Avra

My work situation is bad. Its a toxic environment and its getting to me.

Gossiping, talking about each other behind backs, complaining all the time about the boss behind her back but never actually confronting her about whats bugging them, just sitting around and talking about her in a large group when she isnt there. Swearing, unprofessionalism, rudeness to clients. Displays of bigotry, stupidity and racism.

And perhaps the worst for me, the talk about booze and drinking all the time. What they drank last weekend, what they are drinking this weekend, what they are buying tonight, what new booze is great, what their favorite drink is etc etc etc. Its getting hard to hear it. I try to focus on my work and not think much about what they are saying but quite honestly its triggering sometimes. I find myself more and more getting up and leaving my desk to go to back or washroom so i dont have to hear it.

Quitting would seem like the answer but i cant. Its a government union job in a place with very very few jobs. I have bills i cannot pay if i leave. I have been looking for work for over a year and there is nothing that even pays close.

Has anyone felt triggered by conversations at work and how do they deal with this? Its bad enough that they offend me and that makes me negative (triggering enough itself), but then all the booze talk.....

I know i am ranting, i really just need to get this off my chest. Any strategies for dealing with such a place to keep myself more serene is appreciated.

My positivity has been depleted

shortstop81

Hi Avra, I've been in work environments exactly as you described (also a Canadian gov't job, haha). I actually used to get roped into those attitudes, but found it was detrimental to my emotional well-being and career path. But like you, I had bills to pay and people who were depending on me, so finding similar work was not that easy.

Even with all these mandated 'respectful workplace' policies these days, it's hard to realistically deal with toxic coworkers without risking an even worse backlash.

I don't have terribly useful advice, other than in my case I began to remove myself from those interactions and ignore them as best I could. I worked hard and kept a good attitude and eventually got a promotion, which got me a transfer to a different office with a MUCH better work culture.

Is your boss someone you can approach about these issues?

ScottFromWI

Work can be tough for sure Avra. My best advice would be to just do your job the best you can and ignore/avoid people who gossip. It's entirely acceptable to just say that you have work to do and don't have time to talk at the moment.

Gottalife

A couple of things that might be tried by an AAer._ the serenity prayer, and step four to find out what part we might have in how we are feeling.

Learning14

This definitely goes on EVERYWHERE. Where I work, too.

Are you allowed to wear earbuds and listen to music while you are working at your desk? I found that help drown out stupidity. LOL

biminiblue

Definitely earbuds! That was my first thought.

That or video record them and send it anonymously to the higher-ups.

I know...

Avra

Thanks everyone for the replies and good advice. It helps alot to be able to come here and vent to you all haha. I really dont feel alone because of this place.

Talkinandwalkin

I know exactly how you feel. The thing is it happens everywhere. I eventually started my own company due to this exact thing. I had a job with great benefits, a high salary, expense account and it wasn't worth it. I was surrounded by Soddom and Gomorra. I am talking drinking, drug abuse, marital affairs and back room bribery. I was routinely called to have breakfast with the President at 7:00 in the morning to sit and listen to him talk about women he banged while he was still half in the bag from the night before. His entertainment was firing people for bizarre reasons and laughing about it to the other people in management. Finally the money is not worth it, if you have any conscience.

tomsteve

any chance you could go to HR about the issue?

DayTrader

I didn't take this trip to sobriety, this fight for my life, to find myself in a place where I continued to be unhappy with my life and the things in it. I was already unhappy while drinking. Why stop drinking to continue to be just as miserable?

I figured, once I get sober, I'll have all my wits about me and I'll really be able to change stuff 'round here (in my life). I came to find out that trying to change all the stuff that annoys me, upsets me, or just find unpleasant is a task I'm probably not up to (for 1) and trying to change all that stuff would probably make me as tired and miserable as I'd ever been (for 2).

A couple sayings really hit me hard. One was "It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with (me)." Boy, I sure didn't like that one. I thought it implied that I'M the one to blame. Further investigation has led me to understand that it's not those "events" or "things" in my life that disturb me, it's MY REACTION TO THEM. So, I can work on changing you....to get you to think, believe and behave as I want you to so that I can be happy. OR I can work on altering how I perceive and internalize what your actions mean to me. The first one is a helluva task and odds are, "you'll" fight me most of the way. The other one only requires me to change.

Now being honest, I didn't want to change my perceptions. I felt justified in judging others, I felt it was right that I was hurt by their actions, and I just knew it was ok for me to be upset about it. Bottom line though...... I WAS THE ONE who had to walk around carrying all that weight. It came time to decide what was more important - being right in my resentments and continuing to carry the load or finding a way to get free of that garbage and get to a place of "peace and serenity" where I can be ok and happy pretty much regardless of what everyone out there is doing.

I sure didn't think I'd learn stuff like that in the 12 Steps but sure enough.....that's precisely what they're all about - recovery not from drinking but from the actual ROOT of my problem - selfishness, self centeredness, judgment, playing God, and thinking I need the world to be organized in a certain way for me to be ok.

rascalwhiteoak

Hi Avra. I also work in a place with a pretty routine drinking culture. It was tough at first to separate from that, but as time passed my co-workers accepted it, or at least stopped trying to buy me a beer. I didn't offer any lengthy explanations, nor did I offer any apologies. As for how it affects you to hear drinking talk, perhaps play the tape forward?

I've also had great luck with earbuds.

zjw

for what its worth I worked at a place for years. a couple years in I realized it wasnt for me and wasnt gonna work but i could never find another job making what i made or more. so I just stuck it out. Finally I did and quit but then that outfit went out of business and i got rehired at my old employer again. I hated everys econd of it but felt so traped. I had no way out no solutiosn could never find another job. I had a friend who worked there who woudl say he wishes he'd get fired so he'd be FORCED into osmething else. I never understood that but a few years ago I started to feel the same way. 2 weeks ago i got laid off. what a relief in many ways. In many ways some kinda cancer in the form of this job is getting removed from my life. Its a good thing ultimatly But i'm terrified about my financial future.

But how did I survive all those years? I dunno. I just kept my head down kept a low profile. I didnt volunteer for much extra and I tried my darnest to stay off the bosses radar and to limit my intereaction with others as much as possible. It was like survival mode really. But the only thing I could think of doing to maintain my sanity and keep the paychecks coming. It enabled me to keep the job too while getting sober. It also helped in my case that I worked remotely. I'm not sure this woulda workd if i had to go into the office. So i had that going for me. When 5pm came I just shut work off and tried to do something else.

I stopped finding any kinda self worth from work ions ago. And started finding that form other sources. I stopped putting my security in to my job ions ago as well and instead tried to feel secure with other things in life.

I dunno if my strategy was the best but it was like all i could do. I had to keep the money coming in ::shrug::

In my case i'm just glad its done. So very glad to be getting out of that place. As far as my future its terrifigying. But its also a blank canvas with any luck I'll get to do some of the painting on it this go around and do something more fulfilling at least tho Im ight not make that kinda money again for a long time. Thats ok. Less is more and money aint everything.

uncle holmes

I still wouldn't rule out getting out of there for the sake of your happiness and sanity. I too was in a very toxic work place but stayed for as long as I could for some of the same reasons you mentioned - I couldn't find another job that matched the pay.

Here in the states indeed.com is the number one sight for job seekers. I'm really not too computer savvy and felt it was too risky to leave that job for another job by looking online. I got help from an employment agency on how to write my resume, how to look online, and how to paste and upload my resume for job openings.

It took about a year but I happened to find a job opening online that was better pay and that wanted applicants to come in in person to apply. I left work early and went out and applied in person. One week later they called me and said I was hired!

One month later on a Friday they fired me without a legit explanation! I was stunned and scared! Now I had no job at all!

I applied online at indeed.com to about 40 different jobs that weekend just to start working anywhere till I find another higher paying job. Within one week I found another job and got hired! It wasn't going to be enough money in the long run but at least I had something coming in.

Right after I started that job another job called me for an interview from indeed.com! I was scared to leave this new job cause I was already getting comfortable there! They liked me and I liked them and it was a good fit without that horrible toxic atmosphere! But the pay wasn't going to be enough!

Even though this new job with an opening came up and paid $2 more an hour than the one I just got, I told them on the phone I was leaning on staying at my new job cause I was already comfortable there.

Then this new job raised the ante to an extra dollar more which made it $3 more an hour than the job I had! I took it! And it involved a field that I really wanted to do in the first place that the former jobs I had didn't give me that full opportunity!

Once more I rolled the dice and took that risk! Last week was my first week and so far I'm happy with it! It doesn't quite pay the total gross salary of the first job that was toxic. At least not yet. But there's opportunity at this new one where it could match that toxic job pay if I'm willing to work hard, willing to learn new things, and willing to put the work in.

Has all this job switching been stressful and a little bit too much drama the past month? Yes! But so far I can honestly say it's been worth it in order to get out of that really toxic atmosphere job that I had!

I wouldn't cut yourself short by thinking you have to stay at this job forever because of the pay! Keep on looking! There's possibly other jobs out there that at least come close to the pay that the one you're in now but you just don't know about them and they don't know about you!

If your job doesn't improve and it gets totally unbearable, you may be better off with a new job with less pay just to keep your sanity! At least till another job comes up!