A new journey
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 26
A new journey
Hi everyone,
Today is an important day for me. Like so many people here I have decided to be honest with myself. I am Striver. I am an alcoholic. My aim is to use this thread as a journal for my journey towards sobriety.
I know there is only one option for me. Total abstinence. Like many people with addictions I can easily fool myself into thinking things aren't that bad, I can cope etc. Not this time.
This time I am going to be totally honest on here. The only person that can do this is me. If I could control this I wouldn't be writing here in the first place.
Over the last 25+ years the longest I have remained sober has been about 6 weeks.
Today is day one. Wish me luck. And thanks for reading.
Striver
Today is an important day for me. Like so many people here I have decided to be honest with myself. I am Striver. I am an alcoholic. My aim is to use this thread as a journal for my journey towards sobriety.
I know there is only one option for me. Total abstinence. Like many people with addictions I can easily fool myself into thinking things aren't that bad, I can cope etc. Not this time.
This time I am going to be totally honest on here. The only person that can do this is me. If I could control this I wouldn't be writing here in the first place.
Over the last 25+ years the longest I have remained sober has been about 6 weeks.
Today is day one. Wish me luck. And thanks for reading.
Striver
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by Striver 
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply thisisme. I know it sounds crazy but I have dealt with this alone for so long. Knowing I can share with others makes me feel emotional, but amazing.
Very proud of you for sharing your story here. I started writing here and connecting with others less than a week ago for the same reason. Knowing that we are not alone and feeling all the love and support is increadible! I feel like people understand my struggle, and I’m able to express my feeling and thoughts without having that overwhelming fear of being judged. Keep posting and stay connected! Best of luck you, Striver!
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Absolutely agree with Kat1313, I started posting a week ago. It's so easy to get into a funk when you keep it all in and worry that your the only one thinking the way you think. I am learning to not beat myself up so much as there are plenty of people here who have had similar thoughts, I am not alone, people do understand and here cast no judgement. Welcome and hope you keep posting!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR Striver, you will find a lot of support and understanding here. I'm glad you've made the choice to quit drinking, it will be one of the best decisions you have ever made I am willing to wager!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by MantaLady
Absolutely agree with Kat1313, I started posting a week ago. It's so easy to get into a funk when you keep it all in and worry that your the only one thinking the way you think. I am learning to not beat myself up so much as there are plenty of people here who have had similar thoughts, I am not alone, people do understand and here cast no judgement. Welcome and hope you keep posting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 26
So it's evening here in the UK. The evening of day 2 for me. I have strong craving as expected, I know from previous attempts that the first week is tough. I also expect every day after to be tough and will be grateful for any reduction in that battle.
I feel raw, anxious, shaky. I know that's withdrawal. I'm posting to remind myself of why I am doing this. Yes, I only posted a few hours ago but that's how quickly my AV can come back - it was trying every trick there is as I came home. I told it where to go.
It's strange, isn't it, that I abused something for so long that made me lose control. And now, when I want that control back, it's hard.
Within all my mixed-up feelings and emotions at the moment there is one simplicity I keep returning too, one mantra to drown out the constant whine, manipulation and entitled despair of my AV.
Don't drink. Tomorrow will come. The cravings are just that. Fight the illusion. Don't drink.
Striver
I feel raw, anxious, shaky. I know that's withdrawal. I'm posting to remind myself of why I am doing this. Yes, I only posted a few hours ago but that's how quickly my AV can come back - it was trying every trick there is as I came home. I told it where to go.
It's strange, isn't it, that I abused something for so long that made me lose control. And now, when I want that control back, it's hard.
Within all my mixed-up feelings and emotions at the moment there is one simplicity I keep returning too, one mantra to drown out the constant whine, manipulation and entitled despair of my AV.
Don't drink. Tomorrow will come. The cravings are just that. Fight the illusion. Don't drink.
Striver
Ocean Lover!
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: You know nothing Jon Snow - UK
Posts: 2,604
Only a few hours till bedtime! Hang on in there, think how good it will feel in the morning when you wake up without a hangover. I distracted myself yesterday on Day 2. Had a long bath and cleaned my bedroom, changed my bedtime routine and didn't put on the radio but put some mediation music on to drift off too. Before I knew it today arrived and I was mighty chuffed to be able to say "today is Day 3".
Keep strong x
Keep strong x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 26
Halfway through day three. At work and my AV is kicking in. Putting those doubts in my head. Trying to make me believe that forever is impossible. I feel urges to get away early and drink. That's why I'm posting, to remind myself I am on a journey. That it will have many moments like this and I have to ride them out.
I feel shaky and anxious again. Annoyed at the world for making me an alcoholic. Of course I know it didn't. I did. I didn't like it and that's why I need to stop.
I will fight this, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. For now all I have to do is not drink. Just that. Not pick one up. Ride the cravings out. Know they'll pass. Get to tomorrow.
God this is hard.
I feel shaky and anxious again. Annoyed at the world for making me an alcoholic. Of course I know it didn't. I did. I didn't like it and that's why I need to stop.
I will fight this, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. For now all I have to do is not drink. Just that. Not pick one up. Ride the cravings out. Know they'll pass. Get to tomorrow.
God this is hard.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It's hard striver but you are doing all the right things. And it will definitely get easier - day 3 is still smack dab in the middle of acute withdrawal, but things should definitely improve from a physical standpoint soon.
The resentments are killers...and unproductive to boot. Accepting who we are can really help there. Keep posting, you will get through this.
The resentments are killers...and unproductive to boot. Accepting who we are can really help there. Keep posting, you will get through this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 26
So, it's the morning of day 4. And I stayed sober yesterday. I am proud of that. It may not seem long but it was a tough ride and I got through it. My emotions are shaky, I feel anxious, but at least I am sober, I am so grateful for that I have the chance to live another day without drinking. And I a going to do that. I won't drink today. It's just a day. I can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 26
Hi all, Day 5 AF , I hope. Yesterday was tough, lots of triggers. Today is even harder, it’s hot and sunny. I’d love to be able to drink. Love to. I won’t though, I’ll stay strong. Isn’t it strange to be mourning the loss of something that was killing me? But it feels like that.
Today I won’t drink. I will enjoy the sun sober!
Today I won’t drink. I will enjoy the sun sober!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,643
WELCOME STRIVER!
Cruise the other new-c threads...there is a lot there...a report in every 24, whiner's anon, and 'class of ....' threads, monthly ones, for people who join that month. Mine is Class of March '16. Over time I have developed friendshuips and the people at SR are good support. In the last 2 or so years, I have not been online only 2 times (each time 24 hours). One was a massive statewide power blackout and the other was my computer being frozen from malware. Each time- people sent pm's to see if I was OK.
KEEP POSTING!
Support to you and well done. The first huge hurdle is accpeting not being able to drink. AA meetings are a good support for me to.
Cruise the other new-c threads...there is a lot there...a report in every 24, whiner's anon, and 'class of ....' threads, monthly ones, for people who join that month. Mine is Class of March '16. Over time I have developed friendshuips and the people at SR are good support. In the last 2 or so years, I have not been online only 2 times (each time 24 hours). One was a massive statewide power blackout and the other was my computer being frozen from malware. Each time- people sent pm's to see if I was OK.
KEEP POSTING!
Support to you and well done. The first huge hurdle is accpeting not being able to drink. AA meetings are a good support for me to.
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