BullDog777

I wrote this whole big post about me going to visit a family member today.

Bottom line...I think she's in the grips of a bad drug addiction and she might be getting suicidal.

I think she wanted me to come up and be a shoulder. I think I completely missed that and just took her shopping.

She was instrumental in me getting sober. As much as we butt heads because we are very similar, I love her a lot.

I'm afraid I might lose her because I was not picking up the signs until i got home and was thinking about the day.

I texted her and asked if we could talk tomorrow.

I feel guilty and embarrassed because I've been clean for 2 years and 99% of the day flew straight over my head while I was there.

I don't want to lose her.

I'm afraid that I won't say the right things. It's easy to come here and talk to all of you because I don't know why and i'm at a loss for words.
I'm just really concerned right now.

MindfulMan

Breathe.

You'll know more after you talk.

Just be ready to head over there immediately if something doesn't feel right.

BullDog777

I will man, thanks.

Porcetta

Just being around her probably had a lot more impact than you think

Dee74

I agree with Porcetta.

Maybe you're overthinking it, maybe not - it's good either way that you're making plans to go back tomorrow BD

D

Gottalife

I'm not good at picking up signs either. Subtlety is completely lost on me. If you want to give me a hint, do it with a two by four. Strange as we are supposed to be such sensitive little things.

You might get some ideas on what works and what doesn't from "Working With Others" in the big book. I always say a little prayer asking that He give me the right words and actions for the situation, as I have none of my own.

I think the book will lean towards doing what you can to keep the door open. She may be curious as to how you recovered and if that is the case, you could tell her what you know about the disease and what action you took, and you can offer to help.

She may not yet be ready for that. If that is the case, just let her know that you care for her and will be there if ever she wants your help. Encourage her to stay in touch.

The thing to avoid would be lectures aand such like. But it never hurts if, in conversation you can get some identification going. The book says you can do a lot of good as an alcoholic armed with the facts about yourself.

entropy1964

I don't know your relationship with this person but I think your post would serve as a good starting point in a conversation with her.

You can carry the message, but not the addict.

BullDog777

thanks for the responses. She texted me back and said "yeah...I'm worried about me too. Let's talk today" ....so I'm going to call her in a bit and have a heart to heart with her.

at least she's open to talking. that tells me she hasn't given up yet.

Anna

That's great news, and I think it's really good that picked up on her feelings. Even though it was after you visited, you still worked out that she had concerns. Hopefully today, you and she will be able to communicate.

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear you are keeping the lines of communication open BullDog. And yeah, don't overthink it too much. Being there when asked is all you need to do and more important than you know.

fini

Bulldog,
taking someone shopping, doing something "normal", is often the best thing. it can anchor the relationship by not dramatizing but being present.

when you talk with her today, if you can't find words, just listen. and asking a direct question about where she's at in terms of having thoughts of suicide is also okay.

you will do fine.

BullDog777

We talked for almost 2 hours. I feel better in a lot of ways. I'm going to look into getting her some mental health in her state. She was pretty enthused about it. She just wants to feel better.

There's still, a lot that needs to be fixed. Years of abuse and addiction is going to take a long time to recover from. I told her I've been there.

I think most of all, just listening to her and letting her know she wasn't wrong in her feelings and knowing someone was in her corner....made her feel a lot better. (she told me that )

So I'm optimistic.

Gottalife

Well done Bulldog. Good Job!

FBL

Sounds like you're doing all you can. The rest is up to her.

August252015

This is great!! I've had a few opportunities where people begin to open up - I have to remember to listen more than I talk when this happens, especially if it is the first time someone is opening up. Or maybe when it is not the first time but they are more ready, so to speak.

Glad you are there for her- that's what service to others is about and it helps us asa much as them.

Stayingsassy

I think sometimes we are distracted in the moment and it isn't until later when we are quiet and relaxing, that the clues come in.

I'm glad it worked out and you were able to help.

fini