Jschrod1765

Hi, I’m a recent college grad that lives at home with my 2 parents & younger brother. Both of our parents are alcoholics, & have been unhappily cohabitating for most of my life. Their drunken spats have been traumatic for both my brother and I since we were young. I’ve begged for years for them to seek help, even going so far as to help my mom look into AA in the area. She won’t go unless my dad goes with her, but he doesn’t believe he has a problem. When I was in elementary, one of their drunken fights turned physical & landed my dad in jail and anger management. He is an angry and irrational drunk, so confronting him when he’s in this state is not an option. He calls my mom horrible things and tells her she needs help and what a loser she is for being dependant on alcohol, while he himself is a bottle of whiskey and half a bottle of wine deep. He has struggled with weight on and off, and recently claimed he would quit drinking in order to help lose weight and help his liver (yeah, doctors orders). Here we are not even 48 hours later and he is plastered, passed out in bed at 1pm. Though I’m not sure where he did the actual drinking because it wasn’t out in the open. They constantly fight and spew hateful words, and it is getting hard to deal with. I don’t know what to do. I have a job but I’m not even close to being able to live on my own or pay my car/phone bills. I feel hopeless and stuck. I don’t have any one I can stay with, and I fear worse what would happen if I did leave. Neither of them will admit to a problem and my brother and I are forced to walk on eggshells to avoid blowouts. While my dad has never put hands on me, he has been known to push my younger brother around with force. It isn’t healthy for either of us to live in this situation. If anyone has any advice I would greatly appreciate it.

Stayingsassy

If you do find a way to leave or at least severely curtail your time at home, see if you can take your brother with you. How old is your brother? If at least 16, he could find work as well which would make apartment rent easier to afford.

fini

you can contact your local alcohol /drug addiction resources and get info on what support and help is available for families of alcoholics.

also, we have a Friends and Families section farther down on the forums list, both secular and/ or not, and folks there will likely have good and more specific suggestions.

least

Welcome to the family. I would also suggest AlAnon for real life support for you and your brother, and do take a look at our friends and family forum for more insight.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ly-alcoholics/

Numblady

Jschrod welcome and sorry for what brings you here. That sounds really awful. This may sound harsh but your dad sounds pretty abusive at least emotionally. On the physical side, how old is your brother? Does he end up injured from the pushing? I doubt you want to call your abuse hotline at this point but it is potentially an option. Speaking more practically do both your parents work? Have there been any consequences because of the drinking or are they “functional”? Do you have any support system outside of your community? And having asked all this let me just say how unfair it is that they and their selfish behavior has put you in a position no recent college grad should have to be in. It’s the reality of the disease and I know they are trapped but for you and your brother to have to be the adults is not right. And I’m very sorry. But way to go on graduating btw!!!

biminiblue

Why not call a domestic abuse hotline? They will have suggestions on living arrangements for you and your brother and possible other assistance/counseling etc.

There is also Al Anon or Ala Teen (free meetings for support for families of alcoholics.) In meetings there will be people who have resources/aid to help you make a plan to get away from this. Churches also have meetings and counseling for friends and families caught in these situations.

Prayers coming your way for a solution to get you and your brother away.

Numblady

Jschrod? How ya doing today? Still thinking of you and your situation. Hugs.