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Worrying thoughts

Old 06-06-2018, 12:53 PM
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Worrying thoughts

Help! I'm in a really weird mood the last few days iv been incredibly down, which has lead to drinking dreams last night. And I have a concert on Saturday and iv text my friend asking if she's getting coke for it, obviously I'm asking because I'm looking for an excuse to use it. A argh what am I thinking I need to stop this in its tracks hence posting sorry
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Old 06-06-2018, 01:55 PM
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That is worrisome...a relapse in the making. Should you be going to an event where there is likely to be drugs and alcohol?
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Old 06-06-2018, 02:43 PM
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how much do you value your sobriety,lpg?
back in april:
I think I have finally reached a place where I value my life more than the feeling of being intoxicated by alcohol and drugs.. Everyday away from alcoholism is another day to appreciate everything I have worked hard for, I was so close to throwing it all away and I can't believe how little I cared about anything.

i hope youre still at that place and pass on the concert.
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Old 06-06-2018, 03:30 PM
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don't go to the concert and put some distant btw you and that friend

people / places

best of luck
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Old 06-06-2018, 03:34 PM
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Originally Posted by doggonecarl View Post
That is worrisome...a relapse in the making. Should you be going to an event where there is likely to be drugs and alcohol?
Sounds like a plan for disaster to me- I'd find other plans, with someone sober ASAP.

You get to choose what you do - whether you drink or use- and you have a couple of days to play the tape through .of what will happen if you let this thinking keep going and end up getting high. Nothing good, probably? At least guilt and regret minimum.

I hope you stop this train now before it goes any further. Good job starting to share here.
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Old 06-06-2018, 05:06 PM
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I have to agree lpg - You're not in the right frame of mind for a concert right now.

why do you think you're so squirrelly right now - any ideas?

D
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Old 06-06-2018, 05:07 PM
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Lpg, this is where the choices are, in those very decisions that have been pointed out to you in this thread.
don't wait until you are faced with the decision of "will i/won't i" in that moment of being there and faced with the drugs.
you are in a position to make all kinds of decisions right now.
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Old 06-06-2018, 05:10 PM
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This is one of those forks in the road. You can really do a number on your life and wreck everything you've worked for or you can do the right thing and not relapse. I PROMISE you 100% that you'll regret the relapse.

This sobriety thing gets harder and harder every time we give up and in and willingly throw in the towel.

So you have a huge decision to make. This is where if you relapse, you know 100% it was premeditated and you'll know exactly how it happened. This is you getting ready to figuratively jump out of a moving car and hope you don't get hurt.

I remember one time really early on, i started to plan a relapse. One of the things I was taught to do in therapy is to go look in the mirror and tell myself exactly what i was going to do. It's a way to step outside of yourself and see if you're actually willing to believe whatever bulls#it you're peddling to yourself.

I don't think I got beyond the few first words before I realized how F'ing stupid I was being.

Do the right thing.

Drunk dreams come and go...so do the waves of paranoia and worry. We're not machines...we ebb and flow constantly....unless we drink ...then it's all s#it.
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Old 06-06-2018, 09:49 PM
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Hey there. Incredibly down or not, concert or not, you have quit using. So just be done with it.

Heavy triggers suck. I've had a few lately. I felt resentful that I missed the fun, angry that everyone was going out drinking and just at a total loss.

I got through it. I can't relapse. It's not an option. You can throw buckets of suck at me for weeks or even months but i still do not use.

I don't know as much as people here who have years, I do not have their sobriety yet so I can't weigh in on whether you should go to this concert. I know when I feel shaky the thought of going to something triggering freaks me out and I get extremely emotional because even the smell of relapse is a disaster for me.

Keep in mind what you have to lose, here. If you can't go and stay sober you could lose it all and not be able to get back for months, years, or ever. Be careful.
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Old 06-07-2018, 12:14 AM
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I don't know where its came from I was feeling great then this week iv been really down its just kind of snowballed from there. It's a problem because I am planning it and that's scary. Going to think hard about whether I should go to this concert or not. Iv got 207 days I don't want to blow it iv worked so hard. I hate this it's just knocked the wind out my sails. Wish I could just be normal like my friends but I can't.
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Old 06-07-2018, 12:31 AM
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
how much do you value your sobriety,lpg?
back in april:
I think I have finally reached a place where I value my life more than the feeling of being intoxicated by alcohol and drugs.. Everyday away from alcoholism is another day to appreciate everything I have worked hard for, I was so close to throwing it all away and I can't believe how little I cared about anything.

i hope youre still at that place and pass on the concert.
Thanks for this
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Old 06-07-2018, 01:06 AM
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Iv quit going to AA about 6 weeks ago , I cried in the last meeting and was embarrassed. Maybe I need to go back
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Old 06-07-2018, 01:18 AM
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Hi Lpg,

It's damn hard this quitting thing isn't it. I would be impossible to calculate the number of times I've tried to get on top of things, just to feel in bits because I couldn't cope with others enjoying themselves around me.
I sometimes wonder if it's the 'fear of missing out' principle. I have short term memory reflex where I just remember the positive things, and not the carnage that's gone with it. Sort of Cherry Picking ?

I went to another AA meeting last night, and just being there felt like a huge relief. Nothing is solved, and I'm still not sure it's for me, but the fear build up abated.

You can do this !!
Best Regards - Johnnie.
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Old 06-07-2018, 01:21 AM
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I think there are worse things than being embarrassed lpg

D
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Old 06-07-2018, 02:30 AM
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Iv sent a message to someone in the meeting, hoping that's not cheeky after not attending for so long.
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Old 06-07-2018, 03:14 AM
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You're reaching out for help which takes
a lot of courage and willingness. It's HUGE..!!!


Doing whatever it takes to listen, learn,
absorb and apply a continuous recovery
program to your everyday life to achieve
a strong, solid foundation to live your life
upon for yrs to come.

Continuous, each and everyday to
become the best, healthiest, happiest,
honest person you can possibly be.
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Old 06-07-2018, 04:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Lpg View Post
Iv quit going to AA about 6 weeks ago , I cried in the last meeting and was embarrassed. Maybe I need to go back
lpg, i cried at my first meeting and many following.when i was diagnosed with cancer i cried at meetings. when a friend comitted suicide i cried at meetings. when my mother passed away i cried at meetings. there were a few other times i have cried at meetings. theres nothing to be embarassed about being human and showing it.
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Old 06-07-2018, 06:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Lpg View Post
Iv quit going to AA about 6 weeks ago , I cried in the last meeting and was embarrassed. Maybe I need to go back
I think so LPG. Sounds like you are very close to falling off the edge again. Isolating, quitting on your support, thoughts of using - all giant red flags waving in the wind.

I'm glad you decided to come here and talk about it though - too many people don't seek help and dive right back into using/drinking. And some of them never make it back.

Dee is absolutely right- being embarrassed is a far better option than the alternatives. I'm glad you've contacted someone from your group - I would higly recommend going back. And to be quite honest i'd recommend skipping the concert too - is a few hours of music really worth the potential downfall?
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Old 06-07-2018, 08:32 AM
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Thanks everyone taking alot of time to read and re read all your messages.
I'm thinking I probably feel this way as I'm scared I'm going to be alone, iv been feeling lonely, like I'm missing out, like I'm not having as much fun as everyone else. But for other people drinking is fun but for me it's not and I can't do it. It could mean death for me, guess I'm kind of resentful too. I dont want to feel bitter about it.
My partner is freaking out I told him this morning what i was thinking he doesn't want me to go on Saturday, the last big concert I had, I had to miss too but that was because I was too drunk. Says alot. It's Beyonce I'm going to see and I adore her but if I'm not feeling okay about it tomorrow I'm not going to go, it's not worth a relapse.
The person from my group has messaged me and is very supportive, glad I reached out.
It's hard doing this but I'm realising it's harder doing it alone. Thanks for all your support and sound advice it's gave me some clarity.
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Old 06-07-2018, 08:35 AM
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Originally Posted by tomsteve View Post
lpg, i cried at my first meeting and many following.when i was diagnosed with cancer i cried at meetings. when a friend comitted suicide i cried at meetings. when my mother passed away i cried at meetings. there were a few other times i have cried at meetings. theres nothing to be embarassed about being human and showing it.
Thanks, I hope you are well now. Sounds like Uv had a difficult journey.
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