Notices

My brother 's keeper

Old 06-22-2018, 11:29 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Vietnam Vet
Thread Starter
 
BDTL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Georgia
Posts: 421
My brother 's keeper

My brother who is 72 and has been drinking since his teens is a sick man right now. He called me today and left a message saying he is extremely weak and his bowel movements are pure water. He was on meds for diarrhea however even that is not helping now. I have been talking to him about how he should consider going to AA and stopping drinking.

He told me today he had stopped as he only had one beer this morning. That's not stopping folks. Anyways he looks like a walking skeleton and I'm not sure how much longer he's going to be in this world.

He also chews tobacco and has been with that habit about the same amount of time as his drinking. He never washes his mouth out post chew and pops open a beer and starts drinking.

He says he has dementia which could be true however I'm betting the alcohol is playing a huge role in that symptom.

I live in north Georgia and he is in middle Georgia so I can't just run by the house and check on him. I contacted his daughter and told her she needs to check on her Dad as he's in pretty rough condition. Drinking all these years has finally caught up with him.

How do you all handle family members who are also alcoholics?
BDTL is offline  
Old 06-22-2018, 12:02 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Recently I couldn't get a hold of my dad. After we had made plans to get together, he became unreachable. I do not live close to him, we were planning on meeting up half way. I figured it was one of two things, either he was hurt or dead at home, or he was just being forgetful and hadn't charged his phone or something. I decided to contact his local police to go check on him. To serve and protect right? Turned out my dad was fine but having phone issues.

My point is, you may want to do the same if you aren't local to your brother and you are concerned for his safety. Send the paramedics or cops by to see if he's ok. It might be the wake up call he needs.

Sometimes it's better to overreact than under....
Wholesome is offline  
Old 06-22-2018, 12:56 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
BullDog777's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
If your brother is in need of help, the first thing he needs is an ER. After they sort that out, get with the hospital staff and find out what his options are.

However, you being so early in sobriety ought not do this alone. This is a HUGE weight on a newcomer's shoulders.

I get he's your brother and I know you are a vet with a big heart..i could see it in the title of the thread, but this is too much to shoulder so early on, on your own.

I'm 2+ years in and my father was on his death bed a month ago, and there were times i was having an exceedingly hard time trying to manage things. So i asked for help and I got it.

If you go to him, take someone with you who is sober. A friend or loved one....but as you know...you are no good to him if this is too much for you.

Good luck, and please keep us updated sir.
BullDog777 is offline  
Old 06-22-2018, 04:29 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,391
I'm sorry about your brother BDTL

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 06-22-2018, 04:32 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Vietnam Vet
Thread Starter
 
BDTL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Georgia
Posts: 421
Originally Posted by BillieJean1 View Post
Recently I couldn't get a hold of my dad. After we had made plans to get together, he became unreachable. I do not live close to him, we were planning on meeting up half way. I figured it was one of two things, either he was hurt or dead at home, or he was just being forgetful and hadn't charged his phone or something. I decided to contact his local police to go check on him. To serve and protect right? Turned out my dad was fine but having phone issues.

My point is, you may want to do the same if you aren't local to your brother and you are concerned for his safety. Send the paramedics or cops by to see if he's ok. It might be the wake up call he needs.

Sometimes it's better to overreact than under....
I finally got in touch with him and he is ok. He said he was outside and got overheated and thought he was having a serious medical condition. I'm pretty sure he was dehydrated as he rarely drinks water and between beer and tobacco it puts a whammy on your system. His ex wife is staying with him tonight as they are now friends and help each other out.


Originally Posted by BullDog777 View Post
If your brother is in need of help, the first thing he needs is an ER. After they sort that out, get with the hospital staff and find out what his options are.

However, you being so early in sobriety ought not do this alone. This is a HUGE weight on a newcomer's shoulders.

I get he's your brother and I know you are a vet with a big heart..i could see it in the title of the thread, but this is too much to shoulder so early on, on your own.

I'm 2+ years in and my father was on his death bed a month ago, and there were times i was having an exceedingly hard time trying to manage things. So i asked for help and I got it.

If you go to him, take someone with you who is sober. A friend or loved one....but as you know...you are no good to him if this is too much for you.

Good luck, and please keep us updated sir.
I looked up the local AA meeting times in his area and he is going to the first one which is Sunday night at 8:00 p.m. I told him he will meet some good friends who will understand what he is dealing with and he can learn much through the meetings on how to stay sober. I feel really good about this now.

Thank you all for the good advice and have a great weekend!
BDTL is offline  
Old 06-22-2018, 04:47 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
BDTL - another thing to bring up with your question is that most states have a Senior Services part of government. You can make a welfare check referral for him and they can conduct a home visit to make an assessment of his health and living conditions, note his support network and contact numbers, as well as put him in touch with some other wonderful agencies or services such as Meals on Wheels. What that service does (it's a nonprofit org that is free) is deliver meals once a day by trained volunteers who visually assess clients and could refer concerns to appropriate agencies. He would be getting meals at the same time being in social contact with someone trained to assess his level of independence. it's also a great service to seniors that don't always make good nutritional decisions. I hope Georgia has something similar that you could request on your brother's behalf. Good luck and many prayers to you and your brother.

Last edited by Ladysadie; 06-22-2018 at 04:53 PM. Reason: typo
Ladysadie is offline  
Old 06-22-2018, 05:53 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Vietnam Vet
Thread Starter
 
BDTL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Georgia
Posts: 421
Originally Posted by Ladysadie View Post
BDTL - another thing to bring up with your question is that most states have a Senior Services part of government. You can make a welfare check referral for him and they can conduct a home visit to make an assessment of his health and living conditions, note his support network and contact numbers, as well as put him in touch with some other wonderful agencies or services such as Meals on Wheels. What that service does (it's a nonprofit org that is free) is deliver meals once a day by trained volunteers who visually assess clients and could refer concerns to appropriate agencies. He would be getting meals at the same time being in social contact with someone trained to assess his level of independence. it's also a great service to seniors that don't always make good nutritional decisions. I hope Georgia has something similar that you could request on your brother's behalf. Good luck and many prayers to you and your brother.

Thank you LS! So many caring and good folks on here. I appreciate the good info and prayers.
BDTL is offline  
Old 06-22-2018, 06:10 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
BDTL - I don't have any friends or family who are alcoholics. I'm the only one. I'm very glad you posted about your brother.

It's wonderful he is willing to go to the meeting. I hope he follows through - but you pointed him in the right direction & that's all you can do. He's fortunate to have your caring and concern. Please let us know how it goes. I'll send up some prayers.
Hevyn is offline  
Old 06-22-2018, 06:47 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Vietnam Vet
Thread Starter
 
BDTL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Georgia
Posts: 421
Originally Posted by Hevyn View Post
BDTL - I don't have any friends or family who are alcoholics. I'm the only one. I'm very glad you posted about your brother.

It's wonderful he is willing to go to the meeting. I hope he follows through - but you pointed him in the right direction & that's all you can do. He's fortunate to have your caring and concern. Please let us know how it goes. I'll send up some prayers.
I believe in prayers and I appreciate ya!
BDTL is offline  
Old 08-04-2018, 12:30 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Vietnam Vet
Thread Starter
 
BDTL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Georgia
Posts: 421
I have been praying everyday for my brother to attend an AA meeting. Well he calls me yesterday and informs me he has attended his first meeting, he likes it and he has decided to go on a regular basis! The funny thing is when he got to the meeting, he saw three people he knew which made it a more comfortable setting for him. Wow I am blown away by this good news!
BDTL is offline  
Old 08-04-2018, 02:08 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
Hevyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Fabulous news, BDTL! What a relief for you. I hope he continues to attend & it leads him to a sober life of peace & contentment. You did all you could.
Hevyn is offline  
Old 08-04-2018, 02:31 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Bethany57's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 690
Originally Posted by BDTL View Post
I have been praying everyday for my brother to attend an AA meeting. Well he calls me yesterday and informs me he has attended his first meeting, he likes it and he has decided to go on a regular basis! The funny thing is when he got to the meeting, he saw three people he knew which made it a more comfortable setting for him. Wow I am blown away by this good news!
That is great BDTL! I know you are an inspiration to him. Keep in close touch with him. He is lucky to have you!
Bethany57 is offline  
Old 08-04-2018, 03:13 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Vietnam Vet
Thread Starter
 
BDTL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Georgia
Posts: 421
Originally Posted by Hevyn View Post
Fabulous news, BDTL! What a relief for you. I hope he continues to attend & it leads him to a sober life of peace & contentment. You did all you could.
Thanks Hevyn and I'm happy that he has a local group to work with.

Originally Posted by Bethany57 View Post
That is great BDTL! I know you are an inspiration to him. Keep in close touch with him. He is lucky to have you!
It really feels good to be able to reach out and help others. When I was lost in alcohol, all I could think about was myself. Those days are gone.
BDTL is offline  
Old 08-04-2018, 04:40 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
matrac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nj
Posts: 470
BTDL. The office on aging (usually county based) may have some resources for him as well.
matrac is offline  
Old 08-04-2018, 05:24 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,391
best wishes for you and your brother BDTL.

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 08-04-2018, 05:51 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Mr
 
theVman31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Hello BDTL.

Congratulations on your own sobriety and being able to help out your brother.

In a similar situation myself with my older brother. He has been an alcoholic for over 25 years. He had some good sober time but has fallen back into the darkness of drinking again now.

"How do you all handle family members who are also alcoholics?"

That is the million dollar question. Besides trying to talk with him and point him in the right direction there is not much one can do. I know that for myself nobody can do it for me....

Courage to you.
V.
theVman31 is offline  
Old 08-04-2018, 08:00 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by BDTL View Post
My brother who is 72 and has been drinking since his teens is a sick man right now. He called me today and left a message saying he is extremely weak and his bowel movements are pure water. He was on meds for diarrhea however even that is not helping now. I have been talking to him about how he should consider going to AA and stopping drinking.

He told me today he had stopped as he only had one beer this morning. That's not stopping folks. Anyways he looks like a walking skeleton and I'm not sure how much longer he's going to be in this world.

He also chews tobacco and has been with that habit about the same amount of time as his drinking. He never washes his mouth out post chew and pops open a beer and starts drinking.

He says he has dementia which could be true however I'm betting the alcohol is playing a huge role in that symptom.

I live in north Georgia and he is in middle Georgia so I can't just run by the house and check on him. I contacted his daughter and told her she needs to check on her Dad as he's in pretty rough condition. Drinking all these years has finally caught up with him.

How do you all handle family members who are also alcoholics?
The same way I handle family members with money issues by setting boundaries. If a family member has an accident or is ill I'm there for them. But I support a wife and my elderly mother. I no longer have the emotional energy to get drawn into on-going family drama esp. problems caused by poor life choices.
Ken33xx is offline  
Old 08-04-2018, 08:13 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by BDTL View Post
My brother who is 72 and has been drinking since his teens is a sick man right now. He called me today and left a message saying he is extremely weak and his bowel movements are pure water. He was on meds for diarrhea however even that is not helping now. I have been talking to him about how he should consider going to AA and stopping drinking.

He told me today he had stopped as he only had one beer this morning. That's not stopping folks. Anyways he looks like a walking skeleton and I'm not sure how much longer he's going to be in this world.

He also chews tobacco and has been with that habit about the same amount of time as his drinking. He never washes his mouth out post chew and pops open a beer and starts drinking.

He says he has dementia which could be true however I'm betting the alcohol is playing a huge role in that symptom.

I live in north Georgia and he is in middle Georgia so I can't just run by the house and check on him. I contacted his daughter and told her she needs to check on her Dad as he's in pretty rough condition. Drinking all these years has finally caught up with him.

How do you all handle family members who are also alcoholics?
He's 72 and it seems he does not want to stop drinking. He`s your brother and you love him. He calls and tells you his health is failing. If you have the time and want to visit by all means do so.

However, you should not let yourself feel guilty if your own responsibilities come first. This was an issue for me. I put my brother first for years and would not say no. In time I began to resent my brother and dislike his family esp his wife. Today I am happy to see them just on special occasions and leave it at that.
Ken33xx is offline  
Old 08-06-2018, 07:09 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Vietnam Vet
Thread Starter
 
BDTL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: Georgia
Posts: 421
Ok folks I received a real downer of a phone call this evening. My brother called and I could tell he was lit. I could barely understand him and he said something about he is ready to go to his first meeting. I was thinking wait, what did you just say? He called me last Saturday saying he really enjoyed his meeting and today calls me and says he's looking forward to attending his first meeting. Wow he sure fooled me with the happy stuff he was throwing at me! I guess the only thing that kept me from being angry is realizing that alcoholics are good at lying. He put his girlfriend on the phone and I looked up some AA meetings in a location where they have them 7 days per week. I gave her the name of the place and she is going to call them tomorrow. She said they did go to the local meeting and there was no meeting to attend. I'm just stunned right now and was so proud of him and then this....... Oh well , it will work out according to God's will, not mine.
BDTL is offline  
Old 08-07-2018, 12:46 AM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
That's a shame.

I remember, when I was still drinking, that I felt like a lie to tell someone what they 'needed' to hear wasn't really a lie, but being kind and protecting them. Of course, I know that ain't so nowadays, but I suspect it's pretty common thinking for alcoholics who are still drinking.

Another possibility is that, as you have suspected, there may be some dementia there. Thing is, until he gets sober you're not gonna know which if is.

Have you considered going to some AlAnon meetings yourself. You're definitely one of those double-winners after all.

Hugs to ya.

BB
Berrybean is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:50 AM.