LadyBug66

I know I can never drink again. I am proud to be over 7 months sober. I had a rough weekend and really really wanted to drink but I didn't. I came to SR and chatted with a friend that had the same amount of sober time as I have and he told me he had slipped and it was not worth it. I read posts similar to what he said about regretting the slip and it helps. Over the weekend I kind of got harassed and made fun of for not drinking ... it sucked ... it doesn't matter how old you are you are still subject to negative peer pressure. I'm feeling a little down but better. Thanks for listening.

Ghostlight1

That's awful when we reach a certain age and our peers are still pressuring us.
It seems so juvenile.
But misery loves company, and I guess they want us to feel the way they do. Drunk and obnoxious.

I'm sorry you had to go through that, but proud of you for doing the right thing.
Good job for taking care of yourself and best to you.

Stayingsassy

I get on top of it whenever I'm in a drinking situation. I say it loud and assertively: oh no thanks! I don't drink anymore. Assert your disgust for it. When people push or ask I say "it lost its appeal and I am done with it." My tone of voice shuts it down. I mean, here I am sober in an alcohol situation, the LAST thing I need to deal with is people's nonsense about me joining in. I will shut that crap down fast. I've been dealing with this since my first quit in 2008. It's in your tone of voice, show any weakness at all and the drinkers will pounce on you. They do not like sober people at their party.

So I am going to a 30 year reunion with a pre-party on saturday. Friends were chatting over messenger about whether to have their teens drive or call lyft. So I piped up to a group of about 20 acquaintances that I am sober and I can drive! It was pretty cool actually. A couple of them know I quit but now they all know, lol.

ChloeRose63

Glad you didn't listen to "your peers". How immature. If someone was diabetic and could not eat sugar I bet that they would try to make them eat ice cream and cake!!
We cannot have alcohol. Period.

MindfulMan

I just say I don't drink anymore. If they want to, I don't have a problem with that. If they get all wasted and obnoxious, I leave. Not because I'm tempted to drink, but because drunk people are, at best, super annoying when you're not drunk. I used to call it "Defensive drinking" when I lived with a stinking drunk alcoholic.

If they ask why my standard response is "Medical detox and five weeks of rehab." Then I tell them I'm just done with it. I really don't have a problem with people having a drink or two. I don't even want that feeling anymore, that slightly fuzzy, slightly dizzy feeling that takes me out of the moment. Not even one.

LadyBug66

The worse part is my husband was a part of it.

fini

oh dear, just read your last post.
i intended to mention the possible need for different peers, but your hubby is a different matter.
that really sucks.

least

I'm sorry you were getting pressured to drink. That's not what friends do. Worse that your husband was in on it. Next time they pressure you, ask them why it bothers them so much that you're not drinking.

Stayingsassy

Husbands have a lot of reasons for wanting their wives to drink.

I have gone through years of dealing with my husband's desire for me to return to drinking. (Yes I have quit countless times).

Those reasons are not good ones. At best it's a pathetic wish to feel more loved or needed, at worst it's the free reign they get in the bedroom when we have lost our faculties.

Although even when it's the spouse, overreacting does no good. Just reaffirm your decision, one situation and one person at a time.

Fwiw I stretched the husband's patience so far he no longer asks me to return to drinking!

Lpg

Yup peer pressure is no fun. I went to a party a few weeks ago and a work colleague basically took the lid of a bottle and started bringing it to my face and holding his arm round me saying 'have a drink' I was so uncomfortable.

So much so that I avoided a night out on Saturday and another friend has fell out with me. Yaay!

Dee74

I got rid of everyone in my life who might have peer pressured me in that way - only family escaped the cut and I kept them at arms length too.

Life is too short already without 'friends' egging you on to indulge in dangerous pursuits - and thats what drinking is for us - a dangerous pursuit.

ChloeRose63

Dangerous Pursuit! I like that.
Your peers say, "Hey, stand in front of a speeding train...jump off a cliff...swim with man eating sharks...drink some alcohol...party with us or you're not our friends anymore..." All dangerous pursuits!

Briansy

Peer pressure is horrible. My friendship with my business partner is based on alcohol and sneaking to the pub during working hours in our old company and meeting up with all the boys who we used to work with there.Those ex colleague relationships centre almost entirely around alcohol. A few of them are going to our favourite watering hole on Friday including my business partner. Makes me feel bad and also triggered. But while they will stay for 2 pints, 3 max, I would go home after and open a bottle of wine, then another and keep going for the weekend. Of course I would never admit to that. People who don't understand the compulsion would think it was sad and weird and wrong. Which I suppose it is! It's hard as I am only on week 3 and have been studiously avoiding these triggers. But when your business partner, with whom my relationship is already strained because of choices I made communicating to clients while drunk, is bringing it right in my face and I want to maintain good will, it's just ******. I don't expect him to understand but I wonder how long the good will can continue when I ashamedly bow my head and say "can't make it" to every social gathering (all of which will involve booze). I am missing the "summer party" of our wider business which is on next Friday thank God - that, too, will be all about the booze. People I don't really know or like but booze would make it bearable. I hope I can find a way of crafting a life that doesn't revolve around alcohol but currently am struggling to see how that will happen without severing all of my current social ties.

Briansy

Thinking about this further, this all feeds in to some serious social anxiety issues I have. I struggle in situations that are anything more than one on one or where there are any more than 3-4 people in the group. Even then, if those people aren't those I know well and am comfortable with it will be a big struggle. I suspect this "underlying" issue is what has driven a lot of us here to hide in booze, be it on our own or in groups. It used to work. Now that it doesn't I'm pretty bloody scared.

ScottFromWI

On of the things I found early on is that I was trying to live basically the same life I did while I was drinking, just minus the alcohol. I tried hanging around with all the same people, at the same places, and doing mostly the same things. And yes, there was “peer pressure” to drink, lots of it. Shouldn’t really be surprising though because all of my activities were centered around drinking.

I decided to start trying new activities and was surprised ( at the time ) to learn that most people do not spend all their time hanging out at bars or drinking alone at home. Quite the opposite actually.

LadyBug66

I ordered my regular club soda with extra lime and a colleague told the waitress to put a couple shots of vodka in it. My husband laughed and I nearly had an anxiety attack because I wasn't sure if the waitress was going to do it because she thought that was what I ordered. I took that first sip very cautiously. I guess people used my not drinking as their "small talk" and it made me feel the butt of their jokes. I wont be taking my husband on anymore work trips for sure. I have been watching what I eat as well and have lost 11 pounds and feel pretty good. He announced that I don't drink and am dieting now and I'm not fun anymore. He doesn't even know these people!

Stayingsassy

all normal responses by the husband ladybugg. Unfortunately.

These are big challenges in our new sober lives and I appreciate you starting the thread. a major hurdle for new non drinkers is the social life. It changes and we still deserve to have fun with friends, so it's important to talk about.

Lpg

Aw ladybug I'm sorry you went through that, that's an awful experience to go through.

Some people just don't get it!

LadyBug66

Thanks Lpg. It was pretty miserable and nearly caused me to drink but I got thru it and I hope it has made me stronger for the next time.

August252015

Agree.

There is not a single person in my life who does not support me. No one. I don't have time or emotion to waste on people who dont deserve it.