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Just getting sick of this...

Old 03-02-2018, 07:55 PM
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Samantha
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Just getting sick of this...

I hate alcoholism.
Some days I wanna go out dancing and have a few drinks like normal people my age.
Or watch the hockey game over a few drinks.
Or even the other day I did a 10km skate and then we all went for lunch. But if I even have one drink itís like taboo or something. But itís okay if anyone else has one or 2 drinks.
Anyways, just venting.
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Old 03-02-2018, 08:05 PM
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Even if every one else is having one or two drinks, Its not ok for me to have even one drink cos I'm sure it will wreck me and my life sooner or later.

Alcohol and I had a toxic relationship - the sooner I accepted that the more I could focus on what would make me happy in my life.

I've discovered it not actually the drink making people happy in those situations you mentioned - its having fun and it's being around friends.

You absolutely can do that without drinking

D
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Old 03-02-2018, 08:18 PM
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Some might say you need more meetings, but that might not work. You don't seem to have found release. Perhaps the steps should be more of a priority?
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Old 03-02-2018, 09:12 PM
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Anarock have you told these friends that you've quit drinking and you attend AA? If you have, their reaction is obvious, if you haven't, maybe they've seen the behaviors in you that you thought you'd kept hidden.

No one around me expects me to order alcohol or drink. I've told them all, even coworkers, simply that "I don't drink." Because I don't. And I'd never expect anything but surprise or shock from them if I did order alcohol.

Have you quit? It sounds to me from your post that you have not quit. Even if you haven't had alcohol, it doesn't mean that you have actually quit. I hope you understand what I'm saying.
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Old 03-02-2018, 11:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Anarock View Post
I hate alcoholism.
Some days I wanna go out dancing and have a few drinks like normal people my age.
Or watch the hockey game over a few drinks.
Or even the other day I did a 10km skate and then we all went for lunch. But if I even have one drink itís like taboo or something. But itís okay if anyone else has one or 2 drinks.
Anyways, just venting.
You wanna have a few drinks?

Sounds like your AV having one up your leg. If you used to go out and just have a 'few'drinks and do some dancing, chances are you wouldn't have ended up here.

It's not taboos that make alcoholics taking the first drink a bad idea, as well you know. It's that fact that once we've had those first few our addiction is in control, and we are not. Perhaps not every time, but we can't tell when those times will or won't be.

Like a diabetic not eating Easter Eggs. It's not taboos, or other peoples attitudes that are the problem. It is the illness.

Did you drink Ana?

BB x
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Old 03-03-2018, 12:06 AM
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Sounds like you are active and fun loving.
Don’t lose all that to a lie.
A lie that tells you poisoning yourself is ok because everyone else does it.
It only gets worse if you keep drinking.

Find a way to keep yourself.
Your life depends on it.

Take care
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Old 03-03-2018, 04:51 AM
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Samantha
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Originally Posted by Snowydelrico View Post
Sounds like you are active and fun loving.
Donít lose all that to a lie.
A lie that tells you poisoning yourself is ok because everyone else does it.
It only gets worse if you keep drinking.

Find a way to keep yourself.
Your life depends on it.

Take care
Yes I am very active. I have even started jogging again. Hereís the thing: jogging 4-5 days a week, walking instead of driving, and then skating 1 day a week. Generally I have one day free to shop/do meetings etc.
Everyone says itís important to stay active in recovery but itís making it harder for me! 1) no time for meetings. I donít have enough time to go to the gym after work, get home and shower and then get to a meeting.
2) my eating disorder behaviour of over exercising is coming back. I know soon I will start skipping meals to accommodate more weight loss.
If itís not one things, itís another. And honestly, for me, drinking is not as bad as an eating disorder.
But Iím still giving it all Iíve got to make it work.
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Old 03-03-2018, 04:53 AM
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Samantha
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Originally Posted by Berrybean View Post
You wanna have a few drinks?

Sounds like your AV having one up your leg. If you used to go out and just have a 'few'drinks and do some dancing, chances are you wouldn't have ended up here.

It's not taboos that make alcoholics taking the first drink a bad idea, as well you know. It's that fact that once we've had those first few our addiction is in control, and we are not. Perhaps not every time, but we can't tell when those times will or won't be.

Like a diabetic not eating Easter Eggs. It's not taboos, or other peoples attitudes that are the problem. It is the illness.

Did you drink Ana?

BB x
Yes I want to have a few drinks. I have done it many times in the last, before trying to recover. Did I do it this time? No.
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Old 03-03-2018, 04:55 AM
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy View Post
Anarock have you told these friends that you've quit drinking and you attend AA? If you have, their reaction is obvious, if you haven't, maybe they've seen the behaviors in you that you thought you'd kept hidden.

No one around me expects me to order alcohol or drink. I've told them all, even coworkers, simply that "I don't drink." Because I don't. And I'd never expect anything but surprise or shock from them if I did order alcohol.

Have you quit? It sounds to me from your post that you have not quit. Even if you haven't had alcohol, it doesn't mean that you have actually quit. I hope you understand what I'm saying.
I have not drank in a while. I havenít been counting.
I will not tell these people about my problem as they arenít actually my friends, they are my boyfriendís friends. I donít want to take away from their enjoyment of alcohol.
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Old 03-03-2018, 05:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Anarock View Post
I will not tell these people about my problem as they arenít actually my friends, they are my boyfriendís friends. I donít want to take away from their enjoyment of alcohol.
They will enjoy their alcohol regardless of what you say or do...don't worry about that. It seems to me you may be simply trying to live your same life as before and just not drink.....which is extremely difficult and unsatisfying. These people aren't even your friends as you say. Perhaps it's time to start taking care of yourself and doing other things that interest and benefit you?
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Old 03-03-2018, 05:26 AM
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Ana, you say you are going to AA. I think if you really give it your all and work through those steps you will find relief.

For me - I had to get rid of all my resentments from the past. I had to work through my difficulties in relationships day to day. I had to forgive myself for making (human) errors. I had to let go of black and white thinking and let go of perfectionism and the need to be right.

It's ongoing. It doesn't happen automagically, though. I had to work at it.

Really look at the "why" behind your discomfort. It goes back to whenever it was your eating disorder took hold or your drinking became problematic. For most of us it starts in our childhood.

We all have stuff to work out. I got a lot of relief by writing in a journal. Well, typing in a journal. That whole pen-to-paper thing is too slow!

((hug))

Be kind to you.
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Old 03-03-2018, 06:07 AM
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Samantha
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Originally Posted by biminiblue View Post
Ana, you say you are going to AA. I think if you really give it your all and work through those steps you will find relief.

For me - I had to get rid of all my resentments from the past. I had to work through my difficulties in relationships day to day. I had to forgive myself for making (human) errors. I had to let go of black and white thinking and let go of perfectionism and the need to be right.

It's ongoing. It doesn't happen automagically, though. I had to work at it.

Really look at the "why" behind your discomfort. It goes back to whenever it was your eating disorder took hold or your drinking became problematic. For most of us it starts in our childhood.

We all have stuff to work out. I got a lot of relief by writing in a journal. Well, typing in a journal. That whole pen-to-paper thing is too slow!

((hug))

Be kind to you.
I have been going to AA for over a year. Iíve been unable to get a sponsor, which I think would help but appears to be a slow process.
I have had an eating disorder as long as I can remember basically. It has been diagnosed. Sometimes itís okay, sometimes itís not.
Binge, purge, restrict, itís just a cycle. As with many people with eating disorders, I found alcohol makes you forget about it for a while and makes you forget the hell you are living in.
Thatís kinda why I feel like I need to deal with the eating disorder before the alcohol, but who knows.
Again, Iím just venting.
I havenít drank so maybe itís helping haha.
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Old 03-03-2018, 06:13 AM
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Hi anarock

That sounds tough for you, an eating disorder in combination with an alcohol problem. What struck me is that when people say keep active that doesn't necessarily mean exercise, it just means doing something different, e.g. I am a bit of a geek and like jigsaw puzzles! It might help to do something more sedate, to take the edge off the exercise? Also, I wouldn't be so busy that I couldn't fit other things in, I don't think that is sustainable.
Also, if I'm out with people I don't know that well then I just say I don't drink. If someone tries to talk me into drinking then they are not someone I want to be out with, they need to respect my choice.
Please take care.
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Old 03-03-2018, 07:07 AM
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Do you have OA meetings in your city Anarock? Maybe this would be an option.

As far as finding a sponsor goes, aren't you in a new city now? Hopefully you'll get to know people with good healthy sobriety soon and you can ask someone. Big Book study or Step study meetings tend to be the best places for looking for a sponsor.

BB
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Old 03-03-2018, 08:21 AM
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Samantha
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Originally Posted by Berrybean View Post
Do you have OA meetings in your city Anarock? Maybe this would be an option.

As far as finding a sponsor goes, aren't you in a new city now? Hopefully you'll get to know people with good healthy sobriety soon and you can ask someone. Big Book study or Step study meetings tend to be the best places for looking for a sponsor.

BB
That is a great idea actually....OA is something I have never thought about, but maybe it's what I'm missing. I know I need to get my disorder under control and then maybe being sober will be easier.
I am in a new city, but still have not been able to get a sponsor. The good news is that I start with an in-person counsellor next week!
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Old 03-03-2018, 11:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Anarock View Post
I have been going to AA for over a year. Iíve been unable to get a sponsor, which I think would help but appears to be a slow process.
I have had an eating disorder as long as I can remember basically. It has been diagnosed. Sometimes itís okay, sometimes itís not.
Binge, purge, restrict, itís just a cycle. As with many people with eating disorders, I found alcohol makes you forget about it for a while and makes you forget the hell you are living in.
Thatís kinda why I feel like I need to deal with the eating disorder before the alcohol, but who knows.
Again, Iím just venting.
I havenít drank so maybe itís helping haha.

oh gosh, I can relate. Basically, while I was recovering early on I knew I'd gain but I tried not to gain too much, that kind of worked. I exercised a lot to burn off some of it and keep my muscles active, but I just don't know that some of us with food issues are able to get though early sobriety without putting on some weight. Some weight. Not too much. I gained roughly 20. Ten are off already. Looking back, I wish I had worried about it less. Weight can come off but quitting drinking is a monumental task. Learning discipline and reward with my eating is actually much easier with more sober time. Again. Everyone told me this and I didn't believe it! But I believe it now.

Hugs.
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Old 03-03-2018, 11:21 AM
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I know this.
You won’t find what you are looking for at the bottom of a bottle
Better off not making it an option in my experience.
An AV can be very persuasive.

Hope you can get things in order soon.
Take care.
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Old 03-03-2018, 12:55 PM
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Samantha
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Originally Posted by Snowydelrico View Post
I know this.
You wonít find what you are looking for at the bottom of a bottle
Better off not making it an option in my experience.
An AV can be very persuasive.

Hope you can get things in order soon.
Take care.
Thanks! I haven't drank...still staying sober. These are just thoughts I get and I figure I better come here and discuss it before my AV gets stronger!
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Old 03-03-2018, 02:45 PM
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Well done , good choice.
Take what you can to do what you have to.

Keep on keeping on, You’ll get there.
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