Don't quit trying....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Don't quit trying....
Sobriety has taught me a little bit of patience. It's also taught me that there's more than just one way to solve a problem.
A lot of my anxiety and sometimes depression comes from family s#it. S#it I can't out run. Like genetics.
My family has a history of chronic alcoholism...check. Also a history of high blood pressure...check.
An then there's diabetes ...check...
S#it.....UGH....sometimes this depresses me. I'm predisposed to these problems. Most of my ancestors died from one or all of them at some point.
Wait.
I'm on medication to treat these things. I don't HAVE to die from them.
I'm 2 years sober from alcohol. I found a way to cope with it.
Now...there's a couple of more things I get to inherit at some point...possibly.
The big one is an essential tremor. It usually hits in the arms or head and hands. Sometimes it can be related to Parkinson's although nobody in my family has ever been diagnosed with Parkinson's except my dad. Even then....they aren't sure it's that. It's almost always essential tremor. My dad is 78 years old. He got it right around 71.
He refuses to treat it so it's gotten worse.
My grandmother had it. I remember that. She was a very famous pianist who got it in one of her hands. She almost never played again.
Almost 50 years later there are HUGE medical advances that we are on the verge of. One is a hand glove that steadies itself from the tremor based on a gyro that predicts hand movement. I've seen demos of it and it WORKS. It's supposed to be available this year, worldwide.
During all of this research, there's been one certainty...I gotta adapt or figure out a way around this tremor. I made a living as an illustrator/painter and I CANNOT stop. I love it too much.
So I taught myself how to draw and paint with my right hand. In all my family history the tremor was always isolated to one side of the body. So...it's taken a TON of practice...but tonight, I went all out on a piece of art. I shocked myself at how well it was done.
I'm not trying to brag...It's just that a year ago, I couldn't even write my name. Tonight, I produced something that could easily pass for my work done with my left hand.
that's HUGE!!!!!!!!
I'm grinning from ear to ear from this accomplishment. I can't believe I hung in there long enough to actually DO this.
I think my depression/anxiety is going to be a lot easier to deal with now that I have the mechanism to address what made me sad and anxious.
It's taught me that I can find ways around my crappy genes and live without the darkness that's my past or future. Sometimes the way out is through.
I love this place. I love the tools I've gotten from this place and from sobriety and through therapy.
I'll share this one last story and then I'm done...Back when I used to go to AA, I came from a really militant men's group...these dudes were mostly a bunch of old bikers and guys from Lorton's prison.
I remember this old timer they used to call Cowboy. Scary as F. He used to walk around with a loaded ..44 on his hip.
He took to jabbing me in the chest with the barrel of his .44 when he was my temporary sponsor back when I was 22 or 23 . He would always say "Don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens, dummy. You'll be amazed." That image flashed back in my memory right after I finished with the piece of art.
Took me 20+ more years to get that in the manner by which he meant it, I think. He meant it as sobriety like anything else was gonna be hard and uncomfortable in the beginning. It's gonna be awkward and messy and it's gonna frustrate you. But you can't quit doing this. If you hang in there..if you work hard enough, that which was once hard will become easier.
A lot of my anxiety and sometimes depression comes from family s#it. S#it I can't out run. Like genetics.
My family has a history of chronic alcoholism...check. Also a history of high blood pressure...check.
An then there's diabetes ...check...
S#it.....UGH....sometimes this depresses me. I'm predisposed to these problems. Most of my ancestors died from one or all of them at some point.
Wait.
I'm on medication to treat these things. I don't HAVE to die from them.
I'm 2 years sober from alcohol. I found a way to cope with it.
Now...there's a couple of more things I get to inherit at some point...possibly.
The big one is an essential tremor. It usually hits in the arms or head and hands. Sometimes it can be related to Parkinson's although nobody in my family has ever been diagnosed with Parkinson's except my dad. Even then....they aren't sure it's that. It's almost always essential tremor. My dad is 78 years old. He got it right around 71.
He refuses to treat it so it's gotten worse.
My grandmother had it. I remember that. She was a very famous pianist who got it in one of her hands. She almost never played again.
Almost 50 years later there are HUGE medical advances that we are on the verge of. One is a hand glove that steadies itself from the tremor based on a gyro that predicts hand movement. I've seen demos of it and it WORKS. It's supposed to be available this year, worldwide.
During all of this research, there's been one certainty...I gotta adapt or figure out a way around this tremor. I made a living as an illustrator/painter and I CANNOT stop. I love it too much.
So I taught myself how to draw and paint with my right hand. In all my family history the tremor was always isolated to one side of the body. So...it's taken a TON of practice...but tonight, I went all out on a piece of art. I shocked myself at how well it was done.
I'm not trying to brag...It's just that a year ago, I couldn't even write my name. Tonight, I produced something that could easily pass for my work done with my left hand.
that's HUGE!!!!!!!!
I'm grinning from ear to ear from this accomplishment. I can't believe I hung in there long enough to actually DO this.
I think my depression/anxiety is going to be a lot easier to deal with now that I have the mechanism to address what made me sad and anxious.
It's taught me that I can find ways around my crappy genes and live without the darkness that's my past or future. Sometimes the way out is through.
I love this place. I love the tools I've gotten from this place and from sobriety and through therapy.
I'll share this one last story and then I'm done...Back when I used to go to AA, I came from a really militant men's group...these dudes were mostly a bunch of old bikers and guys from Lorton's prison.
I remember this old timer they used to call Cowboy. Scary as F. He used to walk around with a loaded ..44 on his hip.
He took to jabbing me in the chest with the barrel of his .44 when he was my temporary sponsor back when I was 22 or 23 . He would always say "Don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens, dummy. You'll be amazed." That image flashed back in my memory right after I finished with the piece of art.
Took me 20+ more years to get that in the manner by which he meant it, I think. He meant it as sobriety like anything else was gonna be hard and uncomfortable in the beginning. It's gonna be awkward and messy and it's gonna frustrate you. But you can't quit doing this. If you hang in there..if you work hard enough, that which was once hard will become easier.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I heard once in reference to quiting smoking. If you try and quit and you fail just keep trying sooner or later its gonna stick. The same is true for quiting booze. just cause you fail doesnt mean you should give up or just decide your destined to be stuck a drinker all your days. just keep trying it'll stick sooner or later.
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,384
Such an important message, to keep at it til you find a way of quitting that works for you, that you can live with fully 24/7 and make it work. It's out there waiting for us, we just have to keep trying til we find it. And keep believing til we get there.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 83
My mom is 90 and blind from macular degeneration, which I will also likely develop. I've been thinking lately that I need to develop ways of loving without my sight before this happens, because she is miserable and in turn makes all of us miserable. Your message is very strong. I can't seem to quit drinking but I'm going to try something else today. I won't stop trying.
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