CHOPPDOGG

Life was nothing but a traumatic event when i was on alcohol and drugs continually waking up feeling like complete crap having to apologize to the whole town for my behavior the night before which was a usual thing i was so hopeless of a Alcoholic drug addict i would spend all my money the same day i got paid leaving me with 2 weeks walking around like a lost soul hiding my head in shame and embarrassment i was homeless eating out of shopping center bins standing in line at food vans soup kitchens walking around town picking up dirty rotten cigarette butts from the ground and asking people for money i felt below people i felt like trash and i couldn't stop doing what i was doing day in day out i couldn't understand how you could live life without drugs and alcohol how boring i would think living without it i was.. Constantly sick hungover feeling like shite and below everyone i would be walking around aimlessly to waste time till next pay..Praying to God why God why have you abandoned me..At night time i would be looking up to the sky making wishes for a better life to shooting stars at that time i hated everyone in my life they rejected me i burnt all bridges and had know one to knock on there door and ask could i sleep on your floor made now i look at it and it was something that in my life at that time i needed to get where i am now it made me think i need to do something about this.. i rang detox it was the longest month out on the streets ive ever spent i smelt like shite but once in detox i knew i needed to get away i thought i was having a mental breakdown things where that bad in my life nothing was working my world was falling down around me my life was dead.. once i got to rehab i wanted to leave straight away my heart was pumping hard i thought I was going to have a heart attack and i couldn't stop swetting i wasn't used of being around people without having something in my system but the more i was around people the more i became comfortable being around people without having to use drugs or alcohol i finally knew what can work for me i felt great i didn't feel like **** i wasn't praying to God every night to let me die in my sleep i started enjoying living i came back to life i didnt have to hang around the grubs i had to hang around no longer i owned my own life i got to pick and choose what and who I wanted in my life now no longer drugs and alcohol controled me new Horizons opened up new doors opened up and life has gotten so much better and i love feeling great and not feeling like i used to because before life was nothing but pain but now i feel peace i thank God everyday for showing me a better way of living and i try living my life an honest man these days thats the balance i understand how my God wants me to be because if i do the right thing good things happen and if I do bad things bad things happen and God tells me when im not doing something right and i can hear him now its a balance of understanding me and God have now... Thanks for letting me share..