myheartbleeds4

I am sure many of you have been through this. I am in love with an incredible man and I have never felt what I feel for him..Sadly, he is an alcoholic. We dated for two years, he was going through a divorce when we met. I knew he drank at times but not to the extent of how bad It got. I have never dealt with this before; last time I broke things off, we didn’t talk for two weeks, he wouldn’t answer his phone or the door. I had a cop go over, he collapsed on the floor and the cops were able to have an ambulance take him away. That was his third time out of rehab in the last six months. The doctor at the rehab said he had fallen and had bleeding on the brain, chipped teeth, one more week he would have been dead. He drank vodka for two weeks, didn’t eat, shower, his face was bloody. I figured THIS WAS ROCK BOTTOM!

He went away again for 30 days (He was told a lot was based on insurance) I think he needed more time…he seemed changed; but again, he always did. Luckily his job kept him, he makes good money and worked his way up.

I noticed he hasn’t worked all week, the man who wants to see me 24-7 hasn’t seen me in almost two weeks…His texting is horrible again; disappears (im assuming passes out) for hours. He is home because he doesn’t leave the house, only to buy more liquor. (which is even more scary). I am afraid to completely ignore him because last time I did he almost died. His family said “we tried to help him, he doesn’t want help we can’t do anything” but he sat in that house and almost drank himself to death.

I don’t know what to do, he tells me he’s working when his car never leaves, I can tell by his voice, texting. This I wouldn’t wish on anymore. I am afraid he will die this time. Please tell me what to do! If I walk away and he dies ill never be the same.

I don’t even know what else to say.

BullDog777

Therein lies the tragedy of the illness.

I was a bottom of the barrel drunk. I had been trying for years to get sober to no avail.

When my neighbor got me to the ER,I was in ICU for a week and rehab for 4 months or so. I was drinking 2 liters of brown liquor a day and I was having seizures. It was horrible.

I just couldn't quit.

The last time I was in the hospital, my organs were beginning to fail, my BP was stroke level, the seizures were terrible and I had very dangerous A1C levels from type 2 diabetes.

In the end, nobodycould get me sober but me. I had to want to live more than I wanted to die. Some people are too far gone. I got lucky.

The simple fact is, long term sobriety stats are very very low. I think it's 1 in 13 ever get more than 6 months. It a horribly progressive disease than will rob the sufferer of everything and leave nothing for their loved ones.

My advise....If it were me, I'd walk away. You might love the guy, and my wife and daughter loved me, but you don't have a thing to do with whether he stays sober or not at this point.

You can offer help, but that's where I'd draw the line.

My wife separated herself from me during the end of my drinking and i can understand why she did it now.

Now, i'm 2 years and some change sober. I have my family back and life is beautiful, but I got lucky.

The more you relapse the harder it is to get time back. You have to divorce yourself from his tragedy. It's not yours.

When and if he wants help, being there for him is your choice , but draw clear boundries. This is the last thing you wanna get caught up in. It doesn't turn out well for most of us. Telling you to expect anything else imo would be a lie.

Stayingsassy

Everything bulldog speaks is the truth.

this is like jumping into a swiftly moving river to save someone. You will drown too.

He has to want to be sober more than he wants to keep drinking. At the end of the line, that's the only truth for all of us no matter how serious it's gotten. He CAN still get sober. There is widely available medical help for him to detox.

He chooses not to. You need to choose to leave.

Think of it as an act of love for him. Staying only enables his illness.

ScottFromWI

Very sorry to hear this myheart. Other than calling the police to make welfare checks on him i'm not really sure there's anything you can do that you haven't already done. It's also important for you to remember that there is no possible way you can make him stop drinking - that is a choice he has to make for himself and 100% his responsibility to do so. As much as it hurts to do, you have to accept that he has chosen drinking over you and the rest of his family at this time. Addiction is a horrendously selfish thing and you should be seeking support for yourself at this point. He certainly could die from his addiction, many do - but it's his choice and there's honestly nothing you can do to stop if from happening if he doesn't want to stop drinking.

Dave42001

This is exactly what it is.

I feel for you and send my prayers. As the others mentioned he has to want to change, it’s really out of your control. Please take care of yourself first. It’s hard to turn the other cheek but this man has serious issues.

I admire you for wanting to help and I would try to help too but having a relationship with this man is a bad idea and it is like jumping into whitewater to save someone else. Please don’t go down with him, take care of #1.. you’re not being selfish, you have to survive too! You didn’t ask for this hand, I’d walk away from the table.

Wishing you the best!

least

I would suggest leaving for good, for your own sanity. He is showing he doesn't want to quit drinking and your help is not going to save him.

Please do the right thing for yourself.

BlownOne

If I walk away and he dies ill never be the same.
What guarantee is there that he won't die if you do stay?
The hard truth of the matter is that you can't stop someone from drinking themselves to death if that's what they really want to do. Nor can you make them want to recover. That's up to them. You simply cannot save someone who does not wish to be saved.

myheartbleeds4

Bulldog777; I have to thank you for sharing this with me. It made me cry, I am so happy you made it and got your family back. I only wish he had the strength you have. He had seizures too; they had him on a bunch of medications for it. I often try to think about the state of mind he is in. As hard as it is, I have to distance myself. I swear all I do is cry. I think of all the good times and the real person he is. I do see now that he has to want to live and as of right now I guess he doesn't care. There is no talking to him, he doesn't need help. It's his jobs fault, his ex-wifes fault, never his fault. He takes no responsibility. I thank you again, what you said really opened my eyes. Thank you

myheartbleeds4

Thank you so much!!! xo

Bird615

I did walk away and he did die. And I'm okay.

I had momentary guilt when I heard from his sister, but I had accepted by the time I left him that there was nothing I could do to prevent it, that staying with him or leaving wouldn't have made a difference. He wanted to live his life his way, and so there was nothing left but to get out of his way and save myself.

I still sometimes feel sad and even angry that he's gone. He was one of those "nicest guy in the world" kind of guys when he was able to be sober, but that guy wasn't even there anymore by the time I left.

Sometimes, no matter how much I wish it were otherwise, there is nothing I can do. I know that feeling of helplessness and how much that hurts. I don't have to like it, I can feel the pain, I may not be the same, but I can still be okay.

myheartbleeds4

I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing this with me. I even had a dream he was sober and we were sitting on the porch, it was beautiful and he whispered in my ear "you know I won't ever be okay". It was telling me he will continue to drink until it's the end.

I hope I can be okay, I will need some therapy but a piece of me will feel like it's missing.

Thank you again

NYCDoglvr

In the same way you're powerless over his drinking you're also powerless over his life. If you want to sacrifice yourself, your dreams and goals, fine. But it's only taking yourself down. Leave now.