help plz
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 6
help plz
Hello everyone
how are you all today i am fine and i hope that everyone one is to. i have a best friend of 19 years that i am considering on going out with. but i am aware of the struggles of dealing with an alcoholic from there legs swelling up to them falling flat on there face at the door because there so drunk and high. what would be the best way to get her help with out the roof flying off of the house. i am sadden to see her go through this as she truly is an amazing person. she stole my heart and my spirit but i refuse to be in a relationship with a drunk . she wants her kids back but with her drinking she will never see them again. she has told me things like her legs have swollen up and that she drank so much that she thought that she gave herself alcohol poisoning and she has fallen flat on her face at my friends house because she was soo ****** up
how are you all today i am fine and i hope that everyone one is to. i have a best friend of 19 years that i am considering on going out with. but i am aware of the struggles of dealing with an alcoholic from there legs swelling up to them falling flat on there face at the door because there so drunk and high. what would be the best way to get her help with out the roof flying off of the house. i am sadden to see her go through this as she truly is an amazing person. she stole my heart and my spirit but i refuse to be in a relationship with a drunk . she wants her kids back but with her drinking she will never see them again. she has told me things like her legs have swollen up and that she drank so much that she thought that she gave herself alcohol poisoning and she has fallen flat on her face at my friends house because she was soo ****** up
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
she's in a position where she needs medical help. Edema from drinking is not good. I had it when I stopped and I was in the hospital for a week with a laundry list of problems.
The first step is to get her to the hospital. After that, IOP-which is intensive outpatient care or AA to help her cope with a new life.
I was a bottom of the barrel case. Doctors gave me very little chance of staying sober, but that was almost 2 1/2 years ago. I did what it takes and if she wants her kids and a life worth living then she needs to do whatever it takes to stay sober. Therapy, AA, IOP or all 3. Whatever they decide.
Like i said ...first step ought to be the ER.
hope that helps, and come back anytime ...welcome!
The first step is to get her to the hospital. After that, IOP-which is intensive outpatient care or AA to help her cope with a new life.
I was a bottom of the barrel case. Doctors gave me very little chance of staying sober, but that was almost 2 1/2 years ago. I did what it takes and if she wants her kids and a life worth living then she needs to do whatever it takes to stay sober. Therapy, AA, IOP or all 3. Whatever they decide.
Like i said ...first step ought to be the ER.
hope that helps, and come back anytime ...welcome!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Sorry for what brings you here. I would strongly suggest looking up AlAnon meetings in your area and going along for some support, shared experience, strength and hope.
Here's the rub. All those things...
Losing her kids...
The way the alcohol affects her health....
The way alcohol has taken away her dignity....
(And these will be the tip of the iceberg)....
You see those thing as problems that there is a solution to. I.e. stopping drinking.
As an alcoholic, she is likely to see those things as rationalisations (excuses if you prefer) TO drink. Because of the way those things make her feel. And because she's an active alcoholic and that's what we do.
When your friend wants sobriety. REALLY wants it. Needs it. Can't see any way that her life can continue with it.... THEN she will be teachable.
If she says she wants to get sober, maybe help her by encouraging her to tip away every last bit of booze (cutting down doesn't work), directing her here so she can get some support, and offering to drive her to an AA meeting if she can't get there herself. I know plenty of ladies in AA who lost their kids. Only one I know didn't get them back after getting sober and remaining so and turning their life around. It would do her good to meet others who have been where she is.
I hope that she does get the gift of desperation soon and gets the help she needs.
In the meantime I suggest you really do guard yourself against the chaos that an active alcoholic would bring to your life. Emotionally, financially, and every way. Al anon would help you know how to make and maintain safe and healthy boundaries.
There is a great 'friends and family of alcoholics' subforum on here where there are lots of threads that are well worth you reading.
BB
Here's the rub. All those things...
Losing her kids...
The way the alcohol affects her health....
The way alcohol has taken away her dignity....
(And these will be the tip of the iceberg)....
You see those thing as problems that there is a solution to. I.e. stopping drinking.
As an alcoholic, she is likely to see those things as rationalisations (excuses if you prefer) TO drink. Because of the way those things make her feel. And because she's an active alcoholic and that's what we do.
When your friend wants sobriety. REALLY wants it. Needs it. Can't see any way that her life can continue with it.... THEN she will be teachable.
If she says she wants to get sober, maybe help her by encouraging her to tip away every last bit of booze (cutting down doesn't work), directing her here so she can get some support, and offering to drive her to an AA meeting if she can't get there herself. I know plenty of ladies in AA who lost their kids. Only one I know didn't get them back after getting sober and remaining so and turning their life around. It would do her good to meet others who have been where she is.
I hope that she does get the gift of desperation soon and gets the help she needs.
In the meantime I suggest you really do guard yourself against the chaos that an active alcoholic would bring to your life. Emotionally, financially, and every way. Al anon would help you know how to make and maintain safe and healthy boundaries.
There is a great 'friends and family of alcoholics' subforum on here where there are lots of threads that are well worth you reading.
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 6
Well good news. She came to me this morning and told me she had a problem and I told her yes you do have a problem. And I told her of all of the problems that she would have in the long run as and I brought her to the er this morning
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 6
well great news everyone she is doing alot better now and has been off the sauce though now she has one here and there. i asked her if she wanted her kids back she said yes she does and i told her that she need's to be dry as **** and the state didn't care how legal alcohol is. then i put a scare into her of all of the things that could happen to her and then i asked her if she wanted to go through all that and asked her what her father would think if he had to bury his daughter!!! i also told her that i was leaving for canada because i wasn't gonna watch her kill herself. then she told me that i couldn't leave and that she needed me and ever since then we have been going out!!!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I'm glad things are improving krel. I'd be wary of her having one "here and there". Alcoholics can't moderate their drinking, so she will likely be back to drinking heavily in short order. Is she working on any type of sobriety plan at all by chance? I would guess that the hospital might have given her some info on support options locally.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
What Scott said.
Falling flat on her face and edema in her legs indicates some pretty serious drinking. A week of detox alone isn't going to keep her dry, especially if she's having "one here and there." Because that always leads right back to full on drinking, and the health issues and withdrawals get worse every time we go through it.
I went through everything that Bulldog did, but add 30 days of inpatient rehab after a week's detox (they kinda blended together tho). If I'd gone through detox, gone home, and resumed drinking in any way I would have been right back where I started.
I hope your friend gets completely sober.
Falling flat on her face and edema in her legs indicates some pretty serious drinking. A week of detox alone isn't going to keep her dry, especially if she's having "one here and there." Because that always leads right back to full on drinking, and the health issues and withdrawals get worse every time we go through it.
I went through everything that Bulldog did, but add 30 days of inpatient rehab after a week's detox (they kinda blended together tho). If I'd gone through detox, gone home, and resumed drinking in any way I would have been right back where I started.
I hope your friend gets completely sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 6
i am DEF over it she's right back where she was to start i am through with her, what ever happens. maybe she needs to be put in a situation that only she understands, i tried getting her to goto detox and she refused so my hands are tied. as well as she's ******* around with other guys i am soo ******* over it
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Well, good luck with that plan.
It might be best for your own sanity if you keep your expectations low / realistic on this one, and have a very clear idea of what your boundaries are here, and how you will stick to them. Al anon is a great place to get support in this.
BB
It might be best for your own sanity if you keep your expectations low / realistic on this one, and have a very clear idea of what your boundaries are here, and how you will stick to them. Al anon is a great place to get support in this.
BB
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