I think you’re asking why am I so convinced I’ll cave? Because it’s been my record. For years. So I’m trying to reword this story.

the past does NOT determine the future.

but yeah, i have been there, where " i always this ...i never that" and at times i gave up trying.

and then.....here i am, as are so many others, sober for a long time now.

you do not have to repeat the past.
i could stop repeating it when i really grasped that i always repeated it, meaning: i could stkp drinking when i understood my drinking would never be moderate, or social, or casual, but always obsessive.

Day 10: midnight and sleep still evades me. And I’m so tired I just want to sleep. But can’t decidd to sleep who does this type of stuff?!

But I digress. Didn't drinking today. Don’t plan on drinking tomorrow. Hit double digits. Gotta look at the small stuff.

Instead of convincing yourself you can moderate, which is the insanity of alcoholism, convince yourself to remember that you've quit drinking. Forever. Drinking is off the table. Convince yourself, YOU DO NOT DRINK.

Now, if you aren't 100% committed to quitting, if you haven't taken drinking completely off the table, if you are holding out hope that one day you can drink normally, then I can see how you might talk yourself into drinking.

Days 11 and 12: didn’t post yesterday. So here we are day 12. Yesterday was a tough day in general. Life was hard. But again... I didn’t drink. Tonight, I went on a date with my husband. Didn’t drink. Tomorrow we will be with my husbands family so yes. There will be a ton of beer flowing. But ... I do not drink anymore. Right?

Fixed that for ya. 🙂

Hi slipnslide,
It is absolutely possible to make the decision to quit for good and stick to it. Prepare yourself for when that voice resurfaces (and it will) by recognizing that voice, and then dismissing it. There is an actual technique for doing so, called the Addictive Voice Recognition Technique. You can read about it here at SR and on the web if you are interested in specific strategies to use when that voice starts babbling.

As far as bad days go...bad days have nothing to do with drinking. Life presents challenges and struggles. It's part of the human condition. Drinking actually makes the hard harder.

That's right. For me, it was really important to reframe myself as a non drinker. I don't call myself sober or recovering or any of those things. I just don't drink. I'm a teetotaler just like millions of other people on the planet.

Funny. It was mentioned above that you can decide not to drink without knowing about AVRT. That's exactly what happened to me, actually. I decided that drinking was off the table, forever, and that I really started enjoying life so much more without it. THEN I got the AVRT material and realized I'd unconsciously made my Big Plan. Ain't no thang, really.

I am not a drinker. I don't drink anymore. Alcohol has no appeal for me. I can socialize around people who are drinking just fine. I'm glad they're having fun. I'm having just as much fun as they are. I'm just more present with a clearer head.

I am a sedative addict, what was the hardest for me to give up was shutting up the other AV, the Anxious Voice, with a drink or a zanny bar or whatever. Been struggling a bit with anxiety and that's where my AV comes in. "Just have a few drinks, you can relax, get a night off from your troubles, deal with it tomorrow."

Of course the anxiety will rebound even worse tomorrow and I won't have done anything to address the external cause.

I have a bit of sober time behind me. The AV looks puny and pathetic and shriveled and a bit sad now. I just let it go on until it talks itself out. It talks less and gives up sooner over time.

I've made the decision and I'm not going to change my mind. I can't imagine a situation where drinking would have positive results that aren't swamped by the negative that could potentially happen. A few sloppy moments of oblivion? Even that sounds shtty. No thank you.

Make four lists. Srsly.

The Pros of Drinking (or using)
The Cons of Drinking
The Pros of Not Drinking
The Cons of Not Drinking

There are items in all four buckets if you're honest, but the pros of drinking and the cons of not drinking are far shorter and all really short term.

Life isn't short term. Choose it.

How did it go, slipnslide? Thinking of you. :)

I did the same thing. What's interesting about this technique is that it is based on the strategies reported by the self-recovered population. These ideas are not new by any stretch of the imagination; people have been successfully ending their addictions since the beginning of time.

Days 13 and 14: sorry I didn’t check in yesterday. It was a long long day. Hot. Was outside for 7-8hrs straight in that head. To be honest the last thing that sounded good was alcohol. I saw a ton of drunk people though. We were at a fair. I just kept imagining how their Sunday’s would be... outside in 90• weather all day. No water. Tons of booze. They would wake up dirty from the dirt sidewalks, still in their dorky renaissance costumes, majorly dehydrated from not drinking anything or eating anything... I just imagine how crappy that would feel. Instead I woke up early, cleaned my house, cooked the kids breakfast. It has been 14 days to the minute I stupidly binge drank last. Oh boy did my husband and I have it out the night. He’s so loving and kind. Understanding. And he was just so mad at me that evening. I knew if he was that mad, he had a reason to be. And he has shown me nothing but unweilding love and support... even when he was mad at me. And yelling. It was because he loves me so damn much. I’m a lucky person. Tonight I feel tired and have a headache. But. I’m not hungover. I raise my la criox to that :)

Well that's wonderful to hear, Slip. :)

great going slipnslide :)

D

Days 15 and 16: I can’t believe it’s already Tuesday. No temptations. And obviously, my lack of posting, not thinking about booze like... at all. Family drama today. Funny how booze played a part in all that. I did have a fleeting thought of how I hope to never have to deal with that type of drama for myself ever again! Like... my 10yr old already knows mommy has gotten drunk. And acted stupid. He remembers. But my other two kids are 3 and 1. I pray they always remember mom who doesn’t drink ...

23 days...

Superb!!!

Congrats!!!

ah, spiked soda waters. When I quit drinking I swear I saw the boxes piled up in refrigerator cases everywhere, as if Target had stocked up for me but their main Truly customer was no longer buying.

Trulys after my morning workout and all day, nothing to eat but raw almonds, then starting on cocktails afternoon until passout. Just your run of the mill tuesday.

The other day I drank a pomegranate sparkling water and it tasted so much like a truly I nearly threw up. I dumped out the rest. anything that has even a hint of smell or taste of my old drinks I cannot tolerate.

great going slipnslide :)

D

Good job, slip! I'm on day 17 today and the last couple of days I have gone from zero cravings (because I was in such a state of emotional turmoil that alcohol was just out of the question) to a feeling of mild boredom which is leaving me more susceptible to romanticising about alcohol. Also, some serious triggers came in my direction these past couple of days but going to AA and getting the message reinforced should stand me in good stead should I be tempted to yield.

27 days since my last big drinking episode. Haven’t had anything since. I have mostly not even been tempted. Only once or twice and once that initial “I should be drinking too” passes I was an just fine. For some reason though today is hard. I wonder if tomorrow will be harder.

35 days: the biggest temptation I have had so far happened last night. We had a house guest over. And my neighbor over. He had his scotch and I opened a bottle of red wine for my friend. It smelled so good. And we were just standing around talking. It would have been nice to have some wine. My husband even put his small glass of wine in front of me. I know he was giving me permission to have some if I wanted. I managed to ignore the glass that was right under my nose and stick with grabbing a lacroix. So... that’s good.

I'm glad you resisted - tough situation in be in tho, so soon?

D

someone put a glass of wine in my hands at a gig my husband's band played in: it was 11/11 and I had quit 9/25. My husband said "just drink it" and I didn't. I sort of pretended to without sipping and then placed it on an amp behind me.

I posted about it here and several people scolded me like crazy. :)

these sort of situations sometimes happen early on before people hear about, know about, and accept your permanent sobriety. for now they just think you're on a "break.". Thing is that whether your break is 30 days or 30 years, if you've got this thing we've all got here, youll go right back to binging if you start again.

Did you make out that giving up was not that big of a deal to your husband? Incredible that he would say that in those circumstances. Is he still like that? Yeah, anyone that pushes back on my giving up is getting avoided for a long time. It could be disastrous if I put those kinds of traps and obstacles in my way.

Good on you for staying strong, slip. Hope you’re feeling great!

I think mainly he just doesn't want to be in the "alcohol counselor" role. He doesn't push either way. He doesn't take it on himself to make sure I stay sober even though he prefers I stay this way.

I've been married to him a very long time. He used to trigger me but not any more.

I would agree that my husband doesn’t want to be my counselor. And honestly I don’t think he’s 100% convinced I have a drinking problem. But he was raised by alcoholic parents and in comparison to their drinking, I don’t drink hardly as bad.

Day 41: yesterday was tough. Lots of temptations. Lots of strong emotional stuff going on around me. I managed to say no thank you.

good for you, slip. Keep going. Enjoy the small things: they are better appreciated in sobriety.

I'm glad you're staying to to yourself slipnslide :)
41 days is huge :)

D

Day 77!