Lpg

Hey all not sure where to post this here or in the family side.

My brothers drinking has gotten out of hand lately, similar to my own story expect he only started drinking 3 years ago when he was 20. He turned up at my house on sunday afternoon looking worse for wear and no money to his name to get home. He's been out of work for 3 months but has started a new job yesterday. Everytime I speak to him he's drinking, even last night after his first shift at work when he facetimed me he had a pint in his hand 20 mins after finishing work.
He has just phoned me to tell me he was seeing things in his room last night and described to me what sounds like he's having some kind of withdrawals or DTs (he thinks it was a ghost)
I really don't want him to end up in the same position I did I would hate that life for him. I don't know how to approach him about it as iv not told my family much apart from iv stopped drinking as it doesn't agree with me. Do I just be upfront with him and try to speak to him about it. I have tried to speak to him before, saying maybe he ought to be like me and give it up but his words to that.... 'f that'
Any advice would be great.

Dee74

Hi lpg

I understand you wanting to talk to him, I also understanding the difficulty of 'breaking cover'.

If it was me I think I'd try and speak with him as honestly and iopenly as I could - but be prepared for a negative response.

Noone could tell me to quit drinking until I was ready - but I look back at those who tried and I love them for it now.

D

Obladi

Hi Lpg,

If it were me (and it certainly has been), I think the best time to talk with him is when he's feeling crappy and remorseful or hopeless or whatever beaten-down feeling eventually arrives. Freaked out by DTs works too. This is where the model of those AA founders rings true to me - show up when the guy is realizing there is a problem. Listen and share your own stories of being that low. Hopefully that will pique his curiosity about how you got out of that hole.

I've listened and commiserated with my alcoholic daughter any number of times. Can't share my stories because she would think I was trying to make it all about me, but that's her. But simply being understanding seems to be helpful to her - at least she's able to honestly tell me that she knows she has a problem. That's the first step.

You and I both know that your brother won't do anything to address his problem until he's ready. In the meantime, I think your understanding is probably more valuable than you know.

O

ScottFromWI

Lots of good advice here LPG. Try to not overthink things here - especially things well beyond your control. You can certainly share your concerns with your brother, but as Dee mentioned there's no way to "approach" it that will guarantee his acceptance. As a matter of fact you may get some pretty hefty backlash and resentment for mentioning it, no matter how good your intentions might be. Remember that addiction is a very selfish affliction, and does not care who or how advice come - it view any suggestion to stop as a threat.

Lpg

Hey guys thanks for the advice. Sorry for not reading replys sooner I have been off the site since I posted just being busy with life in one way or another. Yes I think he will have to realise it in his own time and I will be there for him when that time comes, it took me at least a year after realising I had a serious problem to actually do something about it, I guess I just don't want him to have to find out the hard way and try to protect him from that as I know that low place all too well. And he knows I have quit drinking but my family think Im doing it more out of choice rather than a forced quit because I may actually die if I didnt. So I can see him thinking little miss goody two shoes trying to preach to him about alcohol rather than little miss alcoholic pants who can't control herself. Maybe one day I'll be honest with him.

I will keep an eye on him regardless and pray he sees it before it gets too bad.
Thabks for the advice again much appreciated.