fini

the very question kinda implies that sobriety is likely beyond you or other ordinary mortals, so it has already set up a scenario that would discourage you from trying.
my sneaky mind jumps: "aha! is that the point? "

no, vulcan, entirely ordinary humans not only CAN but DO get and stay sober every day.

i remember well, though, when i was not sure that this was good news

Grymt

There are many layers of truth. A bit like identifying a color. Red in the dark looks black. It depends on such things as ambient light. How much light is shining on the color sample. How pure is that light. What are the qualities of the observers sense organs.
Cravings happen within the mind-body phenomenon of the person experiencing them. No-where else.

The questions asked by the OP are fundamental (not just to addicts). Why do they end up unbearably intense when I quit boozing?
Think of the cravings as a store of cravings that are kept under lock and key by active addiction. Over time this store grows. When you stop drinking there comes a growing awareness of this store. When you are no longer drowning this awareness a natural mechanism comes into play. The cravings start to rise into the conscious. Intially you accpet this which is akin to taking a top off a fizzy drink. There is a surge of cravings, mixed with other feelings like pain and fear. This is the point at which we give in and resume active addiction. We reaffirm and old habit.and the store of cravings continue to grow.

The real question is what to do in order to survive sane until the fizz has subsided.
Firstly understand that it will subside. All things are impermanent. You have been living with these cravings, fear and pain a long time (albeit sub-consciously much/most of the time) and they haven't killed you yet. So the point is to find the faith in the process.

AA is a format where like individuals can gather and share their faith strengthening wisdoms. To start you can use simple rational logic to understand the process and understand that ultimately the fear and pain will pass like all things in this world. By equanimously maintaining an awareness of the cravings, or whatever feelings may be present, the old stock of such is depleted. A time comes when they no longer drive behavious, rather a new habit is in place.

While maintaining a continuous awareness of the cravings, carry on doing whatever is necessary on a mundane level. Try to perform good acts as these do not affirm the old habits. Maintain the awareness and build the wisdom that artses. Dont do bad, do good and build wisdom. This is the fundamental solution.

No magic, nothing super natural. Entirely natural.

BullDog777

Well s#it.....I'm just gonna go ahead and say it since everyone else is being all noble about it. LOL.

Yup...I'm a bada$$. Superhuman? Perhaps. I've done what most people can't.

1 in 13 get more than 6 months. Those are terrible odds.

I'm at almost 2 and a half years. Not one slip.
So yeah...I think I'm a bit of an aberration... and I'm proud of my sobriety.

Before this 2 1/2 years, I failed almost daily for 25 years. Was it really failure? Maybe it was just a 25 year long process for me.

Yup...I can walk through hell with a smile.

Now....the truth?


I just gave up trying to destroy myself and did what ever I had to, to make the hopelessness stop.

What often drives people to permanent change is when the pain of living as you are is worse than the pain of changing.

It's that simple.

Now...mind you I said "the pain of changing."
I'm not gonna paint some flowery bull$#it picture of automatic acceptance and pink clouds...that's bulls#it.

There is suffering in early sobriety. There is pain, anger, sadness, frustration...and everything else that sucks....BUT!!!! ..............
that day is better than any drunk day with zero hope.

That's why we fight through the early days.

Just start with one day and get through that. Then try tomorrow. Then another...if you need help along the way, ask for it.

One day...it will be easy...and beautiful and there will be no more cravings.

But you gotta hang in there.

silentrun

Like others have said; it wasn't willpower. It was more along the lines of anywhere but here. At first I did have to fight with some urges and thought patterns. That was scary but surrounding myself with people in the same situation helped, both for tips to cope and support. After a while it just becomes natural and now I think I must have been superhuman to have drank like that and survived it. I can't imagine having to live addicted anymore.

FBL

It's not about willpower. It's all about surrender and acceptance.

Now, excuse me while I go polish the big "S" on my chest!

vulcan30

Hi, thanks all.

Yeah, I definitely think surrounding myself with people in the same situation will be helpful. I must be honest that I've been trying to go it alone without any support at all.

Since making the OP I've made a doctors appointment, & I'm going to see if referral to the community alcohol and drug services is an option & I've also been been researching local AA meetings. I am pretty nervous to be honest but I could do with the support.

Berrybean

Well done Vulcan. To be honest I don't know anyone who wasn't nervous going to their first meeting. I was massively so. I walked past plenty of meetings without making it through the door, heading straight home cursing myself for being so fearful. When I finally did make it to my first meeting the fear soon dispersed. The folk there were so warm and helpful, and I found myself relating to so much of what was said that I just kinda felt like I had come home.

I'm off to a festival this weekend, my first, and I'm kinda nervous about that as well. But today I found out that there will be AA meetings on site every day, so now I feel much better about it. I know some of my clan will be there with me and I'm looking forward to meeting them. With the fellowship we don't have to do this alone or on our own power. We run on grace.

BB

BlownOne

Personally, I think becoming sober and staying sober happily works better with some kind of recovery program for support. AA is probably the most well known, and it's my own personal choice, but there are lots of different programs our there now besides AA that are working for tons of people. Going it alone isn't for me. Case in point: I have a family friend who is retired. Big beer drinker all his life. Decided to quit and he's been sober for three years now. No AA, no therapy, for AVRT, nothing. But, he's not happy. He still wishes he could drink like other people, and he's not content that he can't. He has to fight the desire to drink every single day. To me, that sounds utterly miserable. A recovery program gave me the tools to do the things that took that desire away. I'm indifferent to alcohol. I don't care if other people drink, but it's not for me and I can accept that and live at peace with myself and the world around me. Sorry this was so long.

lessgravity

I agree with all the above who couch sobriety in the terms of acceptance and not willpower. I think it takes a lot of work though.

But what I wanted to say was that getting sober actually makes you more human, not super human. The life of a drunk is a terrible life, a waste really. And I wasted years. Finally, for the first time, I am able to experience what life is really supposed to be about - loss, love, suffering, boredom, happiness etc - it's more human to be sober.

least

It wasn't willpower that did it for me. It was being sick and tired of always feeling horrible. I reached the point where I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. I accepted that drinking would always make me feel awful.

daredevil

For me it's got nothing to do with surrender. I haven't surrendered to alcohol.

It's got nothing to do with acceptance. I haven't accepted that I can't drink. I can drink whenever I want.

It's got nothing to do with willpower. I don't "white-knuckle" it daily.

It's about resolve.

I resolved to become a non-drinker without contingency, come what may & despite how I feel.

Briansy

How long have you abstained?

JeffreyAK

Do you really think that's true, given your history?

Stayingsassy

I agree with "anywhere but here."

drinking became a living hell that I was trapped in.

Has drinking become that for you?

It's like the movie "the Matrix". Waking up and realizing you are in a sick and creepy biological and emotional prison.

I don't choose to go back to that. If something bizarre happened and I did, it would be a terrible and possibly devastating mistake.

Avoiding the hot stove is not superhuman. It's self preservation.

Gottalife

Super human? It sure seems that way to me. In AA we use the expression "beyond human aid" as part of the discussion relating to being powerless over alcohol. Many folks tried to sober me up, some from a position of kindness, some from aithority, some supposedly competent in this area, all lacked the power, they did not do any better than I could n my unaided will. even working together, all with the same objective, all the human forces I could muster were to no avail.

It seems in order to beat the game I needed a spiritual experience, a change of personality sufficient to overcome alcoholism. There is no medical way of doing this, no judicial way, no self help way, no therapy. Great doctors such as Carl Jung could find no way to create this change, though they understood that it did exist. Human power had failed abismally.

So the solution was to tap into something more than the available human power. I did that through the 12 steps and developed a relationship with the God of my understanding. Some of the more modern ideas I have been hearing lately refer to a deep biological drive, deeper than instinct, which might be called "our purpose" That makes sense to me too. Connecting to a living towards a purpose has to be a lot better than the pain that comes from a purpoeless existence.

So I have tapped into this power that has given me all the power I need to live successfully in the world. It is obviously a power greater than me, and more capable than all the humans that tried to help, so in a sense it could appear super human. But really it is not, because it is not my power, it is a power available to anyone who seeks it diligently. It will however bring apparently super human results.

saoutchik

Hi vulcan30, I could only manage a few days on will power alone. I was just like you, a few days was the most I could hold off the cravings using willpower alone. Eventually, after many, many failures and despair frankly I managed to find a way to stop through intuition.

My cravings would always hit me in the evening from about 6.30 to 7pm onwards and gradually build in intensity. I was a poor sleeper and would go to bed still craving, you cannot hold out against that pressure for very long, or at least I certainly couldn't. In the end I forced myself to get up some 75 minutes earlier than usual and spend a minimum of an hour, usually and hour and a quarter, more at weekends, just walking or walking and jogging. Rain or shine. It was tough at first as it meant getting up at 5.45 am but of course by the evening I was physically tired and could rely on being in bed by 10pm and asleep by 10.30pm most nights. It made a hell of a difference. It removed my cravings on about nine days out of 10. An added bonus that I discovered later is that the act of walking also improved my mood/outlook (endorphins or something) which in turn reinforced my determination to quit.

It might be worth giving it a go as walking is beneficial to drinkers and non drinkers alike so there would be nothing to lose. I hope you will find what works for you too vulcan, i'm sure you will if you keep trying.

vulcan30

Hi again all and thanks very much for all the helpful replies.

@ saoutchik
I've found that taking walks and runs in the evenings has been very helpful

There's one thing I've noticed about most people who are happily sober, bloggers, youtubers, the replies on this thread & from others; you don't see alcohol as a benefit. Nobody's struggling with the thought 'why can't I go back to social drinking'.

I think I see the light, alcohol has become a panacea for people who develop drink problems and the difference for sober people, it's no longer a part of life, it's no longer a panacea, it's just something that's there in the background.

Is becoming successfully sober really all reaching a point where alcohol is no longer a major part of your life?

Stayingsassy

I think this is it exactly, it is a mind switch. I look at people drinking and instead of "I wish I could do that" it's "why do they need to do that, it looks awful."

SoberCAH

Vulcan, your description of cravings and capitulating to them is really spot on.

I'm glad that you are going to try out AA.

You don't need to investigate it further - just go and make friends with some really nice people who can help you.

For me, the answer to those cravings has been God and AA (which i regard as an instrument of God), in that order.

Keep us posted.

lessgravity

I think this is a key insight. Regardless of the means of recovery, this understanding is crucial. It means, for me, that yes I get nostalgic/sentimental feelings now and then re: booze - but I attribute those feelings to my AV, I see them as truly false - this is because, as you point out, alcohol serves no benefit for me personally, if it ever really did. In fact, alcohol is a demon who takes and takes and will never be satisfied until everything is sacrificed to it.

Little much there at the end, sorry, but I believe it to be true. Sounds like you are doing the kind of successful analysis that leads to sobriety.