why?
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why?
Sometimes feeling things sucks.
i was just woken up to a message from a friend that someone i really care about suffered a massive stroke.
This is bad. This is pretty much it for them.
Right now it's hard to put into words the profound sense of disappointment and sadness I'm feeling.
I'm not gonna drink. Not at all...but I am angry....and without understanding. This is where I really struggle with my faith.
Then again, how mad can I really be?
After all, I was given a reprieve just 24-48 hours ago with good news on my physical.
Here's where i struggle with things...why is it pieces of s#it like me who has probably caused more harm than good in my life get to live on ? While this amazing, brilliant, selfless person who spent her life in service to others...simply die after she absolutely and profoundly changed thousands of lives?
The lack of a good answer is what makes me so angry...and empty
F_ck.
i was just woken up to a message from a friend that someone i really care about suffered a massive stroke.
This is bad. This is pretty much it for them.
Right now it's hard to put into words the profound sense of disappointment and sadness I'm feeling.
I'm not gonna drink. Not at all...but I am angry....and without understanding. This is where I really struggle with my faith.
Then again, how mad can I really be?
After all, I was given a reprieve just 24-48 hours ago with good news on my physical.
Here's where i struggle with things...why is it pieces of s#it like me who has probably caused more harm than good in my life get to live on ? While this amazing, brilliant, selfless person who spent her life in service to others...simply die after she absolutely and profoundly changed thousands of lives?
The lack of a good answer is what makes me so angry...and empty
F_ck.
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Sorry to hear about your friend Bulldog. Strokes are bad but believe it or not there is even hope for healing from catastrophic health issue like that for some.
Perhaps instead of beating yourself up and being angry you could focus that energy on helping your friend and/or her family. If her life was all about service to others, perhaps you could take her lead and even help some of the communities she has helped?
As far as the "why" question, there is no answer. Bad things happen to good people and vice versa, that's simply part of life. It falls under the category of "things we cannot change". I have a coworker who was one of the most caring/giving people I know who was stricken with ALS about 18 months ago and is on deaths door as we speak and she's only in her early 50s . I also have a good friend who has spent nearly all of his live devoted to the youth and missions of his church who is currently battling stage 4 cancer and he's only in his early 40s. What's most amazing to me about both of them is that the very LAST thing on either of their minds is themselves.
Perhaps instead of beating yourself up and being angry you could focus that energy on helping your friend and/or her family. If her life was all about service to others, perhaps you could take her lead and even help some of the communities she has helped?
As far as the "why" question, there is no answer. Bad things happen to good people and vice versa, that's simply part of life. It falls under the category of "things we cannot change". I have a coworker who was one of the most caring/giving people I know who was stricken with ALS about 18 months ago and is on deaths door as we speak and she's only in her early 50s . I also have a good friend who has spent nearly all of his live devoted to the youth and missions of his church who is currently battling stage 4 cancer and he's only in his early 40s. What's most amazing to me about both of them is that the very LAST thing on either of their minds is themselves.
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Originally Posted by BullDog777 
The lack of a good answer is what makes me so angry...and empty
...she absolutely and profoundly changed thousands of lives
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Nature is random. But I am a naturalist rather than a religious person, so this makes perfect sense to me. what happens naturally can be so incredibly beautiful, and so terribly cruel. But there is sometimes a coming together of loved ones in illness and there can be peace and closure in death; the latter comes to those just minutes or a hundred years old, with no rhyme or reason, just mystery. That great mystery is boundless and it's depths can't be known, but its astounding and beautiful and intriguing just the same.
I am so sorry your friend is ill. But YOU, my friend, can still rejoice that you'll be around for your wife and daughter. It's alright to be happy you're healthy yet still grieve others' losses, no matter how confusing it is when life delivers the dark and the light at the same time.
I am so sorry your friend is ill. But YOU, my friend, can still rejoice that you'll be around for your wife and daughter. It's alright to be happy you're healthy yet still grieve others' losses, no matter how confusing it is when life delivers the dark and the light at the same time.
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Originally Posted by BullDog777
...why is it pieces of s#it like me who has probably caused more harm than good in my life get to live on ? While this amazing, brilliant, selfless person who spent her life in service to others...simply die after she absolutely and profoundly changed thousands of lives?
What I do know is that it's now your turn.
The honor is to serve.
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Scott, something you wrote made me think of a saying my uncle used to say. "It rains on the just and the unjust alike"
Sometimes...most times...I'll never know the reason someone's called home.
Maybe it's as simple as whatever divine power I chose to call God simply says"Enough is enough" and then it's over. As fragile as that sounds, I kinda find comfort in it for this particular situation.
I felt sad ...let myself shed a few tears, but now it's time to move on.
Whatever happened is out of my hands.
It is what it is.
Sometimes...most times...I'll never know the reason someone's called home.
Maybe it's as simple as whatever divine power I chose to call God simply says"Enough is enough" and then it's over. As fragile as that sounds, I kinda find comfort in it for this particular situation.
I felt sad ...let myself shed a few tears, but now it's time to move on.
Whatever happened is out of my hands.
It is what it is.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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Sorry to hear that, Bulldog.
Even when we get sober, life still happens. What's great about recovery, is that we find the tools to deal with those things when they come. Emotions, even bad ones, need to be felt and dealt with. Something we could never do in active addiction.
Even when we get sober, life still happens. What's great about recovery, is that we find the tools to deal with those things when they come. Emotions, even bad ones, need to be felt and dealt with. Something we could never do in active addiction.
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There are no answers that I've heard on why some people get sick and die and others are given chances. The thing is to be GRATEFUL that you're on the plus side and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Take an action, like supporting your friend or someone else.
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I'm no stranger to strokes and mini strokes BD - more than once - so there's always hope.
I'm a little dismayed at how you think about yourself tho - you're a good and honourable man who took on a lifelong problem and who's beating it.
Bad things happen to good people - why? I've no idea....but I do know it's not your fault.
Prayers and best wishes for your friend.
D
I'm a little dismayed at how you think about yourself tho - you're a good and honourable man who took on a lifelong problem and who's beating it.
Bad things happen to good people - why? I've no idea....but I do know it's not your fault.
Prayers and best wishes for your friend.
D
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm no stranger to strokes and mini strokes BD - more than once - so there's always hope.
I'm a little dismayed at how you think about yourself tho - you're a good and honourable man who took on a lifelong problem and who's beating it.
Bad things happen to good people - why? I've no idea....but I do know it's not your fault.
Prayers and best wishes for your friend.
D
I'm a little dismayed at how you think about yourself tho - you're a good and honourable man who took on a lifelong problem and who's beating it.
Bad things happen to good people - why? I've no idea....but I do know it's not your fault.
Prayers and best wishes for your friend.
D
thanks brother.
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As an aside: CVA runs in my family so much that when I get a chance I'm going to get a DNR signed soon. I want to be allowed to die without a feeding tube if it's me next. My dad, my brother and I all have hypertension so that's a definite contender as cause of death for us.
It's so tough for families when people can't make decisions on their own and families have to be responsible for those decisions.
It's so tough for families when people can't make decisions on their own and families have to be responsible for those decisions.
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
As an aside: CVA runs in my family so much that when I get a chance I'm going to get a DNR signed soon. I want to be allowed to die without a feeding tube if it's me next. My dad, my brother and I all have hypertension so that's a definite contender as cause of death for us.
It's so tough for families when people can't make decisions on their own and families have to be responsible for those decisions.
It's so tough for families when people can't make decisions on their own and families have to be responsible for those decisions.
In my family the leading cause of death is heart and kidney failure from chronic alcoholism. My aunt had a severe stroke but she was also taking handfuls of diuretics and was on drugs at the time.
Still, I do have high blood pressure that I take meds for. I think if any of my family had actually gotten treated for their medical issues, most of them would still be alive.
I'm with you Sassy. I have a DNR. I have no wish to live in any capacity where i cannot enjoy my life.
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Well, she died....
It's so sad that she fought so hard to live and there are those of us who just want to fu#$ing give up because they think this is too hard.
I'm betting she would have given every dime she ever made and her home to be healthy and homeless because at least then she would have had a fighting chance.
I'm kinda heart broken.
"Death is inevitable, but living a life we are proud of is something we can control".
It's so sad that she fought so hard to live and there are those of us who just want to fu#$ing give up because they think this is too hard.
I'm betting she would have given every dime she ever made and her home to be healthy and homeless because at least then she would have had a fighting chance.
I'm kinda heart broken.
"Death is inevitable, but living a life we are proud of is something we can control".
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Originally Posted by Culture
So sorry BullDog 
I'm strangely at peace with this.....I think no matter what, I have no doubt, if there is any loving God, she's earned a place to rest in peace for eternity.
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