George89

Hi everyone,

it's been a while since I posted here, and a lot of good things have happened in my life.

In Mid-September last year, I stopped drinking alcohol, and did six months of no drinking.

I finally lost the beer belly that has plagued me ever since my late teenage years, and got close to a completely flat stomach

I made a lot of personal and professional changes in my life also, finally getting out of the old career I was stuck in and moving towards following my passion in writing. I now work as a freelance writer and I'm actually earning a living doing so. I'm grateful for this, grateful to finally be able to move away from the black dog (alcohol/depression cycle) that had plagued me for many years.

Now I must say that I have had two occasions over the past month where I have drank alcohol. I had two drinks about a month ago, and I had one drink on the weekend. Both times I had made a conscious decision to drink and actually I was able to experiment with what the alcohol was actually like.

Well, the first time I had two Belgian beers with in a Belgian restaurant. I felt what I can only describe as perhaps taking the edge off the date I was on, a bit more relaxed, but neither a good or bad feeling. I enjoyed the taste of the beer, at the time.

Fast forward to this weekend, and I had one 'Guinness' at a pub after a meal. This time round, I didn't actually like the effects. It seemed to go straight to my head and I felt a bit stupid in front of my girlfriend. Again, I felt numbed, and I ran out of things to say a little bit. It wasn't wholly unpleasant or pleasant, but I would say the so called 'buzz' was slightly more on the unpleasant side.

That was very interesting to me. After this long not drinking, I felt I could really experience the effects of alcohol on my mind and body. I didn't actually like the feeling of drinking. It didn't improve me in anyway. Secondly, I actually felt a mild hangover the next day. That same old feeling of impending doom, a bit more anxious then usual. A bit pale and tired looking.

It made me realise, why the hell does anyone drink ? Because their conditioned to do something that they think they enjoy ? But when you remove the conditioning, you see alcohol for what it is. Something that alters your whole way of being, and not for the better. It decreases your mood, your happiness. It blunts your emotions.

Anyway, I'm aware this post is becoming a little longer then I expected.

I wanted to say that I've had one of the best six months of my life since quitting alcohol for six months. These few drinks recently have simply strengthened my resolve to remain sober, and make a new commitment to sobriety!

I can't see myself going back to drinking regularly and I can't see myself drinking to getting drunk anymore. And because of that, I can't see there being any point drinking at all. Because the less I drink, the more I feel it. Even if its just one drink. And so with that clear logic, I just have no the reason to drink even once a month or once every few weeks.

Sober is the only way.

Hope you guys are doing great

Stronger2017

I think I felt the same way the first few times I drank when I relapsed after nearly three years sober. Bit by bit, though, I began to pick up my old habits and I was then right back where I started. Took about 18 months to get there. I’m now seven months sober again. (So happy I got another chance at this.) Don’t make the mistake I did George and you’ll be all good. Best of luck!

biminiblue

I'm glad that was the outcome.

I'm not going to test that theory!

I had to laugh at you saying your post was long. You said what you wanted to say very succinctly. Writers will write!

Hope your experimenting is done now. Nothing good that way lies.

daveglass1

I tested it a few weeks ago but Im only 5 weeks in.
No effect really after a few gins - I perceived there to be no effect anyway.
Rather than seeing these test results in a positive light, I can say that I agree - what was the point?
And .....I could sit there - head in hands and pity myself for all the lost jobs - money etc.
Nope - I sit here determined and every day Im progressing with my own " plan".
I wont go on - thanks for the post - woke me up - its been a long day 🤠
Dave.

George89

Hi Bimini,

yeah, I'm done.

My lifestyle had already changed to an alcohol-free one. The truth is I've been dating a new girl recently, and she drinks, although not that much.

I don't want to go back to hangovers and the misery that comes with that lifestyle. Even if it is moderation, its misery in moderation!

I just need to be careful now after having gone off the wagon to get back on the wagon.

Cow

I can relate, Mr. George.

Many time when I was on date or with friend, we be having very good time of connection, but once alcohol come into it, I could feel this connection become detach and sometime awkward. I think is not possible to be fully present with someone if you altered with drugs.

August252015

While I am a little confused about whether you two relapses were during the six months of sobriety you are counting, or after that....testing is not for me. It's all of nothing and it is permanently nothing, or I will die. Not immediately after, say one drink a time or two....but a full relapse and death would be the outcome.

I'm glad you feel that sober is the way to live and give you my best on making that happen.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back to the posting side of things George. Glad to hear you have decided to stay quit - i agree that it's a much better life. Don't be a stranger!

fini

so, do you think you drank again because it was something you had been conditioned to think you enjoy?
this is what i read to be implied in your question about wth anyone would drink and saying you made a conscious decision to drink.
a "conscious decision" isn't the same as a conditioned response, so i'm wondering what the conscious decision was about?
might be well worth your while to look at YOUR answer to your own question of why the hell anyone would drink?

Stayingsassy

This is part of the reason I haven't really been socializing, the only instance I could see my cravings come back would be new friends. I'm married so no dating thank goodness but with friends, I could see myself wanting to join in and become part of a group,which is traditionally done here in the US with alcohol, and I can't just have two drinks.

Hope you've put it behind you!

George89

The truth is, I had originally planned to stop drinking for 12 months.

I had completed six months, and felt pretty good.

I also felt like I was in a good place in my life, things had been coming together career wise, and I didn't feel bad about my decision to have a couple of drinks at the time.

I guess that's the cognitive error in my brain - that after six months I suppose I tricked myself into drinking alcohol. It was also related to going on a few dates, and feeling at the time that I had met someone I liked, and perhaps felt scared to lose her if she didn't like the fact I didn't drink.

I look back and realise I had nothing to worry about. She would have most likely been fine with me not drinking. Yet, I had an insecurity and a belief manifested that I could be perceived as boring by not drinking. So that's something I need to look at.

I'm not complaining about my situation. I came off the wagon and I realised that its not worth coming back to it and I'm using this as a lesson.

fini

you know, i had some of those fears: i would be boring, or perceived that way. wouldn't know " how to be". would be considered odd.
and it might be that i am considered all those things by others...don't know, don't care.
if impressing someone else or have them like me requires drinking, then they are not the right person for me to be with.
so you had actually put a finishline on your abstinence from the beginning, and so it sounds like you always planned on drinking again...is that right?
i have done that also, long ago in the past. later, i understood that permanent abstinence was the only way forward for me.
Often, that realization is a process, and i needed to drop any and all reservations that there was anything left for me in drinking.

MindfulMan

Looking back on times when I've stopped for a bit, the first drink or two, that "normal" drink, was mostly a bit of dizziness and mild numbing. It was actually a bit dysphoric.

I don't even want that "one or two drinks." The feeling doesn't appeal.

I smoked weed as a kid. I found when I did it only occasionally, I would get seriously stoned and it was hugely unpleasant. Never really liked it, it was only tolerable when it was mild.

Point is...is any buzz that great if you really examine it?

That is what really keeps me from drinking. It's not the negatives, although they are certainly huge. It's that I don't even want the feeling anymore.

WaterOx

It really is a wonder why anyone drinks- or has trouble convincing themselves that a drink is NOT the rawest of deals out there.

Dee74

Hi George
after what I put myself and my loved ones through with my drinking it would be madness for me to return to drinking.

I sincerely hope you're a different kind of drinker to me.

best of luck

D

George89

WaterOx, you're exactly right.

I suppose that was my feeling after having a few drinks. This is the thing that everyone bangs on about ?

Since Saturday night when I had one drink, I've had this cold / allergy type flare up. My flat is a mess, I'm lying in bed and I have no energy to clean it up.

I really wonder whether that drink has messed with my immune system. I don't think my body reacted well to it. I've been living in a state of squalor for the last few days and feel too tired to do anything.

WaterOx

I think I get your point, George. These 3 months have been the longest I've gone without a drink since I was 21 and I have never felt more amazing.

Conversely, I'm beginning to believe that, even when I was a moderate drinker, the effects of just a drink or two per week made me much less functioning than I have felt in these few short months.

It's a wonder how much the "average casual drinker" is missing out on. I suppose we'll never know.

CreativeThinker

"Testing" pulled me right back down the rabbit hole many times! At first it's just a drink or 2...before I knew it, I was back where I started. I learned my lesson!

SoberCAH

When it came to testing my abilities with having a little alcohol, I failed horribly every time.

Glad you're with us.

JeffreyAK

My first drug of choice was weed, starting when I was 15, and I was a daily smoker until I was 23. I quit then, for several reasons but mostly because I felt it was getting in the way of me living my life, and I didn't touch it for many years. I smoked a couple times in my early 30's, out of curiosity (and maybe because I remembered it as pleasant? I don't really know), but I didn't really get buzzed, so it was neither pleasant nor unpleasant.

Then I smoked one time with a girlfriend at a party of people I didn't know, and holy crap, it was awful. Totally stoned, totally paranoid, I shut right up and quickly fled the scene. There was nothing remotely pleasant about it, and I wondered why on Earth I had spent so many years in that state of mind. That was the last time, and I have no interest in touching the stuff again.

I won't perform that experiment with alcohol, though. Weed was never the major addictive problem that alcohol became, and all my most recent memories of alcohol are of being in hell, so there are no rose-colored glasses to look through. I already have no interest in touching the stuff again. I feel the same way about acid, or coke - things I used to do, long ago, but won't ever touch again.

Glad your experiment worked for you, and it sounds like my experiment years ago with weed! But for lots of folks, who were perhaps more addicted to alcohol than you maybe were, it would not end well, and very often an experiment like that will send people right back down the hole.