Lpg

Morning all,

Not been posting alot but been reading everyday. On Friday I went to my usual meeting and I had thoughts on my mind regarding the voice in my head (AV) constantly tricking me into thinking one day I'll be normal and be able to moderate, anyway as I was saying it I was taken by surprise about my reaction and burst out crying. I left feeling rather stupid iv been going to this meeting for 5 months now I thought the teary stage was long past me, I don't understand why I got so upset, iv been thinking about it non stop since Friday. Maybe I haven't truly accepted the fact I can't go back hence the reaction, is it normal to still be overly emotional at this stage? Maybe I'm over analysing it!

On a plus note iv just had another great sober weekend starting the week free from guilt and ready for whatever is thrown my way. Hope everyone is good.

Ken33xx

Don't worry.

I doubt your outburst of tears bothered anyone assuming they even remember.

Berrybean

AA meetings are a good place for honest reactions. And that was just your honest reaction at the time. We cry for all kinds of reason. Relief. Sadness. Joy. Pain. Hopelessness. New-hope. Frustration. Fear. It might be worth pondering for a short time what emotion brought on the tears BUT (and this is a really big BUT), also remember that we are not our emotions. And emotions aren't always right.

The other side to this is getting over your embarrassment over having tears in a meeting. Personally I would think that this is much more healthy than the "I'm fine"-ing that i was doing in many meetings in the early months. It would probably help to chat about this to your sponsor and / or other friends from your home group. Give them a call and just say if it's playing on your mind. (If you don't have a sponsor or numbers to call, that is probably worth setting right next time you go to the meeting. )

Chin up. What's a few tears between friends?

BB

Pagekeeper

The obsession of the mind tells us all sorts of crazy stuff, and yes, it can be frustrating to all ends. It's not unusual for someone in early recovery to shed tears in meetings, our emotions are all over the place.

I think the more important issue here is that you understand the mental obsession can be removed by working the steps! No more nagging voice telling you all sorts of lies, emotionally manipulating you, filling you with excuses, and distracting you from the problem. Your focus on your reaction and what others think about it is part of the mental obsession! It wants you to worry and to give you an excuse to feel uncomfortable, because we all know what makes uncomfortable feelings go away ...

Cunning, baffling, powerful.

ScottFromWI

Totally normal LPG, and yes- our addiction will try and creep back in and tell us that we can somehow be "normal" or "moderate". It's not a sign of weakness, just AV barking at you. Good thing is - you were at a meeting and letting those thoughts out, that's what you are supposed to do! Don't feel bad about letting out your emotions, that's what support networks and groups are designed for.

August252015

Agree with the others about this being normal, happens to most of us at some point(s) - I found myself surprisingly emotional at different points in my first year, less in my second, and oddly (to me!) in the start of my 25th month. Now closing in on 26.

I had an incredibly strong reaction one night around 2am not long after doing steps 4 & 5 - woke my now husband up!
Month 17 surprised me with an extreme reaction to the wine all over the little mountain town where we went for a wedding...
Month....you get the idea.

Things do balance out, IME- but it's OK to be emotional when you need to be. Getting it out, understanding it, and moving forward is how I dealt and deal with it.

Take care- keep going- best to you.

PhoenixJ

LPG...emotions will have their time...they will come uninvited and hard when we least expect it. I get triggered by memories that just appear because I see a lovey-dovey mum-baby ad on tele, or a car of a certain colour, or a smell........all I can do is accept them and ride them out..like a wave rushing over a rock (me)...but it recedes and I feel a little better. Showing emotions in public is not shameful or silly. That is what the meetings are for. If we all went and are pretending to be happy la-la....it is pointless. It is hard sometimes for me too. Mindful breathing helps.
Support to you.

Gottalife

I was thinking along the same lines. If you've been sold a bill of goods that all you need to do is going to meetings, and take your time with everything else, the there is likely to be some pressure building.

I remember having one or two unexplained and unexpected out bursts also. It had to do with my lack of action on the program. Things I was doing that I shouldn’t be and things I should be doing that I wasn’t. Unresolved issues, many of which I was unaware, bubbling away just below the surface, melding together to build tension and pressure ,until......

Work the steps if you want to get rid of the one session for good.

Cow

Ooh, over analyzing! I'm in! Okay, now, how 'bout this possibility... maybe, when it come over you to realize you not can ever go back to the drink, you burst out crying cuz, you was RELIEVED. Yes, cuz you doing so well and deep down, maybe this letting go of any doubts that you can turn back was a release.

Is just this cow's ruminations.

Algorithm

I mostly agree with the 12-Step adherents here, if perhaps not with their promised outcome. While the AV is indeed, more or less, the 'mental obsession' described in the Big Book, I don't personally believe that it can ever be totally removed.

I say 'or less' because the AV is actually more than the mental obsession described in the Big Book. The idea that one is 'not normal' by abstaining from alcohol, and that one must drink in order to be normal, for example, obviously supports the possible future use of alcohol, and is therefore, AV.

Normal people don't drink, and it is the AV itself which incessantly argues otherwise. That said, I second what everyone else has said here that these thoughts are perfectly normal, given the circumstances.

Lpg

Thanks everyone for your advice and support, I feel slightly less silly now. Some days are great and I don't let it take control but other days it really messes with me. I know over time it should hopefully subside, I was also wondering about doing the steps and wondering if this would help minimise these thoughts or make them less intense, so thanks for clearing that up for me. I have so far just been attending AA trying to listen and learn, im concerned I'm not really getting it properly I'm possibly not putting in enough effort. I just want to be in that place of peace so bad, but it's early days and I'm possibly expecting too much too soon.
How do I go about doing the steps, people talk about them but not about how to begin the process I have no idea where to start

Thank lpg

Berrybean

Lpg.

Working the steps made such a difference to me.

The first step is asking someone to be your sponsor. They then guide you through the steps, one step at a time..

I would also suggest adding a step or Big Book study meeting to your weekly schedule if you don't attend one yet. That's a great place to learn as people share specifically on their experience of the programme.

BB

Ken33xx

As was mentioned try a step study meeting. This will give you a chance to hear what others have to say and perhaps ask questions. As far as choosing a sponsor Take your time and get to know the members. Find someone you feel comfortable with

tomsteve

good on ya for wanting to do the steps!
how to do them- welp, start at step 1 and follow through to step 12.
along with getting a sponsor and attending BB and step study meetings, it would be wise to get the big book( to read,of course- not use as a coaster ) to get a good understanding of the why behind each step.
they are pretty simple. personally i had a hard time understanding because i was certain something to help me recover had to be seriously complicated.
it wasnt complicated.

Lpg

Ah okay so there is a big book study meeting on Sundays that I haven't attended yet, part of my problem is the fact I only go to the same group every week I haven't tried any other meetings yet. I was building up my confidence before trying other meetings, I still get nervous because I'm still quite obviously emotional about it. I need to get over that though as it's holding me back from finding my peace. Haha (laughing at coaster reference) yes I do have the big book at home that I read when I have free time although atm it's probably been a better ornament must look it out and start reading more often. Yes I Really want to do the steps I have been curious as to how it works, infact I want to do anything that's going to aid my soberity. Thanks for all the advice really appreciate it.
Lpg

daredevil

I thought the first step was admitting powerlessness over alcohol;-)

Gottalife

At one point I didn’t personally believe I could recover, and I certainly did not believe in God.

The only thing that could change my belief was experience. I had the experience of working the steps, experienced the results. I have experienced a complete recovery, I had experiences with God, and I experienced the total removal of the obsession to drink. Absolute freedom from alcohol.

None of that really came from belief. A willingness to try without reservation was what brought the experience.

JME

SoberCAH

Emotions that we drowned in alcohol years ago seem to work their way out of us like shrapnel.

We've all been emotional in AA meetings.

I even got very emotional a few months ago (ruminating about how blessed I have been to be sober for a good while), and I'm glad it did.

It felt good.

I wish that I could get in better touch with my emotions even today, after a fair amount of recovery.

Crying is instinctive - just watch an infant to see how they react.

nez

Asking someone to be your sponsor is a beginning to admitting powerlessness because obviously you can't do this recovery thing left to your own devices, which is the reason you are asking for help.

tomsteve

the program of AA says it is removed, but it says there are conditions on it staying removed.

It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.