Want to work the 12 steps on my own
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by Gabe1980 
I'm not in a position to attend meetings or get a sponsor either. I live on a tiny island, with a community of several thousand. There are 3 meetings a week, but unfortuately they are hosted at a centre run by colleagues of mine professionally. I am not ready to out myself yet! I'd love to go but have accepted that I need to do things a bit differently.
My point is this - You've got several co-workers there and all of there experiences working recovery together have been good - which we know from the fact that they're still there in spite of probably being afraid to go when they were new. If there's evidence that them going to find co-workers in recovery has been a good thing...... what makes you think your experience will be 180* opposite?
I use the story because we all had fears about asking for help. Odds are 99% the same people you're afraid to seek help from were in exactly the same position, went anyway, and had a good experience. Everyone makes the decision to be afraid - it's part of human nature I suppose. Looking back over my 10 years in recovery I can tell ya that I can't think of 1 of my fears about getting involved in recovery that was legit. I made them all up, decided to believe them and avoided taking action that would benefit me and my recovery. Obviously, I survived anyway but man oh man.... it (fear) sure made the process a whole lot more difficult.
I hope you're able to overcome your fears and take whatever actions you need to take faster than I did. You deserve a better life and asking for help from people and groups designed to deliver help in precisely the area you want it isn't something you need to be afraid of.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Originally Posted by DayTrader
Let's say there are 4 co-workers of your there, just pretend, ok? At one time there was a first person. He (I'll just us all "he's" vs "she's") went and since we know he's still there......he obviously stayed and stuck around. Then a 2nd guy showed up. He got there to find a co-worker. Since he too stayed, one can conclude that the first co-worker didn't make it rough on the 2nd guy and again, it must have been mutually beneficial for both ppl or one would have left. Repeat for the 3rd person and again for the 4th.
My point is this - You've got several co-workers there and all of there experiences working recovery together have been good - which we know from the fact that they're still there in spite of probably being afraid to go when they were new. If there's evidence that them going to find co-workers in recovery has been a good thing...... what makes you think your experience will be 180* opposite?
I use the story because we all had fears about asking for help. Odds are 99% the same people you're afraid to seek help from were in exactly the same position, went anyway, and had a good experience. Everyone makes the decision to be afraid - it's part of human nature I suppose. Looking back over my 10 years in recovery I can tell ya that I can't think of 1 of my fears about getting involved in recovery that was legit. I made them all up, decided to believe them and avoided taking action that would benefit me and my recovery. Obviously, I survived anyway but man oh man.... it (fear) sure made the process a whole lot more difficult.
I hope you're able to overcome your fears and take whatever actions you need to take faster than I did. You deserve a better life and asking for help from people and groups designed to deliver help in precisely the area you want it isn't something you need to be afraid of.
My point is this - You've got several co-workers there and all of there experiences working recovery together have been good - which we know from the fact that they're still there in spite of probably being afraid to go when they were new. If there's evidence that them going to find co-workers in recovery has been a good thing...... what makes you think your experience will be 180* opposite?
I use the story because we all had fears about asking for help. Odds are 99% the same people you're afraid to seek help from were in exactly the same position, went anyway, and had a good experience. Everyone makes the decision to be afraid - it's part of human nature I suppose. Looking back over my 10 years in recovery I can tell ya that I can't think of 1 of my fears about getting involved in recovery that was legit. I made them all up, decided to believe them and avoided taking action that would benefit me and my recovery. Obviously, I survived anyway but man oh man.... it (fear) sure made the process a whole lot more difficult.
I hope you're able to overcome your fears and take whatever actions you need to take faster than I did. You deserve a better life and asking for help from people and groups designed to deliver help in precisely the area you want it isn't something you need to be afraid of.
TBH I often think this shouldn't stop me and if I lived in a decent sized town I'd have other options but I'm new to this community and not quite brave enough to take the step.
I appreciate your post though and the point you make. 😊
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Great thread Rar. You've had some good responses from people with a lot of experience in recovery, and you have responded in very constructive ways. Wouldn't it be nice if every alcoholic would do that?
I have a couple of thoughts for you.
I didn't want to go to meetings. Fear was behind that. I may have been a bit further gone than you and I wouldn't have had much show of working my way through the book on my own, so I was a bit sort of stumped.
What I did was call the AA number and arranged to meet with a recovered alcoholic, on a sunday. I spent the afternoon with him.
In a meeting, when a newcomer is present we often tell our stories. I dont know why, but in the course of an hour you might hear all kinds of wierd things that we have done, and that is supposed to inform you about AA and help you identify. You would not get a satisfactory presentation of the AA program if you went to a hundred meetings.
But sitting with my recovered friend was a different story. He told me some things about his own drinking that resonated with me. We talked a bit about my problem. Then we looked at alcoholism as we in AA understand it, and how my experience compared. It didn't take long for both of us to work out I was a real alcoholic who could benefit from the AA program. So the next thing he did was give me an outline of the program, and an explanation of the fellowship, two very different things.
By this time he had won my confidence. I knew I was talking to someone who understood my problem and had a real solution. He made it easy for me to get to my first meetings. He took me, and looked after me. There was a huge advantage in this arrangement. For one thing arrived in the meeting already having an idea of what was required to stay sober, and also how the meetings worked. That saved me from the non AA therapy BS.
The group I went to was active in helping other alcoholics, and they let me get involved in that. It was such a great feeling doing something for someone else, something I wouldn't want you to miss.
I looked around and found a sponsor. It took a week or two as I had to find my feet, and I go going on the steps soon after. All the step work was done away from meetings. Steps 1-3 took very little time. They are covered in the big book from the very front through to page 63. Really just a matter of comparing my own experience and a few yes or no questions.
Then the real work of the program is contained in the next 21 pages. By page 84 we will have had our life changing spiritual experience, and promises contained right through the book will begin to materialise. That was my experience. I took it slow, got that work done in ninety days, and never drank again.
In the front of the third edition, I heard they took it out of the fourth, is the AA circle triangle logo. The three sides represent recovery, unity and service.
This is a real good check on how I am doing with the program overall. Recovery is the 12 steps. I have worked those and have addopted those principles as a way of life so I can tick that one.
Unity is the fellowship. I participate in that, the meetings, the finance, the jobs that need doing. . The meetings alone do not keep me sober. I participate to contribute, which I find very rewarding. So I can tick that box.
Service is the third side. Carrying this message to the alcoholic who still suffers. That's how I pay my debt to the organisation that saved my life, though it feels more like a pleasure than a dsicipline.
People in all three sides of the triangle never relapse. People who relapse usually try to get by with just one side, and like a stool with one leg, that path is inherently unstable.
I have a couple of thoughts for you.
I didn't want to go to meetings. Fear was behind that. I may have been a bit further gone than you and I wouldn't have had much show of working my way through the book on my own, so I was a bit sort of stumped.
What I did was call the AA number and arranged to meet with a recovered alcoholic, on a sunday. I spent the afternoon with him.
In a meeting, when a newcomer is present we often tell our stories. I dont know why, but in the course of an hour you might hear all kinds of wierd things that we have done, and that is supposed to inform you about AA and help you identify. You would not get a satisfactory presentation of the AA program if you went to a hundred meetings.
But sitting with my recovered friend was a different story. He told me some things about his own drinking that resonated with me. We talked a bit about my problem. Then we looked at alcoholism as we in AA understand it, and how my experience compared. It didn't take long for both of us to work out I was a real alcoholic who could benefit from the AA program. So the next thing he did was give me an outline of the program, and an explanation of the fellowship, two very different things.
By this time he had won my confidence. I knew I was talking to someone who understood my problem and had a real solution. He made it easy for me to get to my first meetings. He took me, and looked after me. There was a huge advantage in this arrangement. For one thing arrived in the meeting already having an idea of what was required to stay sober, and also how the meetings worked. That saved me from the non AA therapy BS.
The group I went to was active in helping other alcoholics, and they let me get involved in that. It was such a great feeling doing something for someone else, something I wouldn't want you to miss.
I looked around and found a sponsor. It took a week or two as I had to find my feet, and I go going on the steps soon after. All the step work was done away from meetings. Steps 1-3 took very little time. They are covered in the big book from the very front through to page 63. Really just a matter of comparing my own experience and a few yes or no questions.
Then the real work of the program is contained in the next 21 pages. By page 84 we will have had our life changing spiritual experience, and promises contained right through the book will begin to materialise. That was my experience. I took it slow, got that work done in ninety days, and never drank again.
In the front of the third edition, I heard they took it out of the fourth, is the AA circle triangle logo. The three sides represent recovery, unity and service.
This is a real good check on how I am doing with the program overall. Recovery is the 12 steps. I have worked those and have addopted those principles as a way of life so I can tick that one.
Unity is the fellowship. I participate in that, the meetings, the finance, the jobs that need doing. . The meetings alone do not keep me sober. I participate to contribute, which I find very rewarding. So I can tick that box.
Service is the third side. Carrying this message to the alcoholic who still suffers. That's how I pay my debt to the organisation that saved my life, though it feels more like a pleasure than a dsicipline.
People in all three sides of the triangle never relapse. People who relapse usually try to get by with just one side, and like a stool with one leg, that path is inherently unstable.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
I have received so many helpful responses. I appreciate each and every response. I'm humbled and grateful. I will be 2 months sober tomorrow and continue to search for ways to reinforce my sobriety. I am thinking AA will be a great tool.
Gottalife, your post really resonated with me and that means toward AA sounds quite perfect for me. I do have such a good sober friend. Over the years, especially the last few, my friend and I have discussed my escalating drinking. In fact, we spoke only on Wednesday. She was quite proud of me that I will be 2 months sober tomorrow. (3/10). I wrote about her here a couple of years ago because I am also proud of her. Here is a copy of my post:
I don't believe she will go to AA with me when I return to NY, but she is a good sounding board and support. She has worked the steps with a sponsor. I like the idea of calling AA. Gottalife, you were very fortunate to get such a good person to start you on your sober journey.
So, I'm still reading, listening and watching the AA forum, AA tapes and AA speakers. Biggly thanks to everyone.
Gottalife, your post really resonated with me and that means toward AA sounds quite perfect for me. I do have such a good sober friend. Over the years, especially the last few, my friend and I have discussed my escalating drinking. In fact, we spoke only on Wednesday. She was quite proud of me that I will be 2 months sober tomorrow. (3/10). I wrote about her here a couple of years ago because I am also proud of her. Here is a copy of my post:
I thought I would share a bit about my friend and former colleague. She is a recovering alcoholic with 25+ years of sobriety. She is 67 years old.
Though we were colleagues and friends (now about 14 years) and had attended numerous business and social functions together, she didn't share her alcoholism with me until a year or so ago. Because I revealed my alcohol issues with her, she is opening a bit more about her past issues.
She was in strict inpatient rehab for 30 days and then a rehab home for another 30. She revealed that at the time she was seeing bugs on the wall, her arms, etc. There was a period of time when her 2 sons lived with their father. Though she didn't share this with me, presumably it was during her alcohol period.
I'm sharing this now because of her determination to recover and her success thereafter. I'm not sure, but I think she considered herself to have been at rock bottom.
Fast forward to today- she is still sober at 67 years old. Her two children and 4 grandchildren are in her life. Even though having only a high school education when college degrees were and are the norm, she retired as a senior vice president of my bank.
As I piece together what she has shared and accomplished from the rock bottom, I am more and more impressed.
________________
__Though we were colleagues and friends (now about 14 years) and had attended numerous business and social functions together, she didn't share her alcoholism with me until a year or so ago. Because I revealed my alcohol issues with her, she is opening a bit more about her past issues.
She was in strict inpatient rehab for 30 days and then a rehab home for another 30. She revealed that at the time she was seeing bugs on the wall, her arms, etc. There was a period of time when her 2 sons lived with their father. Though she didn't share this with me, presumably it was during her alcohol period.
I'm sharing this now because of her determination to recover and her success thereafter. I'm not sure, but I think she considered herself to have been at rock bottom.
Fast forward to today- she is still sober at 67 years old. Her two children and 4 grandchildren are in her life. Even though having only a high school education when college degrees were and are the norm, she retired as a senior vice president of my bank.
As I piece together what she has shared and accomplished from the rock bottom, I am more and more impressed.
________________
I don't believe she will go to AA with me when I return to NY, but she is a good sounding board and support. She has worked the steps with a sponsor. I like the idea of calling AA. Gottalife, you were very fortunate to get such a good person to start you on your sober journey.
So, I'm still reading, listening and watching the AA forum, AA tapes and AA speakers. Biggly thanks to everyone.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by CreativeThinker
I have to disagree with this. Just because you do not go to AA and use the 12 step program does not mean that you cannot find recovery. Everyone has their own experiences and while my mother and brother both utilized AA to find recovery, I have chosen to find recovery my own way. I don't feel that they are a step above me because they chose AA.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: PRINCETON, TX
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by nez
In the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Sponsors and meetings are additional tools that help a lot of people on their journey, but all the information needed to work the steps are in the big book.
Sponsors and meetings are additional tools that help a lot of people on their journey, but all the information needed to work the steps are in the big book.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: PRINCETON, TX
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by hellrzr
As I was told many times, AA is NOT a self help program! Get to meetings and follow the steps with a sponsor. Its simple but not easy. Do it the right way and it will be easier than trying to fight it and looking for the softer, gentler way. That way does not exist.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: PRINCETON, TX
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by hellrzr
As I was told many times, AA is NOT a self help program! Get to meetings and follow the steps with a sponsor. Its simple but not easy. Do it the right way and it will be easier than trying to fight it and looking for the softer, gentler way. That way does not exist.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: France
Posts: 3,040
Do whatever makes you comfortable, when I went to AA years ago I had a sponsor, but even if you work the steps on your own it's another helpful tool in my opinion, we all have different ways of dealing with this good luck
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Originally Posted by August252015
How's it going Rar? Glad to hear you reached two months - keep going!
On my 62nd day. That's the good news.
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