Take 2
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Tyne and Wear, UK
Posts: 1,538
Take 2
Hi all
I joined this forum last year and made it 5 weeks without alcohol, then something just snapped and I went back on it and have been since.
I've been in hospital twice with alcohol related psychotic episodes including one where my blood measurements were so out of whack, I was actually close to death.
It's been hard, but I feel I am ready to try again. I have actually been clean for 9 days so far and I have signed up for a non-residential rehab course which starts on Monday, but I thought it would be a good idea to use these forums again for support when I am at home.
So, hello again. May I also wish you all the very best of luck in your own personal battles.
I joined this forum last year and made it 5 weeks without alcohol, then something just snapped and I went back on it and have been since.
I've been in hospital twice with alcohol related psychotic episodes including one where my blood measurements were so out of whack, I was actually close to death.
It's been hard, but I feel I am ready to try again. I have actually been clean for 9 days so far and I have signed up for a non-residential rehab course which starts on Monday, but I thought it would be a good idea to use these forums again for support when I am at home.
So, hello again. May I also wish you all the very best of luck in your own personal battles.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome back Tynesider, glad to hear you are seeking help via the treatment program as well as coming back to SR. Congratulations on staying clean for 9 days too.
Consider your statement that "something just snapped" when you returned to drinking last time very carefully. In almost all cases, there are a whole series of events and choices we make that lead up to drinking - but many times we simply ignore them. We don't just involuntarily drive to the store, pick up some alcohol and drink it - there are lots of stops along the way where we can choose to not do it too. Usually when we ignore them though, it's because we don't have any kind of plan for our sobriety or we aren't following it. I am certain you'll learn about making said plans in your rehab sessions, and you can also learn a lot about it here - so I think it's great that you are planning on spending time on SR too.
Consider your statement that "something just snapped" when you returned to drinking last time very carefully. In almost all cases, there are a whole series of events and choices we make that lead up to drinking - but many times we simply ignore them. We don't just involuntarily drive to the store, pick up some alcohol and drink it - there are lots of stops along the way where we can choose to not do it too. Usually when we ignore them though, it's because we don't have any kind of plan for our sobriety or we aren't following it. I am certain you'll learn about making said plans in your rehab sessions, and you can also learn a lot about it here - so I think it's great that you are planning on spending time on SR too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Location: Tyne and Wear, UK
Posts: 1,538
Perhaps I could have worded my opening post a bit better. I do remember just walking out of the front door on my way to go buy some alcohol. I could have stopped myself, I should have stopped myself, but I didn't. It was literally like I just thought "sod it".
Obviously looking back, I regret those actions now. I'm hoping to have a plan in place, a support network if you will, in case I get into the same mindset again.
Obviously looking back, I regret those actions now. I'm hoping to have a plan in place, a support network if you will, in case I get into the same mindset again.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Tynesider22 
Perhaps I could have worded my opening post a bit better. I do remember just walking out of the front door on my way to go buy some alcohol. I could have stopped myself, I should have stopped myself, but I didn't. It was literally like I just thought "sod it".
Obviously looking back, I regret those actions now. I'm hoping to have a plan in place, a support network if you will, in case I get into the same mindset again.
Obviously looking back, I regret those actions now. I'm hoping to have a plan in place, a support network if you will, in case I get into the same mindset again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 983
Originally Posted by Tynesider22
Perhaps I could have worded my opening post a bit better. I do remember just walking out of the front door on my way to go buy some alcohol. I could have stopped myself, I should have stopped myself, but I didn't. It was literally like I just thought "sod it".
Obviously looking back, I regret those actions now. I'm hoping to have a plan in place, a support network if you will, in case I get into the same mindset again.
Obviously looking back, I regret those actions now. I'm hoping to have a plan in place, a support network if you will, in case I get into the same mindset again.
I had 3 or 4 'sod it' moments, each time I thought I was clever, I could drink in moderation, 'it won't be like the last time' until sod it turned to ' oh f*ck' I'm going to die or loose everything I care about. I don't know why it took me so long to see it, don't think I wanted to believe I had a problem.
7 months later I'm fighting it and I'm starting to win my mind back. Slowly but surely. I'm starting to feel really great about my soberity now, it's lovely. You can have that too. This place is great for support post here frequently, did you try AA meetings last time you quit? If not possibly something to consider, it helps to have people who get you.
Lpg
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
Glad you're here with us and 9 days clean and sober.
Alcohol and drugs are a life and death matter to me, too, amigo.
There's not a thing that i had when i walked into the treatment center that i want back today.
And there's nothing i have today (and I don't mean money or property) that i want to hand back to alcohol.
Alcohol and drugs are a life and death matter to me, too, amigo.
There's not a thing that i had when i walked into the treatment center that i want back today.
And there's nothing i have today (and I don't mean money or property) that i want to hand back to alcohol.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Tynesider, way to go on going for sobriety.
my turning point was when i knew with absolute certainty that any drinking would never ever be different from the other times.
when that illusion was smashed, i could stop fighting and let it go.
good weekend to you.
my turning point was when i knew with absolute certainty that any drinking would never ever be different from the other times.
when that illusion was smashed, i could stop fighting and let it go.
good weekend to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: 45th Parallel, Michigan
Posts: 816
I could write a book about "eff it" moments. After multiple rehabs, long and short periods of sobriety, 12 years of SR posting, I consider myself an expert on "eff it" moments.
They seemed very natural, and almost like a light switch being thrown in my head: I'm going to drink. Yep, I'm going to get drunk, the decision is made, and here I go...
I've finally learned that saying "eff it" to staying sober is fraught with significance, even when it seemed it just "happened." What I'm really saying in that moment: "Screw the world, screw the people who love me, screw everything that matters in my life, screw the future, screw everybody and everything....I'm going to drink!"
I've finally realized that the consequences of that simple, fleeting thought are absolutely staggering; there is nothing simple about it. I'll probably fight it for the rest of my life, but now I know that it only takes a few minutes of consideration to understand what "eff it" truly means, and swat it away like a bug...
They seemed very natural, and almost like a light switch being thrown in my head: I'm going to drink. Yep, I'm going to get drunk, the decision is made, and here I go...
I've finally learned that saying "eff it" to staying sober is fraught with significance, even when it seemed it just "happened." What I'm really saying in that moment: "Screw the world, screw the people who love me, screw everything that matters in my life, screw the future, screw everybody and everything....I'm going to drink!"
I've finally realized that the consequences of that simple, fleeting thought are absolutely staggering; there is nothing simple about it. I'll probably fight it for the rest of my life, but now I know that it only takes a few minutes of consideration to understand what "eff it" truly means, and swat it away like a bug...
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