I think I understand a bit more now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
I think I understand a bit more now.
I was talking to a good friend of mine tonight and we were kinda catching up.
We got to talking about why we do the things we do in life and where we find and measure our true self worth. It seems to me that the longer I stay sober, the more I find that the "instant gratification" things I used to run to in early sobriety seem kind of empty to me now.
I just don't get the dopamine or serotonin rush like i used to anymore.
In some ways that kinda sucks but I think it's forcing me to try to find more meaning in my life.
I'm chasing another accomplishment in my life. I gotta get in shape.
My friend told me she though I was going about getting in shape the wrong way since I kept failing. LOL.
She said to me that she thought too many people walk into a life changing thing like sobriety or getting clean or getting into shape or being really successful and just balk at the enormity that it's not an instantaneous rush of joy and they get disappointed and they walk away before they can or do succeed.
It's exactly what I do, too. I try for a week or 2 to eat really clean and when it doesn't all fall into place and the planets align, i get frustrated and I take it out on myself and fail again.
Maybe that's why so many stop trying to get sober early on. They don't expect it to be this hard. Perhaps expectations need to change and the acceptance I found in sobriety was that I had to be willing to accept that this is going to be a lot of hard work and no matter what---if i was going to stay sober...I had to do what it takes and show up every day and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Getting back to my original thought she said the point of life isn't just going through life making yourself feel good with instant gratification...that's the trap we as addicts were stuck in...it's being of service or useful to the people around us and those we love.
she's dying.....she has months to live if she doesn't get a lung transplant. An in the midst of all that she said she felt like no matter how many things she crossed off her bucket list like traveling or riding in an old vintage 57 Chevy or meeting a famous person or seeing a concert she always wanted to...that those things -while fun...were kinda empty after she had done them.
She said the things that made her feel the best in life were the things that she accomplished that she didn't think that she could do no matter how painful they were.
I think she's right. I think if this is going to work, i just have to dig my heels in like i did in sobriety and prepare for a battle of attrition. An when results happen they happen...However, my expectation will only be that I do not give up.
It irritates me that that a 21 year old sitting in a hospital waiting on an organ transplant has more wisdom than a 45 year old like me.
I'm really glad I met her. She has a way of dropping an anvil of perspective on my head whenever we catch up.
We got to talking about why we do the things we do in life and where we find and measure our true self worth. It seems to me that the longer I stay sober, the more I find that the "instant gratification" things I used to run to in early sobriety seem kind of empty to me now.
I just don't get the dopamine or serotonin rush like i used to anymore.
In some ways that kinda sucks but I think it's forcing me to try to find more meaning in my life.
I'm chasing another accomplishment in my life. I gotta get in shape.
My friend told me she though I was going about getting in shape the wrong way since I kept failing. LOL.
She said to me that she thought too many people walk into a life changing thing like sobriety or getting clean or getting into shape or being really successful and just balk at the enormity that it's not an instantaneous rush of joy and they get disappointed and they walk away before they can or do succeed.
It's exactly what I do, too. I try for a week or 2 to eat really clean and when it doesn't all fall into place and the planets align, i get frustrated and I take it out on myself and fail again.
Maybe that's why so many stop trying to get sober early on. They don't expect it to be this hard. Perhaps expectations need to change and the acceptance I found in sobriety was that I had to be willing to accept that this is going to be a lot of hard work and no matter what---if i was going to stay sober...I had to do what it takes and show up every day and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Getting back to my original thought she said the point of life isn't just going through life making yourself feel good with instant gratification...that's the trap we as addicts were stuck in...it's being of service or useful to the people around us and those we love.
she's dying.....she has months to live if she doesn't get a lung transplant. An in the midst of all that she said she felt like no matter how many things she crossed off her bucket list like traveling or riding in an old vintage 57 Chevy or meeting a famous person or seeing a concert she always wanted to...that those things -while fun...were kinda empty after she had done them.
She said the things that made her feel the best in life were the things that she accomplished that she didn't think that she could do no matter how painful they were.
I think she's right. I think if this is going to work, i just have to dig my heels in like i did in sobriety and prepare for a battle of attrition. An when results happen they happen...However, my expectation will only be that I do not give up.
It irritates me that that a 21 year old sitting in a hospital waiting on an organ transplant has more wisdom than a 45 year old like me.
I'm really glad I met her. She has a way of dropping an anvil of perspective on my head whenever we catch up.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 635
agree with you sobriety sucks and losing weight too at least early on or maybe forever. No pain no gain.
being sick and about to die has to suck even more but most of the time the only way is thru it. it such a waste its sad.
I am sorry for your friend. thank you for sharing.
being sick and about to die has to suck even more but most of the time the only way is thru it. it such a waste its sad.
I am sorry for your friend. thank you for sharing.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by BullDog777 
early sobriety does suck...absolutely. but....now...it's pretty awesome.
I hope getting in shape is the same way...it's probably not. it's probably just gonna suck.
I hope getting in shape is the same way...it's probably not. it's probably just gonna suck.
Personally I expected a whole bucket of suck for years.
And there was suck but peace and truth, also. I was done no matter what so I geared up for the face in the gutter moments, and they came and I know there are more, still done with drinking though.Getting in shape is the same, you know. Youve been there before. There are days you want to cry because you want to stick your face in a cake so badly you can't stand it. and then days that your jeans fit and look nice in the mirror, and you ran up the stairs without feeling short of breath and that salad you had for lunch actually satisfied you. Good and bad, the peace and the suck.
Good luck bd!!! You've totally got this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
There are days you want to cry because you want to stick your face in a cake so badly you can't stand it. .
that's me ALL THE TIME!!
lmaothanks for the kind words of encouragement sassy. I fully expect a bucket of suck for quite awhile. s#it....i'm still crackin up.....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
Wow Bulldog what an amazing girl. So much wisdom and I'm glad she shared her thoughts with you.
I can definitely agree that my on off attempts at sobriety were affected by the need for a quick fix. I was utterly inept when it came to a concerted long term plan and patience. Patience? Who amongst us has that in bucketloads?
I remember despairing about 2 months in and saying that if I knew how long it'd take to feel better I'd never have started this bloody thing! But slowly as my journey unfolded I realised I was on a journey and as long as alcohol was off the table forever I began to shift my perspective and accept and grow. Looking back I would say that my sense of pride and self belief has been absolutely boosted by sticking with my commitment to sobriety. More so in a way due to how hard I had to fight for so damn long!
I too am on a mission to get fit and healthy. I try to apply some of the thought processes I've gained to it. The difficulty I have is that we still need to eat so it's more about making better choices every day rather than going cold turkey on absolutely everything! Moderation is a toughie for me. Yes sometimes I want to eat the world but as long as I stay organized and plan my meals and work out if time permits then this is part of my journey too.
Great post Bulldog!
I can definitely agree that my on off attempts at sobriety were affected by the need for a quick fix. I was utterly inept when it came to a concerted long term plan and patience. Patience? Who amongst us has that in bucketloads?
I remember despairing about 2 months in and saying that if I knew how long it'd take to feel better I'd never have started this bloody thing! But slowly as my journey unfolded I realised I was on a journey and as long as alcohol was off the table forever I began to shift my perspective and accept and grow. Looking back I would say that my sense of pride and self belief has been absolutely boosted by sticking with my commitment to sobriety. More so in a way due to how hard I had to fight for so damn long!
I too am on a mission to get fit and healthy. I try to apply some of the thought processes I've gained to it. The difficulty I have is that we still need to eat so it's more about making better choices every day rather than going cold turkey on absolutely everything! Moderation is a toughie for me. Yes sometimes I want to eat the world but as long as I stay organized and plan my meals and work out if time permits then this is part of my journey too.
Great post Bulldog!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by joandmelandhan
The difficulty I have is that we still need to eat so it's more about making better choices every day rather than going cold turkey on absolutely everything! Moderation is a toughie for me. Yes sometimes I want to eat the world but as long as I stay organized and plan my meals and work out if time permits then this is part of my journey too.
Great post Bulldog!
Great post Bulldog!
Food is the one place where you can't live in the black and white. That grey area is very very new for me.
thank you for your post, it was extremely helpful and insightful.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
In a letter one time, dr Silkworth was talking about why alcoholics like me have so much trouble staying sober when our predominant method is just don’t drink. We learn all about alcoholism, it’s fatal nature, and that the only hope is complete abstinence, or we are gonna die. So off we go absolutely determined to stay sober, no matter what.
What happens to us, Silkworth reckoned, is just human nature, not at all unique to alcoholism. He compared us to a cardiac patient. He has the heart attack, gets the big fright, after hospitalisation he is released with a certain regimen of treatment. He must take his medication, do his exercises, follow a strict diet. This is an imposed discipline, something he didn’t sign up for. It is unrewarding drudgery, apart from the fact that he gets to stay alive. The doctor tells him he must do it, or he will have another heart attack.
Over time he gets fed up with it. Slacks off on the exercise, forgets the diet, gets careless with the medication and hey presto! Another heart attack.
The problem as Silkworth saw it was that the cardiac patient gets no emotional reward from following the treatment plan. It is just a burden, and it is just human nature to get tired of it. Same thing happens to the alcoholic of my type. If there is no emotional reward to not drinking, we get tired of it.
And that was where Silkworth felt the advantage of the AA principles lay. Developing a manner of living that made the business of not drinking emotionally rewarding. Sobriety done this way became a self sustaining way of living by virtue of the fact that it was just better than the old life, not a discipline at all.
What happens to us, Silkworth reckoned, is just human nature, not at all unique to alcoholism. He compared us to a cardiac patient. He has the heart attack, gets the big fright, after hospitalisation he is released with a certain regimen of treatment. He must take his medication, do his exercises, follow a strict diet. This is an imposed discipline, something he didn’t sign up for. It is unrewarding drudgery, apart from the fact that he gets to stay alive. The doctor tells him he must do it, or he will have another heart attack.
Over time he gets fed up with it. Slacks off on the exercise, forgets the diet, gets careless with the medication and hey presto! Another heart attack.
The problem as Silkworth saw it was that the cardiac patient gets no emotional reward from following the treatment plan. It is just a burden, and it is just human nature to get tired of it. Same thing happens to the alcoholic of my type. If there is no emotional reward to not drinking, we get tired of it.
And that was where Silkworth felt the advantage of the AA principles lay. Developing a manner of living that made the business of not drinking emotionally rewarding. Sobriety done this way became a self sustaining way of living by virtue of the fact that it was just better than the old life, not a discipline at all.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Maybe you'll find parts of it you like. I love exercise. I love the high, the camaraderie and getting better at doing fun stuff.
I hate not eating fun stuff.
I go along good for awhile then I cave. Lately I've put on so much muscle that it's helping my weak moments not cost me so much.
But oh Lord is it hard to stay away from the good stuff. Pizza. Cookies. Salty snacks. Cake...when I'm really trying hard if I even think about it I lose my mind a little. It's a lot like alcohol but so much less dangerous for me that I'm not as absolute about it.
partly because my exercise program is so rigorous that I'm not likely to develop diabetes or severe obesity. work hard in that direction for sure!
I hate not eating fun stuff.
I go along good for awhile then I cave. Lately I've put on so much muscle that it's helping my weak moments not cost me so much.
But oh Lord is it hard to stay away from the good stuff. Pizza. Cookies. Salty snacks. Cake...when I'm really trying hard if I even think about it I lose my mind a little. It's a lot like alcohol but so much less dangerous for me that I'm not as absolute about it.
partly because my exercise program is so rigorous that I'm not likely to develop diabetes or severe obesity. work hard in that direction for sure!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
As you, me, us, continue on your journey
in life and recovery, there will be quite a
few folks that will cross our paths. We never
know when it will be or how it will happen,
yet they will leave a little something of
themselves with us that will inspire us,
strengthen us, guide us, make a profound
impact on us and we will forever be grateful
for it and them.
Even those cute little dragonflies, butterflies,
birds that come to visit me daily chirping something
or flying right in front of my face for a moment
and you say ….hello friend, thank you for being here
for me today or im sure glad you came to see
me today.
in life and recovery, there will be quite a
few folks that will cross our paths. We never
know when it will be or how it will happen,
yet they will leave a little something of
themselves with us that will inspire us,
strengthen us, guide us, make a profound
impact on us and we will forever be grateful
for it and them.
Even those cute little dragonflies, butterflies,
birds that come to visit me daily chirping something
or flying right in front of my face for a moment
and you say ….hello friend, thank you for being here
for me today or im sure glad you came to see
me today.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I just don't get the dopamine or serotonin rush like i used to anymore.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”
Theodore Roosevelt.
Theodore Roosevelt.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
Maybe you'll find parts of it you like. I love exercise. I love the high, the camaraderie and getting better at doing fun stuff.
I hate not eating fun stuff.
I go along good for awhile then I cave. Lately I've put on so much muscle that it's helping my weak moments not cost me so much.
But oh Lord is it hard to stay away from the good stuff. Pizza. Cookies. Salty snacks. Cake...when I'm really trying hard if I even think about it I lose my mind a little. It's a lot like alcohol but so much less dangerous for me that I'm not as absolute about it.
partly because my exercise program is so rigorous that I'm not likely to develop diabetes or severe obesity. work hard in that direction for sure!
I hate not eating fun stuff.
I go along good for awhile then I cave. Lately I've put on so much muscle that it's helping my weak moments not cost me so much.
But oh Lord is it hard to stay away from the good stuff. Pizza. Cookies. Salty snacks. Cake...when I'm really trying hard if I even think about it I lose my mind a little. It's a lot like alcohol but so much less dangerous for me that I'm not as absolute about it.
partly because my exercise program is so rigorous that I'm not likely to develop diabetes or severe obesity. work hard in that direction for sure!
Back in the day, I did football, mixed martial arts, rock climbing, strong man comps...you name, i did it. Problem with that is, I've developed a lot of joint pain and have had a lot of accidents.
I just can't go as hard as I want to and that's what bothers me. If I do, I have been told I risk permanent injury.
However, I think it all boils down to...at least now...for me.... to what I'm willing to accept for my own life. An living the way I have has become unacceptable. So I have to do all of this with training wheels. So what used to take me 3 months to achieve....will probably take me a year.
That's the unavoidable conclusion that I haven't wanted to face. After my convo last night...I think it's the only way i can make it work though.
Accepting that fact will be much harder than pushing the weight or running the distances. Physical pain I can handle. I've been shot, stabbed, had broken bones, massive kidney stones...etc...
The mental aspect is what's so difficult now..having to slow down because it's the healthier thing to do. That's the hurdle that must be overcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by resolute50
“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”
Theodore Roosevelt.
Theodore Roosevelt.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
