Okay...I just CANNOT get a sponsor....
Samantha
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Okay...I just CANNOT get a sponsor....
Been attending meetings, put my name on the sponsor sheet, talked to someone who works at the office here.
How long does it take to get a sponsor?
The AA lady did say "no human power can relieve us of our alcoholism. only god can".
I know people do WAY better with a sponsor, but can I do this alone?
How long does it take to get a sponsor?
The AA lady did say "no human power can relieve us of our alcoholism. only god can".
I know people do WAY better with a sponsor, but can I do this alone?
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
How long have you been going to meetings? Have you asked anyone in your group personally about possible sponsorship? I think its' great that you are doing all you are doing, but remember that things do take time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by Anarock 
Been attending meetings, put my name on the sponsor sheet, talked to someone who works at the office here.
How long does it take to get a sponsor?
The AA lady did say "no human power can relieve us of our alcoholism. only god can".
I know people do WAY better with a sponsor, but can I do this alone?
How long does it take to get a sponsor?
The AA lady did say "no human power can relieve us of our alcoholism. only god can".
I know people do WAY better with a sponsor, but can I do this alone?
Forgive me but not everyone does do better with a sponsor. I wouldn't say not to get a sponsor. I did get one myself, and did much better once I got one, but this isn't always the case. I attended meetings at a rate of more than one per day (235 in my first 218 days sober) and choosing a sponsor was an easy process once I'd ''interviewed'' the six candidates on my short-list.
I would recommend this to anyone. Attend LOADS of meetings, get to know people who go. Really listen to what the say and how they conduct themselves. Then make up a little list of potential people and go speak to them about the program and how they use it in their lives and how they go about sponsoring other people. Then ask them starting with your favourite option. At least this way you have a back-up option or four if your first choice turns you down, which is a possibility.
How long it takes depends on many things. How hard are you working at getting one? Besides putting your name on the sponsor sheet (which is something I've never actually heard of before but sounds like a good idea)? Some AA members say that you should wait anything from a few weeks to a couple of years before getting someone to take you through the Steps while others say you should do it right away. At the end of the day it is your choice. I started the Steps at around ten weeks sober.
I hope I am not intruding here and don't mean to confuse you or put you off the idea. I found a sponsor and it worked for a while but in the end we went our separate ways through my choice. I now find a clinical psychologist to be the better option.
Take care, and be sure to keep us updated on how you get on.
Lunarer.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
good on ya for what your doing. good on ya for WANTING a sponsor!
idk who,"the AA lady" is, but in a sense she right.
HOWEVER using my thinking to learn the program- that big book was written so eloquently and so simply i didnt understand it- something to help me recovery HAS to be complicated!!!
- caused me some problems. i benefited from having someone explain,simplify, and help me understand it better.
do you have phone numbers from women in the program you can call? if you do, start calling them. if they dont answer, leave a brief message. just say hi or ask them the questions you pose here.
2 other things you can do:
-ask your HP to help you find one.
- then listen at meetings.
ok, 3 things:
- when you hear someone that has what you want, ask them if they can sponsor you. if they say no, ask them if they know someone that may be able to.
keep goin to meetings and reading the big book,too!
idk who,"the AA lady" is, but in a sense she right.
HOWEVER using my thinking to learn the program- that big book was written so eloquently and so simply i didnt understand it- something to help me recovery HAS to be complicated!!!
- caused me some problems. i benefited from having someone explain,simplify, and help me understand it better.do you have phone numbers from women in the program you can call? if you do, start calling them. if they dont answer, leave a brief message. just say hi or ask them the questions you pose here.
2 other things you can do:
-ask your HP to help you find one.
- then listen at meetings.
ok, 3 things:
- when you hear someone that has what you want, ask them if they can sponsor you. if they say no, ask them if they know someone that may be able to.
keep goin to meetings and reading the big book,too!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Go to more meetings. Go to a same sex meeting (I don't know if you're male or female).
Is there someone you 'like' in your meeting? They speak and you say 'I want that'? Ask that person to be your sponsor or temporary sponsor.
There are some meetings in my area where no one ever raises their hand to be a sponsor. And there are some where lots of folks do. Keep looking.
Is there someone you 'like' in your meeting? They speak and you say 'I want that'? Ask that person to be your sponsor or temporary sponsor.
There are some meetings in my area where no one ever raises their hand to be a sponsor. And there are some where lots of folks do. Keep looking.
Redmayne
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Manchester, England, UK.
Posts: 1,543
The best sponsors I 've got..
At the last meeting I attended a longstanding AA member handed me a recording of 'Joe and Charlie's:Big Book Study Meeting' with the remark that they're like having your own sponsor.
I listened to Charlie Parmley and Joe McQuany whilst keeping my copy of the Big Book close at hand and have, when necessary been doing the same ever since...that was in November 2007.
I suggest until someone offers you a better alternative you might like to do the same..in there life time they helped a lot of people...
I listened to Charlie Parmley and Joe McQuany whilst keeping my copy of the Big Book close at hand and have, when necessary been doing the same ever since...that was in November 2007.
I suggest until someone offers you a better alternative you might like to do the same..in there life time they helped a lot of people...
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by Anarock
Been attending meetings, put my name on the sponsor sheet, talked to someone who works at the office here.
How long does it take to get a sponsor?
The AA lady did say "no human power can relieve us of our alcoholism. only god can".
I know people do WAY better with a sponsor, but can I do this alone?
How long does it take to get a sponsor?
The AA lady did say "no human power can relieve us of our alcoholism. only god can".
I know people do WAY better with a sponsor, but can I do this alone?
I don't mean to be s#itty about another AA place, but where I went, NOBODY left there without at least a temporary sponsor. For them to let this go tells me that they aren't about s#it. This really pi$$es me off that they could let a new comer slide like that. It says in the big book ""I am Responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible." That doesn't magically disappear when the meeting is over. UGGGHH......deep breath.
Solider on. YOU did the right thing by asking for help. Keep asking, try different meetings, get on the phone with your therapist...keep being proactive.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Good quality sponsors of both sexes can usually be found in big book study groups. Even without a sponsor, these groups are great for learning how to recover using the big book.
Another alternative is a back to basics begginers group. Their format takes you through the steps in four weeks and assigns a sponsor/sharing partner to help you through that time. Once you have completed the process, you become a sharing partner for the next newcomer and go through it again.
I attended one of these for a few months and was stunned to see how many newcomers wanted to take the steps and how few of their "sponsors" were willing to help them. Now those newcomers are sponsoring, and that is where secure recovery is found.
Another alternative is a back to basics begginers group. Their format takes you through the steps in four weeks and assigns a sponsor/sharing partner to help you through that time. Once you have completed the process, you become a sharing partner for the next newcomer and go through it again.
I attended one of these for a few months and was stunned to see how many newcomers wanted to take the steps and how few of their "sponsors" were willing to help them. Now those newcomers are sponsoring, and that is where secure recovery is found.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Originally Posted by Redmayne
At the last meeting I attended a longstanding AA member handed me a recording of 'Joe and Charlie's:Big Book Study Meeting' with the remark that they're like having your own sponsor.
I listened to Charlie Parmley and Joe McQuany whilst keeping my copy of the Big Book close at hand and have, when necessary been doing the same ever since...that was in November 2007.
I suggest until someone offers you a better alternative you might like to do the same..in there life time they helped a lot of people...
I listened to Charlie Parmley and Joe McQuany whilst keeping my copy of the Big Book close at hand and have, when necessary been doing the same ever since...that was in November 2007.
I suggest until someone offers you a better alternative you might like to do the same..in there life time they helped a lot of people...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: GA
Posts: 700
People at my meetings just raise hands to indicate if they'd be willing for sponsorship. I picked my sponsor last Sunday and already it's helping.
She asked me to call her everyday. I have. I spoke to her around lunch today, after i had a bad morning. It was nice to have her perspective on the whole situation.
She took me to a women's meeting at a rehab center that was so powerful and I wouldn't have known about it without her. Trying a new meeting tomorrow I hadn't tried yet. She's introduced me to women my age in AA who seem like they could be potential friends one day.
We're slowly working up to approaching the steps. I read some of the BB on my own before but now rereading with a sober mind.
She's even putting a word for me at the local place for a possible job doing something i love. She's lived around this area a lot longer than me.
Maybe I hit the jackpot? I didn't interview people or anything. Just picked a lady who spoke in the meeting and I liked her share. I met another woman Tuesday who i wouldn't have minded being my sponsor but I chose already and I'm happy.
Good luck
She asked me to call her everyday. I have. I spoke to her around lunch today, after i had a bad morning. It was nice to have her perspective on the whole situation.
She took me to a women's meeting at a rehab center that was so powerful and I wouldn't have known about it without her. Trying a new meeting tomorrow I hadn't tried yet. She's introduced me to women my age in AA who seem like they could be potential friends one day.
We're slowly working up to approaching the steps. I read some of the BB on my own before but now rereading with a sober mind.
She's even putting a word for me at the local place for a possible job doing something i love. She's lived around this area a lot longer than me.
Maybe I hit the jackpot? I didn't interview people or anything. Just picked a lady who spoke in the meeting and I liked her share. I met another woman Tuesday who i wouldn't have minded being my sponsor but I chose already and I'm happy.
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
When I went to AA most meetings did this thing at the end where they asked if anyone was either looking for a sponsor or wanted to be one.
I only went to AA maybe 10-15 times and I had about 5 offers for sponsorship. I never did it but I had lots of numbers. Are you asking?
I only went to AA maybe 10-15 times and I had about 5 offers for sponsorship. I never did it but I had lots of numbers. Are you asking?
Samantha
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
How long have you been going to meetings? Have you asked anyone in your group personally about possible sponsorship? I think its' great that you are doing all you are doing, but remember that things do take time.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I had a tough time finding a sponsor as well. I believed it was because all my suspicions about AA being full of liars was correct. Later, I came to realize it was a blessing I didn't end up with most of the ppl in the meetings I was going to as a sponsor. Just like any business, where some are successful and welll run and others are......well......not run so well and not so successful I can see now I was picking meetings where I was comfortable. In other words, I was picking meetings where most of the ppl were as full of as much BS as I was. We'd all talk the game, say we were fine, and go home. I guess it was a meeting but it sure wasn't a good, solid, strong AA meeting where the 12-steps were practiced, discussed, and taught.
No surprise to me now, once I walked into one of those "strong AA groups" I'd been hearing about and said I needed help, a dude was tapping me on the shoulder before I sat back down (I was one of those ppl who'd stand up and ask for help when they'd say "if anyone has any AA announcements" in the beginning of the meeting. And yup, I did that for quite a while at several meetings and very rarely would anyone ever say anything to me). So, what I thought was me being dissed was really God looking out for me. Kinda like He was waiting for me to ask for help at a place where people were capable of delivering some solid recovery to me.
No surprise to me now, once I walked into one of those "strong AA groups" I'd been hearing about and said I needed help, a dude was tapping me on the shoulder before I sat back down (I was one of those ppl who'd stand up and ask for help when they'd say "if anyone has any AA announcements" in the beginning of the meeting. And yup, I did that for quite a while at several meetings and very rarely would anyone ever say anything to me). So, what I thought was me being dissed was really God looking out for me. Kinda like He was waiting for me to ask for help at a place where people were capable of delivering some solid recovery to me.
Samantha
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by BullDog777
Don't let this discourage you. This is where I replaced "sponsor" with "therapist" because they knew better than any sponsor could.
I don't mean to be s#itty about another AA place, but where I went, NOBODY left there without at least a temporary sponsor. For them to let this go tells me that they aren't about s#it. This really pi$$es me off that they could let a new comer slide like that. It says in the big book ""I am Responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible." That doesn't magically disappear when the meeting is over. UGGGHH......deep breath.
Solider on. YOU did the right thing by asking for help. Keep asking, try different meetings, get on the phone with your therapist...keep being proactive.
I don't mean to be s#itty about another AA place, but where I went, NOBODY left there without at least a temporary sponsor. For them to let this go tells me that they aren't about s#it. This really pi$$es me off that they could let a new comer slide like that. It says in the big book ""I am Responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible." That doesn't magically disappear when the meeting is over. UGGGHH......deep breath.
Solider on. YOU did the right thing by asking for help. Keep asking, try different meetings, get on the phone with your therapist...keep being proactive.
She thinks I have bad depression and that’s why I can’t control drinking. I’m trying to numb myself. It makes sense to me.
Samantha
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by DayTrader
I had a tough time finding a sponsor as well. I believed it was because all my suspicions about AA being full of liars was correct. Later, I came to realize it was a blessing I didn't end up with most of the ppl in the meetings I was going to as a sponsor. Just like any business, where some are successful and welll run and others are......well......not run so well and not so successful I can see now I was picking meetings where I was comfortable. In other words, I was picking meetings where most of the ppl were as full of as much BS as I was. We'd all talk the game, say we were fine, and go home. I guess it was a meeting but it sure wasn't a good, solid, strong AA meeting where the 12-steps were practiced, discussed, and taught.
No surprise to me now, once I walked into one of those "strong AA groups" I'd been hearing about and said I needed help, a dude was tapping me on the shoulder before I sat back down (I was one of those ppl who'd stand up and ask for help when they'd say "if anyone has any AA announcements" in the beginning of the meeting. And yup, I did that for quite a while at several meetings and very rarely would anyone ever say anything to me). So, what I thought was me being dissed was really God looking out for me. Kinda like He was waiting for me to ask for help at a place where people were capable of delivering some solid recovery to me.
No surprise to me now, once I walked into one of those "strong AA groups" I'd been hearing about and said I needed help, a dude was tapping me on the shoulder before I sat back down (I was one of those ppl who'd stand up and ask for help when they'd say "if anyone has any AA announcements" in the beginning of the meeting. And yup, I did that for quite a while at several meetings and very rarely would anyone ever say anything to me). So, what I thought was me being dissed was really God looking out for me. Kinda like He was waiting for me to ask for help at a place where people were capable of delivering some solid recovery to me.
Samantha
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
When I went to AA most meetings did this thing at the end where they asked if anyone was either looking for a sponsor or wanted to be one.
I only went to AA maybe 10-15 times and I had about 5 offers for sponsorship. I never did it but I had lots of numbers. Are you asking?
I only went to AA maybe 10-15 times and I had about 5 offers for sponsorship. I never did it but I had lots of numbers. Are you asking?
Samantha
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by boysdoingwell
Hey, Anarock.
Forgive me but not everyone does do better with a sponsor. I wouldn't say not to get a sponsor. I did get one myself, and did much better once I got one, but this isn't always the case. I attended meetings at a rate of more than one per day (235 in my first 218 days sober) and choosing a sponsor was an easy process once I'd ''interviewed'' the six candidates on my short-list.
I would recommend this to anyone. Attend LOADS of meetings, get to know people who go. Really listen to what the say and how they conduct themselves. Then make up a little list of potential people and go speak to them about the program and how they use it in their lives and how they go about sponsoring other people. Then ask them starting with your favourite option. At least this way you have a back-up option or four if your first choice turns you down, which is a possibility.
How long it takes depends on many things. How hard are you working at getting one? Besides putting your name on the sponsor sheet (which is something I've never actually heard of before but sounds like a good idea)? Some AA members say that you should wait anything from a few weeks to a couple of years before getting someone to take you through the Steps while others say you should do it right away. At the end of the day it is your choice. I started the Steps at around ten weeks sober.
I hope I am not intruding here and don't mean to confuse you or put you off the idea. I found a sponsor and it worked for a while but in the end we went our separate ways through my choice. I now find a clinical psychologist to be the better option.
Take care, and be sure to keep us updated on how you get on.
Lunarer.
Forgive me but not everyone does do better with a sponsor. I wouldn't say not to get a sponsor. I did get one myself, and did much better once I got one, but this isn't always the case. I attended meetings at a rate of more than one per day (235 in my first 218 days sober) and choosing a sponsor was an easy process once I'd ''interviewed'' the six candidates on my short-list.
I would recommend this to anyone. Attend LOADS of meetings, get to know people who go. Really listen to what the say and how they conduct themselves. Then make up a little list of potential people and go speak to them about the program and how they use it in their lives and how they go about sponsoring other people. Then ask them starting with your favourite option. At least this way you have a back-up option or four if your first choice turns you down, which is a possibility.
How long it takes depends on many things. How hard are you working at getting one? Besides putting your name on the sponsor sheet (which is something I've never actually heard of before but sounds like a good idea)? Some AA members say that you should wait anything from a few weeks to a couple of years before getting someone to take you through the Steps while others say you should do it right away. At the end of the day it is your choice. I started the Steps at around ten weeks sober.
I hope I am not intruding here and don't mean to confuse you or put you off the idea. I found a sponsor and it worked for a while but in the end we went our separate ways through my choice. I now find a clinical psychologist to be the better option.
Take care, and be sure to keep us updated on how you get on.
Lunarer.
Samantha
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
Go to more meetings. Go to a same sex meeting (I don't know if you're male or female).
Is there someone you 'like' in your meeting? They speak and you say 'I want that'? Ask that person to be your sponsor or temporary sponsor.
There are some meetings in my area where no one ever raises their hand to be a sponsor. And there are some where lots of folks do. Keep looking.
Is there someone you 'like' in your meeting? They speak and you say 'I want that'? Ask that person to be your sponsor or temporary sponsor.
There are some meetings in my area where no one ever raises their hand to be a sponsor. And there are some where lots of folks do. Keep looking.
I haven’t been to jail or DUI or drunk in public or anything like that. I’m just going to keep things from getting worse.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Anarock
I wish I had the courage to do that. My social anxiety kinda keeps me from it. I have a hard time talking in front of people let alone asking for help.
I suppose by reading that it sounds like I was like super brave and really comfortable doing it. It was exactly the opposite, for sure. There was no way in hell I'd ask for help on my own.....way too proud and WAY too scared to do it. But...... a woman one day said she used to stand up and ask for help at meetings. And not just any woman, a woman I believed to be really meek, really quiet, super unsure of herself and so forth. She said she did it because she believed she'd die if she didn't get the help. While that made sense, it wasn't enough to convince me because I was good at ignoring the truth about how badly I was doing.
But then she blew me away and said something like "why in the world would God bring you to AA and NOT keep you safe and protected if you ask for help?" Next, she added, "and besides, not asking for help obviously isn't working very well for you Mike."
The first one I couldn't argue - I knew she was right. I was here to get help but I wasn't asking for any - a somewhat common theme that ran through my life. The second one, that kinda hit my pride. LOL. It kinda made me mad too. haha..... So, out of fear and false pride, I asked for help. hahaha..pretty glamorous huh? I think God is more than willing to use what's at hand to our advantage though.
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