Does anyone have a similar pattern?
 

Hi All,

First I would like to say that I don't drink nearly as much as I used to. I don't drink every day and when I do which is maybe twice a week it's around 4 beers to a 6 pack.

A few years ago when I was at rock bottom, I would go home and pound the scotch every day after work into the night. Maybe I would stop somewhere and get a bite to eat first or just buy takeout. I was not a social drinker because people drink way too slow. I need a double shot in me ASAP while others are sipping beer and cocktails. I also didn't drink at bars since that was too expensive. I always bought the generic brand of supermarket scotch since it was cheap and totally didn't make a difference to me. I would just chug it while watching documentaries online and then pass out.

The next day would always be absolute hell. I couldn't do "Hair of the Dog" since I couldn't risk going to work with alcohol on my breath, I worked at 8 - 5 p.m., M-F, office job.

Now the whole next day at work would be a continuous panic attack and there were times when I had to go home sick or just go out to my car and sit for half an hour just to do deep breathing. (There were so many times I felt like just putting the key in the ignition and driving away and not even care about my job or my life, I was that down.)

Now the pattern is this: at around 4- 4:30 every day I would feel a strong lifting sensation of relief and most of the remorse lifted as if it was never real. That's why I would be able to drink every night.

Are any of you familiar with this pattern and what do you think it is all about?

I finally was able to cut down my drinking after multiple times of outpatient rehab moving back in with my parents.

Sounds like addiction and withdrawal to me. Most of us here are alcoholics so we are not able to “moderate” our drinking though, and complete abstinence was the only possible solution.

Yes I went threw a lot just to get onr dsay of liquid alcohol was a Miracle trying to moderate my drinking started out good ended with me in a psychward 25 days completly psychotic and then i gave benzos up after 2-3 weeks panic attacks are very common

Sounds like withdrawal and it will only get worse. read about kindling.

It sounds like alcoholism to me. Only you can decide that though, even if it isn't what you want to hear.

Yep that daily cycle is very familiar. I think the emotional lift I would feel an hour or so before 'drink-30' was just my brain anticipating the relief of the drink. It would probably start to release dopamine just in preparation for what was to come.

There was a time when I could moderate my drinking even tho I'm quite sure I was an alcoholic. I had already admitted to myself that I was addicted and had quit for 1 year. For whatever reason I was able to moderate for a couple of years. I mean, sort of. Moderation to me meant I wasn't out of control or doing insane things. But that changed....addiction is progressive and it does get worse. The timeline may different for each of us but I've never seen active addiction just go away with controlled drinking.

Doesn't really make sense to think it would, does it? We all wouldn't be here if that were the case.

And another yep here, yes, that cycle is familiar. From what you’ve written it sounds like you’re an alcoholic just like the rest of us and if that’s the case, moderation won’t work and this will get much, much worse.
Read us much as you can here on SR to educate yourself. See what happened to others in the same situation and then draw your conclusions!

Good advice here :)
welcome to SR zerominuszero20 :)

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I think Frickaflip really hit the nail on the head. That combination of psychological and chemical dependency works like clockwork. In early recovery I get super antsy at around 4:30 and start feeling depressed if I don't drink. The lizard brain is basically releasing every single chemical it can to get what it wants. I've had mixed success with AA, but I did feel that attending some meetings in the early evening helped with this. It's basically a way to reconfigure the brain and create new neural pathways.

When it comes to booze I'm basically reduced to Pavlov's dog.

Yup. Drink too much in the evening. Feel really regretful and depressed the next morning and into the afternoon. And then somehow feel 'bright' enough to drink again in the evening. A very familiar cycle!

Well if your an alcoholic you can't moderate. Why are you here? The only pattern is either drinking or sobriety. You said you hit rock bottom but your drinking now? I think your confused about what alcoholism really is.
Stay with us and continue reading some other threads. I hope we can help.