AWald88

Hi all.

Just checking back in. I'm at day 145 now and while I feel great physically and have made progress in approaching the person I want to become it has not been easy.

I still suffer from cravings while I'm on site. They come up mostly but not always around my two trigger days and have damn near broken me multiple times. Hell, I even walked down to the bar twice last week with the intention of grabbing a six pack, pulling myself up just in time.

Thats said things are different. When I first stopped the craving voice was all consuming at times, now it's much quieter (for the lack of a better word). Additionally the voice of self-control has reappeared. In fact it was only by this I resisted the last time I was tempted.

So I'm still here and things are getting easier. I am getting stronger but I know that the AV is still there and still a danger. While I wish sometimes like many of you say you did, Id just wake up and never want to drink again. I doubt it will happen and a part of me doesn't want it to.

In a perverse way I see this struggle as an honourable one. Dispite the fact that our fight is against a monster of our own creation, I see our daily triumph as being to our credit.

Perhaps I am being foolish or am just desperate enough to hope that this is not all for naught. But I remain hopeful that this struggle we wage will leave us stronger, better and wiser. That in the end our vice will have been turned to virtue.

entropy1964

Congrats on 145 days! And for fighting strong cravings.

I've never had some 'aha' moment where the clouds parted and my desire to drink just vanished. My addiction is, at times, a bit of a moving thing. I do know that accepting and understanding very deep down that drinking will not work for me, no matter what, has really helped quiet that voice. I don't 'crave' at all anymore. Doesn't mean my addiction doesn't make itself known every now and then. But its simply not an option.

That's what has helped me.

SnazzyDresser

I agree, very well put.