GoodLife32

Why is it so difficult for me to quit drinking long term? I have it all. 2 great kids, a beautiful wife, multiple degrees, high paying job, and an all around picture perfect life. I should be so content with that, that drinking shouldn't even be needed?

However, I consistently binge drink on the weekends to blackout, lie to my wife, make a fool of myself in front of people, and wake up with horrific hangovers.

I have everything to lose, but i still get the urge to drink, despite knowing that all it is going to do is cause me big problems. What is wrong with me?

fini

what do you "find" in alcohol?

when i understood that without drinking i was discontent, i knew i needed a more wholesome solution to it than the boozy one.
the looking alone was a worthwhile part of the journey, and i didthat looking without drinking.

do you want to quit?

doggonecarl

Do you feel you are being deprived of something if you can't drink? Deprived of what? Do you view sobriety as a punishment? Something that is keeping you from something alcohol provides? And what would that be?

GoodLife32

I feel good when I drink. It relaxes me and I feel good about life in general.... but then i
I blackout, and wake up with awful anxiety, and have to drink again to feel normal.

I do want to quit. For my family's sake as well as my future. But it's so tough to think of future events without alcohol. Im going on vacation with wife and kids next week, and thought of not drinking is awful...

I dont think I'm physically addicted, as I never drink during the week, only the weekends. But I am definitely mentally addicted

GoodLife32

To be honest with you, yes, I do feel like being sober as a punishment. Crazy right?
Even though alcohol has only brought me trouble.... Crazy that my brain thinks like that.

doggonecarl

Just part of the brain. The mid-brain, which has been hijacked by your addiction. You can quiet the mid-brain, which communicates by means of the addictive voice (AV). But you have to stay sober to do it. And that's where you are struggling.

I going to hazard a guess and say that you've done little in the form of recovery to get and remain sober, nor made the changes in your life to support your decisions to quit.

You might start there if you really want to quit.

Dee74

That's addiction - we convince ourselves that we need to drink to be happy.
It's not true and I hope you'll give yourself the chance to see that GoodLife32.

D

GoodLife32

You are correct. I started seeing a therapist in January and stayed sober 3 months. I. April, I went on a work trip in the bahaamas and drank. Been consistently drinking since then.

My wife is getting very angry with me, getting to the point she doesn't want me near our kids when I'm drinking. About 6 months ago, I started taking meds for my anxiety (lexapro). The meds help, but for some reason they cause me to get real drunk, real quick. I go from a little buzzed, to blackout drunk....

Anyways, I haven't drank since Saturday, and I'm hoping to not drink this weekend either.

Stayingsassy

Just stay off it.

Get faced with losing everything: and maybe that will do it. Sounds like she's getting close. My husband put up with it for a good long time until he didn't anymore. He's still here though, because I quit.

Nothing and no one can make you do it, though. You have to want sobriety so badly that you will face all adversity and discomfort without booze to achieve it. No small feat, that: but worth it.

By the way: it's called "vacation" because it's fun, not because it gives you an opportunity to get trashed. Spend some real time with your family. don't miss a chance to see a genuine happy smile on your wife's face.

fini

But it's so tough to think of future events without alcohol.

yes, that was true for me also. couldn't imagine it. at all.

so i made a conscious, deliberate effort to imagine just that, to put those pictures in my mind/brain of various points in the future, various situations and myself in them, and imprinted different visions of what those things looked like.
and i made them positive ones.

it took effort, and wanting to, and practice. lots of practice.

it will come, GoodLife, if you persevere. it comes by doing it.

Dee74

How are you doing GoodLife - got a recovery plan sorted for this weekend?

D

Jjb2018

[QUOTE=doggonecarl;6940238]Do you feel you are being deprived of something if you can't drink? Deprived of what? Do you view sobriety as a punishment? Something that is keeping you from something alcohol provides? And what would that be?[/QUOTE

I love this question very right why i treat my self.as if sobriety is a punishment..day 2 again after 6days of sobriety.i will remember this thoughts

Lpg

Hey good life,
The part you mentioned about the thought of going on holiday and not drinking, yes it's tough I'm on holiday right now first long break and with folks who are 'normal drinkers', I began the holiday feeling restless and upset I even cried and I have 7 mo sober. Although as the holiday has went on iv relaxed and really enjoyed myself. I just did a thread on it check it out (sober holiday perks)
Lpg

PhoenixJ

GL- I will share my experiences

I had a very good academic career with tenure, was in a doctorate program, had just built our dream home- and I drank more.
Why?
Maybe not fact, just perception- but for me it was major depression going back to early childhood. Depression is like rust on a car- painting over the rust just covers it up. With me- if I was going great at work or whatever- the depression was hidden- but it was always there.
It took a VERY significant rock bottom and a LOT of professional help to change my behaviour.
Addiction does not follow logical rules- so the only way for me to keep alcoholism at bay- is regular support.

tomsteve

and when youre not drinking how do you feel about yourself? how do you feel about life in general when youre not drinking?

its quite common for there to be underlying issues alcohol is only a symptom of.

August252015

Glad you are sharing....and I highlighted this part bc now you are telling us about a problem resulting from your drink. Thing about that compared to your OP where you called your life "picture perfect."

To answer your question about "why" - IME, it's because I am an alcoholic. This disease doesn't discriminate by ANY criteria.

The longer we drink- or are on the roller coaster of sobriety (note: not recovery) and drinking....the more consequences we WILL face. No doubt about it. And, regardless of whether we are on meds or not (and IME pretty much all anti depressants, anxiety meds, etc are NOT meant to take while drinking for a number of reasons)....we continue to suffer and lose and begin to fail at life...til we quit or die.

I hope you will commit to sobriety and begin a program of recovery before things continue to spiral.

BDTL

GoodLife I suppose it takes different times away from alcohol to reap the benefits. I'm real close to my three months milestone and I am feeling real happiness for the first time in my life. Alcohol happiness is short lived and it just a chemical buzz that makes you think you are happy. Once the buzz wears off so does the happy feelings. Stay with sobriety and you will begin to see things that relate to the real deal when it comes to true happiness. There's so much more to see out in this big world when you are not looking through the lens of alcohol.

Maybe you need to begin AA meetings to help you on the weekends. Don't be too proud to admit and gain skills on how to develop a truly happy life.

FBL

Why is it so difficult to quit? Because you are addicted. Long term alcohol abuse rewires the brain. It takes the courage to change in order to even start the recovery process. Some never find it. I hope you do.

Bethany57

GoodLife...you can change this. Please do. I swear this letter could be written by my SIL - has everything - wife, 2 kids, beautiful home. Please stop before you lose it all. You are so wise to see this as a problem now and can change it.

skyfullofstars

It is difficult staying sober, but it is just as difficult staying a drunk.

Choose your difficult.

These people on SR are incredible, they have helped me so much. Please keep coming back, everyone is rooting for you.