Notices

some thoughts on my sobriety six months later

Old 04-02-2018, 07:06 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
some thoughts on my sobriety six months later

Hi everyone. I finally broke down and bought a new tablet. After reading one excellent book (a tree grows in brooklyn) I struggled to find another one as good and found myself drifting back to the internet. So here I am for a bit.

At this point in my sobriety, I do not think about drinking at all. Enough so when I invited my parents for easter, I suddenly realized at the last minute that they might want champagne, and despite it being one of my favorites as an active alcoholic, we have had a bottle sitting in the garage fridge since Christmas and I blandly see it when I look out there but forgot it was there. As it turns out with my sobriety front and center they had no interest in drinking at my house. My husband drinks at night, always after nightfall so I just dont see him drinking. I have ditched all friends who drink heavily, I still interact with those who have more interesting lives that don't always have to involve drinking, so that we can talk cross fit or running or gardening or travel.

I have crafted a life that almost quite literally has no visions of drinking, no references to drinking and no talk about drinking. It is lovely, that part of it. It's more peaceful than you could ever imagine. Maybe this separation from drinking in my sensed environment will not last, but as someone who lived bathed in alcohol and all its degrading horror scene consequences, I give myself that now. The freedom to not engage. The freedom to leave if I smell it or see it or have to sit with people who are doing it. Honestly if you can manage to do it this way? Every single day feels like a sober retreat or vacation, especially since now the presence of mind and energy levels make it possible to make the environment a nicer one.

My daughters do not drink..aged 21, 19 and 12, and for this short but blissful period of time they are with me until they are fully launched for good, one finishing up a degree at a four year locally and one about to transfer to one. I realize what a short but sweet moment in time this is and I'm grateful for every sober moment of it. So I am not lonely. I am also spending time with my parents, one who is winding down in life with tired kidneys and heart and one who cares for him, so it's good to be there for him.

Still working on myself, figuring out what feeds me and what I consider fun. I see glimmers with the excitement of cross fit and the fulfillment of planting flowers and the joy of spending time with family. But I'm not there yet and overworking myself is always an issue.

Six months of sobriety has passed and by some miracle I was simply ready to quit this time after countless years of trying, hundreds of aa meetings, a stint in outpatient rehab, and too many times where I quit but always felt deprived from alcohol and so of course always went back. keeping the sickness of drinking always a constant memory and my absolute joy despite my worst days of finding myself months away from my last drink, and keeping a plan of absolute abstinence no matter what,putting sobriety above my marriage, above my old lifestyle, above my old friends, above my job, above my very worst days: has made the difference. I recognize my old self in some of the voices here and it makes me sad, kind of how a tragic or violent movie does, and I wish people could understand the importance of sobriety and how it must become the first priority because half assing it will never, ever work, and then I realize people have to come to this on their own. So I work to accept that but also must limit my time here when it encroaches on my sober peace.

Just some thoughts from my new sober life. It feels like release from a dark and terrible prison. My mother asked me yesterday if i didn't just quit because my husband wanted me to. I said that I have tried to quit for good for a long, long time, and now it feels as though I have actually done it. and that makes me happy.

Take great care of yourselves and never forget the importance of staying sober.
Stayingsassy is offline  
Old 04-02-2018, 07:26 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,761
The next book you should read? Maggie Now, also by Betty Smith. You'll like it as much as A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.
least is offline  
Old 04-02-2018, 07:41 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Thanks least! I'll check it out...and I will always take book recommendations. was looking over a man called ove. When that one was popular I was too busy drinking myself to oblivion to focus on it.
Stayingsassy is offline  
Old 04-02-2018, 07:45 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,391
Congrats on 6 months Stayingsassy

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 04-03-2018, 12:36 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
BullDog777's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
congrats...it look me a lot longer to get in that kinda head space. You know what they say though...Women mature a lot faster than men. haha..

seriously...that's awesome. It's nice to finally be at peace with this, isn't it?

BullDog777 is offline  
Old 04-03-2018, 01:37 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1,276
Nice one on six months!
Stronger2017 is offline  
Old 04-03-2018, 01:41 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
joandmelandhan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
AWESOME post!!!!!!
Huge congratulations Stayingsassy!
I'm shedding a little tear of joy on your behalf!
joandmelandhan is offline  
Old 04-03-2018, 01:49 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 761
Congratulations Stayingsassy! I think I know how you feel. A couple of months ago I realized how free I had become. Free to not think about drinking. Free to walk past the liquor store without any second thoughts.

You are absolutely right when you say half assing sobriety will never work. But the rewards are fantastic.
plop is offline  
Old 04-03-2018, 03:44 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
sober style
 
SnazzyDresser's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,382
Now that's some sassy sobriety right there, good going!
SnazzyDresser is offline  
Old 04-03-2018, 04:30 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
TheToddman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,100
Big congrats, Sassy. Well done Six months is absolutely every reason to celebrate. Continue embracing your sobriety as you have and count each day as a gift (not to sound like Mr. Hallmark here )

Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
But I'm not there yet and overworking myself is always an issue.
I'm not much for giving advice, but to your point above I think that will be key with the ensuing days, weeks and months ahead. Try not to let the overwork become the rule instead of the exception. Overwhelm is definitely a short circuit to regression in my experience

Continue in strength!

T.
TheToddman is offline  
Old 04-03-2018, 04:45 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Dropsie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
SS,

Good on you.

To the extent you are interested, I would suggest two things that you might like as you move into the next phase of your life -- I just started doing the Course in Miracles, which I have never done but all my most centered friends have; and the Happiness Trap -- I am doing the online course, but think the book would be enough. I think he has it nailed.

I am very happy for you.

KP
Dropsie is offline  
Old 04-03-2018, 05:22 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Berrybean's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Great post.

Thanks SS.

BB x
Berrybean is offline  
Old 04-03-2018, 05:30 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
BreezyFe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 132
Congrats & thanks for sharing!
BreezyFe is offline  
Old 04-03-2018, 10:35 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 446
Hi Sassy, congrats on 6 months, so glad to hear that you are doing well!
Mac4711 is offline  
Old 04-03-2018, 11:27 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
VikingGF's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,412
Nice post, Sassy and congrats on 6 months!
VikingGF is offline  
Old 04-03-2018, 11:35 AM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Member
 
Upstairs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Glen Allen, Va
Posts: 2,589
Congrats on your six month milestone!
Upstairs is offline  
Old 04-05-2018, 08:33 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
No Dogma Please
 
MindfulMan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Sounds like you're in a great place! Excellent.
MindfulMan is offline  
Old 04-07-2018, 07:28 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Maladaptive
 
Shitzupuppy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: East coast, USA
Posts: 558
Nice job Sas,
I find that migrating my life away from boozy friends and activities helped a lot!
Shitzupuppy is offline  
Old 04-08-2018, 07:27 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
fini's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
wow, Stayingsassy, you sound like a different person from just a few months ago!
great to read this update.
yes, A Tree grows in Brooklyn was a book i read at about a year into sobriety and just loved, with so much empathy.
fini is offline  
Old 04-08-2018, 07:55 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I kind of had to become a different person.

I had to erase the last version of myself to become this one.

I'm not exaggerating. Of course I am still me with the same job and the same family, but there was an alcoholic identity that I had to shed. It's true that you can't keep your old life.

There will always be some very concrete things in your old life that can't be in your new one, or you can't stay sober.

Some of your friends have to go. Some of your activities have to go. Your entire method of how to cope, how to relax, and how to recreate has to change.

Sure you may still go to concerts, bars and restaurants. But none of it will feel the same. I didn't say it will feel worse. It just won't feel the same.

Nothing in my entire life felt the same after getting sober, if someone had told me "so now you are actually Alice falling down a rabbit hole," Id have agreed.

maybe one of the bigger reasons for relapse is just that, just how foreign and unfamiliar; and therefore scary, early sober territory really is.

As I said above, I am still figuring out my way. I'm no longer scared, but man, am I still tiptoeing through. Life is quite an adventure. It's pretty interesting in full HD. I recommend getting though the long dark tunnel to get here any way you possibly can. It's worth it.
Stayingsassy is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:34 AM.