How secretive were you?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
I was fairly successful for a good ten years given I wasn't fired that often for drinking on the job.
My family knew I drink too much and so did my friends.
But I often got away with a lot a work. This was largely due to the fact I didn't see the same people each day.
I was first reprehended for drinking on the job around the age of 22 and this continued on and off until I put down the bottle at age 35.
My family knew I drink too much and so did my friends.
But I often got away with a lot a work. This was largely due to the fact I didn't see the same people each day.
I was first reprehended for drinking on the job around the age of 22 and this continued on and off until I put down the bottle at age 35.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 116
I used to hide it under couches, in garbage cans, in a wood stove (it's summer! noone will look there..I thought), in bushes down the street so noone could search the house and find it. I remember sneaking it past people and could feel my heart almost beating out of my chest (will I get caught??). Addiction is relentless
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by VigilanceNow 
Hi Matrac,
Such a relevant topic! I would like to start my contribution with a quote I heard in rehab that probably many of us have heard: We are only as sick as our secrets. I find this pretty relevant as I think about the crazy things I was willing to endure in order to hide my drinking and/or preserve the ability to continue drinking when around people who knew about my problem.
So much of what everyone says sounds familiar to me... hiding bottles in various strategic places, rotating liquor stores, alternating dumpsters/garbage cans, putting booze in random bottles and sometimes cups if I knew I was about to get caught and didn't have time to hide an entire bottle. In retrospect, I truly cannot believe how long it took for me to internalize the fact that I had a very serious problem.
A few sad things happened that really woke me up. In a drunken haze one night, I knew my boyfriend and I had agreed to clean the entire apartment the following day before his parents came to stay with us. He knew about my problem but thought I had stopped. I had promised myself to scan the place for empties/half-empties before we began cleaning, but unfortunately stumbled upon a nearly full bottle of vodka and, after probably 10 minutes of mental wrestling, couldn't stop myself from having a screwdriver. That quickly turned into shots which turned into drunk. I managed to get rid of the empty bottles, but decided to save some for later in a glass jar we occasionally (but rarely) used for water. I put it in the back of the fridge, certain that my boyfriend wouldn't even notice it. I managed to get myself together enough to have a relatively normal night, ready for tomorrow's cleaning, which went just fine.
Fast forward to a few days later when boyfriend's parents arrive, one of whom has been ill with cancer but is relatively stable. We're having a nice time, until... the unthinkable happens. I'm in the kitchen cooking, and his mother comes in to pour herself and her husband a glass of water. I don't notice until it's too late that she has poured from the jar in the fridge, and obviously hasn't immediately noticed the smell of vodka because of all the spicy cooking I'm doing. They both sit down at the kitchen table and take a nice big sip of -- NOOO!!!!!! -- VODKA.
They spit it out in shock, both coughing up a storm. My boyfriend notices from the other room and is instantly furious but manages to apologize by saying that it was our friend's homemade vodka he gave us, and we had forgotten to label it. In private, he was absolutely beyond irate with me, obviously. I was overcome with shame. I think it was over a week before he could even speak to me normally; he'd been forced to lie to his parents to cover for me, which was very unlike him.
I remember that day thinking about how much my drinking had impacted everyone in my life... so glad to be free of that web of lies.
Such a relevant topic! I would like to start my contribution with a quote I heard in rehab that probably many of us have heard: We are only as sick as our secrets. I find this pretty relevant as I think about the crazy things I was willing to endure in order to hide my drinking and/or preserve the ability to continue drinking when around people who knew about my problem.
So much of what everyone says sounds familiar to me... hiding bottles in various strategic places, rotating liquor stores, alternating dumpsters/garbage cans, putting booze in random bottles and sometimes cups if I knew I was about to get caught and didn't have time to hide an entire bottle. In retrospect, I truly cannot believe how long it took for me to internalize the fact that I had a very serious problem.
A few sad things happened that really woke me up. In a drunken haze one night, I knew my boyfriend and I had agreed to clean the entire apartment the following day before his parents came to stay with us. He knew about my problem but thought I had stopped. I had promised myself to scan the place for empties/half-empties before we began cleaning, but unfortunately stumbled upon a nearly full bottle of vodka and, after probably 10 minutes of mental wrestling, couldn't stop myself from having a screwdriver. That quickly turned into shots which turned into drunk. I managed to get rid of the empty bottles, but decided to save some for later in a glass jar we occasionally (but rarely) used for water. I put it in the back of the fridge, certain that my boyfriend wouldn't even notice it. I managed to get myself together enough to have a relatively normal night, ready for tomorrow's cleaning, which went just fine.
Fast forward to a few days later when boyfriend's parents arrive, one of whom has been ill with cancer but is relatively stable. We're having a nice time, until... the unthinkable happens. I'm in the kitchen cooking, and his mother comes in to pour herself and her husband a glass of water. I don't notice until it's too late that she has poured from the jar in the fridge, and obviously hasn't immediately noticed the smell of vodka because of all the spicy cooking I'm doing. They both sit down at the kitchen table and take a nice big sip of -- NOOO!!!!!! -- VODKA.
They spit it out in shock, both coughing up a storm. My boyfriend notices from the other room and is instantly furious but manages to apologize by saying that it was our friend's homemade vodka he gave us, and we had forgotten to label it. In private, he was absolutely beyond irate with me, obviously. I was overcome with shame. I think it was over a week before he could even speak to me normally; he'd been forced to lie to his parents to cover for me, which was very unlike him.
I remember that day thinking about how much my drinking had impacted everyone in my life... so glad to be free of that web of lies.
Ugh the empties. What a sad, sick life it was.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Secretive?
Not hardly.
I was what I called a "public drunk", and law enforcement seemed to concur with my assessment.
I drank in bars every night and then continued drinking when i got home until I finally passed out.
Even though I did most of my drinking in bars, my garbage man knew I was a drunk because most of the trash was bottles (1.75's) and cans.
Some of us have different drinking patterns, but we're all drunks.
My mother got bombed every night for 45-50 years, and it was almost always at home with my very enabling father.
Not hardly.
I was what I called a "public drunk", and law enforcement seemed to concur with my assessment.
I drank in bars every night and then continued drinking when i got home until I finally passed out.
Even though I did most of my drinking in bars, my garbage man knew I was a drunk because most of the trash was bottles (1.75's) and cans.
Some of us have different drinking patterns, but we're all drunks.
My mother got bombed every night for 45-50 years, and it was almost always at home with my very enabling father.
Soberado
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Cleveland Ohio-ish
Posts: 395
Originally Posted by rustygolf
Oh yes. I often bought two or more of the exact same six pack and then I'd only put one in the fridge and replace them as I went so I could drink all I wanted and it only looked like a couple beers were gone. Almost always had a fifth of Jack hidden in the toolchest in the garage. I also did the secret disposal of empties -- shoving stuff way down in the recycle bin.
I would hide vodka in the toilet tank and more in an empty guitar case which was a great way of smuggling full or empties in or out of the house.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 252
Sober Day # 549---just passed the 1 1/2 year mark!
I was a solitary wine drinker who thought I was hiding how much I drank from my family. I too rotated liquor stores, threw the empty bottles out in public trash cans. I would drink a couple of glasses before going out with people---in front of them I would only have 1 glass---but have plenty more after I came home. I hid bottles of wine in my laundry room in the basement, and every time I wanted a sip I would say that I had to check on the laundry. I also hid another bottle in a locked closet upstairs so that I had an alternative---in case the kids were down in the basement watching TV. My favorite wine was a very pale white wine, so I also started hiding it in water bottles in a cabinet (if not in good lighting you could not see that it was yellow .) I also kept half a bottle of wine in the fridge, which I kept replenishing so it looked like I never drank much. Or I would have one glass at dinner in front of my family and then a whole bottle (secretly) in the following hours.
There was a lot of shame in all of ^^^this. But I just kept wanting more and more----it got completely out of control. It was all I looked forward to, and became the most important thing in life. I was trying to anaesthetize a lot of pain.
I was a solitary wine drinker who thought I was hiding how much I drank from my family. I too rotated liquor stores, threw the empty bottles out in public trash cans. I would drink a couple of glasses before going out with people---in front of them I would only have 1 glass---but have plenty more after I came home. I hid bottles of wine in my laundry room in the basement, and every time I wanted a sip I would say that I had to check on the laundry. I also hid another bottle in a locked closet upstairs so that I had an alternative---in case the kids were down in the basement watching TV. My favorite wine was a very pale white wine, so I also started hiding it in water bottles in a cabinet (if not in good lighting you could not see that it was yellow .) I also kept half a bottle of wine in the fridge, which I kept replenishing so it looked like I never drank much. Or I would have one glass at dinner in front of my family and then a whole bottle (secretly) in the following hours.
There was a lot of shame in all of ^^^this. But I just kept wanting more and more----it got completely out of control. It was all I looked forward to, and became the most important thing in life. I was trying to anaesthetize a lot of pain.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Portland maine
Posts: 1,330
I relate to almost all the secretive drinking stories here. At the end, 30 years, I didn't care anymore. Went to my great job drunk for the third time. Was let go of course and after that...drunk all the time. Also a mobile drunk, with vodka stashed under my seat. Lost my license twice within a few years. The second time I had a blood alcohol level of .30. Asked the Officer to shoot me in the head. Thankfully, even though I deserved it, she didn't and I am sober now. Don't count days anymore, just blessings that I didn't hurt or kill anyone. My family is slowly forgiving me and for that I am ever grateful. Horrid life for too long.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I was always worried that other people would think I"m an alcoholic! Of course, I wasn't, lol. I knew I was powerless over alcohol and my life became unmanageable but I didn't think I was an alcoholic. This drinking a magnum of wine/day for years. Denial and rationalization are the fuel of alcoholism and lead to so many destroyed lives and death. Thank God I "got it" in 1991 and have been sober ever since, thanks to AA.
Semi-Professional Philosopher
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Rural PA
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by Awake61
Don't count days anymore, just blessings that I didn't hurt or kill anyone. My family is slowly forgiving me and for that I am ever grateful.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
My secretive drinking kept me sick in
my own private hell and addiction until
the gig was up and made an attempt to
exit out of this world, to leave behind loved
ones wondering what happened to me
to want to check out like I did.
All I know at that moment in time, my
HP, Higher Power wasn't ready for me
to leave because He wasn't through with
me. So a family intervention took place
handing me over to those capable of teaching
me about my addiction and hand me a
program of recovery to incorporated in
my life on a continuous bases with each
sober day that passes.
No more secrets or hiding because
I learned a valuable lesson on being
HONEST in all my affairs which gave
me the gift of FREEDOM I had never
experienced before.
8-11-90 was the day I put my beast
of addiction to sleep and he remains
that way today. To wake that monster
up after all these yrs. sober will absolutely
be a catastrophy that for sure will not
be a secret.
my own private hell and addiction until
the gig was up and made an attempt to
exit out of this world, to leave behind loved
ones wondering what happened to me
to want to check out like I did.
All I know at that moment in time, my
HP, Higher Power wasn't ready for me
to leave because He wasn't through with
me. So a family intervention took place
handing me over to those capable of teaching
me about my addiction and hand me a
program of recovery to incorporated in
my life on a continuous bases with each
sober day that passes.
No more secrets or hiding because
I learned a valuable lesson on being
HONEST in all my affairs which gave
me the gift of FREEDOM I had never
experienced before.
8-11-90 was the day I put my beast
of addiction to sleep and he remains
that way today. To wake that monster
up after all these yrs. sober will absolutely
be a catastrophy that for sure will not
be a secret.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 84
I hid shooters, bottles and beer all over. I hid them from my live-in GF, she always found most of them. I would go to different liquor stores to avoid judgement. My parents would always ask if I've been staying sober and I would lie. I would lie to my GF when she came home and say I was just stoned, not drunk. She didn't buy that. I would be cleaning and find all these empty alcohol containers and be ashamed when I would see all of it together, the amount and knowing that it was just from a short period of time, then I would imagine a small landfill of my empties. I don't ever want to go through it again!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
I remember one instance in which my wife said: you have been drinking to much lately. I saw 6 cans in the garbage the past few days. I remember being ashamed of myself because that was barely half of the actual amount I drank daily and she thought that was too much.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 1,408
I live alone and for the most part I drank alone. I went to the bar every weekend without fail but I don't think anyone suspected that I drank much. That's because I'd drink before and after my modest 3 beers at the bar. I remember I had 4 one night and the bar tender said "FOUR tonight??" like he was shocked. My image of quietly sipping on a few beers for 3 or 4 hours while playing pool proved to be a good act. None of my friends or family knew. No one knew.
I recall the first time I discussed it with my doctor I found myself nearly crying because it was then and only then I realized he was the only person on this planet who knew. Being a dude in front of another dude, I was glad I held it together and spared us both.
Still, you get the picture.
I recall the first time I discussed it with my doctor I found myself nearly crying because it was then and only then I realized he was the only person on this planet who knew. Being a dude in front of another dude, I was glad I held it together and spared us both.
Still, you get the picture.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 70
Hi Matrac
I always drank alone. When I was much younger, drinking was a social event for me but at some point that changed. I wanted to be in the comfort of my home, just me and my wine. My husband knew how much I drank but no one else had any clue. I stopped drinking 5 and 1/2 months ago. Moderation wasn't possible for me.
I always drank alone. When I was much younger, drinking was a social event for me but at some point that changed. I wanted to be in the comfort of my home, just me and my wine. My husband knew how much I drank but no one else had any clue. I stopped drinking 5 and 1/2 months ago. Moderation wasn't possible for me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 317
I am ruefully smiling and laughing as I write .
This secretive:
When hubs quit drinking, he asked me to quit too and not bring alcohol into the house. (Say WHAAT?? ) First clue that I was not a normal drinker would have been in the resentment I felt. Unlike a normal drinker who would have said, Sure, honey, if it's a problem for you, I won't bring it in, I just said something like "Okay."
I brought in vodka in little airplane bottles because they were easier to hide and dispose of.
I bought bigger bottles of alcohol and tucked them in my big purses until I could hide them in my big sweaters in my drawers or in my winter coat pockets. I hid them in the back of file drawers. I hid them in boots. This is beginning to sound like Dr. Seuss. I hid them here, I hid them there, I hid them everywhere.
When hubs took up smoking pot again, he relaxed his no booze rule because he had a substance of his own. But I still hid my hooch because occasionally I knew he had helped himself to a glass and I didn't want to come home and find him Mr. Hyde drunk - did that once or twice. Soooo, in my (alcoholic) mind, the best way to prevent that occurring was - no, silly, not stop drinking, how absurd - was to never leave my booze around him when I was not at home. Doesn't that make perfect sense? So I would faithfully pour out the fourth of a bottle of wine I had left over, if it was indeed leftover, because I was doing it for him, not because if I hadn't he would have noticed I was diligently ploughing my way through 3/4 of a bottle of wine a night. I would say, "Oh, a fly got in it" or "It wasn't that good" or, everyone's favorite, "I spilled it." Geez, how original.
And in hiding my hooch, ostensibly for my husband's well-being, I took my drinking underground, and that is not a good thing. Belting furtive shots of vodka, with chasers of coffee to hide the fumes and tucking bottles of scotch, vodka, or wine behind curtains, in the shredder, etc., became kind of a game, like Spy vs. Spy. Instead of having those bottles on the counter and my consumption being visible and, uh, accountable to my non-drinking partner, I became accountable only to me, and that wasn't good. Sometimes in the morning, I would tiptoe back to my stash corner and haul out my bottle of Glenlivet or Jose Cuervo to see exactly how many shots I had taken, because I had a little habit of "refreshing" my drink that I didn't factor in my total shot count, and oftentimes I shocked myself and was chagrined enough to actually pour out remainderof the bottle and take three days off from drinking.
I'm sure my husband knew I was drinking, because I would have the first couple in front of him, but was sneaky about the others. was a good-girl drinker. I would drink and read or drink and watch TV after he had gone to bed. I didn't pick fights. I would just pass out on the couch with the lights blazing and the TV on. Ugh. But when you say "how secretive were you, " when you hide your booze from your partner so HE won't get drunk but you can, I think that's right up there. So glad those days are over. It was really hard to confess this, but I knew it would be a step forward. Thanks for listening.
This secretive:
When hubs quit drinking, he asked me to quit too and not bring alcohol into the house. (Say WHAAT?? ) First clue that I was not a normal drinker would have been in the resentment I felt. Unlike a normal drinker who would have said, Sure, honey, if it's a problem for you, I won't bring it in, I just said something like "Okay."
I brought in vodka in little airplane bottles because they were easier to hide and dispose of.
I bought bigger bottles of alcohol and tucked them in my big purses until I could hide them in my big sweaters in my drawers or in my winter coat pockets. I hid them in the back of file drawers. I hid them in boots. This is beginning to sound like Dr. Seuss. I hid them here, I hid them there, I hid them everywhere.
When hubs took up smoking pot again, he relaxed his no booze rule because he had a substance of his own. But I still hid my hooch because occasionally I knew he had helped himself to a glass and I didn't want to come home and find him Mr. Hyde drunk - did that once or twice. Soooo, in my (alcoholic) mind, the best way to prevent that occurring was - no, silly, not stop drinking, how absurd - was to never leave my booze around him when I was not at home. Doesn't that make perfect sense? So I would faithfully pour out the fourth of a bottle of wine I had left over, if it was indeed leftover, because I was doing it for him, not because if I hadn't he would have noticed I was diligently ploughing my way through 3/4 of a bottle of wine a night. I would say, "Oh, a fly got in it" or "It wasn't that good" or, everyone's favorite, "I spilled it." Geez, how original.
And in hiding my hooch, ostensibly for my husband's well-being, I took my drinking underground, and that is not a good thing. Belting furtive shots of vodka, with chasers of coffee to hide the fumes and tucking bottles of scotch, vodka, or wine behind curtains, in the shredder, etc., became kind of a game, like Spy vs. Spy. Instead of having those bottles on the counter and my consumption being visible and, uh, accountable to my non-drinking partner, I became accountable only to me, and that wasn't good. Sometimes in the morning, I would tiptoe back to my stash corner and haul out my bottle of Glenlivet or Jose Cuervo to see exactly how many shots I had taken, because I had a little habit of "refreshing" my drink that I didn't factor in my total shot count, and oftentimes I shocked myself and was chagrined enough to actually pour out remainderof the bottle and take three days off from drinking.
I'm sure my husband knew I was drinking, because I would have the first couple in front of him, but was sneaky about the others. was a good-girl drinker. I would drink and read or drink and watch TV after he had gone to bed. I didn't pick fights. I would just pass out on the couch with the lights blazing and the TV on. Ugh. But when you say "how secretive were you, " when you hide your booze from your partner so HE won't get drunk but you can, I think that's right up there. So glad those days are over. It was really hard to confess this, but I knew it would be a step forward. Thanks for listening.
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