Been a while ..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Hampshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 2
Been a while ..
Hello
I made one post here in June 2016, I had 30 days at the time I made that post, miraculously I managed to make an entire 6 months sober.
Since then my life has changed dramatically, one drink after 6 months clean was all it took. I have lost 3 jobs, 3 homes and have got myself into about 15k worth of debt. Not to mention ruined relationships with loved ones.
It's 11 in the morning, and I've already been drinking a few hours, it's my mums birthday today. I haven't even turned my phone on for the past week, out of shame at what people have likely messaged me. I've just been sat in my room drinking for 5 days straight, my landlords probably going to kick me out before long.
It's not just alcohol that has been my issue, I've really struggled with various drugs. It's amazing when you look back (in my case that first post I made on this forum, when I had 30 days) and to think how well things were going for me in comparison to now.
I had a really nice car, a very good job, a new girlfriend and a decent place to live. 20 months later, I have none of those things. Addiction gets you anyway it can, it is remarkably clever in how it makes you justify sub-consciously anything that will allow you to indulge.
I'm being realistic when I say I am probably going to be on the streets this time next week, and it's almost like I don't care, I deserve it for throwing away such good things and being so selfish. I don't even know why I am writing this, I guess it's good to unload your mind sometimes.
If there is anyone out there that is hanging onto sober, keep it up, nothing is worth ruining it.
Good luck.
I made one post here in June 2016, I had 30 days at the time I made that post, miraculously I managed to make an entire 6 months sober.
Since then my life has changed dramatically, one drink after 6 months clean was all it took. I have lost 3 jobs, 3 homes and have got myself into about 15k worth of debt. Not to mention ruined relationships with loved ones.
It's 11 in the morning, and I've already been drinking a few hours, it's my mums birthday today. I haven't even turned my phone on for the past week, out of shame at what people have likely messaged me. I've just been sat in my room drinking for 5 days straight, my landlords probably going to kick me out before long.
It's not just alcohol that has been my issue, I've really struggled with various drugs. It's amazing when you look back (in my case that first post I made on this forum, when I had 30 days) and to think how well things were going for me in comparison to now.
I had a really nice car, a very good job, a new girlfriend and a decent place to live. 20 months later, I have none of those things. Addiction gets you anyway it can, it is remarkably clever in how it makes you justify sub-consciously anything that will allow you to indulge.
I'm being realistic when I say I am probably going to be on the streets this time next week, and it's almost like I don't care, I deserve it for throwing away such good things and being so selfish. I don't even know why I am writing this, I guess it's good to unload your mind sometimes.
If there is anyone out there that is hanging onto sober, keep it up, nothing is worth ruining it.
Good luck.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Living,
Good for you coming here to post. I think that means you have at least a glimmer of hope. Almost not caring isn't quite the same as simply not caring.
You can recover. You can pull yourself out of this mess. It's probably going to be extremely hard but you can do it.
Glad you're here with us.
O
Good for you coming here to post. I think that means you have at least a glimmer of hope. Almost not caring isn't quite the same as simply not caring.
You can recover. You can pull yourself out of this mess. It's probably going to be extremely hard but you can do it.
Glad you're here with us.
O
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Living1994,
Be GOOD to yourself. No, I do not believe you "deserve" this or are "selfish". You have a horrible problem you have been battling. We're on your side - be on your OWN side, too.
Please read this. It really helped me, and I'm hoping it really helps you too.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/secular-connections/260412-avrt-explained-long.html
Be GOOD to yourself. No, I do not believe you "deserve" this or are "selfish". You have a horrible problem you have been battling. We're on your side - be on your OWN side, too.
Please read this. It really helped me, and I'm hoping it really helps you too.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/secular-connections/260412-avrt-explained-long.html
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