"I'm Done!!"
Semi-Professional Philosopher
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Rural PA
Posts: 1,021
Lots of great testimonies! Many sound too familiar to me...
My story is much the same: Tried quitting for almost three years. Longest I went in those three years without liquor was maybe three months. Thought I had it licked and started back, thinking I could handle a bourbon at bedtime. The bourbon won. I was back at it within two days. I was ashamed.
I think the big tipping point was when I felt like a baby caribou surrounded by a pack of wolves: I was in the midst of a mid-life crisis. The beginnings of a personal spiritual revival. Add in there I was sobering up only to relapse a few days later, so I was struggling with that as well. Looking back, its been only the past few weeks I realize there may have been an underlying mental health issue that I am only now getting professionally diagnosed.
So to say it was confusing times is an understatement!
Some may believe in this, others may scoff. But I had a premonition from God that in order for Him to use me, I had to sober up and get my act together. So I did. After that, I had a few triggers and temptations, but nothing that made me jump in the car and drive to the liquor store!
My story is much the same: Tried quitting for almost three years. Longest I went in those three years without liquor was maybe three months. Thought I had it licked and started back, thinking I could handle a bourbon at bedtime. The bourbon won. I was back at it within two days. I was ashamed.
I think the big tipping point was when I felt like a baby caribou surrounded by a pack of wolves: I was in the midst of a mid-life crisis. The beginnings of a personal spiritual revival. Add in there I was sobering up only to relapse a few days later, so I was struggling with that as well. Looking back, its been only the past few weeks I realize there may have been an underlying mental health issue that I am only now getting professionally diagnosed.
So to say it was confusing times is an understatement!
Some may believe in this, others may scoff. But I had a premonition from God that in order for Him to use me, I had to sober up and get my act together. So I did. After that, I had a few triggers and temptations, but nothing that made me jump in the car and drive to the liquor store!
Member
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
On day 6 of a horrible week in what has been a roller coaster year of failed attempts at quitting. Have gone to meetings and have alcohol abuse centre "assessment" on Thursday which will hopefully result in therapy or other assistance offered for free by the NHS. Have felt massively depressed and anxious today and had to play a prearranged round of golf. It was physically and mentally excruciating but I think I got away without my fellow player knowing. I will admit to being more alarmed than I have been previously as although anxiety has been there, the deep, desolate feeling of depression hasn't. I'm hoping that it's a positive that I am finding the meetings a little less grim and a little more of a "relief". Ultimately, they're the only people who truly understand what you're going through although sadly noone can tell me when the depression will subside. I remember an episode of this which lasted 3-4 months in my early 20s. Never wanted to experience that sensation again. Hope this time it's temporary and merely a function of many repeated withdrawal episodes this year.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nj
Posts: 470
There was no one thing that made me want to stop....I was just so tired of it all....the hangovers, the time I wasted (the altered mentation and blackouts), the shame I felt, and the fear of DUI or being found out at work.
Religion was not a major factor, but I do believe that we are God’s creation and God would not want us to hurt ourselves and others in this way.
Once I was sober, I spent more time with my family and realized that I have no recall over some of the things they were reminiscing about! That was scary.
I’m feeling better all the time and I enjoy being fully present and engaged in life. I hope I can make it....I think I can! Thank goodness for this place (SR). Best wishes to all of you!
Religion was not a major factor, but I do believe that we are God’s creation and God would not want us to hurt ourselves and others in this way.
Once I was sober, I spent more time with my family and realized that I have no recall over some of the things they were reminiscing about! That was scary.
I’m feeling better all the time and I enjoy being fully present and engaged in life. I hope I can make it....I think I can! Thank goodness for this place (SR). Best wishes to all of you!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,597
I had reached the end of my tether in every aspect of my life. I knew I had to quit because I was fully alcoholic. I was also starting a new relationship (apparently I was still able to be charming even in the depth of addiction!) and I didn't want to screw it up. There was no monumental event, but I have to say that finding SR was critical to my recovery. I started posting about Feb. 7 or 8, 2016 after being sober four or five days, and I've never looked back. It's been an absolute miracle and sometimes I still can't believe how well things have worked out. I could not have done any of this if I was still drinking.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 25
Hello everyone .
It's been a while since I joined and did my only couple of posts , (December last year) . I wrote then , that if I managed to go a week , over the Christmas period without drinking , then that'll be some kind of achievement. Obviously that didn't happen .
I've had my final drink just this last Friday the 3rd August . I'm so tired and fed up dealing with the aftermath of something I've not particularly enjoyed doing for a long time .
But the catalyst for my desperately wanting sobriety , aside from being sick of drinking , are a result of two things that happened yesterday that , although both minor , for me really hit home .The first , was that I had to postpone a visit to a friend from the afternoon to the evening because I was over the limit for driving ; (not an unusual event in all honesty). The second one was the shocker . I thought it was a year yesterday that I'd visited the Doctor and he told me some truths about my health and what I needed to do. Not only have I not done that but I've actually gotten worse . But the shocking thing is , after checking my records , that visit was 2 years ago. Somehow, I've lost a year .
I am going to post again if I can go a week .
My moniker is still holding out but this year is giving it a good run for it's money . Hopefully , it'll be an omen.
Regards to you all.
It's been a while since I joined and did my only couple of posts , (December last year) . I wrote then , that if I managed to go a week , over the Christmas period without drinking , then that'll be some kind of achievement. Obviously that didn't happen .
I've had my final drink just this last Friday the 3rd August . I'm so tired and fed up dealing with the aftermath of something I've not particularly enjoyed doing for a long time .
But the catalyst for my desperately wanting sobriety , aside from being sick of drinking , are a result of two things that happened yesterday that , although both minor , for me really hit home .The first , was that I had to postpone a visit to a friend from the afternoon to the evening because I was over the limit for driving ; (not an unusual event in all honesty). The second one was the shocker . I thought it was a year yesterday that I'd visited the Doctor and he told me some truths about my health and what I needed to do. Not only have I not done that but I've actually gotten worse . But the shocking thing is , after checking my records , that visit was 2 years ago. Somehow, I've lost a year .
I am going to post again if I can go a week .
My moniker is still holding out but this year is giving it a good run for it's money . Hopefully , it'll be an omen.
Regards to you all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 983
My 'I'm done' and meaning it was 11th Nov 17, had my family round for dinner and I had a major binge the week before and knowing deep down that it was coming to a head soon. The week before I remember my partner waking up and I had been drinking all night no sleep and when I heard him get up I remember making a coffee to kid on I was drinking coffee lol of course he wasn't fooled I was rattling.
Then the Saturday came I swore I wouldn't drink, then I swore id only have one wine WITH dinner, the minute that wine touched my lips I was gone. I got home at 5pm and I was blackout drunk by 8pm, 3 bottles of wine later and of course no dinner. Ruined the whole evening, my parents left in anger, my sister left too. 8 hours later I came round from the blackout to find myself taking coke and talking to my partners best mate, wearing my dressing gown and pants Wtf?!? it was as if I'd just been brought back to life and dropped back in the room. Asking questions 'what happened?' then being told about how awful I had behaved and made a fool of myself again and my family were pissed at me again..frantic messages to them bearing in mind I was still drunk telling them how much I hate myself and apologising and I don't know why I keep doing this. I knew then I had to stop! I had promised to quit a few times before this after several other crazy blow outs, running away, ruined a wedding, locked myself in a bathroom self harming one night, being restrained by my family on Xmas eve ruining xmas. Just a few examples of times that should have been my 'I'm done moments'
Moral of the story I could never drink normally, I tried so hard but alcohol won every time. The minute it went into my body its game over.
I'm glad to say this 'I'm done' and mean it. Iv not found this journey easy but hey it's alot easier than living life the way I was. Revisiting those times are a good reminder of how life will be again if I go back. Which isn't happening a much as I do struggle some days.
Welcome newcomers stick in here it's a great place for support. Have a plan iv floated about so far it's not the way to do it. Get hobbies, find a support group and be honest with yourself. Go to therapy and be active with your recovery. Anything that helps grab with both hands.
Then the Saturday came I swore I wouldn't drink, then I swore id only have one wine WITH dinner, the minute that wine touched my lips I was gone. I got home at 5pm and I was blackout drunk by 8pm, 3 bottles of wine later and of course no dinner. Ruined the whole evening, my parents left in anger, my sister left too. 8 hours later I came round from the blackout to find myself taking coke and talking to my partners best mate, wearing my dressing gown and pants Wtf?!? it was as if I'd just been brought back to life and dropped back in the room. Asking questions 'what happened?' then being told about how awful I had behaved and made a fool of myself again and my family were pissed at me again..frantic messages to them bearing in mind I was still drunk telling them how much I hate myself and apologising and I don't know why I keep doing this. I knew then I had to stop! I had promised to quit a few times before this after several other crazy blow outs, running away, ruined a wedding, locked myself in a bathroom self harming one night, being restrained by my family on Xmas eve ruining xmas. Just a few examples of times that should have been my 'I'm done moments'
Moral of the story I could never drink normally, I tried so hard but alcohol won every time. The minute it went into my body its game over.
I'm glad to say this 'I'm done' and mean it. Iv not found this journey easy but hey it's alot easier than living life the way I was. Revisiting those times are a good reminder of how life will be again if I go back. Which isn't happening a much as I do struggle some days.
Welcome newcomers stick in here it's a great place for support. Have a plan iv floated about so far it's not the way to do it. Get hobbies, find a support group and be honest with yourself. Go to therapy and be active with your recovery. Anything that helps grab with both hands.
Semi-Professional Philosopher
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Rural PA
Posts: 1,021
Hang in there! In my experience, the first three days are hell on earth. Get past that and it eases up, but that doesn't mean you let your guard down! Drink lots of water and eat before you get hungry. Keep good people around you. Write. Walk.
I remember getting past my first week. It was surreal. It gets only better after that. I promise.
I remember getting past my first week. It was surreal. It gets only better after that. I promise.
Originally Posted by Summerof76 
Hello everyone .
It's been a while since I joined and did my only couple of posts , (December last year) . I wrote then , that if I managed to go a week , over the Christmas period without drinking , then that'll be some kind of achievement. Obviously that didn't happen .
I've had my final drink just this last Friday the 3rd August . I'm so tired and fed up dealing with the aftermath of something I've not particularly enjoyed doing for a long time .
But the catalyst for my desperately wanting sobriety , aside from being sick of drinking , are a result of two things that happened yesterday that , although both minor , for me really hit home .The first , was that I had to postpone a visit to a friend from the afternoon to the evening because I was over the limit for driving ; (not an unusual event in all honesty). The second one was the shocker . I thought it was a year yesterday that I'd visited the Doctor and he told me some truths about my health and what I needed to do. Not only have I not done that but I've actually gotten worse . But the shocking thing is , after checking my records , that visit was 2 years ago. Somehow, I've lost a year .
I am going to post again if I can go a week .
My moniker is still holding out but this year is giving it a good run for it's money . Hopefully , it'll be an omen.
Regards to you all.
It's been a while since I joined and did my only couple of posts , (December last year) . I wrote then , that if I managed to go a week , over the Christmas period without drinking , then that'll be some kind of achievement. Obviously that didn't happen .
I've had my final drink just this last Friday the 3rd August . I'm so tired and fed up dealing with the aftermath of something I've not particularly enjoyed doing for a long time .
But the catalyst for my desperately wanting sobriety , aside from being sick of drinking , are a result of two things that happened yesterday that , although both minor , for me really hit home .The first , was that I had to postpone a visit to a friend from the afternoon to the evening because I was over the limit for driving ; (not an unusual event in all honesty). The second one was the shocker . I thought it was a year yesterday that I'd visited the Doctor and he told me some truths about my health and what I needed to do. Not only have I not done that but I've actually gotten worse . But the shocking thing is , after checking my records , that visit was 2 years ago. Somehow, I've lost a year .
I am going to post again if I can go a week .
My moniker is still holding out but this year is giving it a good run for it's money . Hopefully , it'll be an omen.
Regards to you all.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I went on a bender over my birthday weekend starting the mornings with hard seltzer and moving onto red wine in the afternoon, 3-4 bottles per afternoon/night. I liked to have a bunch of days off in a row so I could do scheduled benders. Some times it was many bottles of whiskey. That last weekend was red wine. when I was well in the bag I misinterpreted something totally noncommittal my husband said and ended up firing off texts to many of his co-workers in a blackout. That monday, I knew I was done. I had felt it building for months and wouldn't you know it: public humiliation was my bottom. I knew if I simply never drank alcohol again, I'd never embarrass myself publicly in such terrible ways again. It was an effective way to ensure that I got my dignity back. I quit drinking, told the husband he could leave if he needed to but I'd be ok because I was getting sober. So far so good: no drinking. family intact. No regrettable texts. No benders. No sweating, shaking, planning, buying. since that day: I've been sober.
Semi-Professional Philosopher
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Rural PA
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
I liked to have a bunch of days off in a row so I could do scheduled benders. Some times it was many bottles of whiskey.
I cringe at those memories now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by steve-in-kville
There's some memories... I remember three-day weekends were a blur... I'd stop at the liquor store and buy a handle of cheap bourbon (Ezra Brooks, anyone?) and a fifth of vodka. Id start off on the vodka with seltzer in the mornings so it wouldn't be on my breath (allegedly) and later move onto the bourbon. All the while still working on garden/outdoor projects around the house... using power tools and all.
I cringe at those memories now.
I cringe at those memories now.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
my panic attacks got so bad i'd try anything to make them stop. I first thought it might be from smoking cigarettes so i quit those. When the panic continued i figured screw it and started smoking again. As a last ditch effort i thought let me try to quit drinking. Sure enough that seemed to help. The hard road ahead just reinforced in my head how bad that drinking was I didnt quite realize how bad i'd become.
But the main thing for me was the panic. And I hate to say it but to this day just the fear of that panic again keeps me sober when i have my toughest moments and I wanna pickup. I think back on those panic attacks and think good god I dont wanna go through that again so I opt against drinking even in my darker moments.
But the main thing for me was the panic. And I hate to say it but to this day just the fear of that panic again keeps me sober when i have my toughest moments and I wanna pickup. I think back on those panic attacks and think good god I dont wanna go through that again so I opt against drinking even in my darker moments.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
I still remember that feeling at the start of a long weekend or many days off...like a manic, greedy feeling, the beast getting all fired up and excited knowing I'd be trashed the whole time. Stocking up on all the booze the night before so I could start in the morning of the first day off. I wanted to obliterate myself. My idea of vacation was disappearing into oblivion for days. A sad and frightening way to spend time for myself. I never lose gratefulness that I found a way out of that really heavy prison. I found the key. I was lucky. I can see how some never find it and how that could have been me. Yet here I am!
The desperation I felt over there never being enough was one of he most brutal things about my drinking those last couple of years if I am honest.
I will share something that might sound nuts or might sound totally relatable. My addict mind still pops up with other things- short version of this story is I got severely back injured in Mar and had to stop my intense hot yoga practice. Once I could walk and was well enough to start PT twice a week that was all the exercise I got from May through June. The emotional toll and weight gain/flabbiness (exaggerated in my mind at first) led to obscene night eating of frozen yogurt and ice cream. And of course, real weight gain. And a cycle of self loathing and compulsion and...
I knew an end was coming....sound familiar to my first post?....when my anxiety over not having enough on hand skyrocketed to the point I could not deny it. THe day I spent $20 on ONE cup of frozen yogurt at my regular bar, I mean yogurt store, was also the day my husband (nicely)confronted me about the issue. I did a Step One. On frozen yogurt.
It makes me laugh. Yet it also proves that my mind can find ways to try to trap me in an addictive cycle over something so benign to...non addicts.
Oh, now, knowing I can't ban any food forever, I will buy one Chick Fil A vanilla cup. Poured by them, calorie count known, and that's what is on hand. The obsession has gone away and I know I won't eat my husbands ice cream picks in desperation at 2am
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
August: my addiction also transferred, not to a specific food but to sugar and sweets, and it is no joke. It is certainly something people laugh at but it's difficult and painful and an addicted cycle. Not nearly as frightening or devastating as alcohol of course, but really cuts hard into quality of life.
My cross addiction to sweets plus my reliance on heavy exercise caused a foot injury due to the weight gain causing too much stress on the foot.
We can get out of balance in sobriety and we do have to pay attention.
I hope your back is healing. My foot is a bit better since laying off cross fit and sweets for awhile.
My cross addiction to sweets plus my reliance on heavy exercise caused a foot injury due to the weight gain causing too much stress on the foot.
We can get out of balance in sobriety and we do have to pay attention.
I hope your back is healing. My foot is a bit better since laying off cross fit and sweets for awhile.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
I think I just reached my limit, the amount of drinking that I was allotted in this life, far earlier than most because I drank so much. It will be seven years this Halloween and I have not regretted it for one minute. The first couple of years were harder than the following but so much better than living through the hangovers, blackouts and anxiety. Four years ago I also quit smoking pot so I've been "straight as a gate" for a while now and it really isn't so bad, considering I spent so many years of my life chasing a buzz all the time. Life is still hard but being wasted really didn't help anything.
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