Alcoholic friends are coming to visit next week & I知 supposed to be starting rehab
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by SparkleKitty 
You do, however—in fact you are the only one with it—have the power to give your kids the mom they deserve: sober, healthy, and present.
which priority is greater-
a childs future or a friends weekend?
the welfare of a child or a couple of so called friends "fun" for the weekend.
your recovery or some "friends" weekend.
courage or fear?
why that one? because it reads like fear( and self centeredness- think about your child here for a bit. are they going to be around the drunkenness?) is a bit of driving force underneath the excuses.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Where are your kids going to be whole all this is going on?
I agree that your AV is really tugging at the Fear string right now. Maybe even the Ego string. It sometimes helps to figure out exactly what is motivating us if we're going to work through it. I use this litany / prayer for this. As I read it through, usually whatever has a hold of me will stand out, or make me feel angry or upset or embarrassed as I read that word and think about what it means. Might be worth a go....
God. I pray for your help in detaching from the desire (ego here)of being:
admired, loved, praised, favoured, accepted, consulted, well known, and honoured.
I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised, ridiculed, humiliated, falsely accused, persecuted, disbelieved, despised, and forgotten.
Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be :
Admired more than I, praised when I am unnoticed, chosen though I may be set aside, preferred to me, and increase in prominence though I remain hidden.
Please open my eyes and ears, and help me to recognise my inner child and not act on its whims and fears.
Amen
BB
PS Friends are people who want us to thrive and be happy. If someone's own addictions mean that they are incapable of being a good friend, sometimes we owe it to ourselves to make some tough decisions about how healthy that relationship really is. When we act with wisdom we are looking towards long term serenity and happiness (for ourselves and those who depend on us) rather than quick fixes. It is seeking and following wisdom rather than quick-fixes that gets us sober and keeps us sober.
I agree that your AV is really tugging at the Fear string right now. Maybe even the Ego string. It sometimes helps to figure out exactly what is motivating us if we're going to work through it. I use this litany / prayer for this. As I read it through, usually whatever has a hold of me will stand out, or make me feel angry or upset or embarrassed as I read that word and think about what it means. Might be worth a go....
God. I pray for your help in detaching from the desire (ego here)of being:
admired, loved, praised, favoured, accepted, consulted, well known, and honoured.
I pray for your help in detaching from the fear of being:
Criticised, ridiculed, humiliated, falsely accused, persecuted, disbelieved, despised, and forgotten.
Please grant me the grace to desire that others may be :
Admired more than I, praised when I am unnoticed, chosen though I may be set aside, preferred to me, and increase in prominence though I remain hidden.
Please open my eyes and ears, and help me to recognise my inner child and not act on its whims and fears.
Amen
BB
PS Friends are people who want us to thrive and be happy. If someone's own addictions mean that they are incapable of being a good friend, sometimes we owe it to ourselves to make some tough decisions about how healthy that relationship really is. When we act with wisdom we are looking towards long term serenity and happiness (for ourselves and those who depend on us) rather than quick fixes. It is seeking and following wisdom rather than quick-fixes that gets us sober and keeps us sober.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 4,217
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
I'll be honest. If I hadn't quit yet and wasn't facing a bad situation I would have delayed it. It's how alcoholics still in the grip of the addiction think.
I had a huge embarrassing blowout right before my quit so I didn't care what was coming up, I had my final straw.
Are you done? If you are truly done then friends coming to visit should be so low on your list of priorities that it is laughable. What's in store for you during this visit? Drunken diatribes masquerading as bonding? Half remembered evenings, only remembering snippets of conversations? Pitiful scenes of falling and tears and morbid shared oblivion? massive hangovers?
Tell your friends you have quit and will soon be in rehab. I have done this to communicate with people, I use words like sobriety and recovery and meetings and rehab. Why? So friends and family know it's not a passing phase or a casual detox.
You can delay if you want as it's your choice but you're only delaying the inevitable for yourself and also basically indulging and supporting the dysfunction of your friends who are as sick as you are right now.
You have made a very important decision for yourself. It's more important than your alcoholic friends. Just take a deep breath and let them know what's up with you.
I had a huge embarrassing blowout right before my quit so I didn't care what was coming up, I had my final straw.
Are you done? If you are truly done then friends coming to visit should be so low on your list of priorities that it is laughable. What's in store for you during this visit? Drunken diatribes masquerading as bonding? Half remembered evenings, only remembering snippets of conversations? Pitiful scenes of falling and tears and morbid shared oblivion? massive hangovers?
Tell your friends you have quit and will soon be in rehab. I have done this to communicate with people, I use words like sobriety and recovery and meetings and rehab. Why? So friends and family know it's not a passing phase or a casual detox.
You can delay if you want as it's your choice but you're only delaying the inevitable for yourself and also basically indulging and supporting the dysfunction of your friends who are as sick as you are right now.
You have made a very important decision for yourself. It's more important than your alcoholic friends. Just take a deep breath and let them know what's up with you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
G.
It was five whole years ago that you posted this....
And you're still figuring our whether your alcoholic friends drinking is more important than your children and you getting well? I think you know what the sane choice is, but the idea of a last dance with your demons is appealing to your alcoholic side.
Which part of you are you going to allow to make this decision. The alcoholic side? Or the loving, nurturing wise side that wants the best for her family and wants to rid herself of shame and self- loathing? Because the trouble with those last dances is they don't always end as we plan them to.
BB
It was five whole years ago that you posted this....
Originally Posted by Garfield71
I am a stay at home mom, with two children, aged 8 and 10. I have been drinking heavily for years, and always told myself that I would stop before my kids were old enough to know that I have a problem. I am still drinking, a bottle to a bottle and a half of wine daily. It starts out as 'helping me to relax', then I just keep drinking. I have tried AA, but I just come home and drink afterwards. It just doesn't stick. Yesterday I brought my 8 year old to a party, and I could tell that she was embarrassed by me. Other parents in the neighborhood don't let their kids play at our house anymore. Everybody knows what a mess I am. I feel like I have ruined my kid's lives, and it is so painful. I would find an outpatient rehab, but we have a 6k deductible on our insurance plan, and I can't afford it. I just don't know where to turn.
Which part of you are you going to allow to make this decision. The alcoholic side? Or the loving, nurturing wise side that wants the best for her family and wants to rid herself of shame and self- loathing? Because the trouble with those last dances is they don't always end as we plan them to.
BB
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Denver co
Posts: 29
Thank you all for your wisdom and support. I have read through your responses several times, and have decided to make the right decision for myself and my kids. I haven’t called my friend yet (which is going to be rough) but I have confirmed to my husband that I’m going to rehab this week, no matter what. I am honestly terrified of rehab, but nothing else has worked after years of trying. I just need to jump in head first. On a positive note, my kids commented on my few days of sobriety last night (they asked why I haven’t been drinking wine at dinner). They are going to be so happy that I am seeking help.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
This thread makes me reminisce about walking into the treatment center where I got help.
I had 3 out of town trips planned for the next 4 weeks.
I told the addictionologist that I would be back in a month to matriculate into his institution of higher learning.
He (and the horrible condition I was in) ultimately prevailed on me and I entered treatment that evening.
And I have done what they "recommended" ever since.
Glad to learn of your very wise decision.
I had 3 out of town trips planned for the next 4 weeks.
I told the addictionologist that I would be back in a month to matriculate into his institution of higher learning.
He (and the horrible condition I was in) ultimately prevailed on me and I entered treatment that evening.
And I have done what they "recommended" ever since.
Glad to learn of your very wise decision.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 67
I agree with FreedomCA - that was my first thought. What if something happens before you go to rehab that isn't good? Honestly, I would also just tell them- hey, I've got a real problem and I'm getting help for it so I can't be around booze right now. Actually, might be best to tell them you have to cancel their visit and leave it at that. Your body/life is the most important thing- you gotta take care of yourself.
Woops- I missed your post- good for you!
Woops- I missed your post- good for you!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
