This is when I realized I had a drinking problem..
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 86
This is when I realized I had a drinking problem..
After having failed several attempts to drink in moderation, I've realized I can't moderately anymore.
I've tried all the moderation techniques, alternating with non-alcoholic, drinking slowly, using diluted drinks like shandies, delaying the start time
It's gotten to the point where having just 1 or 2 would be unthinkable, I would rather decline drinking altogether.
If the thought of having 'just one' fills your mind with dread, then you know you've got a problem. Nowadays, I'd either have to have enough for a skin-full, or not drink at all. In fact, if there were only 1 or 2 cans in the house, I would choose not to drink at all because that won't be 'enough'.
If I had the choice of buying 4 cans or 8, the thought of getting just 4 & running out before I've had my fill would fill me with intense anxiety.
After several (painful) attempts to drink in moderation, several mini white-knucking sessions between sips trying to make my pints last an our, I've realised I just can't do it, my tolerance is too high & I've been in th habit of using it for the wrong reasons. Sure, there has been the odd occasion where I've been able to have little & stop relatively painlessly, but they've now become the exceptions, and have become even more exceptional over time.
Now, I'm sure this describes the experience of a lot of people, not just on this site, but many, many more people out there. I'm sure there are tons of people out there who you wouldn't think of as problem drinkers, but who may have a similar relationship to alcohol.
I think if you were to ask 'how do you know you have a drink problem'? The answer 'several repeated failed attempts to cut down & drink moderately' would probably be a good indicator.
I've tried all the moderation techniques, alternating with non-alcoholic, drinking slowly, using diluted drinks like shandies, delaying the start time
It's gotten to the point where having just 1 or 2 would be unthinkable, I would rather decline drinking altogether.
If the thought of having 'just one' fills your mind with dread, then you know you've got a problem. Nowadays, I'd either have to have enough for a skin-full, or not drink at all. In fact, if there were only 1 or 2 cans in the house, I would choose not to drink at all because that won't be 'enough'.
If I had the choice of buying 4 cans or 8, the thought of getting just 4 & running out before I've had my fill would fill me with intense anxiety.
After several (painful) attempts to drink in moderation, several mini white-knucking sessions between sips trying to make my pints last an our, I've realised I just can't do it, my tolerance is too high & I've been in th habit of using it for the wrong reasons. Sure, there has been the odd occasion where I've been able to have little & stop relatively painlessly, but they've now become the exceptions, and have become even more exceptional over time.
Now, I'm sure this describes the experience of a lot of people, not just on this site, but many, many more people out there. I'm sure there are tons of people out there who you wouldn't think of as problem drinkers, but who may have a similar relationship to alcohol.
I think if you were to ask 'how do you know you have a drink problem'? The answer 'several repeated failed attempts to cut down & drink moderately' would probably be a good indicator.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Yeah, I've known this about myself for so long. I still developed elaborate workarounds for years. I knew once I started I couldn't stop, so I just limited the number of days I drank. I set up work and exercise days around drinking days. I was surprisingly good at this and would have kept doing it, but the withdrawal on nondrinking days got intense and scary. I also pleased my husband as much as possible...weight loss, exercise, makeup and pretty clothes, never letting him see me look bad or plain, lots of sexual favors, etc so he would be my "driver", my alcohol obtainer, my bodyguard and my walker/crutch when I lost the ability to walk or function at social events, the person who handled many responsibilities and some of the parenting.
Sadly I am a professional woman so this is pitiful but there was a lot I liked about it.
quitting drinking was an act of liberation and strength for me.
Sadly I am a professional woman so this is pitiful but there was a lot I liked about it.
quitting drinking was an act of liberation and strength for me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: North Yorkshire UK
Posts: 765
"pleased my husband as much as possible...weight loss, exercise, makeup and pretty clothes, never letting him see me look bad or plain, lots of sexual favors, etc"
Gosh Sassy thats quite a sentence.
Gosh Sassy thats quite a sentence.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by soberista 
"pleased my husband as much as possible...weight loss, exercise, makeup and pretty clothes, never letting him see me look bad or plain, lots of sexual favors, etc"
Gosh Sassy thats quite a sentence.
Gosh Sassy thats quite a sentence.
Enablers are sometimes created by the alcoholic.
He likes the sober me better, though. Even though all those behaviors stopped, he's happier.
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Originally Posted by vulcan30
After having failed several attempts to drink in moderation, I've realized I can't moderately anymore.
I've tried all the moderation techniques, alternating with non-alcoholic, drinking slowly, using diluted drinks like shandies, delaying the start time
It's gotten to the point where having just 1 or 2 would be unthinkable, I would rather decline drinking altogether.
If the thought of having 'just one' fills your mind with dread, then you know you've got a problem. Nowadays, I'd either have to have enough for a skin-full, or not drink at all. In fact, if there were only 1 or 2 cans in the house, I would choose not to drink at all because that won't be 'enough'.
If I had the choice of buying 4 cans or 8, the thought of getting just 4 & running out before I've had my fill would fill me with intense anxiety.
After several (painful) attempts to drink in moderation, several mini white-knucking sessions between sips trying to make my pints last an our, I've realised I just can't do it, my tolerance is too high & I've been in th habit of using it for the wrong reasons. Sure, there has been the odd occasion where I've been able to have little & stop relatively painlessly, but they've now become the exceptions, and have become even more exceptional over time.
Now, I'm sure this describes the experience of a lot of people, not just on this site, but many, many more people out there. I'm sure there are tons of people out there who you wouldn't think of as problem drinkers, but who may have a similar relationship to alcohol.
I think if you were to ask 'how do you know you have a drink problem'? The answer 'several repeated failed attempts to cut down & drink moderately' would probably be a good indicator.
I've tried all the moderation techniques, alternating with non-alcoholic, drinking slowly, using diluted drinks like shandies, delaying the start time
It's gotten to the point where having just 1 or 2 would be unthinkable, I would rather decline drinking altogether.
If the thought of having 'just one' fills your mind with dread, then you know you've got a problem. Nowadays, I'd either have to have enough for a skin-full, or not drink at all. In fact, if there were only 1 or 2 cans in the house, I would choose not to drink at all because that won't be 'enough'.
If I had the choice of buying 4 cans or 8, the thought of getting just 4 & running out before I've had my fill would fill me with intense anxiety.
After several (painful) attempts to drink in moderation, several mini white-knucking sessions between sips trying to make my pints last an our, I've realised I just can't do it, my tolerance is too high & I've been in th habit of using it for the wrong reasons. Sure, there has been the odd occasion where I've been able to have little & stop relatively painlessly, but they've now become the exceptions, and have become even more exceptional over time.
Now, I'm sure this describes the experience of a lot of people, not just on this site, but many, many more people out there. I'm sure there are tons of people out there who you wouldn't think of as problem drinkers, but who may have a similar relationship to alcohol.
I think if you were to ask 'how do you know you have a drink problem'? The answer 'several repeated failed attempts to cut down & drink moderately' would probably be a good indicator.
In some ways I think the knowledge that this will always be the state of affairs for me even after 1, 3, 6 months sober makes it easier for me to stay quit and also to think long and hard before giving myself the luxury of a "slip" to pat myself on the back for a job well done. As when you go into full WD mode every time you drink, a slip isn't harmless. It's fecking painful.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 86
If you've built up any substantial tolerance, it's easier to not drink at all than to stick to a limit. Doing the latter is infinitely more painful.
I think a lot of people don't realize they have a problem with the stuff until they try to cut down or stop, and realize they can't.
Anyway, on a side note;
I woudl agree that this sounds like enabling to me. That happens not just with couples, but with parents & siblings, and even among friends. I plan to start a post on this topic in the near future.
For now, would you say that it's true that many people don't realize they have a problem with their drinking until they try to cut down or stop and realize they can't?
I think a lot of people don't realize they have a problem with the stuff until they try to cut down or stop, and realize they can't.
Anyway, on a side note;
I also pleased my husband as much as possible...weight loss, exercise, makeup and pretty clothes, never letting him see me look bad or plain, lots of sexual favors, etc so he would be my "driver", my alcohol obtainer, my bodyguard and my walker/crutch when I lost the ability to walk or function at social events, the person who handled many responsibilities and some of the parenting.
For now, would you say that it's true that many people don't realize they have a problem with their drinking until they try to cut down or stop and realize they can't?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 86
On a similar note, some people cling onto the idea that they can go bakc to social drinking. A main reason is because it does something for them & has become part of there lives. That thing maybe even more embarrasing than drinking to excess; e.g. being cooped in the house all the time due to having no-one to meet up with, only the internet for company, this will be brought-up in future posts.
If people have reservations about stopping, I think the right thing to do is acknowledge them, find out what their fears are & not criticize them for having there worries. Certainly don't shout people down for being in denial or accusing them of making excuses. Doing so is harmful in that it could make them feel they're not welcome.
What do they fear their lives will be like without alcohol? What can we replace alcohol with?
Still, I think that finding you can no longer moderate your drinking is a good litmus test as to whether you have a problem. Here are my criteria for alcohol dependence
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...dependent.html
This one is on there.
If people have reservations about stopping, I think the right thing to do is acknowledge them, find out what their fears are & not criticize them for having there worries. Certainly don't shout people down for being in denial or accusing them of making excuses. Doing so is harmful in that it could make them feel they're not welcome.
What do they fear their lives will be like without alcohol? What can we replace alcohol with?
Still, I think that finding you can no longer moderate your drinking is a good litmus test as to whether you have a problem. Here are my criteria for alcohol dependence
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...dependent.html
This one is on there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: Los Angeles, Ca
Posts: 535
Originally Posted by vulcan30
After having failed several attempts to drink in moderation, I've realized I can't moderately anymore.
I've tried all the moderation techniques, alternating with non-alcoholic, drinking slowly, using diluted drinks like shandies, delaying the start time
It's gotten to the point where having just 1 or 2 would be unthinkable, I would rather decline drinking altogether.
If the thought of having 'just one' fills your mind with dread, then you know you've got a problem. Nowadays, I'd either have to have enough for a skin-full, or not drink at all. In fact, if there were only 1 or 2 cans in the house, I would choose not to drink at all because that won't be 'enough'.
If I had the choice of buying 4 cans or 8, the thought of getting just 4 & running out before I've had my fill would fill me with intense anxiety.
After several (painful) attempts to drink in moderation, several mini white-knucking sessions between sips trying to make my pints last an our, I've realised I just can't do it, my tolerance is too high & I've been in th habit of using it for the wrong reasons. Sure, there has been the odd occasion where I've been able to have little & stop relatively painlessly, but they've now become the exceptions, and have become even more exceptional over time.
Now, I'm sure this describes the experience of a lot of people, not just on this site, but many, many more people out there. I'm sure there are tons of people out there who you wouldn't think of as problem drinkers, but who may have a similar relationship to alcohol.
I think if you were to ask 'how do you know you have a drink problem'? The answer 'several repeated failed attempts to cut down & drink moderately' would probably be a good indicator.
I've tried all the moderation techniques, alternating with non-alcoholic, drinking slowly, using diluted drinks like shandies, delaying the start time
It's gotten to the point where having just 1 or 2 would be unthinkable, I would rather decline drinking altogether.
If the thought of having 'just one' fills your mind with dread, then you know you've got a problem. Nowadays, I'd either have to have enough for a skin-full, or not drink at all. In fact, if there were only 1 or 2 cans in the house, I would choose not to drink at all because that won't be 'enough'.
If I had the choice of buying 4 cans or 8, the thought of getting just 4 & running out before I've had my fill would fill me with intense anxiety.
After several (painful) attempts to drink in moderation, several mini white-knucking sessions between sips trying to make my pints last an our, I've realised I just can't do it, my tolerance is too high & I've been in th habit of using it for the wrong reasons. Sure, there has been the odd occasion where I've been able to have little & stop relatively painlessly, but they've now become the exceptions, and have become even more exceptional over time.
Now, I'm sure this describes the experience of a lot of people, not just on this site, but many, many more people out there. I'm sure there are tons of people out there who you wouldn't think of as problem drinkers, but who may have a similar relationship to alcohol.
I think if you were to ask 'how do you know you have a drink problem'? The answer 'several repeated failed attempts to cut down & drink moderately' would probably be a good indicator.
Moderation is possible but not advisable for most.
Addictive behavior always serves an emotional purpose. Reasons for compulsive substance abuse are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of helplessness about whatever in life makes me feel overwhelmingly trapped, powerless and out of control. It’s the rage at helplessness that drives the need for more.
For me, once I understood the root cause of my drinking, I was able to empower myself and regain control of my feelings with more direct healthy behaviors.
If you are able to do so, ask yourself what do i feel right before I take that drink? Knowing the source of your compulsive need to drink, you will not only be able to find a new and better way to deal with it, but you will be able to predict when the next urge to drink will arise. That will allow you to avoid even getting to the point where the urge to drink feels overwhelming.
Works for me. :-)
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