First post, I'm an alcoholic.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 1
First post, I'm an alcoholic.
That's a hard thing to say out loud, or write down, or tell people, or admit. Alchoholism runs on both sides of my family. I'm not a binge drinker, I don't go to bars and get wasted, I don't party, I don't do drugs, I drink socially with friends, and at home, sometimes alone, with friends, with my husband.
Last year, at home, I had a little too much whiskey, slipped in the bathroom and hit my head on the tub and gave myself a black eye. Nothing like that has ever happened before.
Then in December, I was drinking way too heavily, couldn't eat, was throwing up all the time, so my husband took me to the the ER and I could barely walk I was so dehydrated. I was there for 6 days. My husband is a wonderful, very supportive person and stood by me the whole time.
When I got out, I was on Librium, and gabapentin and didn't drink for about a month, and then I started again.
I should say for the last, at least 5 years, I threw up almost every morning, and started drinking first thing in the morning so I didn't get the shakes.
Last week I decided I needed a change, went to an addiction specialist, was on Librium for 5 days, which really helped withdrawals, and I didn't drink. I'm off it now, and I want a whiskey really badly.
I don't want to go back to my old ways, I don't want to stop drinking forever. I just want to be smarter about it.
My husband doesn't allow whiskey in the house, but he says wine is ok. I've hidden whiskey from him. And he's found it. He drinks everyday, but mostly beer, unless we go out.
The last Librium I took was last night at 7pm, and I'm worried about side effects if it's still in my bloodstream and I have a drink today.
My addiction therapist told me that alcoholics almost always relapse, I just vow to myself where I never get so bad that I end up in the hospital again. I want to be able to drink socially, not in excess.
It's also been so easy for me to drink during the day because I haven't been working, and hopefully will be getting better a job soon, so that will keep me more occupied, and not able to drink so much.
For anyone who reads this, thanks for listening, it's hard to share this with people who haven't been through it.
Lastly, if I do have one drink today, with Librium in my system from 15 or so hours ago, should I be worried about major side effects.
Much love and thank you
Last year, at home, I had a little too much whiskey, slipped in the bathroom and hit my head on the tub and gave myself a black eye. Nothing like that has ever happened before.
Then in December, I was drinking way too heavily, couldn't eat, was throwing up all the time, so my husband took me to the the ER and I could barely walk I was so dehydrated. I was there for 6 days. My husband is a wonderful, very supportive person and stood by me the whole time.
When I got out, I was on Librium, and gabapentin and didn't drink for about a month, and then I started again.
I should say for the last, at least 5 years, I threw up almost every morning, and started drinking first thing in the morning so I didn't get the shakes.
Last week I decided I needed a change, went to an addiction specialist, was on Librium for 5 days, which really helped withdrawals, and I didn't drink. I'm off it now, and I want a whiskey really badly.
I don't want to go back to my old ways, I don't want to stop drinking forever. I just want to be smarter about it.
My husband doesn't allow whiskey in the house, but he says wine is ok. I've hidden whiskey from him. And he's found it. He drinks everyday, but mostly beer, unless we go out.
The last Librium I took was last night at 7pm, and I'm worried about side effects if it's still in my bloodstream and I have a drink today.
My addiction therapist told me that alcoholics almost always relapse, I just vow to myself where I never get so bad that I end up in the hospital again. I want to be able to drink socially, not in excess.
It's also been so easy for me to drink during the day because I haven't been working, and hopefully will be getting better a job soon, so that will keep me more occupied, and not able to drink so much.
For anyone who reads this, thanks for listening, it's hard to share this with people who haven't been through it.
Lastly, if I do have one drink today, with Librium in my system from 15 or so hours ago, should I be worried about major side effects.
Much love and thank you
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR Supersunset. A lot of your story is familiar, I too remember those days when I had to drink just to stave off withdrawals and would be so sick I couldn't even keep the first drink of the day down.
One point I'd make right away is that your addiction specialist gave you some bad advice about "relapsing" I think. Relapsing is not inevitable, and not everyone does. You have a choice in the matter believe it or not.
Regarding the librium, that's really a question you'l need to ask your doctor about, we cannot give medical advice here. I can say that mixing benzo's and alcohol can be quite dangerous, so please speak with your doctor about that.
One point I'd make right away is that your addiction specialist gave you some bad advice about "relapsing" I think. Relapsing is not inevitable, and not everyone does. You have a choice in the matter believe it or not.
Regarding the librium, that's really a question you'l need to ask your doctor about, we cannot give medical advice here. I can say that mixing benzo's and alcohol can be quite dangerous, so please speak with your doctor about that.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
It's hard to get a little drunk and then not get really drunk, especially if you like being drunk, I loved it.
It is easier to not drink.
No therapy in the world will change that.
welcome aboard
It is easier to not drink.
No therapy in the world will change that.
welcome aboard
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 122
This story reminds me very much of my wife's.
She drinks wine nightly and over the last couple of years hides vodka in her closet. Affects her totally different so she shouldn't even bother hiding it.
We've been together about 20 years and she has gotten hurt falling several times. The worst time was on vacation when she was across the street at the beach and fell down the concrete stairs splitting her head open. Luckily she wasn't hurt worse but it didn't serve as a wake-up call or bottom moment or whatever.
Speaking only about her now and not necessarily you, I don't think she can moderate. She needs some serious sober time and therapy. Like most of us here, she has lost her privilege to drink.
She drinks wine nightly and over the last couple of years hides vodka in her closet. Affects her totally different so she shouldn't even bother hiding it.
We've been together about 20 years and she has gotten hurt falling several times. The worst time was on vacation when she was across the street at the beach and fell down the concrete stairs splitting her head open. Luckily she wasn't hurt worse but it didn't serve as a wake-up call or bottom moment or whatever.
Speaking only about her now and not necessarily you, I don't think she can moderate. She needs some serious sober time and therapy. Like most of us here, she has lost her privilege to drink.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to Sober Recovery. So you admit you are an alcoholic. Yet...
If you are an alcoholic, and you've admitted you are, you can't drink socially. You can't go from morning-drinker-to-quell-the-shakes to normal drinker. Just doesn't happen. Sorry. You've crossed a line you can't cross back over.
Do yourself, your husband, your family a favor and quit. Learn to live and love a sober life.
Originally Posted by Supersunset 
I want to be able to drink socially, not in excess.
Do yourself, your husband, your family a favor and quit. Learn to live and love a sober life.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
I don't want to stop drinking forever. I just want to be smarter about it.
If you are an alcoholic, you can't be smart enough. It has nothing to do with smart and everything to do with the fact that it just is. The only solution for someone like me is complete abstinence.
If you are an alcoholic, you can't be smart enough. It has nothing to do with smart and everything to do with the fact that it just is. The only solution for someone like me is complete abstinence.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Did a benzo taper. Once Klonopin, once lithium. Both times I ended up drinking on top of it and then going into terrible withdrawal when both benzo and alcohol.
The third time worked, it was valium. BUT, and a very important BUT, I was in inpatient rehab as part of a supervised medical detox. I could never make it work at home by myself, even as prescribed.
The relapse rate is nearly 100% from people who do a benzo or cold turkey detox and don't follow up with some sort of rehab and/or program. MY addiction specialist/psychiatrist pretty much told me that. Physical treatment is not enough.
Moderation is another word for remaining addicted for nearly anyone who was ever an addict/alcoholic.
I wouldn't drink at all, not just with Librium in my system, or waiting until it was out of my system. You've described alcoholic behavior, I'm afraid it's too late to return to "normal" drinking. Ever. I would not only discuss this with your doctor, but investigate further treatment options. There is also a wealth of experience and information on this board.
You can do this, but you have to have a realistic end goal, which is abstinence for life.
The third time worked, it was valium. BUT, and a very important BUT, I was in inpatient rehab as part of a supervised medical detox. I could never make it work at home by myself, even as prescribed.
The relapse rate is nearly 100% from people who do a benzo or cold turkey detox and don't follow up with some sort of rehab and/or program. MY addiction specialist/psychiatrist pretty much told me that. Physical treatment is not enough.
Moderation is another word for remaining addicted for nearly anyone who was ever an addict/alcoholic.
I wouldn't drink at all, not just with Librium in my system, or waiting until it was out of my system. You've described alcoholic behavior, I'm afraid it's too late to return to "normal" drinking. Ever. I would not only discuss this with your doctor, but investigate further treatment options. There is also a wealth of experience and information on this board.
You can do this, but you have to have a realistic end goal, which is abstinence for life.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I know its hard to accept, but take it from someone who decided every time that she would just "drink better this time" every time I went back
- the day drinking isn't going to stop
- falling down isn't going to stop
-getting severely dehydrated isn't going to stop
-you'll only sub out lower alcohol drinks for the first few drinks because it won't do the trick like whiskey will
Worse,
All those problems will get worse and worse, you will get sicker and sicker and also, you will push your husband over the edge.
Unless instead of trying to drink better, you just get sober for good.
The story is not going to end differently. Its not going to work. You may need to try it again, you may have more tries in you, but trust me when I say from the point you are now, it does not get better. It can and will get worse.
- the day drinking isn't going to stop
- falling down isn't going to stop
-getting severely dehydrated isn't going to stop
-you'll only sub out lower alcohol drinks for the first few drinks because it won't do the trick like whiskey will
Worse,
All those problems will get worse and worse, you will get sicker and sicker and also, you will push your husband over the edge.
Unless instead of trying to drink better, you just get sober for good.
The story is not going to end differently. Its not going to work. You may need to try it again, you may have more tries in you, but trust me when I say from the point you are now, it does not get better. It can and will get worse.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome, Supersunset. I hope talking things over here will help. You're not alone.
Unfortunately, every attempt at moderation did more damage to me. I tried for years to use willpower so I wouldn't have to give it up entirely, but I was never successful. One drink always led to too many. For most of us, drinking socially has not been attainable. I almost lost my life proving it wasn't possible for me. I hope you'll continue to read and post here.
Unfortunately, every attempt at moderation did more damage to me. I tried for years to use willpower so I wouldn't have to give it up entirely, but I was never successful. One drink always led to too many. For most of us, drinking socially has not been attainable. I almost lost my life proving it wasn't possible for me. I hope you'll continue to read and post here.
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by totfit
I don't want to stop drinking forever. I just want to be smarter about it.
If you are an alcoholic, you can't be smart enough. It has nothing to do with smart and everything to do with the fact that it just is. The only solution for someone like me is complete abstinence.
If you are an alcoholic, you can't be smart enough. It has nothing to do with smart and everything to do with the fact that it just is. The only solution for someone like me is complete abstinence.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Chicago
Posts: 605
Originally Posted by Supersunset
That's a hard thing to say out loud, or write down, or tell people, or admit. Alchoholism runs on both sides of my family. I'm not a binge drinker, I don't go to bars and get wasted, I don't party, I don't do drugs, I drink socially with friends, and at home, sometimes alone, with friends, with my husband.
Last year, at home, I had a little too much whiskey, slipped in the bathroom and hit my head on the tub and gave myself a black eye. Nothing like that has ever happened before.
Then in December, I was drinking way too heavily, couldn't eat, was throwing up all the time, so my husband took me to the the ER and I could barely walk I was so dehydrated. I was there for 6 days. My husband is a wonderful, very supportive person and stood by me the whole time.
When I got out, I was on Librium, and gabapentin and didn't drink for about a month, and then I started again.
I should say for the last, at least 5 years, I threw up almost every morning, and started drinking first thing in the morning so I didn't get the shakes.
Last week I decided I needed a change, went to an addiction specialist, was on Librium for 5 days, which really helped withdrawals, and I didn't drink. I'm off it now, and I want a whiskey really badly.
I don't want to go back to my old ways, I don't want to stop drinking forever. I just want to be smarter about it.
My husband doesn't allow whiskey in the house, but he says wine is ok. I've hidden whiskey from him. And he's found it. He drinks everyday, but mostly beer, unless we go out.
The last Librium I took was last night at 7pm, and I'm worried about side effects if it's still in my bloodstream and I have a drink today.
My addiction therapist told me that alcoholics almost always relapse, I just vow to myself where I never get so bad that I end up in the hospital again. I want to be able to drink socially, not in excess.
It's also been so easy for me to drink during the day because I haven't been working, and hopefully will be getting better a job soon, so that will keep me more occupied, and not able to drink so much.
For anyone who reads this, thanks for listening, it's hard to share this with people who haven't been through it.
Lastly, if I do have one drink today, with Librium in my system from 15 or so hours ago, should I be worried about major side effects.
Much love and thank you
Last year, at home, I had a little too much whiskey, slipped in the bathroom and hit my head on the tub and gave myself a black eye. Nothing like that has ever happened before.
Then in December, I was drinking way too heavily, couldn't eat, was throwing up all the time, so my husband took me to the the ER and I could barely walk I was so dehydrated. I was there for 6 days. My husband is a wonderful, very supportive person and stood by me the whole time.
When I got out, I was on Librium, and gabapentin and didn't drink for about a month, and then I started again.
I should say for the last, at least 5 years, I threw up almost every morning, and started drinking first thing in the morning so I didn't get the shakes.
Last week I decided I needed a change, went to an addiction specialist, was on Librium for 5 days, which really helped withdrawals, and I didn't drink. I'm off it now, and I want a whiskey really badly.
I don't want to go back to my old ways, I don't want to stop drinking forever. I just want to be smarter about it.
My husband doesn't allow whiskey in the house, but he says wine is ok. I've hidden whiskey from him. And he's found it. He drinks everyday, but mostly beer, unless we go out.
The last Librium I took was last night at 7pm, and I'm worried about side effects if it's still in my bloodstream and I have a drink today.
My addiction therapist told me that alcoholics almost always relapse, I just vow to myself where I never get so bad that I end up in the hospital again. I want to be able to drink socially, not in excess.
It's also been so easy for me to drink during the day because I haven't been working, and hopefully will be getting better a job soon, so that will keep me more occupied, and not able to drink so much.
For anyone who reads this, thanks for listening, it's hard to share this with people who haven't been through it.
Lastly, if I do have one drink today, with Librium in my system from 15 or so hours ago, should I be worried about major side effects.
Much love and thank you
The fact that you think you can every drink normally is ridiculous. Go back and read the first part of your post. Imagine someone you love had all of those things happen to them as a result of something they drank. Would you advise them to ever drink again?
There is no on/off switch for alcoholics. I wish there was but there's not.
I hope that you decide to stop drinking altogether. Your life will be much better as a result.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
While I was gracing the local loony bin with my presence, about 1979, a patient, Andy Mac' arrived for medically supervised detox. It was a rough one. For three days he was climbing the walls, screaming and babbling. The room he was in was shared with Frank M' a humorous man with a wet brain who required daily enema's . Frank got so fed up with the noise that He peed all over Andy's head to try and make him shut up. Poor Andy didn't have the strength to get out of the way.
A couple of days later Andy was his old self. A likeable rogue he had some terrific stories of his drinking exploits , he had us all in stitches he wa so funny.
He left us a few days later in much better physical shape. We all wished him well. The last thing I heard him say was " I let it get out of hand last time. This time I'll be smarter."
He died about two weeks later in withdrawals in his flat.
That's why I call it the fatal first drink.
A couple of days later Andy was his old self. A likeable rogue he had some terrific stories of his drinking exploits , he had us all in stitches he wa so funny.
He left us a few days later in much better physical shape. We all wished him well. The last thing I heard him say was " I let it get out of hand last time. This time I'll be smarter."
He died about two weeks later in withdrawals in his flat.
That's why I call it the fatal first drink.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
i doubt that your problem is one of stupidity
my own experience was one of tryingto control what it turned out i had lost control over, and my wy of trying to outsmarten this was to have a strategy consisting of a whole bunch of rules, which i could sometimes stick to but mostly not.
your experiments with "drinking smarter" might conclude with a different result.
it's possible. highly unlikely, though, from how you describe how it's turned out so far.
i do know i had to be convinced in my innermost self that moderating was not possible for me. so i sadly understand if you need to battle this one out some more.
my own experience was one of tryingto control what it turned out i had lost control over, and my wy of trying to outsmarten this was to have a strategy consisting of a whole bunch of rules, which i could sometimes stick to but mostly not.
your experiments with "drinking smarter" might conclude with a different result.
it's possible. highly unlikely, though, from how you describe how it's turned out so far.
i do know i had to be convinced in my innermost self that moderating was not possible for me. so i sadly understand if you need to battle this one out some more.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 2
I am three days sober for the umteenth time. If you get sober, please don't kid yourself and think you can drink only a few. I love to drink and I don't really want to quit, but every time I have one, the next day I have 6 and so on and son. I have been told that an alcoholic can never drink socially. I believe it.
For your health please stop drinking and inspire me to do the same.
For your health please stop drinking and inspire me to do the same.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 2
I said the same thing 4 years ago, 3 years ago, 2 years ago a year ago. Last Thursday I went back to the same doctor who put me on a bunch of drugs and have been going crazy since then. It should be better tomorrow. Once i start feeling better I hope I know that I can not have one. Because one leads to two and so on and so on. I am really happy I found this forum. Many of the posts are exactly how I thought. I was wrong.
Alcoholics are never cured! They are always recovering.
Alcoholics are never cured! They are always recovering.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
