Problems are still problems but the quality of them has changed DRAMATICALLY
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Problems are still problems but the quality of them has changed DRAMATICALLY
When I find myself getting wrapped around the axle about things, I remind myself that the quality of my problems aren't nearly as bad as they used to be. It helps keep things in proper perspective.
For instance, 3 years ago, I'd be up at 3AM shaking, dry heaving, trying to down anything I could find to get the withdrawal to go away long enough to pass out a bit longer.
Now, 2 years sober, I find myself really annoyed at the prospect of moving into a larger house. My real estate agent is a moron too. I keep telling her to stay within certain parameters....she keeps sending me listings that are not what I want. But....she's been family for 25 years. Her brother was my best man in my wedding.
I don't wanna be cash poor. I'm materialistic as F$%k. I like being able to go out and buy s#it that I want. If I get one of these houses, I'm gonna be strapped. What fun is that?
NOBODY WANTS TO MOVE....well...my daughter is dead set against it. I have a few parameters and my wife doesn't want to do it M-F, but on the weekends she wants to know why we haven't figured it out yet?!?! WTF!? Why? noisy neighbors....we don't have it that bad.
I live outside of DC and it's crowded everywhere. Even multi million dollar homes are built on basically zero land.
The thought of moving makes me anxious. This place needs a lot of work. Moving is a pain in the ass. The market still hasn't recovered enough for me to break even. UGH...........................................
this is why I'm up at 3am.
hahahahahaha....stupid?....I know. Silly? yes.....quite.....but still frustrating.
I'm blessed beyond measure. I should just not talk about this.
I feel like an a$$hole even putting this thread up when people are really struggling with other more important things.
I just needed to get it off my chest. There's no reason to reply if you don't want to. I know what this sounds like.
Other than that, I'm doing pretty awesome. I really can't complain. I have no urges to drink..most days I don't even think about it...no compulsions....it's just something I used to do that almost killed me.
The things that bother me are things like "how do i be a better dad?'
how do i be a better husband? What more can I contribute?
Things that normal humans struggle with.
That's funny...I don't think I've ever thought of the words "normal" and me in the same sentence. Well, s#it....I guess that's progress.
What a blessing my life has become. From my BF finding me half dead on the sidewalk outside of my house and being in the hospital for weeks trying to recover....to this.
I have no right to complain. none.
Love you people.
For instance, 3 years ago, I'd be up at 3AM shaking, dry heaving, trying to down anything I could find to get the withdrawal to go away long enough to pass out a bit longer.
Now, 2 years sober, I find myself really annoyed at the prospect of moving into a larger house. My real estate agent is a moron too. I keep telling her to stay within certain parameters....she keeps sending me listings that are not what I want. But....she's been family for 25 years. Her brother was my best man in my wedding.
I don't wanna be cash poor. I'm materialistic as F$%k. I like being able to go out and buy s#it that I want. If I get one of these houses, I'm gonna be strapped. What fun is that?
NOBODY WANTS TO MOVE....well...my daughter is dead set against it. I have a few parameters and my wife doesn't want to do it M-F, but on the weekends she wants to know why we haven't figured it out yet?!?! WTF!? Why? noisy neighbors....we don't have it that bad.
I live outside of DC and it's crowded everywhere. Even multi million dollar homes are built on basically zero land.
The thought of moving makes me anxious. This place needs a lot of work. Moving is a pain in the ass. The market still hasn't recovered enough for me to break even. UGH...........................................
this is why I'm up at 3am.
hahahahahaha....stupid?....I know. Silly? yes.....quite.....but still frustrating.
I'm blessed beyond measure. I should just not talk about this.
I feel like an a$$hole even putting this thread up when people are really struggling with other more important things.
I just needed to get it off my chest. There's no reason to reply if you don't want to. I know what this sounds like.
Other than that, I'm doing pretty awesome. I really can't complain. I have no urges to drink..most days I don't even think about it...no compulsions....it's just something I used to do that almost killed me.
The things that bother me are things like "how do i be a better dad?'
how do i be a better husband? What more can I contribute?
Things that normal humans struggle with.
That's funny...I don't think I've ever thought of the words "normal" and me in the same sentence. Well, s#it....I guess that's progress.
What a blessing my life has become. From my BF finding me half dead on the sidewalk outside of my house and being in the hospital for weeks trying to recover....to this.
I have no right to complain. none.
Love you people.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,384
I would stay put if I were you. I have noisy neighbors at times, and it's frustrating no doubt, but the only real peace to be had in this world is inside our minds. At least that's my current theory!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Here's a suggestion for you bulldog to
maybe think about......
What it would cost to buy another house
and all that goes with it, why not put the
money towards adding on to your existing
home. You can turn your own home into
something newer with a different landscape,
remodeling, gardens, closed in garage,
patio, pool, expansion.
You could sit down with someone to
draw up some plans to add a new 2nd
floor or on the side, in the back of your
existing home. Weigh both sides of how
much it would cost to move or make
an extension on your own home.
There's always a solution to every
problem by asking for suggestions
and doing the footwork along with
continued maintanence on your own
recovery program, faith and a prayer.
maybe think about......
What it would cost to buy another house
and all that goes with it, why not put the
money towards adding on to your existing
home. You can turn your own home into
something newer with a different landscape,
remodeling, gardens, closed in garage,
patio, pool, expansion.
You could sit down with someone to
draw up some plans to add a new 2nd
floor or on the side, in the back of your
existing home. Weigh both sides of how
much it would cost to move or make
an extension on your own home.
There's always a solution to every
problem by asking for suggestions
and doing the footwork along with
continued maintanence on your own
recovery program, faith and a prayer.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
The quality and quantity of my problems has reduced dramatically. When I was drinking my life was one perpetual problem after the next. Everything was a catastrophe and I felt I just couldn't get ahead. Really amazing how I never put 2 and 2 together.
The fog is still lifting but for "normal" people most problems also have solutions. I don't think you need to get stuck on the thought of "others have it worse so I have no right to complain". I'm just trying to only complain now about the things I can change and am willing to do something about. Maybe you could reach some sort of compromise with your wife? Move but not to a place with a strenuous mortgage?
Have your real estate agent set you up with a subscription (sorry I can't for the life of me remember how this works but I know there's a way you as a client can have access to MLS listings within your perimeters) so you can do some investigating of your own..
The fog is still lifting but for "normal" people most problems also have solutions. I don't think you need to get stuck on the thought of "others have it worse so I have no right to complain". I'm just trying to only complain now about the things I can change and am willing to do something about. Maybe you could reach some sort of compromise with your wife? Move but not to a place with a strenuous mortgage?
Have your real estate agent set you up with a subscription (sorry I can't for the life of me remember how this works but I know there's a way you as a client can have access to MLS listings within your perimeters) so you can do some investigating of your own..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Yah, we went through something very similar a few years back.
We loved the neighborhood, established in the 1940’s, quiet, very safe for our indoor outdoor cats, but the house was lacking.
Thought about adding on, thought about moving (I had a commute), all of it.
At the end of the day, we decided to throw some money at the house, transform a sunroom into living space, and created a mud room from a porch.
It was better, tho still not ideal.
Like you, Bulldog, we didn’t want to overinvest in living space, and our decision to stay put turned out to be a good one, as my spouse was laid off the next year.
We lived in Metro Washington for a few years. Real estate is pricey, unless you want to live back of beyond and have a hellish commute.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
If you stay put and fix up, getting a good GC is key.
We loved the neighborhood, established in the 1940’s, quiet, very safe for our indoor outdoor cats, but the house was lacking.
Thought about adding on, thought about moving (I had a commute), all of it.
At the end of the day, we decided to throw some money at the house, transform a sunroom into living space, and created a mud room from a porch.
It was better, tho still not ideal.
Like you, Bulldog, we didn’t want to overinvest in living space, and our decision to stay put turned out to be a good one, as my spouse was laid off the next year.
We lived in Metro Washington for a few years. Real estate is pricey, unless you want to live back of beyond and have a hellish commute.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
If you stay put and fix up, getting a good GC is key.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
some problems are good problems to have. I lost weight had no clothes to wear and sat on my bed and cried depressed that i had nothing to wear and no money to buy **** and had to just wear crap that was falling off me. I finally went to the store to buy 1 new pair of pants so id have something. I got int he dressing room and realized i was even smaller then I thought i was. Again I cried it was bitter sweet really then thought **** it and put 2 pairs on a credit card and felt i deserved it screw it!!
Fast forward i had to buy clothes for an interview i go to buy a suit. nothing fits why? they dont make them small enough to fit me least not in this store so i'd need alterations no time for that I got all depressed again. But i foudn something else that would work.
Sometimes its not about where we are but how far we've come too. How much progress we've made etc...
good or bad big or small moving is still rediculously stressful. dont knock yourself for needing to vent.
Fast forward i had to buy clothes for an interview i go to buy a suit. nothing fits why? they dont make them small enough to fit me least not in this store so i'd need alterations no time for that I got all depressed again. But i foudn something else that would work.
Sometimes its not about where we are but how far we've come too. How much progress we've made etc...
good or bad big or small moving is still rediculously stressful. dont knock yourself for needing to vent.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I don't know where I read this quote, but it was during my research into mindfulness and meditation:
"Wheverver you go, there you are". I tried to get/run away from everything for years with alcohol, but certainly found that the only real solution was to face things where I am, right here and now.
Glad to hear you are able to take these things in stride now Bulldog, you've come a long way.
"Wheverver you go, there you are". I tried to get/run away from everything for years with alcohol, but certainly found that the only real solution was to face things where I am, right here and now.
Glad to hear you are able to take these things in stride now Bulldog, you've come a long way.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
I totally get it.
We all feel a bit selfish for living a normal life with normal problems when we know what the other side of it is.
On the house front, personally, I would stick and do what you need to be happy in the house.
Your daughter wants to stay, you want to be a good dad, no-one is excited above the move.
Your wife maybe wants to see that you are listening to her needs. Why not do a pow wow focussed on whether you could change the house to make you both happy.
And that might show the answer.
I think fully comitting is the answer to most things.
We all feel a bit selfish for living a normal life with normal problems when we know what the other side of it is.
On the house front, personally, I would stick and do what you need to be happy in the house.
Your daughter wants to stay, you want to be a good dad, no-one is excited above the move.
Your wife maybe wants to see that you are listening to her needs. Why not do a pow wow focussed on whether you could change the house to make you both happy.
And that might show the answer.
I think fully comitting is the answer to most things.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by SnazzyDresser 
I would stay put if I were you. I have noisy neighbors at times, and it's frustrating no doubt, but the only real peace to be had in this world is inside our minds. At least that's my current theory!
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