kintsugi

My best friend's boyfriend is an alcoholic. He claims he isn't, but he drinks AT LEAST 8-12 drinks every night. (and more, at least twice a week). He hasn't gone more than one or two days not drinking since they met 3 years ago (literally. ever). I don't think anyone who drinks as much as he does can claim it's "just because I like it". It's constant.

And it's causing issues with their relationship. She's confronted him with it, saying it was a problem. And he's agreed to go 6 days without drinking to "show her he's fine". In these first 2 days, she says he's been very happy and positive and seems tooootally unphased by not drinking.

At the end, if he can do it, she's going to agree to the fact that its "not a problem" and let it go.

As someone also suffering from alcohol use issues, I think there is SO much wrong with this test.

1. If you have to "test" to see if its a problem, its a problem
2. If your loved ones think its a problem, its a problem.
3. 6 days is noooooot enough to know. Anyone can make it work for 6 days.
4. He can (and likely will) easily lie and say it was easy because he wants to perpetuate his use

Also, he's been spending nights out with drinking friends still... like, I don't even know how thats allowed? He could be drinking right now ANYWAY?

Maybe it's because I DO have a problem, but I just do not trust it's this easy for someone who drinks at his level (he drinks more that I did at my worst) to just "be ok".

Am I being an overly negative naysayer telling her to watch out and not be 100% convinced by this 6 day test??

VikingGF

If he has a problem, it will be clear soon enough. And if he doesn't have a problem now, he most likely will down the road, but that's his road, right?

MindfulMan

If he's happy and upbeat and has been drinking that much my guess is he's still drinking. Most people would be exhibiting significant withdrawal symptoms drinking that much that consistently.

kintsugi

You're right. It's between the two of them. It's that she's my best friend, and I don't want to see him gaslight her like SHES the one with issues down the road because they did this "experiment" which "proves he's fine". which is what I'm worried will happen.

VikingGF

You're a good friend- and you def see what's happening- I know you are trying to help. Just don't get too bogged down in the drama- that's what I mean. Your BFF will see what she wants until she doesn't anymore- right?

tomsteve

the real issue isnt him having a problem with drinking.
the real issue is her having a problem with his drinking.

if she wants to let it go, thats her choice. not easy to accept, but it is what it is.
denial can be a bugger to break, whether it be the alcoholic in denial or the loved one of the alcoholic.
you can speak your concern and what you believe, which would be an act of friendship, but please dont expect her to believe what you say.

ScottFromWI

You are being a friend and being concerned, but you have to remember that there is absolutely zero you can do to affect his drinking and or her acceptance if it. They both need to figure that out on their own.

PeacefulWater12

"Normal" drinkers don't do things like prove they don't have a drink problem.

Dropsie

She knows.

D1ana

I wonder why you are so worried about your friend's BF.. LOL I would say 8-12 brews a night is a LOT!