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Hoping to get therapy

Old 07-27-2018, 12:27 AM
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Lpg
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Hoping to get therapy

Here to be honest if it's one thing iv learned my time dealing with this being dishonest gets me nowhere.

Im still booze free but this week I have absolutely thought about throwing the towel in, I hasn't left my mind since I came out a meeting crying on Sunday. I think I got upset because Im learning more about myself with more meetings I'm going to and I'm possibly still struggling to get my head around the fact it's real and I really am alcoholic, although I do know it I still get shocked by it.
I was listening to the man sharing and it sounded exactly like myself and I just felt overwhelmed, and I came out thinking **** I really can't ever drink again. Since then iv thought about drinking constantly, I don't know why.iv went backwards with my thinking?!? I did jinx myself! Can anyone offer me advice on what I'm doing wrong? I don't get it!

I decided to quit weed nearly 3 weeks ago and caved yesterday as I was close to walking into a pub on my lunch break, I can't even look at alcohol right now without feeling nervous. I took myself to a center that offer therapy for drug and alcohol and will be going on Monday to get an assessment to see if I meet requirements on it, praying I get it I need help! I'm desperate and I feel taunted by my obsessive thoughts about alcohol and weed. It's all I think about.

Anyway hoping Monday assessment goes okay. Don't know where to go from that if I get turned away.

Thanks lpg
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Old 07-27-2018, 12:58 AM
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Early on, there was one really big thing that helped me a lot. Because most of us are deep thinkers and analytical about everything and we self obsess about this, it was incredibly important for me to keep s#it as simple as humanly possible.

Right now, your brain is trying to eliminate you. It's screaming for booze and it wants it and it'll do a laundry list of s#it to get you to believe that you can't do this.

But it's bulls#it.

That's all it is. It's brain nonsense from years of destroying your brain and it's just kicking into survival mode for the disease. That's what you have to outlast.

These obsessive thoughts and compulsions will leave. It won't be soon, but they will go away if you stick it out. But that's what you have to do....you gotta gut it out, you gotta suffer through the discomfort to get the dream of a better life.

Then these s#it days will become further and further apart to the point where when you actually do have a bad couple of days, it might surprise you because it's been so long since you felt that way.

But you gotta hang in there.

If this was easy, everyone would do this. Think for a minute how proud of yourself you're going to be when you can wake up one day and say to yourself that you've recovered. To get there you gotta go through this first. Go through it...it's 100%, 1000% worth every ounce of pain. 10 times over.
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Old 07-27-2018, 05:01 AM
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Very glad to hear you are finally reaching out to get some help LPG. I know you've struggled mightily with things since quitting. I was stubborn and resisted getting help for my issues until I was about 2 years sober, and all I can tell you is I really wish I would have gotten it sooner.

Just as we need to accept our issues with alcohol for what they are, we need to accept our other issues too. For me it was anxiety, and there was absolutely a solution. Even if you don't get accepted into this particular center, there are likely others you could check into. All you need to to on Monday is just be honest. Tell them how you feel. I'm certain they will be willing to help. Don't go in with the idea that you just need help with your addiction either...there are likely other underling issues to deal with.
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Old 07-27-2018, 06:45 AM
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Originally Posted by BullDog777 View Post
Early on, there was one really big thing that helped me a lot. Because most of us are deep thinkers and analytical about everything and we self obsess about this, it was incredibly important for me to keep s#it as simple as humanly possible.

Right now, your brain is trying to eliminate you. It's screaming for booze and it wants it and it'll do a laundry list of s#it to get you to believe that you can't do this.

But it's bulls#it.

That's all it is. It's brain nonsense from years of destroying your brain and it's just kicking into survival mode for the disease. That's what you have to outlast.

These obsessive thoughts and compulsions will leave. It won't be soon, but they will go away if you stick it out. But that's what you have to do....you gotta gut it out, you gotta suffer through the discomfort to get the dream of a better life.

Then these s#it days will become further and further apart to the point where when you actually do have a bad couple of days, it might surprise you because it's been so long since you felt that way.

But you gotta hang in there.

If this was easy, everyone would do this. Think for a minute how proud of yourself you're going to be when you can wake up one day and say to yourself that you've recovered. To get there you gotta go through this first. Go through it...it's 100%, 1000% worth every ounce of pain. 10 times over.
Your so right i do over analyse everything and dissect everthing to within an inch of its life until all iv got is a big mess.

I don't know what's worse my thinking or the way I let it run my days. I try so hard to fight it and put a mask over it and the somedays that's just not so easy. It is all BS!

I do annoy myself because I know my life is better, I can see it! My brain just likes to flip it all on its ass

Jeez if my brains this bad sober it must have been truly melted when I wasn't. I just don't remember.
I'm hanging in! By a thread but I'm here. Spoke about alot in the meeting today was honest about it and got some advice.

I feel so self centered right now, my problems aren't the center of the universe I need to stop acting like they are.
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Old 07-27-2018, 06:52 AM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Very glad to hear you are finally reaching out to get some help LPG. I know you've struggled mightily with things since quitting. I was stubborn and resisted getting help for my issues until I was about 2 years sober, and all I can tell you is I really wish I would have gotten it sooner.

Just as we need to accept our issues with alcohol for what they are, we need to accept our other issues too. For me it was anxiety, and there was absolutely a solution. Even if you don't get accepted into this particular center, there are likely others you could check into. All you need to to on Monday is just be honest. Tell them how you feel. I'm certain they will be willing to help. Don't go in with the idea that you just need help with your addiction either...there are likely other underling issues to deal with.
Thanks Scott, yeah it's not been easy. I guess it never is for anyone though.
I thought by now I would be starting to settle.

Yes I will be honest I have to be, the other way hasn't worked so it's time to get real with it. Yeah there's loads of underlying issues especially from childhood maybe it's time to really get into that.
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Old 07-27-2018, 06:59 AM
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Be kind and gentle to you, Lpg.

I think all of us can relate to having to work through stuff, whether it be childhood traumas, adult traumas, or just plain old distorted thinking...which in early sobriety is to be expected.

It does get better, and a lot of it is just a physical/biological process.

You're safe in this moment. Truly. You are capable of sorting through whatever life throws at you.

I have a 100% success rate in surviving bad days.
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Old 07-27-2018, 07:34 AM
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One Day At A Time.

Just don't even think about forever right now. Just focus on staying sober today. And tomorrow you can deal with tomorrow, and so on and so forth. Our power is in the now. We have no control over the past. We cannot know what tomorrow may bring. But right NOW. This moment in, that's what we need to deal with. Right now, so, I have to do is drink my tea and be grateful that I am sober, and for my other blessings.

Have you seen / read the Just For Today card? (A lot of meetings have them on the literature for sale stand)...

JUST FOR TODAY
Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

JUST FOR TODAY
Just for today I will be happy. Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my luck as it comes, and fit myself to it.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will strengthen my mind.
I will study I will learn something useful.
I will not be a mental loafer.
I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will exercise my soul in three ways, I will do someone a good turn, and NOT get found out. If anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I dont want to do just for exercise
I will not show anyone my feelings are hurt, they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will be agreeable, I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticise not one bit, not find fault with anything, and not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests, hurry and indecision.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour sometime, I will try and get a better perspective of my life.

JUST FOR TODAY
I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.


I don't think any of us manage to do all that in the first lot of 24 hours, but as we practice the program we become better at doing all those things. But the first thing on the list should stand you in good stead for now...

Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Also, remember HALT. Hungry, Angry, Lonely Tired. These are all likely to affect the quality of sobriety.

Gratitude Lists are a great tool. There are a number of gratitude apps that can be useful. I like 365 Gratitude on my phone (the free version is fine).

Also, getting to more meetings so that the experience, strength and hope of others can be like a life-buoy until you find some of your own. If you can't get to more meetings then perhaps use the AA Speaker recordings (focussing on step 1 speakers)... https://www.recoveryaudio.org/step-1-speaker-tapes

And keeping expectations low - realistic re how early sobriety is likely to feel. Some people start off with an expectation that because it IS good for them to get sober that it will FEEL good as well. That's not usually the case in early days. But you can look forward to that further down the line.

Stick with it.

BB
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Old 08-01-2018, 10:59 AM
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Thanks guys sorry iv not replied sooner was taking a few days out instead of posting long winded rants.

iv read that a few times over the last few days it's really helped when I feel out of sorts. I'm possibly excepting too much too soon without putting in the correct amount of work. One day at a time is alot more manageable to think about than forever. That being said I feel abit more settled this week.

I'm just being abit obsessive about the whole thing sometimes taking a step back and not over analysing it so much helps. I wasn't quite feeling myself last week, I spoke about it at my meeting and they said possibly trying other groups could help along side AA.
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Old 08-01-2018, 01:34 PM
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Hey Lpg, did you see a therapist or intake person for assessment on Monday? How did that go?
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Old 08-01-2018, 10:33 PM
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I've been sober 6 1/2 weeks after over 40 years of daily drinking except for 23 months about 30 years ago. It's been a daily emotional roller-coaster, i realize I was just self medicating in the evening to chill out and numb my over thinking mind. I have gone to one meeting and I plan on going back, also I signed up for Audible Books and got Drop The Rock, found it in the AA section, it has been great to listen to, a big help. You can do it, hang in there and good luck!
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Old 08-03-2018, 12:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Obladi View Post
Hey Lpg, did you see a therapist or intake person for assessment on Monday? How did that go?
Hey O, I was away this Monday forgot I had a work thing so will go this monday as the assessment is a drop in service they hold every Monday. Will definitely be there this Monday, going to write down everything that's been going on in my head I always seem to forget to say things.
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Old 08-03-2018, 12:39 AM
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Originally Posted by Coinman View Post
I've been sober 6 1/2 weeks after over 40 years of daily drinking except for 23 months about 30 years ago. It's been a daily emotional roller-coaster, i realize I was just self medicating in the evening to chill out and numb my over thinking mind. I have gone to one meeting and I plan on going back, also I signed up for Audible Books and got Drop The Rock, found it in the AA section, it has been great to listen to, a big help. You can do it, hang in there and good luck!
Yes It really is emotional roller-coaster. One day I feel on top of it the next day I'm rattled and my thinking goes off at the deep end. Congrats on your sober time, yes do anything that gets you through. AA has been great for me it is the only place I can truly say how it is and be met with understanding.

I relate to alcohol numbing emotions its like someone turns the dial up when you stop but learning to feel them and manage them feels like a small victory, I take some deep breaths and tell myself I don't need to drink over them and no amount of alcohol will solve my problems only make them bigger.
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Old 08-03-2018, 09:56 AM
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Originally Posted by Lpg View Post
Hey O, I was away this Monday forgot I had a work thing so will go this monday as the assessment is a drop in service they hold every Monday. Will definitely be there this Monday, going to write down everything that's been going on in my head I always seem to forget to say things.
I'd highly recommend getting there next Monday LPG. You've been sitting on the fence about getting this help for a long time - so put it in your calendar and make a committment to go while you still have the initiative.
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Old 08-03-2018, 10:50 PM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
I'd highly recommend getting there next Monday LPG. You've been sitting on the fence about getting this help for a long time - so put it in your calendar and make a committment to go while you still have the initiative.
Yeah Scott I agree, it's in the Calendar it's a priority. It can't come quick enough was disappointed I couldn't get there on Monday.
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Old 08-03-2018, 11:00 PM
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Well said Lpg, here is the audio book name if you are interested... Drop the Rock: Removing Character Defects, Steps Six and Seven (2nd. ed.)
Audiobook.Com Good luck!
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Old 08-06-2018, 07:17 AM
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Just a wee update. Went and spoke honestly about what's going on and iv been offered therapy starting on the 17th. Filled with relief.
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Old 08-06-2018, 09:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Lpg View Post
Just a wee update. Went and spoke honestly about what's going on and iv been offered therapy starting on the 17th. Filled with relief.
Hey, I don't suppose you are in the UK? Is this a NHS treatment?
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Old 08-06-2018, 09:10 AM
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Originally Posted by Lpg View Post
Just a wee update. Went and spoke honestly about what's going on and iv been offered therapy starting on the 17th. Filled with relief.
Fantastic news, glad you made it to the appointment and have a plan moving forward.
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Old 08-06-2018, 10:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Briansy View Post
Hey, I don't suppose you are in the UK? Is this a NHS treatment?
Yeah I'm in Scotland, It's a service run by our local council not NHS, Have a look online you may have something similar to it.
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Old 08-06-2018, 10:03 AM
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI View Post
Fantastic news, glad you made it to the appointment and have a plan moving forward.
Thanks Scott I think it will make all the difference, I have hope anyway!
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