FloridaLove

Hi guys! I’m due to have a meeting with my boss in the next couple of weeks about coming back to work as I’ve taken time off to start my recovery.

Work is only aware of so much, but I’m just unsure about how much to tell and how they will take things.

Would anyone who has experience of talking to bosses about recovery like to share?

Maudcat

Hi, Florida.
My opinion only, I would avoid if possible going into your reasons for taking leave.
Others will weigh in with their feelings on this.
I worked a long, long time (now retired) and over the years I hav developed a jaundiced, cynical view of management and administration.
I think they will use the info when it suits them, as in, wanting to let you go for any reason,
I also think that if they know about the drinking or substance abuse, it will color the work relationship going forward that could impact your career/job.
In other words,don’t give them the bat with which to hit you.
Peace.

TheToddman

Hi FL,

Ditto big time to what Maudcat just said.

I believe that your relationship with management should at most be a cordial but professional one. Too much personal info can taint any sense of objectivity with that relationship. Ultimately they're held accountable for making the business successful. I'd just say you had personal matters to attend to and that you're much better equipped to be productive and effective now.

T.

GroundhogDay

Agree with the previous posters.

Done4today

Hello FL,

I second what Maudcat and TheToddman have shared. And my experience was they used it against me in a promotion. I was being rigorously honest. If I could do it over again, I wouldn't lie but I would not have provided a lot of information. I would have keep my issues general and as private as possible. Most people don't understand addiction even if they have been around it.

Remember you can always share more at a later date but you can't take back anything you share.

Good luck

ScottFromWI

You don't need to disclose anything other than you were off for health reasons.

aboveangel1967

I am saddened by the other replies but agree with them.

Saddened because I am one of the dreaded managers and do not like to think of myself as heartless. And of course in my circumstance (being here so obviously with a problem), I would support the person and do everything I could do to keep them on track.

Dave42001

I agree Mudcat and Todd! Keep your personal life out of business. I took some personal time off, I’m ready to go back to work.. be productive!!

Work hard and continue to stay sober and work on your recovery!! Wishing you the best.

Gottalife

Whatever you tell them has to be consistent with what you have told them previously. Perhaps read the AA Big Book chapter to employers. It is written by an employer and may give you some idea of your boss's point of view.

Generally I wouldn't be in a rush to tell them about a problem that isn't a problem, if you don't have to. They may have preconceived ideas. One employer I knew had taken on a "recovering" alcoholic and couldn't wait to get rid of him. The guy was a total plonker, which muddied the water for other alcoholics with this particular employer.

Playing the long game, I would concentrate on getting a solid reputation as a productive, reliable and willing worker. I did this in a large corporate. When a fellow employee needed help, that was the time I spoke up about my AA membership and my willingness to help. When that employer looked at me he didn't see an alcoholic, he saw one of the company's top three salesmen. He could care less I was aloholic, but really appreciated the offer to help with a problem that was beyond his experience. I was promoted a few months later.

shortstop81

I was fortunate enough to work for a large government employer, who had its own employee health department. I could fully disclose my situation to them, without my direct manager knowing the full details other than I was on a "medical leave."

If you're unsure, then don't volunteer any information. The only thing your boss really needs to know is that you're ready to come back to work.

RecklessEric

What would be the point of disclosing everything?
Keep your cards close to your chest.

Vinificent

I am also saddened by all those who have been negatively impacted by disclosing their addiction. Personally I have been on both sides of it, and all I have learned is that it's highly individual. I was fortunate to report to a nurse, who had been a nurse manager for many years, and dealt with direct reports who had addiction issues many times. I never felt like disclosing the true nature of my medical absence was held against me. However, I did have an addict report to me who unfortunately did not make it...he chose to continue to be in denial while substance abuse impacted his work to the point it was a danger to himself and the rest of us, and he was terminated. If he had only been honest and accepted the help he was being offered, the outcome would have been different.
Not sure if thus helps you but just keep in mind addiction is tricky and impacts everyone differently, so you need to do what you think is best in your individual situation.

JeffreyAK

I went through that same meeting after being out for six months, it was stressful but turned out fine. My boss knew generally why I had been out but didn't know any of the details of what went on during that time, and I didn't tell him - basically, I'm all better now, the EAP manager has cleared me, and it's time to come back, what will I be working on? I kept all the details very close, and there was only one co-worker I confided in - no one in the management chain (and I was in that same management chain). As others point out, once you disclose potentially career-damaging information, you cannot take it back, and you cannot control how it might be used against you in the future.

FloridaLove

Thanks for your replies everyone! I'd forgotten to mention that due to the nature of my job any medical history has to be disclosed, so they are aware of my history of anxiety and depression, which my doctor had put down as the reason I was taking leave. As suggested I'm going to just be straight and to the point... I was unwell but now I'm better and ready to come back. In some ways....whatever happens I'm going to take this as a blessing, as I'd somehow managed to get through work without any problems...until now, but this has forced me to get better and join AA, which has been a life saver for me, had it not, I may have drifted on and on until something worse happened.

paulokes

A tricky one and as others have said I think it depends on the person or persons you disclose to...some are understanding, some not...for their own personal reasons. I would add that in theory...no one can officially use poor health or a history of problems as a reason to discipline, manage or dismiss you. People might judge and try to use your history but legally you always have a redress. In short my only advice:
- Don't disclose anything you don't need to.
- Never be afraid of what folks will find out

Wish you well with it - good luck on the return to work

P

MindfulMan

What job requires mandatory medical history disclosure? This is contrary to the ADA. You should not have had your doctor provide any reason for your leave, and your employer cannot legally ask why. As long as you are cleared for a return to work their hands are pretty much tied.

I’m with everyone that says do not disclose why you were out. At my last gig one of my bosses was sober for at least 5 years and was in active 12 Step recovery. She obviously didn’t get it, as she was a nightmare toxic dry drunk who forced someone out that needed help. Don’t even assume that people with familiarity with recovery will be helpful.

Zebra1275

The less said, the better.

AAPJ

While I generally agree with the posters above I will add one thought. Don't fool yourself. If you were showing up drunk or severely hung over to work then your boss probably already knows why you took time off.

steve-in-kville

I would echo the above. And I will add this: I would also use a lot of caution with clergy/pastors. Yes, its sad, but I once confided my struggles with a pastor who later used the info to his advantage.

DayTrader

I guess it's different for everybody. When I got sober part of my recovery was and has been the refusal to continue to live in fear of my past. I was sick of hiding crap. Sick and tired of pretending to be someone I wasn't. Sick and tired of worrying what would happen if "they" found out about X or Y or Z. But most of all, I was sick and tired of the weight all of those things I mentioned put upon my life and really unsatisfied with the results.

From very early on I decided I wasn't going to continue to not take actions, especially the healthy ones, (or continue to do things I knew were not so hot for me buy might be perceived by others as "good") because I was worried how others may misunderstand. For me that meant going to my boss and telling him I wasn't drinking anymore, that I was in recovery from alcoholism and that I was working on changing my lifestyle. This coincided with making amends to him for being a less than stellar employee but that's an AA thing and I get that not everyone is on that path. It also meant being honest with my coworkers and even my clients for whom I was their financial planner - the guy who invested their money.

Compared to the weight of pretending and the lack of acceptable results hiding my truth had brought, this new method's biggest downside was my fear that it wouldn't work out well. What I can say is that over the next 10+ years NOT ONCE has being open and honest about my past (active alcoholism) or my present (recovered alcoholic in AA) with the people around me, including my employers, caused me any significant harm. Not one time. To the contrary, it's actually opened several doors to opportunities that I was told I only was given because I was honest and it's also given me the chance to help some people who never would have known I was someone they could ask for help had they not known what was really going on in my life.

What's that old saying, "The truth shall set you free" right? I can say that has been my exact experience. I've had enough of hiding in the shadows, worrying what others may or may not think, dominated by fear and hiding the truth.