Are sober people super-human?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 86
Are sober people super-human?
Although I haven't posted in quite a while, I need to get this off my chest.
People who're successfully sober, if you have the willpower to force your way through cravings, then you've got the willpower hold a plank for two days or to hold both legs of a table off the ground with one hand. How the **** do people do it!?
I have discovered one thing in trying to white-knuckle my way through cravings; I'm a ******* weakling lacking in willpower, a floppy old sock, an anorexic against a gym buff.
I can only resist the craving for a few days before I cave in. Do you know what happens when I dis-obey? It puts me through pain. The next time I get a craving, the memory of how painful resisting it was is fresh on my mind BUT the memory of the hangover and other negative consequences is BLOCKED!
I keep running out of steam after a few days & buckle under it. It's like trying to hold a plank for a whole day. HEEEEEEEEEAAAAAVE!! If you can remain sober forever then you're capable of holding a plank forever and could easily replace my coffee table!
How the hell do people manage to stay long-term sober? What sort of super-human willpower, discipline or self-control do they have? Could they put a Tibetan monk to shame? Could their willpower, self-control and strength make Marine look like a wuss in comparison?
Where the hell do they get it from!?
People who're successfully sober, if you have the willpower to force your way through cravings, then you've got the willpower hold a plank for two days or to hold both legs of a table off the ground with one hand. How the **** do people do it!?
I have discovered one thing in trying to white-knuckle my way through cravings; I'm a ******* weakling lacking in willpower, a floppy old sock, an anorexic against a gym buff.
I can only resist the craving for a few days before I cave in. Do you know what happens when I dis-obey? It puts me through pain. The next time I get a craving, the memory of how painful resisting it was is fresh on my mind BUT the memory of the hangover and other negative consequences is BLOCKED!
I keep running out of steam after a few days & buckle under it. It's like trying to hold a plank for a whole day. HEEEEEEEEEAAAAAVE!! If you can remain sober forever then you're capable of holding a plank forever and could easily replace my coffee table!
How the hell do people manage to stay long-term sober? What sort of super-human willpower, discipline or self-control do they have? Could they put a Tibetan monk to shame? Could their willpower, self-control and strength make Marine look like a wuss in comparison?
Where the hell do they get it from!?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Essex
Posts: 411
Hello Vulcan
It's because it's not about using willpower, it's surrender, and acceptance. The thing I'd most liken it to....a huge sigh, or the longest out breath you ever had, and then sense of settling. Compare that feeling, with the tension of holding on so tightly, the slightest additional tension, and everything shatters.
How did I get to that surrender and acceptance....nothing very noble I'm afraid. Not wanting the indignity of an alcoholic death, which was pride working in reverse, and I can be very prideful, and being very tired of the work involved in active alcoholism, how all consuming it is.
The acceptance is, I can't drink alcohol safely, and the surrender, I'm not really sure if I can do life without it (I really didn't know how to....these days I can do the basics) so I need some help with this....
Yes, initially, willpower is needed those first few days, but after that, the staying stopped, surrender and acceptance, and second to none for providing a framework was AA for me.
Wish you well
It's because it's not about using willpower, it's surrender, and acceptance. The thing I'd most liken it to....a huge sigh, or the longest out breath you ever had, and then sense of settling. Compare that feeling, with the tension of holding on so tightly, the slightest additional tension, and everything shatters.
How did I get to that surrender and acceptance....nothing very noble I'm afraid. Not wanting the indignity of an alcoholic death, which was pride working in reverse, and I can be very prideful, and being very tired of the work involved in active alcoholism, how all consuming it is.
The acceptance is, I can't drink alcohol safely, and the surrender, I'm not really sure if I can do life without it (I really didn't know how to....these days I can do the basics) so I need some help with this....
Yes, initially, willpower is needed those first few days, but after that, the staying stopped, surrender and acceptance, and second to none for providing a framework was AA for me.
Wish you well
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,137
It’s not willpower alone for me. I think it’s mostly mindfulness and changing my way to think that helped me to stay sober and get through the cravings.
Also, the cravings don’t last forever. Once I realised that, it got much easier. I would also suddenly “forget” why I don’t want to drink and what I could do instead. So I wrote a list with all my reasons and alternative behaviours. I had it with me at all times and this as well as the AVRT (realising it’s not me who wants to drink but the addiction/my illness/the beast who wants me to pick up and while it gets stronger every time I obey, it will get weaker every time i resist) stuff helped me through the cravings.
Sometimes distraction would also help and I’d eat something small, made sure I drank enough water.
Have you heard of HALTS?
I can only speak for myself but I’m definitely no super human! If I really want something, I’m ready to give everything though. And I think that’s also key to staying sober, you have to really want it more than drinking.
I hope you’ll find a way that works for you!
Also, the cravings don’t last forever. Once I realised that, it got much easier. I would also suddenly “forget” why I don’t want to drink and what I could do instead. So I wrote a list with all my reasons and alternative behaviours. I had it with me at all times and this as well as the AVRT (realising it’s not me who wants to drink but the addiction/my illness/the beast who wants me to pick up and while it gets stronger every time I obey, it will get weaker every time i resist) stuff helped me through the cravings.
Sometimes distraction would also help and I’d eat something small, made sure I drank enough water.
Have you heard of HALTS?
I can only speak for myself but I’m definitely no super human! If I really want something, I’m ready to give everything though. And I think that’s also key to staying sober, you have to really want it more than drinking.
I hope you’ll find a way that works for you!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
In a nutshell it is the opposit of willpower for me. White knuckling it would be miserable, and shorting myself of what I really want more than mere sobriety....recovery.
I'm definitely not super human.
My path to this is life is AA, and others can share their experiences with different programs.
I live a life that is happy, joyous and free, and built on good choices, good mental and emotional housekeeping, and acceptance that I need other people, my higher power and a program to do this. It is real, complicated, rewarding and generally peaceful. AA is really about living a good life, not just about not drinking.
I too would fail quickly if I tried will, or hope or distraction or....to keep me living this way.
I'm definitely not super human.
My path to this is life is AA, and others can share their experiences with different programs.
I live a life that is happy, joyous and free, and built on good choices, good mental and emotional housekeeping, and acceptance that I need other people, my higher power and a program to do this. It is real, complicated, rewarding and generally peaceful. AA is really about living a good life, not just about not drinking.
I too would fail quickly if I tried will, or hope or distraction or....to keep me living this way.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
It wasn't willpower for me Vulcan - it was acceptance.
Acceptance that I had a problem - a toxic relationship with alcohol and that the only sane rational solution to my problem was to stop drinking alcohol.
I told myself that I didn't have the right stuff to quit too - but I was wrong,
There was nothing super human about my quit at all.
It was hard, but not as hard as continuing to drink was - in fact it was a good deal easier than that.
I hope you give it a try soon
D
Acceptance that I had a problem - a toxic relationship with alcohol and that the only sane rational solution to my problem was to stop drinking alcohol.
I told myself that I didn't have the right stuff to quit too - but I was wrong,
There was nothing super human about my quit at all.
It was hard, but not as hard as continuing to drink was - in fact it was a good deal easier than that.
I hope you give it a try soon
D
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,385
It's not at all like that in practice, like holding your breath or something. You've got the wrong idea there, completely. Need to change the way you're framing sobriety to yourself. It's way more natural than ingesting poison regularly, to take care of yourself and the only body you have. Start seeing it differently.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Once the idea that consuming alcohol is just a ridiculous proposition, there is not willpower needed. When we accept the idea that we are just physically different and alcohol is toxic for us (more so the the vast majority), we can just take it as this is not for me.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It’s all about making choices Vulcan, and anyone can do it - you included. “Cravings” are just thoughts. If you accept that drinking alcohol is not an option, then you just choose not to drink. Certainly it’s not easy at first as you are still like physically dependant, but the urges to drink become much less intense and farther between as time passes.
You may want to consider participating in a detox or rehab program to help you get started, but make no mistake that you are just as “super” as anyone else here in your ability to choose sobriety.
You may want to consider participating in a detox or rehab program to help you get started, but make no mistake that you are just as “super” as anyone else here in your ability to choose sobriety.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
One other thought....I try to remind myself that I can make my recovery easier- or harder.
I want to do all I can to head further away from a drink, not closer to it. The burden of an outlook of fighting my disease would be fatal for me. Lack of acceptance kept me drinking a long time and truly, kept me making my life so much harder than it could have been.
I know plenty of people who did some version of just abstinence or white knuckling it for awhile, then realized it was still really hard that way and sought help from AA or other programs to shift their thinking and path.
I want to do all I can to head further away from a drink, not closer to it. The burden of an outlook of fighting my disease would be fatal for me. Lack of acceptance kept me drinking a long time and truly, kept me making my life so much harder than it could have been.
I know plenty of people who did some version of just abstinence or white knuckling it for awhile, then realized it was still really hard that way and sought help from AA or other programs to shift their thinking and path.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 86
Thanks everyone for your responses, I think you're all right, I've got the wrong idea.
Maybe the problem is that I'm lacking leverage & deeper motivation & leverage, my desire to stop seems to be very transient and intermittent. When I wake up with a hangover, really want to see the back of it, I'm surfing the net for blogs, dragging out my self-help books, doing youtube marathons on all the stop drinking channels yet, a day or two later, come evening, I seem to lose interest & I'm crawling the walls for a beer. The cycle goes round.
RE Kevlarsjal
Yes I have, doesn't it mean hunger, anger, loneliness, tiredness? I will say that I have been very socially-isolated, my drinking is particularly bad during those times I'm lonely. What's more, I originally started drinking due to not having anyone to talk to or confide in. One main reason I got into this drinking pattern was to fill that gap of someone to talk to.
Maybe the problem is that I'm lacking leverage & deeper motivation & leverage, my desire to stop seems to be very transient and intermittent. When I wake up with a hangover, really want to see the back of it, I'm surfing the net for blogs, dragging out my self-help books, doing youtube marathons on all the stop drinking channels yet, a day or two later, come evening, I seem to lose interest & I'm crawling the walls for a beer. The cycle goes round.
RE Kevlarsjal
Have you heard of HALTS?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nj
Posts: 470
Vulcan,
Think not only of the hangovers, but also the other things that are affected by your alcohol use. Your relationships? Your free time? Your hobbies? Your money? job? Think about what would change if you did quit....wouldn’t you really rather have that change?
The day I quit, I wrote down the reasons why I like to drink, what would be better if I didn’t drink, and what would be likely to happen if I didn’t. I go back to those lists occasionally....Helps me keep perspective and resolve
Best wishes....you CAN do it!
Think not only of the hangovers, but also the other things that are affected by your alcohol use. Your relationships? Your free time? Your hobbies? Your money? job? Think about what would change if you did quit....wouldn’t you really rather have that change?
The day I quit, I wrote down the reasons why I like to drink, what would be better if I didn’t drink, and what would be likely to happen if I didn’t. I go back to those lists occasionally....Helps me keep perspective and resolve
Best wishes....you CAN do it!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
I am a wuss, and my wussiness drove me to not try to white knuckle it through cravings, but to do my utmost to avoid them, and to distract myself when they did come up. 
Cravings are usually triggered, by either by people, places and things [avoid those people, places and things] or by hungry/angry/lonely/tired [in which case, eat, distract, go somewhere, or go to bed]. That meant making many other changes in my life, including shopping at a different grocery store and taking a different route home from work, and changing around my schedule so I didn't find myself in the same place at the same time where I used to start drinking. But doing all those things minimized the number of cravings I had to deal with, and made them manageable by distracting myself until they went away.
Cravings are usually triggered, by either by people, places and things [avoid those people, places and things] or by hungry/angry/lonely/tired [in which case, eat, distract, go somewhere, or go to bed]. That meant making many other changes in my life, including shopping at a different grocery store and taking a different route home from work, and changing around my schedule so I didn't find myself in the same place at the same time where I used to start drinking. But doing all those things minimized the number of cravings I had to deal with, and made them manageable by distracting myself until they went away.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by vulcan30 
Maybe the problem is that I'm lacking leverage & deeper motivation & leverage, my desire to stop seems to be very transient and intermittent.
Have you ever thought the problem was that you are an alcoholic? And then seeking the solution for that?
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
No, I'm not superhuman--my capacity for suffering just reached its limit.
Suffering through cravings ended up being preferable to the consequences of my drinking, but that only worked at the beginning. There had to be more than white-knuckling it.
Getting a good support program is what helped me long-term. For me that was AA, where I learned to change my perceptions and cope with the things that made me feel like I needed to drink in the first place. It took some work and a lot of discomfort at first, but it was well worth it.
As mentioned, surrender was key. Accepting that drinking created more suffering in my life than not drinking and that there was absolutely no way to get around that no matter how much I wished that were different.
When I look at sobriety today, it really is the easier way.
Suffering through cravings ended up being preferable to the consequences of my drinking, but that only worked at the beginning. There had to be more than white-knuckling it.
Getting a good support program is what helped me long-term. For me that was AA, where I learned to change my perceptions and cope with the things that made me feel like I needed to drink in the first place. It took some work and a lot of discomfort at first, but it was well worth it.
As mentioned, surrender was key. Accepting that drinking created more suffering in my life than not drinking and that there was absolutely no way to get around that no matter how much I wished that were different.
When I look at sobriety today, it really is the easier way.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
It's doing what you prefer. I had to prefer sobriety over being drunk so that every time I was faced with it I just did a quick reminder and I was good.
Drinking is awful. It's chemical nastiness, it numbs all your senses, it makes you humiliate yourself and then after all that garbage it gives you a hangover to top it all off.
I turned off any idea that I like it or that I had any desire to do it, resolved to quit forever, and committed to sobriety like it was a lifelong marriage. In a way it is, it is a new relationship with myself where I see myself as an alcoholic, which means I am a human being who has special considerations, I have to care for myself in ways other people may not, and that is who I am. I know myself now.
You're seeing it with rose colored glasses. It's total BS. Get sober for a few days and really look at it.
Drinking is awful. It's chemical nastiness, it numbs all your senses, it makes you humiliate yourself and then after all that garbage it gives you a hangover to top it all off.
I turned off any idea that I like it or that I had any desire to do it, resolved to quit forever, and committed to sobriety like it was a lifelong marriage. In a way it is, it is a new relationship with myself where I see myself as an alcoholic, which means I am a human being who has special considerations, I have to care for myself in ways other people may not, and that is who I am. I know myself now.
You're seeing it with rose colored glasses. It's total BS. Get sober for a few days and really look at it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Adding another voice saying that I surrendered.
Stopped fighting alcohol. Accepted I was never going to win and be able to drink it safely. Whether I tried different types of alcohol, setting all sorts of rules, starting at different times of the day, in different places, different countries even once I had the first drink, there was no stopping me.
I could no longer drink.
It was a heavy weight lifted off me when I stopped fighting.
I am about 8 years sober now.
Once the alcohol was put down, it was about changing my attitudes, thought patterns, behaviours. Being mindful. Making my quit top priority in my life.
Stopped fighting alcohol. Accepted I was never going to win and be able to drink it safely. Whether I tried different types of alcohol, setting all sorts of rules, starting at different times of the day, in different places, different countries even once I had the first drink, there was no stopping me.
I could no longer drink.
It was a heavy weight lifted off me when I stopped fighting.
I am about 8 years sober now.
Once the alcohol was put down, it was about changing my attitudes, thought patterns, behaviours. Being mindful. Making my quit top priority in my life.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
As far as motivation, external things like no hangovers are the bonus result of being sober. Bottom line, I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink, period. Drinking is off the table no matter what, and regardless of what I could attribute wanting to drink to, even to what caused me to be an alcoholic.
Getting sober and living in recovery is not easy, but it IS simple. My addict brain over complicated things for a long time and it only served to keep me drinking.
Getting sober and living in recovery is not easy, but it IS simple. My addict brain over complicated things for a long time and it only served to keep me drinking.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Definitely not super human but I do think after getting sober it shows you there's not much you can't do. You are coming face to face with your own demons so to speak and either accepting them (integrating them into your own consciousness so they're no longer projected) or cutting the shackles and walking away. At that point there's not much left to fight.
"Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power". Lao Tzu- Eastern philosophies have been helping me make sense of all the contradictions.
"Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power". Lao Tzu- Eastern philosophies have been helping me make sense of all the contradictions.
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