bbumbabee

Hi, I am new to this sight so allow me to introduce myself, I’d like to stay anonymous for the most part but I guess I am here because my boyfriend is an alcoholic. We had been together around 4 months & he had only been sober for 5 as of recently. This past week, he ended things with me & his explanations as to why kept bouncing around, finally leading to his saying he wouldn’t be able to have love in his heart for me. The more I thought about how random this all was when I had just been with him & everything had been fine, the more I thought, “is he okay?” Red flags I had pushed to the back of my mind started to come forward. A friend had come to visit recently & had asked him if he planned on staying sober forever to which he replied, “maybe I’ll be good enough one day to have a night when I get obliterated.” This shocked me but I said nothing because it wasn’t my place to say anything. He then explained to me how anxious he feels when we are out & there is a lot of drinking so I reassured him that we didn’t have to go to places like that, & he can take as long as he needs & it’s a process. Before he ended things this week, he became really energized & wanted to start going back to the gym, get back up with his AA meetings, & he was wanting to also start eating healther again because he had been sleeping a lot... does this sound like a relapse? I don’t want to question him on it because if he wanted to talk about it, he knows he could, & he would. So I just would like a little guidance if anyone has anything to contribute. Thanks for reading this & I’m sorry for the length.

Stayingsassy

does the relapse matter if he ended it with you? Your post begins with him ending it. That means whether he relapsed or not is no longer your issue, gratefully. You can now focus on meeting someone healthy.

alcoholism has a 78% relapse rate. Go out with the focus of meeting healthy men. I know you're hurting right now, but if you follow this advice, you will be so much happier later.

suki44883

Welcome to SR, bbumbabee. Glad you found our site. There are a lot of supportive people here.

Actually, it sounds like he wants to live a healthier lifestyle. Many people who quit drinking decide to change other areas of their life for the better, too.

Why would you think that was a sign of relapse?

bbumbabee

Yes, the relapse still matters to me because he could have ended it because of his relapse.

Stayingsassy

I hope that you can find some peace without him. I know how hard it is when someone we love ends a relationship. Loving an alcoholic is like wrestling a full grown bear to the ground and worse, believing your love can make it happen. But it is a beast that wins unless he is ready to quit. He may have quit, he may not have but I'll say the sexiest and most interesting parts of his life will always be the parts he associates with alcohol because of the addiction: so even if you win, if he isn't fully sober, you don't come first, the booze does.

Five months does not sobriety make. No one is fully sober at 5 months. At 1-2 years some healing has taken place.

Take care of yourself first. Put thoughts of him aside and figure out where your own needs, goals and values lie, and how to realize them.

NYCDoglvr

Instead of staying fixated on exbf, I suggest Alanon, designed for people involved with alcoholics.