My biggest hurdle with staying sober (don't judge me)
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Originally Posted by zerominuszero20 
I tried yoga and as a male, it was too sexually arousing for me to see all those women in tights. It made me want to have a drink to relieve frustration. I might try a book club.
Try being gay and working out at a trainers gym in West Hollywood. Full of bodybuilders, fitness models, all beautiful LA people. I look, but I'm pretty focused on my weights!
I tried yoga. Doesn't work for me, it makes me want to pull my eyes out with my bare hands.
I'm not a group exercise person, but exercise in any form is good. It is a cornerstone of my sobriety.
I am not these thoughts - I am the Master of these thoughts.
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 134
I live alone and until recently was single, battling acute social anxiety and recovering from low self-esteem and the aftermath of several abusive relationships.
Then I started to realize that I wasn't a victim and that I made the decisions I did. No one forced me to. That was empowering.
Whether you're using alcohol to avoid loneliness or any of the myriad of reasons we give ourselves, we all can relate to alcohol abuse as escapism.
Recognizing what's belying your drinking is a big positive here. But then you can use it to direct your sobriety or make it one more tired excuse for continuing to drink.
There are lots of healthy things you can do to combat the loneliness. Initially, healthy alternatives to drinking won't completely take the edge - and yet the DO eventually. You just have to stick with it long enough.
What's keeping you from meeting other people? Socializing in sober environments? I took up mountain biking and joined local groups to venture out with. It's been one of the best things I've done for myself in a long time.
Then I started to realize that I wasn't a victim and that I made the decisions I did. No one forced me to. That was empowering.
Whether you're using alcohol to avoid loneliness or any of the myriad of reasons we give ourselves, we all can relate to alcohol abuse as escapism.
Recognizing what's belying your drinking is a big positive here. But then you can use it to direct your sobriety or make it one more tired excuse for continuing to drink.
There are lots of healthy things you can do to combat the loneliness. Initially, healthy alternatives to drinking won't completely take the edge - and yet the DO eventually. You just have to stick with it long enough.
What's keeping you from meeting other people? Socializing in sober environments? I took up mountain biking and joined local groups to venture out with. It's been one of the best things I've done for myself in a long time.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
Hello!
I also had issues in the evening and feelings of loneliness. I found with myself, I was wanting someone to fill the void (loneliness).
I had to learn how to enjoy my own company, love me inside of me and that is when the feeling of loneliness subsided.
I picked up a lot of books to read, to grow as an individual. It really helped me along the way not only in recovery, but as a human.
I have to be good and comfortable with me before I can even allow another human in my space.
I am started to get those feelings again. So, I am here often and I am going to get back to the books.
I also am at that point where I am ready to date again, I am just over a year sober and 6 months out of a relationship that was really dead over 3 years before the official break up.
Tonight my son and I are going to head to a new church, I know for tonight I will not feel lonely, I will have GOD.
My number 1 priority for the day is to not drink.
I also had issues in the evening and feelings of loneliness. I found with myself, I was wanting someone to fill the void (loneliness).
I had to learn how to enjoy my own company, love me inside of me and that is when the feeling of loneliness subsided.
I picked up a lot of books to read, to grow as an individual. It really helped me along the way not only in recovery, but as a human.
I have to be good and comfortable with me before I can even allow another human in my space.
I am started to get those feelings again. So, I am here often and I am going to get back to the books.
I also am at that point where I am ready to date again, I am just over a year sober and 6 months out of a relationship that was really dead over 3 years before the official break up.
Tonight my son and I are going to head to a new church, I know for tonight I will not feel lonely, I will have GOD.
My number 1 priority for the day is to not drink.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 334
This is actually something I hear about from pretty much every person I meet entering into recovery (unless they have like five young kids at home or something lol). It's not at all uncommon. If you walked into a meeting or group and said this, plenty of people would be able to relate. You've been given some good advice here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
My question: does drinking help? Does the loneliness disappear? I went through a lot of loneliness in the first six month of recovery but it passed. Loneliness is part of life and being sober means accepting feelings.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I agree that getting out is important. You say that you regularly go 2-7 days without drinking so there is your opportunity to find what works for you.
I am an introvert so just "being" in a group setting can make me feel better, without necessarily interacting a lot with everyone. It's social and light and not too intimate. I do crossfit partly for this reason: I am part of a group that notices when I am not there, we are working on a common goal, doing something we all like to do, and the people are supportive, nice, and most importantly: not drinking during the activity and it's an activity not compatible with drinking.
That aspect is very important to me now. Doing things with other people who are not drinking but enjoying themselves.
some really great ideas here. I help people for a living but if I did not, I would volunteer. because the feeling of helping others is one of the most rewarding feelings you can get. AA incorporates this but as mentioned there are so many ways to be able to help others. For YOU, it will reward you more than them. I think this is something that's built into our human DNA, that reward we get from helping.
best wishes on finding your tribe, but remember it's going to be really hard to make these things happen in life without quitting drinking.
I am an introvert so just "being" in a group setting can make me feel better, without necessarily interacting a lot with everyone. It's social and light and not too intimate. I do crossfit partly for this reason: I am part of a group that notices when I am not there, we are working on a common goal, doing something we all like to do, and the people are supportive, nice, and most importantly: not drinking during the activity and it's an activity not compatible with drinking.
That aspect is very important to me now. Doing things with other people who are not drinking but enjoying themselves.
some really great ideas here. I help people for a living but if I did not, I would volunteer. because the feeling of helping others is one of the most rewarding feelings you can get. AA incorporates this but as mentioned there are so many ways to be able to help others. For YOU, it will reward you more than them. I think this is something that's built into our human DNA, that reward we get from helping.
best wishes on finding your tribe, but remember it's going to be really hard to make these things happen in life without quitting drinking.
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