Thought I finally had some control.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
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Thought I finally had some control.
I went sober for a crazy long period of time and it's been awful. My mind needs drugs to work. It doesn't matter if it's caffeine or alcohol or weed. I get sick of staring at blank pages. I just relapsed after displaying supreme control for a month. I didn't do anything to my mind. All out the window. I'm 10 days into the bender, and my body just bought more. I don't like alcohol anymore. It doesn't make music better. It doesn't make me less anxious. It doesn't taste good. It's just poison. That being said, I've woken up, or "used" my hangover powers to write some of the best stuff of my life recently. Subjective, but unarguably intriguing. I feel ulcers in my stomach. I haven't had a solid stool for six months. I'm waking up every day with intense pains and gas inside me, then have diarrhea 5 times in 15 minutes.... take a pill to slow my internal muscles, then try to pretend I'm hungry. Whenever I do drink, I wake up feeling fine or the same as normal. How many months does it take to not wake up hungover? I went sober for a month and still woke up hungover every day. I'm trying so hard to care about junk, but I don't. Sober me is a pessimistic **** and drunk me is a super chill, unhealthy person. How can I just be sober? I've been meditating. Hiking. Eating only non-processed healthy foods. Cutting out bad influences. Taking up hobbies. I can play loads of music I couldn't before. Wowwwweee.. When I drink, I make music instead of play it. My fingers actually work and my brain doesn't stutter endlessly. The negative effects seem to be permanent. I know I have to stop. It's just, how did my life become this? I feel so far from my potential-self, just short of myself. I don't even know what I expect from this. Support. From people. On the internet.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
"How many months does it take to not wake up hungover?"
Way, way more than one.
Also: I will validate you by saying yes your creativity and your productivity will take a hit, and you'll feel that longer than a month.
The patience sobriety requires is a lot to ask of people who have spent years damaging their frontal lobes, but the alternative sucks worse. think about that alternative....not going to help creativity much if you're dead of liver failure which is on the rise you know, among young people.
It takes a lot of time. If you're willing to put in that time, a year later you'll have it all back plus additional rewards. If you are not willing, then you will get what you've always had.
See a doctor about your GI problems. They aren't something to take lightly, over time those problems cause much more serious problems.
Take care of yourself, it's the only self you've got.
Way, way more than one.
Also: I will validate you by saying yes your creativity and your productivity will take a hit, and you'll feel that longer than a month.
The patience sobriety requires is a lot to ask of people who have spent years damaging their frontal lobes, but the alternative sucks worse. think about that alternative....not going to help creativity much if you're dead of liver failure which is on the rise you know, among young people.
It takes a lot of time. If you're willing to put in that time, a year later you'll have it all back plus additional rewards. If you are not willing, then you will get what you've always had.
See a doctor about your GI problems. They aren't something to take lightly, over time those problems cause much more serious problems.
Take care of yourself, it's the only self you've got.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 91
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy 
"How many months does it take to not wake up hungover?"
Way, way more than one.
Also: I will validate you by saying yes your creativity and your productivity will take a hit, and you'll feel that longer than a month.
The patience sobriety requires is a lot to ask of people who have spent years damaging their frontal lobes, but the alternative sucks worse. think about that alternative....not going to help creativity much if you're dead of liver failure which is on the rise you know, among young people.
It takes a lot of time. If you're willing to put in that time, a year later you'll have it all back plus additional rewards. If you are not willing, then you will get what you've always had.
See a doctor about your GI problems. They aren't something to take lightly, over time those problems cause much more serious problems.
Take care of yourself, it's the only self you've got.
Way, way more than one.
Also: I will validate you by saying yes your creativity and your productivity will take a hit, and you'll feel that longer than a month.
The patience sobriety requires is a lot to ask of people who have spent years damaging their frontal lobes, but the alternative sucks worse. think about that alternative....not going to help creativity much if you're dead of liver failure which is on the rise you know, among young people.
It takes a lot of time. If you're willing to put in that time, a year later you'll have it all back plus additional rewards. If you are not willing, then you will get what you've always had.
See a doctor about your GI problems. They aren't something to take lightly, over time those problems cause much more serious problems.
Take care of yourself, it's the only self you've got.
I have HUGE authority issues. I've almost died too many times from testing people I think suck. I've told a man with a loaded gun not to hit a female, to have him point it directly in my face. I don't want to feel this apathetic anymore. I want to help people. I know I'm here for a reason. Or maybe I'm not, but it's more romantic to think that way. I don't know if I can be in an in-patient environment, or I strongly need to convince myself I need it.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sorry to hear that you are drinking again Arthox. A month sober is a pretty big achievement, but it's still very early in the process. I would say that it look at least a year for my body and mind to start getting back to "normal" - if there is such a thing. I also had several underlying issues that I had been attempting to hide from by drinking, but of course removing alcohol does not fix any of them. And some of them hurt a lot when you can feel them again.
I totally understand getting to the point where alcohol doesn't even make you feel good anymore. I had to drink every day just to keep my heart rate low and prevent heart palpitations. I vividly remember vomiting the first beer of the day back up and then desperately choking another down right after to keep my shakes from starting up. It's not fun at all.
If you are drunk now of course the romance and allure of the "high" can cloud your thinking, so you may not even remember posting. But I can assure you that if you truly make the effort to get sober and addresss your other issues, things CAN get better. People have come back from much worse than where you are right now.
I totally understand getting to the point where alcohol doesn't even make you feel good anymore. I had to drink every day just to keep my heart rate low and prevent heart palpitations. I vividly remember vomiting the first beer of the day back up and then desperately choking another down right after to keep my shakes from starting up. It's not fun at all.
If you are drunk now of course the romance and allure of the "high" can cloud your thinking, so you may not even remember posting. But I can assure you that if you truly make the effort to get sober and addresss your other issues, things CAN get better. People have come back from much worse than where you are right now.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I dunno about you arthrox but I drank for 20 years - it wasn't reasonable of me to expect that one month of sobriety and I'd be feeling great.
I did expect that tho - was POed it didn't happen and was convinced sober life would always be dull and grey.
Thankfully by 3 months I really was feeling pretty good.
It took that long for the hold alcohol had on me to let go.
12 weeks against 30 years is pretty good tho.
its easy to let that addictive voice run away with the idea that sober life sucks, is painful and never endingly boring and and the only way you feel normal is by drinking.
All of those things are not true, but most of them take longer than 4 weeks to come to fruition
We need to challenge those thoughts and dismiss them if we want change.
D
I did expect that tho - was POed it didn't happen and was convinced sober life would always be dull and grey.
Thankfully by 3 months I really was feeling pretty good.
It took that long for the hold alcohol had on me to let go.
12 weeks against 30 years is pretty good tho.
its easy to let that addictive voice run away with the idea that sober life sucks, is painful and never endingly boring and and the only way you feel normal is by drinking.
All of those things are not true, but most of them take longer than 4 weeks to come to fruition
We need to challenge those thoughts and dismiss them if we want change.
D
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 91
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Sorry to hear that you are drinking again Arthox. A month sober is a pretty big achievement, but it's still very early in the process. I would say that it look at least a year for my body and mind to start getting back to "normal" - if there is such a thing. I also had several underlying issues that I had been attempting to hide from by drinking, but of course removing alcohol does not fix any of them. And some of them hurt a lot when you can feel them again.
I totally understand getting to the point where alcohol doesn't even make you feel good anymore. I had to drink every day just to keep my heart rate low and prevent heart palpitations. I vividly remember vomiting the first beer of the day back up and then desperately choking another down right after to keep my shakes from starting up. It's not fun at all.
If you are drunk now of course the romance and allure of the "high" can cloud your thinking, so you may not even remember posting. But I can assure you that if you truly make the effort to get sober and addresss your other issues, things CAN get better. People have come back from much worse than where you are right now.
I totally understand getting to the point where alcohol doesn't even make you feel good anymore. I had to drink every day just to keep my heart rate low and prevent heart palpitations. I vividly remember vomiting the first beer of the day back up and then desperately choking another down right after to keep my shakes from starting up. It's not fun at all.
If you are drunk now of course the romance and allure of the "high" can cloud your thinking, so you may not even remember posting. But I can assure you that if you truly make the effort to get sober and addresss your other issues, things CAN get better. People have come back from much worse than where you are right now.
****
No, I'm actually dying. I need to be serious but I have trouble addressing these issues. I'm having trouble disciplining myself. I feel like my mother and father, but not in a schizo way, In a way that says I'm pretty bored.
Ah, gee.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 91
Originally Posted by Dee74
I dunno about you arthrox but I drank for 20 years - it wasn't reasonable of me to expect that one month of sobriety and I'd be feeling great.
I did expect that tho - was POed it didn't happen and was convinced sober life would always be dull and grey.
Thankfully by 3 months I really was feeling pretty good.
It took that long for the hold alcohol had on me to let go.
12 weeks against 30 years is pretty good tho.
its easy to let that addictive voice run away with the idea that sober life sucks, is painful and never endingly boring and and the only way you feel normal is by drinking.
All of those things are not true, but most of them take longer than 4 weeks to come to fruition
We need to challenge those thoughts and dismiss them if we want change.
D
I did expect that tho - was POed it didn't happen and was convinced sober life would always be dull and grey.
Thankfully by 3 months I really was feeling pretty good.
It took that long for the hold alcohol had on me to let go.
12 weeks against 30 years is pretty good tho.
its easy to let that addictive voice run away with the idea that sober life sucks, is painful and never endingly boring and and the only way you feel normal is by drinking.
All of those things are not true, but most of them take longer than 4 weeks to come to fruition
We need to challenge those thoughts and dismiss them if we want change.
D
I already don't feel that way. My mind is such a rollercoaster. It's ******* tiresome.
Sorry.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,387
It seems to me that you're whipping up a lot of drama for yourself there, savoring all the delicious complications alcohol brings to you. It might be that the answer permanent sobriety could bring would prove to be more satisfying.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
What you ARE going to hear on this site IS stuff from people who know things you don't, like you said- thanks to hard worn experience. Most of us were like you before we quit- we didn't want to hear it. I was angry, scared, resentful, sick....
Boy did I get furious when people told me how much self-pity I had or drama I created...boy did I think that pretty much everything just happened to me rather than me totally contributing to whatever hat was...boy did I...
What we can't help you with is unwillingness to take help that is offered, from us, your dr, or anyone IRL. I had scores of people trying to help me and it basically meant nada til I decided to quit. I was terrified of what was in the other side but I knew I didn't want to die, which was ultimately what I would have done, and fast, if I hadn't quit.
Up to you what you decide to do about your life.
Boy did I get furious when people told me how much self-pity I had or drama I created...boy did I think that pretty much everything just happened to me rather than me totally contributing to whatever hat was...boy did I...
What we can't help you with is unwillingness to take help that is offered, from us, your dr, or anyone IRL. I had scores of people trying to help me and it basically meant nada til I decided to quit. I was terrified of what was in the other side but I knew I didn't want to die, which was ultimately what I would have done, and fast, if I hadn't quit.
Up to you what you decide to do about your life.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 91
Originally Posted by august252015
what you are going to hear on this site is stuff from people who know things you don't, like you said- thanks to hard worn experience. Most of us were like you before we quit- we didn't want to hear it. I was angry, scared, resentful, sick....
Boy did i get furious when people told me how much self-pity i had or drama i created...boy did i think that pretty much everything just happened to me rather than me totally contributing to whatever hat was...boy did i...
What we can't help you with is unwillingness to take help that is offered, from us, your dr, or anyone irl. I had scores of people trying to help me and it basically meant nada til i decided to quit. I was terrified of what was in the other side but i knew i didn't want to die, which was ultimately what i would have done, and fast, if i hadn't quit.
Up to you what you decide to do about your life.
Boy did i get furious when people told me how much self-pity i had or drama i created...boy did i think that pretty much everything just happened to me rather than me totally contributing to whatever hat was...boy did i...
What we can't help you with is unwillingness to take help that is offered, from us, your dr, or anyone irl. I had scores of people trying to help me and it basically meant nada til i decided to quit. I was terrified of what was in the other side but i knew i didn't want to die, which was ultimately what i would have done, and fast, if i hadn't quit.
Up to you what you decide to do about your life.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Arthox, i dont know how long you have drank for, but it is a well know fact that years of alcohol abuse takes its toll on the body,mind ,and spirit. it takes time for that all to heal. 30 days is quite a long time, but it can take much longer than that for those three to heal.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Originally Posted by Arthox
I appreciate your advice and your influence on this site....all you're trying to do, but I can't ****ing bear you, dude. It has nothing to do with alcohol. I feel like you think you're holding something I want, or you feel like you know something. Maybe you do, and it's just me or your delivery. Sorry. I'm writing this and going to post it because I am feeling angry right now, and I know that's an irrational emotion. I want to continue the conversation and address whatever is going on so I can not feel like an ***hole in the future. This is me challenging a thought.
I already don't feel that way. My mind is such a rollercoaster. It's ******* tiresome.
Sorry.
I already don't feel that way. My mind is such a rollercoaster. It's ******* tiresome.
Sorry.
Maybe I distilled too much into one post or maybe you felt I was projecting too much of my stuff into your story.
I'm really not an egoist
. My story's the only thing I can share, ya know?The takeaway I wanted you to have was that things will not always be this bad, and things will get better and easier so long as we stay sober
I don't mean that in a condescending way either, but
I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't have lived through it.
If you can't bear me that's OK - but whatever knowledge I have is yours or anyone elses for the asking man. No secrets being withheld.
post or PM away anytime brother
D
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by Arthox
I appreciate your advice and your influence on this site....all you're trying to do, but I can't ****ing bear you, dude. It has nothing to do with alcohol. I feel like you think you're holding something I want, or you feel like you know something. Maybe you do, and it's just me or your delivery. Sorry. I'm writing this and going to post it because I am feeling angry right now, and I know that's an irrational emotion. I want to continue the conversation and address whatever is going on so I can not feel like an ***hole in the future. This is me challenging a thought.
I already don't feel that way. My mind is such a rollercoaster. It's ******* tiresome.
Sorry.
I already don't feel that way. My mind is such a rollercoaster. It's ******* tiresome.
Sorry.
You're banging your head against a fence that Dee sits on the other side of. You can't know what Dee's life is like because you refuse to open the fence gate, you just keep banging your head.
There's no way for Dee to explain to you what it will be like for you or how sobriety is different. Getting sober is like becoming a new parent. You cannot understand unless you are there.
Just commit to a year, and take those authority issues and flip off your addiction because it wants you to think all those docs and AA'ers and folks with time like Dee on SR are in control but they arent. Drinking and your addiction have YOU by the balls. No one else does.
Woe is Moo.
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Arthox, I total relate. To the anhedonic desperation, lack of will and motivation to change, inability to excel at artistic endeavor sober, and general apathy to living or dying. However, fact that you here and you alcoholic exasperations is palpable, say maybe something in you, little kernel even, is wishing to move on from this.
Now I has to say, it make me chuckle when you sass Mr. D.
I hope you no beat self up too much for this. He have thick hide and always he is super gracious. (Hi Mr. D!) Was many time I get psss off at well-meaning peoples here, cuz it seem everybody Mary Poppins or Yoda or cheerleader. And I seething dystopian miserable futile cynic. I think is just you free-floating dysphoria try to land somewhere or lash out.
~Anyways, hope you stick around.
Now I has to say, it make me chuckle when you sass Mr. D.
Originally Posted by Arthox
I appreciate your advice and your influence on this site....all you're trying to do, but I can't ****ing bear you, dude.
I hope you no beat self up too much for this. He have thick hide and always he is super gracious. (Hi Mr. D!) Was many time I get psss off at well-meaning peoples here, cuz it seem everybody Mary Poppins or Yoda or cheerleader. And I seething dystopian miserable futile cynic. I think is just you free-floating dysphoria try to land somewhere or lash out.~Anyways, hope you stick around.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 1,189
Yep, I have to agree with the nice folks here at SR.
I've been where you are, posting because I was down (or drunk), and not really committed to getting off the wild ride.
But I kept coming back, and I know it's not because I liked what they were saying....
It's because what they were saying was true.
I was just starting to feel "not dead" at 30 days. At 6 months, I feel alive~
More time=More results
Time to pay the piper...
I've been where you are, posting because I was down (or drunk), and not really committed to getting off the wild ride.
But I kept coming back, and I know it's not because I liked what they were saying....
It's because what they were saying was true.
I was just starting to feel "not dead" at 30 days. At 6 months, I feel alive~
More time=More results
Time to pay the piper...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Texas, a state of mind
Posts: 380
Arthox, sometimes people think that this math works:
(All my old habits) minus (drugs of choice) = Happiness
But possibly the old habits, mental and physical, also need a second look.
What else might you be doing, besides drinking or not drinking, that could be sabotaging your health and peace of mind? I have had several opportunities to ask myself this question, when Sober-Forever Monday ended at 4:30 p.m. or so.
(All my old habits) minus (drugs of choice) = Happiness
But possibly the old habits, mental and physical, also need a second look.
What else might you be doing, besides drinking or not drinking, that could be sabotaging your health and peace of mind? I have had several opportunities to ask myself this question, when Sober-Forever Monday ended at 4:30 p.m. or so.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
Originally Posted by Arthox
My mind needs drugs to work.... I've woken up, or "used" my hangover powers to write some of the best stuff of my life recently... Whenever I do drink, I wake up feeling fine or the same as normal... Sober me is a pessimistic **** and drunk me is a super chill.... When I drink, I make music instead of play it. My fingers actually work and my brain doesn't stutter endlessly....
YOU have whatever powers you have, drugs don't give them to you, they just get in the way of you being able to use them while making you believe it's all the drugs. There's no getting around it, quitting sucks, and it usually sucks for a lot longer than a month, but then it gets better and better and eventually you look back and wonder why you ever thought drinking and drugging was so great. And then you get to use all your powers to their fullest.
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