eve123

Starting to wake up. Seeing my side and how my destructive drinking caused my thinking and my view of myself and others to become so off key. Yes I allowed myself to be abused and disrespected, but Did that to myself. I can see where I used alcohol to ignore self care and growth as a person. I acctually saw that most all situations were a result of my own action. It’s going to take a lot to grow but if I go bk to alcohol I will always be stuck in this thinking. It’s a powerful illness and there is a solution. I cannot believe how much my self esteem and healthy self love goes away when the bottle wins. I also need to start forgiving myself and accepting what is. I do get resentful and mostly with myself. I hope this passes. Alcoholism really does drag you down in every way. Hope I can heal and move forwards

ScottFromWI

Those are some very profound thoughts Eve, and I think they are critical and necessary ones on the path to getting better. Sure they are painful but also empowering in that you do have a say in all this. Keep at it and you will go far.

fini

yes, i woke up to the same.
seeing how enmeshed it was everywhere, and how it had skewed my perceptions and how i had gotten stuck in so many one-way thought patterns and ways of dealing with others, myself and situations.

glad you know there is a solution for you; keep going

SoberCAH

I had actually developed a significant degree of psychosis the last year or so.

I didn't know what was real and what was my twisted perception.

For me, though, knowing my chronic drunkenness was going to cost me my career, which is pretty much all i had, was when I finally got woke, so to speak, and sought help.

Stayingsassy

Yes, me too.

Everything was magnified, I questioned everyone's motives, I misread communication, I believed there were conspiracies against me.

When I would sober up for periods of time I wouldn't understand how I was feeling and thinking during my drinking and I was always a bit confused about things. It takes continued sobriety. I was never fully clear of my delusions until I was sober for awhile.

These thoughts would come up in early sobriety but I could calmly reorient myself where as a drinker I would only escalate and blow everything out of proportion.

I wanted my logic and real perceptions back more than anything else in sobriety. I knew there was a possibility that some of the fights, dramatic episodes and streams of messages would disappear in sobriety, I was banking on it and I was right.

Dignity gets restored. You no longer have to be pitied, by anyone, including yourself.

MindfulMan

I know what you mean about the delusional thinking which borders on psychosis. It's not just true of alcohol, it got really bad when I was taking klonopin and REALLY bad during the coke months.

2ndhandrose

Before I sobered up, I thought everyone was against me. My husband, my family, my doctor, my employers. Even my very best friend and kindred spirit!

I am so, so, so grateful to have had the cobwebs cleared from my brain and my eyes.

In sobriety, I have discovered how very loved and valued I am by all of those people. Without exception.

Stayingsassy

Drinking can quite literally make a person insane.

There is no way to replenish B vitamins when you drink a quart of vodka, wait a few days and then drink another quart before you've even fully recovered from the last bender.

Several of us here I am sure were veering into wet brain territory.

Good lord, I am so grateful it's over. Feels like a miracle to be on the other side. It just took wanting sobriety more than anything and knowing it would never be fun again.

JudicatorPanzer

I know what you mean. Even sober I have feelings of self doubt, resentment, disappointment, and low-self esteem - for NO reason. Not all the time, but they come up often, way more than I would like.

MindfulMan

I have no doubt I was in early stages of wet brain during my last detox.

Dodged an atomic bullet on that one.

skyfullofstars

I've been reading and researching a hell of a lot on how booze affects our minds and bodies. It is utterly terrifying stuff. I had no idea just how badly it screws with our brains and mental health.

I also had no idea just how damaging booze is for the rest of the body. Everyone knows about the liver and kidneys but it damages everything. It can even cause permanent blindness, for crying out loud.

Wet brain scared the hell out of me. How utterly horrible it must be to live with that.

I consider myself incredibly lucky that I got off that crazy carousel when I did. I never, ever want to put that evil poison in my body again.