28 days sober and dealing with a terrible week
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 3
28 days sober and dealing with a terrible week
Hello all,
New here but have been to the site multiple times. I would always type 1 day sober, 2 days sober, and so forth in Google search and always end up here reading posts. I don't know why but I decided I would post tonight.
Today is day 28 without alcohol. There have been temptations along the way but nothing like this week.
On Monday morning I got a call from my dad saying that my brother was a no call no show for work and that isn't like him. He is a recovering alcoholic like me and sober for 2 months. I had done wellness checks on him in the past when he was drinking, everytime he was hungover and had just let his phone die. This was different because he was sober and doing so well. Anyways I go to his place and find him in his car. At first I think he was just passed out again but as I try to open the door I discover it is locked. I peer through his window and bang on the glass, discovering that he had shot himself in the head. Needless to say I was destroyed. Not only was he my brother, he was my best friend. He was the best uncle my kids could ever have.
My first thought was to turn to alcohol. My mom wanted everyone at their house that night, but I said I wanted to be alone. Everyone knew what I wanted to do, and talked me out of it. I'm glad they did, because had I drank that night, I would return to what I was, probably worse.
While searching for answers, I found some things in my brother's phone that he had written in his phone last year when he was drinking. It was evident to me that he was depressed and didn't like himself. Probably why he drank so much, to mask the pain. That killed me because everyone loved him so much and we were all so proud of how well he was doing. We were hanging out again weekly and it was awesome. His success had motivated me to get on the wagon and better myself. I made sure to let him know this fact and kept trying to remind him how proud of him I was.
With all of us searching for answers, none of us could come up with any obvious red flags. He had recently told me that he wanted to be able to go to parties and drink socially but knew he couldn't. He told my dad that he almost went and bought a 24 pack, but didn't. He seemed to be so happy and positive besides that, that it didn't send alarms blazing to us, but I guess it should have.
He had told me that recovery wanted him to see a psychiatrist, but he felt he didn't need it. He obviously did because he was depressed, lost his coping mechanism, and didn't know how to deal. He put up a good front though, tricking us all.
If you're struggling with depression, please seek help. See a psychiatrist, call your parents, call your siblings, call your friends, just please talk to someone. I guarantee you there are people who really love you and will do whatever they can to help you. I can't tell you how many times this week I have said that I wish he would have called me. I would have done anything to save his life.
Sorry for the long post, didn't think it would be this long when I started writing it. Just please stay on the road to recovery and get any and all help necessary for you to be happy and successful.
New here but have been to the site multiple times. I would always type 1 day sober, 2 days sober, and so forth in Google search and always end up here reading posts. I don't know why but I decided I would post tonight.
Today is day 28 without alcohol. There have been temptations along the way but nothing like this week.
On Monday morning I got a call from my dad saying that my brother was a no call no show for work and that isn't like him. He is a recovering alcoholic like me and sober for 2 months. I had done wellness checks on him in the past when he was drinking, everytime he was hungover and had just let his phone die. This was different because he was sober and doing so well. Anyways I go to his place and find him in his car. At first I think he was just passed out again but as I try to open the door I discover it is locked. I peer through his window and bang on the glass, discovering that he had shot himself in the head. Needless to say I was destroyed. Not only was he my brother, he was my best friend. He was the best uncle my kids could ever have.
My first thought was to turn to alcohol. My mom wanted everyone at their house that night, but I said I wanted to be alone. Everyone knew what I wanted to do, and talked me out of it. I'm glad they did, because had I drank that night, I would return to what I was, probably worse.
While searching for answers, I found some things in my brother's phone that he had written in his phone last year when he was drinking. It was evident to me that he was depressed and didn't like himself. Probably why he drank so much, to mask the pain. That killed me because everyone loved him so much and we were all so proud of how well he was doing. We were hanging out again weekly and it was awesome. His success had motivated me to get on the wagon and better myself. I made sure to let him know this fact and kept trying to remind him how proud of him I was.
With all of us searching for answers, none of us could come up with any obvious red flags. He had recently told me that he wanted to be able to go to parties and drink socially but knew he couldn't. He told my dad that he almost went and bought a 24 pack, but didn't. He seemed to be so happy and positive besides that, that it didn't send alarms blazing to us, but I guess it should have.
He had told me that recovery wanted him to see a psychiatrist, but he felt he didn't need it. He obviously did because he was depressed, lost his coping mechanism, and didn't know how to deal. He put up a good front though, tricking us all.
If you're struggling with depression, please seek help. See a psychiatrist, call your parents, call your siblings, call your friends, just please talk to someone. I guarantee you there are people who really love you and will do whatever they can to help you. I can't tell you how many times this week I have said that I wish he would have called me. I would have done anything to save his life.
Sorry for the long post, didn't think it would be this long when I started writing it. Just please stay on the road to recovery and get any and all help necessary for you to be happy and successful.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Welcome to SR, and I am so sorry to hear such dreadful news. Alcoholism, I have found, is just as much about what happens to me when I don't drink as when I do.
I had a dry spell many years ago, I was 21. The longer it went, the more into the pits of despair I travelled. My saviour back then was some well meaning friends who invited me to try dope. I was drinking within seconds, back to my old solution.
It sounds like they did something really stupid, offering me that stuff, but in reality life without booze was so miserable it wasn't worth living. They could well have saved my life or, at the very least, bought me enough time to find a real solution. There was a whole lot more to it than just not drinking.
I had a dry spell many years ago, I was 21. The longer it went, the more into the pits of despair I travelled. My saviour back then was some well meaning friends who invited me to try dope. I was drinking within seconds, back to my old solution.
It sounds like they did something really stupid, offering me that stuff, but in reality life without booze was so miserable it wasn't worth living. They could well have saved my life or, at the very least, bought me enough time to find a real solution. There was a whole lot more to it than just not drinking.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Freedom,
I simply cannot fathom what you are going through.
You are so brave to post and to use this as a vehicle to try and help people see that it is so much more than the booze for many of us.
Please use that bravery and that love for your brother to keep you on the path during this tragedy.
Your brother's example led you to this path, let his light guide your way.
Reach out if we can help.
I am so sorry.
I simply cannot fathom what you are going through.
You are so brave to post and to use this as a vehicle to try and help people see that it is so much more than the booze for many of us.
Please use that bravery and that love for your brother to keep you on the path during this tragedy.
Your brother's example led you to this path, let his light guide your way.
Reach out if we can help.
I am so sorry.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm really sorry for your loss and for the way you found your brother a40tofreedom. Alcoholism and associated conditions like depression can be relentless.
I'm glad you found us and hope that you'll stick around.
D
I'm glad you found us and hope that you'll stick around.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 634
I am so sorry to read your post, tragic does not describe it well enough.
Easy to say I know, but please try not to beat yourself up; it isn't always possible to know what is going on and that someone is going to take such a drastic path. There isn't always a red flag. (I know this from my mum whose first husband took his own life.)
You are incredible to come on here and share this, thank you so much. And staying off the booze in these circumstances? Amazingly strong.
Easy to say I know, but please try not to beat yourself up; it isn't always possible to know what is going on and that someone is going to take such a drastic path. There isn't always a red flag. (I know this from my mum whose first husband took his own life.)
You are incredible to come on here and share this, thank you so much. And staying off the booze in these circumstances? Amazingly strong.
Trying to Enjoy Life Now
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Sittin' on the dock of the bay
Posts: 275
Not going out and drinking by yourself was a very wise and wonderful preliminary choice in dealing with this dire situation. Your family needs you as much as you need them right now.
I'm so sorry to hear about this event. Please come back and talk to us if you need to get something off your chest, need a change of pace, or just an ear to bend.
I'm so sorry to hear about this event. Please come back and talk to us if you need to get something off your chest, need a change of pace, or just an ear to bend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by Jimmy58 
My deepest condolences for your loss. My big brother died from booze 16 years ago today. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Thanks everyone for the responses. It's good to have this outlet and be able to talk to people going through similar experiences as me. I went to one AA meeting with my brother and don't think it's for me. I think this will better suit me.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
I'm very sorry for the loss of your brother and for what you're going through now.
Grieving is a process and there is no timeline and no wrong way to grieve. May you find more connections with your brother in ***good*** memories as you weave your way through this process.
I've learned that in this *** one day *** I will be given what I need to get through it if I keep asking my Higher Power for guidance, and keep myself open and receptive to guidance. As I see this happen, again, and again, I find a stronger trust.
How are you doing, today?
Grieving is a process and there is no timeline and no wrong way to grieve. May you find more connections with your brother in ***good*** memories as you weave your way through this process.
I've learned that in this *** one day *** I will be given what I need to get through it if I keep asking my Higher Power for guidance, and keep myself open and receptive to guidance. As I see this happen, again, and again, I find a stronger trust.
How are you doing, today?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I'm terribly sorry you've had such a loss. Take the time to grieve.
You've shown a healthy response to an extremely difficult time by staying sober at only 28 days.
It's going to hit you hard in these early days. Please use as much outside support as you can and come here to post as often as you need to.
You've shown a healthy response to an extremely difficult time by staying sober at only 28 days.
It's going to hit you hard in these early days. Please use as much outside support as you can and come here to post as often as you need to.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
I am so so so sorry. That is so traumatic and heart breaking. I simply cannot fathom how you did not drink. I am in awe and so motivated and encouraged by your choice to not pick up. I know it is the logical choice for long term, but in that moment it must have been excruciatingly difficult. Well done. I am again so sorry. Please stay on the forums and post more whenever you need some support.
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