid to stop, too. It's an awful feeling. Thing was with me they kept making booze so I kept drinking it. Booze was so easy to get.
Despite my best intensions, the fear of stopping was overwhelming.
I lived like that for ten years.
Thing was it was so easy to drink instead of stopping. But I was afraid to stop.
You're not alone with your feelings, I've been there.

Once I got past four days sober, I could make a more rational decision on drinking.
Drinking usually won, but slowly, with the help of AA, I was able to face the fear.
I really had to save myself. Nobody else, just me. Give for a room full of people with the same intensions.
In time I did it and you can, too.

Try going without drinking using the energy you put into acquiring it, consuming it and recovering from it into not drinking.
It can be done. I'm a living example.
Thank you for your post, it really helped me remember the old days and help keep this drunk sober for another day.

Queensass08

I have melatonin to help me sleep tonight and I also have some milk thistle but Im too scared to take them. I’ve been drinking a lot of water today. I don’t even remember when my last drink was last night so idk if this is just the beginning or if it will get worse.

Ghostlight1

Maybe sweat it out until you get tired naturally if you're afraid of taking them.
And you will get tired eventually.
My thoughts are with you.

Queensass08

Would they even help? My heads starting to hurt a little but more just uncomfortable. I bet if I could sleep I’d feel better.

Ghostlight1

Yes. I know. I've actually been afraid to go to sleep. For fear of the day after. Don't worry dear, tomorrow will be better. We just have to get there.
Nurture yourself. You'll sleep, trust me. I feel like staying up with you. Know you're with me in spirit and try to relax.
Sleep will come.

Queensass08

I hope so ghost!! I did take the melantonin. I’m just scared of the damage I’ve done to my liver.

Ghostlight1

Oh, don't worry about your liver. I drank for thirty years, heavily, and my liver is fine. Your liver is the only organ that can repair itself. My liver values are still high. Nothing serious, though.
Do not fear. Things are fine. The important thing is to get your rest and not drink tomorrow and you'll never have to go through this again. Promise.

Queensass08

I know the alcohol and anxiety is where the thoughts are coming from. We lost my mom last yr to liver issues so that isn’t helping. It makes me really want to stop though and really think about my drinking.

Ghostlight1

Sorry about your mom. That would worry me, too.
Yep, the alcohol and the anxiety go hand in hand.
I had to stop thinking about my drinking, which I did every day while recovering from the last drunk, and take action. You've got your whole life in front of you. Don't you want to live it sober?
Free of anxiety. Free of fear. Free.

Dee74

Try and relax queensass - insominia and anxiety are pretty normal

I hung out on SR for 4 or 5 days straight in the beginning

if you're finding it hard to get even a day one, maybe seeing your Dr could help, or something like AA or some other recovery group?

D

Queensass08

I had 24 days last month so I know I can do it. I really didn’t know if I could that time. And the withdrawals from the first time where way worse. Nothing some of the post I’ve read but worse than today. I know if I can stick to it there’s a chance at a new life for not just me but my kids too. I keep telling myself that.

Queensass08

I got a few hours of sleep and that helped some. It’s not that I feel bad but just not right. I don’t know if that even makes sense. Like I woke up sweating but the house was so cold I turned the heater on. My daughter was super sweet and made me pancakes but I couldn’t eat them. I have zero appetite.

Briansy

The first few days of detox are really horrific. I feel for you Queen. But one thing is for sure, you will feel a MILLION times better in 3 or so days. Even though I am hungover today and jittery, I haven't drank in consecutive days since the end of July so have not had to revisit how I felt when it took me a full fortnight to feel "normal" - it's a feeling I never want to have again and I am trying to equip myself with as many tools as I possibly can to prevent myself relapsing. If you haven't already tried it, I suggest giving AA a go. It has been great for me. It hasn't kept me off it completely, but I feel it eventually will.

Queensass08

The town I live in is pretty small so I don’t know if there are meetings here. I know there is one in the city but that’s an hour away. Which I can’t afford at the moment. If not maybe that should be a goal too. Really work on getting new clients and being able to afford to go places again.

Stellar45

I really hope you can eventually make it to AA or find a support group of some kind. You really can have a new life for yourself and your kids. Sustained continuous sobriety is possible, one day at a time. Prayers and best wishes.

Queensass08

Thanks everyone one. Today has been a lot better. I go back to work tomorrow so I’m not sure if it will be easier out and about for the day or not. It’s usually leaving work that starts the habit over again. I’m pretty sure I’m not even going to drive down the same streets home.

SoberCAH

Welcome to our group, Queensass.

I would strongly recommend that you select and rigorously follow a plan of recovery.

Trying to change your routine is not a plan.

It may be a tactic, but nothing more.

For me that plan has been AA.

I never wanted to be a member of it, of course, but it has been the answer to my drink problem.

By following the AA program, I have been able to stay sober for twice as long as I actually drank.

But, it's day by day, because I am by no means cured.

Please keep us posted with your efforts.

We want you to be sober like many of the rest of us.