One More Day Part 2
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Originally Posted by Obladi 
Tatsy, how are you getting along?
. I’m doing well on the alcohol front, no chance of me drinking. My AV is a snivelling, pathetic thought loop focused on raising uncomfortable feelings (regrets, should’ve spent more time with family instead of isolating drinking, should’ve been a better listening ear and comforter) and although the sentiments of those thoughts are true, a drink would not alleviate my grief or regrets, it would add to them. My AV (habituated coping mechanism to ‘stress’) is a liar. Sober life is so much better when the AV is tuned out, although I had changed stations .....it dialled back in, opportunist or what? Sad, little negative thought loop.
I’ll never waste any more time in my one precious life, drinking to oblivion, abusing my body and distancing my loved ones. I achieved freedom and there’s no way on this earth that the AV is grabbing that back from me.
Day 1 sounds great, O
.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
It's an absolutely gorgeous day. I was sitting outside a few minutes ago and the thought suddenly occurred to me, "I don't have to go straight home." (Seeing as I won't need to hurry there with a bottle.)
Ok, this could have it's good points.
Ok, this could have it's good points.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Safely ensconced in my home after stopping at the grocery store to splurge on hotbar for dinner. It's crazy how my mind is ok with a $13 (or $21 depending on the day) bottle of booze, but rebels at spending the same amount for other things. Hot bar was $11, so I'm ahead any way you count it.
So. I'm here. Have lost my appetite but perhaps it will return. Need to take my medication then... I dunno. Netflix probly.
Plenty needs doing. I figure the first couple of days simply not drinking is enough.
So. I'm here. Have lost my appetite but perhaps it will return. Need to take my medication then... I dunno. Netflix probly.
Plenty needs doing. I figure the first couple of days simply not drinking is enough.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Day Two
Up in the middle of the night for a bit, but managed to sleep again until 5am. Not too bad, considering. Took my first dose of Antabuse last night and the second this morning. It makes me a bit spacey in the beginning, but that will subside. Lord knows I understand this is no cure, but the preventative benefits will be worth it for me while I go through this first part.
I wouldn't say I'm excited or pleased or any of those things I'd like to feel, but I do feel a resolve. I'll take it.
Up in the middle of the night for a bit, but managed to sleep again until 5am. Not too bad, considering. Took my first dose of Antabuse last night and the second this morning. It makes me a bit spacey in the beginning, but that will subside. Lord knows I understand this is no cure, but the preventative benefits will be worth it for me while I go through this first part.
I wouldn't say I'm excited or pleased or any of those things I'd like to feel, but I do feel a resolve. I'll take it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Resolve is what is really needed.
Unflinching, no matter what, resolve.
Like Tasty's post.
Its a mind shift.
I dont drink. Doesnt matter what I think I want, what my little voice says, etc because (you got it) I dont drink.
Do what ever it takes, antabuse, hotbar, massages, whatever...
XX
Unflinching, no matter what, resolve.
Like Tasty's post.
Its a mind shift.
I dont drink. Doesnt matter what I think I want, what my little voice says, etc because (you got it) I dont drink.
Do what ever it takes, antabuse, hotbar, massages, whatever...
XX
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Massages? Yikes! That involves human touch. What in the world are you thinking? I'll take ice cream, though. 
The hotbar lasted for two dinners, so turns out to be a bargain after all.
Found myself sleepy at work today and at a standstill to boot. So I indulged myself and took more frequent little walks and spent time reading here. Also made a phone call to try to get someone to come take a look at the leak in my basement. We kept missing each other, but I'll try again tomorrow. I am proud of myself for making that call. I hate asking for help (even when - especially when? - I'm paying for it).
Had a bit of a panic driving home about whether I would or wouldn't drink then reminded myself I'm not. And then it was ok. Would that it remain so simple.
The hotbar lasted for two dinners, so turns out to be a bargain after all.
Found myself sleepy at work today and at a standstill to boot. So I indulged myself and took more frequent little walks and spent time reading here. Also made a phone call to try to get someone to come take a look at the leak in my basement. We kept missing each other, but I'll try again tomorrow. I am proud of myself for making that call. I hate asking for help (even when - especially when? - I'm paying for it).
Had a bit of a panic driving home about whether I would or wouldn't drink then reminded myself I'm not. And then it was ok. Would that it remain so simple.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Day 3
I will then stick with simple.
Had a very hard time sleeping last night which will hopefully transform into an easier time tonight. Daughter called and I had literally no news for her because she doesn't know that I've been drinking. No need - it would probably do more damage than good. Anyhow it was a little weird talking to her sober. Like I was acutely aware of how boring I am.
Being boring sober is better than being a Boring Drunk.
I will then stick with simple.
Had a very hard time sleeping last night which will hopefully transform into an easier time tonight. Daughter called and I had literally no news for her because she doesn't know that I've been drinking. No need - it would probably do more damage than good. Anyhow it was a little weird talking to her sober. Like I was acutely aware of how boring I am.
Being boring sober is better than being a Boring Drunk.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Saw my therapist today. Talked about how this is really not a struggle right now, but I need to be prepared for when it becomes one.
Had a bit of a crisis to manage at work today and was very glad to be feeling well and sharp enough to handle it well. Got my adrenaline going, which hasn't happened in a long time. It made me feel sort of manic... probably fueled by neurons firing and a big ol' cup of iced coffee. The thought occurred to me that I may well have used drinking to calm myself back in the day when the adrenaline was hitting big time every day. Maybe so.
In any event, I'm home with the cats and just about ready for bed at 7:30 pm. This not drinking thing is exhausting at the moment.
Had a bit of a crisis to manage at work today and was very glad to be feeling well and sharp enough to handle it well. Got my adrenaline going, which hasn't happened in a long time. It made me feel sort of manic... probably fueled by neurons firing and a big ol' cup of iced coffee. The thought occurred to me that I may well have used drinking to calm myself back in the day when the adrenaline was hitting big time every day. Maybe so.
In any event, I'm home with the cats and just about ready for bed at 7:30 pm. This not drinking thing is exhausting at the moment.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Day 4
I woke early this morning thinking, "Oh the dreaded weekend." It was more of a sardonic thought than a desperate one, but yeah. The weekend. I'm going into it with the attitude of "If the only thing I do is to stay sober, then that's enough." Surely I'll do Something, even if it's Not Much. But for the moment, a lack of expectations of anything beyond Goal One is working out ok.
I woke early this morning thinking, "Oh the dreaded weekend." It was more of a sardonic thought than a desperate one, but yeah. The weekend. I'm going into it with the attitude of "If the only thing I do is to stay sober, then that's enough." Surely I'll do Something, even if it's Not Much. But for the moment, a lack of expectations of anything beyond Goal One is working out ok.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Home sans alcohol. Whoever says a craving lasts only 5-10 minutes doesn't know me, or maybe I don't know the difference between craving and obsessing - are they different things?
Stopped at the grocery store and got myself some nice food and some FUSCHIA gladiolus - beautiful! They climb a bit higher than the bottom of my hanging dining room light but that's alright- looks a little edgy and that's how I feel. Got home and changed into my "I would never go out in this" summer dress and here I will stay. I think as long as I don't purchase any alcohol today I'll be good for the weekend.
Stopped at the grocery store and got myself some nice food and some FUSCHIA gladiolus - beautiful! They climb a bit higher than the bottom of my hanging dining room light but that's alright- looks a little edgy and that's how I feel. Got home and changed into my "I would never go out in this" summer dress and here I will stay. I think as long as I don't purchase any alcohol today I'll be good for the weekend.
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